I just want to say this. As the primary protector of the system, who is also the bearer of many other issues and memories and what-not, there are times where it feels genuinely hopeless. Genuinely. Not just a "oh, haha, what a difficult trigger/flashback/memory/feeling/etc!" No. A genuine, deep, horrific struggle to survive. Not even from our environment. Our environment is so much safer and livable than it was years ago, but that does not mean the mental scars have suddenly healed - or that all the trauma we went through didn't lead to a trifecta of hell for us when our brain finally decided it was okay to unleash it upon us. It doesn't mean we aren't still in a constant state of fear, anguish, suffering, dysfunction and confusion. It doesn't mean that we aren't still staring off into the void for 20 or more minutes all because we heard a loud sound near us. It doesn't mean we don't dissociate and feel genuinely distant from our body, as if walking down a long and dark corridor as it switches from one alter to the next, all because someone yawned and our brain associated that sound with something unpleasant.
Just because our environment became safer, doesn't mean our mind did.
So to all the systems out there who are in better standings, yet feel guilt and shame for not feeling any better because of it, I love you. I stand with you. Life is utter hell for us, and it isn't going to be easy for a while. But we will get there. Please hold on, please stick together as you have for all those very difficult years, and stay resilient. Life may be one of the hardest battles we've ever had to face, but it would be so much more dull without you in it.
Please live.
