Summary: By the way his sad eyes looked at you, you knew he was lying. Something big was happening. Something awful. And even though he wasn't asking for your help, you couldn't help but feel that you had to do something.
Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, attempted suicide, drug use.
AuthorÂŽs note: I can't deny it. I love this man too much. And the one shot is a bit long, so it's going to be in two parts, but I hope u all enjoy it <3
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Since everything was clean and tidy, you had nothing else to do for the moment. You thought it could be a good time to put some music and take a beer, but a loud noise coming from the bathroom startled you. Probably that bath had seen horrible things, but it wasnât one of that kind of noises. And you knew who was inside. He had caught your attention by passing so fast some minutes ago he didnât even bother to say hello. You thought he could be in a hurry to use the toilet, but perhaps it was something worse. As you walked towards the bathroom door, you heard another thump.
âJuice? Are you good?â, you asked after knocking softly.
It took him a few seconds, but he ended up answering.
âYeah. Everythingâs fine. Donât worry.â
But he didnât sound credible at all. You waited out there trying to identify what was going on inside, and even though you were aware that it might be a bad idea, you brought you hand to the handle, realising he hadnât locked the door. So, slowly, you opened it. Once you made sure that the boy hadnât his trousers down his knees, you raised your voice again.
âHey. Are you feeling well, sweetheart?â
âYeah. Yeah. I doâ, he quickly answered. Juice instantly rubbed his face, but it wasnât enough to hide his watery eyes. And he knew you had noticed it. âIâm okay. I promise. I just needâŠâ
His voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, so he shook his head and sat down on the toilet avoiding your gaze.
âI just need to be alone. Just close the door, pleaseâ, he added, but you didnât do exactly what he was asking.
You did close the door, but with you inside the bath. And then, you took a sit on the floor, next to his feet, and put your hand up to his knee.
âHey. Look at me, Juicy, pleaseâ, you asked him tenderly. It took him some seconds to calm himself down, but when he did it, you could see how sad he looked. âIt isnât good to be alone when you feel like shit. And even if you donât want to talk about it, Iâm a good company.â
âOkay. Thanksâ, he muttered with a slight smile on his face that made him look even sadder. âIâm good. I just needed to breath.â
âSo, do it with me. Breath.â
Juice closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out moments later.
âGood. Againâ, you told him.
You spent some minutes like that. Juice was breathing while you were caressing his leg tenderly. And by the time he opened his eyes again, he actually seemed calmer.
âWhy donât you wash your face and come outside?â, you suggested him. âThere isnât much work on the garage, so we could have a beer.â
You spent a few hours talking calmly in the counter bar. It was obvious that something was still troubling Juice, but he got better as time went on. You tried to carry on a light and funny conversation, feeling a warm sensation every time you got a smile from him. And when his brothers arrived at the clubhouse, they joined you.
You loved those guys more than anything. They were your family, all that you had. And the moments when you were in the clubhouse drinking and smoking all together were mostly the best part of the day. That meant they were still alive for another day, and it was all that mattered to you. Nevertheless, they had been busier than usual lately. Obviously, it was due to club business you werenât allow to know, but after so many years with them, you were more than used to their laws. It was fine, anyway. You listened to whatever they wanted to tell you willingly and didnât ask questions when they preferred to remain silent. You tried not to get overly involved, but there were occasions when you knew they needed you to intervene, even if they didnât ask for your help. And, right now, Juice was one of those occasions.
âDo you want to go for a ride?â, you asked Juice while picking up the empty beer bottles. His brothers had already left except for Chibs and Bobby, who were finishing a cigarette before heading home too.
âThereâs somewhere you need to go?â
âNot reallyâ, you answered. âI just felt like a night ride.â
âYeah. Okayâ, he nodded. âIâm a bit tired, but it could be nice.â
âThatâs how young people say they want to bang nowadays?â, you heard Bobby saying. Nor had he made any effort to lower his voice.
Chibs laughed, as well as Juice, while you two were already walking towards the door.
âYouâd be dying to know, wouldnât you, Bobby?â, you added before winking at him. âDrive home safe, old men.â
âWeâll doâ, Chibs responded. âHope you do too, darling.â
You got on Juiceâs bike behind him and once he started, you gave him directions on which way to go. You get out Charming and drove for a little more before you told Juice to stop on a side of the road.
âWhy have you brought me here?â, Juice asked as nothing remarkable was around you.
âItâs quiet. And the sky is beautiful without the city lightsâ, you told him. Juice just leaned on the bike next to you and looked up at the sky realizing that the shining stars were actually a great view. âWhen Iâm not in the mood, I like to come here. Gives me peaceâ.
He understood what you were referring to, so he decided to just stare at the stars.
âThanksâ, he suddenly muttered. âNot for this. I mean, not only for this. This is really nice too, I promise, but I meant to what happened this afternoon. In the bathroom. And for not telling the boys.â
âI figured you wouldnât want them to know.â
âYou were rightâ, he nodded. âBut you donât have to worry about anything, Y/N. Iâm good. Like, really good. I swear.â
Juice tried to sound credible, but you didnât believe him at all.
âI still remember when you were a prospect. It was few after I started hanging up with the clubâ, you told him. âThe boys were hard on you, as they always do with prospects, but you always had a wide smile on your face no matter what.â
As you said so, Juice couldnât help but smile.
âThat is. That smileâ, you added. âYou were so fucking adorable. You still are.â
âCâmon, shut upâ, he said while tapping your shoulder with his gently. âYouâre gonna make me blush.â
âBut itâs the truth. You were so cute, but also a bit foolish. That one still after being patchedâ, you continued. âDo you remember the accident with Tig and the Doberman?â
âHow could I forget? I could never forget it, as well as Tigâ, he joked.
âIt was a big mistake. Hilarious, but dangerousâ, you assured him. âBut still, the club loved you since day one. And they still love you so much. Even if theyâre a bit mean sometimes, theyâd do anything for you. You are one of them. Youâre their brother. And if you ever need to talk to them, for whatever the reason is, they will listen to you.â
When you stopped looking at the sky to look at Juice, you noticed a few tears down his cheeks. He had started crying in silence at some point. And you felt your heart breaking at the sight of it.
When you hugged him, Juice returned the embrace needily. You felt his arms around your body tightly, and since he had his head hidden in your neck, his tears were wetting your skin. His cry was almost frantic, so you did your best caressing his nape and his back.
âItâs okay, Juicy. Let it all out. Everythingâs going to be alright.â
âDo you want some coffee?â, you asked Chibs the moment he crossed the workshopâs door.
âPleaseâ, he answered, so you served him a cup of warm coffee. âThanks, love.â
âHowâs your day going?â
âGood. Quietâ, he said. âYours?â
Chibs took a cigarette and offered one to you. It might seem a bit boring to have a day like that, but it was on the contrary. Those days were great because you didnât have to worry at all about if the boys would come back home safe and sound. And those days werenât too usual.
âCan I ask you a question?â
âAbout what?â, Chibs answered, frowned.
âI donât want to talk about the kidâs sex life.â
âItâs not like that, assholeâ, you told him while trying to hold back a smile. âWhat I was going to ask was if you had noticed something strange with Juice.â
âYeah. Like, I dunno, weird.â
âIâm not following you, lass.â
You took a drag on your cigarette and slowly released the smoke. You knew you shouldnât be having this conversation, but you needed to. You just had to try to be subtle.
âI saw him a bit blue yesterday. Thatâs all.â
Chibs kept his frown for a few seconds more before shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip of his coffee.
âIt may be just clubâs business. You know how the kiddo is. Sometimes heâs too sensitive for his own good. But heâll get over itâ, the Scottish briefly explained to you. It was a pity that you were sure that what was happening to Juice was more serious than that. âAnyway, I saw him well last night. You should be near him more often. You really do good to him.â
âAre you talking about me, brother?â, Tigâs voice interrupted your conversation. âBecause Y/N really does so much good to me. Mainly if sheâs naked on my bed. Thatâs so fucking good.â
âThat only happens in your dreams, Tiggy.â
âI know. And those are my best dreams.â
Unlike most croweaters, you hadnât slept with each and every one of the Sons. You had hooked up with some members from other charters as Happy, and also a few times with Chibs, but it was years ago, and you just did it because you really felt like it. But you had already seen them too many times passed out, throwing up or even bleeding to death, so it was different now. And you cared too much about them to be thinking about meaningless sex.
âWe were talking about Juiceâ, Chibs told him.
âYeah? And you know where that fucker is?â, Tig asked. âHe has not turned up at his workplace. I mean, businessâ workplace. And he should be here to do his shift at the garage, but it looks like heâs going to skip that too.â
Chibsâ eyes were on you, and consequently Tigâs too.
âI donât know where he isâ, you answered without even needing to be asked. âLast time I saw him was when he drove me home yesterday.â
âMaybe heâs sickâ, Chibs suggested. But by the way he looked at you, you knew he was thinking about your previous conversation. It was strange that he didnât show up all day without a single explanation. âYou should go and check on him.â
âI have to do some shopping for the clubhouse, but I can drop by his house in the evening.â
âGood. Need some help?â
âNah. Iâve got it.â
âWhen are you gonna come to my place and check on me?â, Tig asked, as whenever he had the opportunity to suggest anything sexual.
âKeep dreaming, Tiggy.â
It was already dark when you were knocking on Juiceâs door. He didnât answer, but you knew he was in there because there was light. You knocked harder and still nothing, so you started to worry. Maybe Chibs was right and he was sick, like very sick. Or maybe it was his other problems for which he had been crying on your shoulder for at least twenty minutes last night. Luckily, the door was unlocked when you tried to open it. Unfortunately, what you found inside gave you the chills.
In the living room, on the coffee table, there was an empty pill bag. There were only two left. And Juice was lying on the sofa apparently unconscious.
âFuckâ, you barely mumbled before running to the sofa.
You tapped his face repeatedly while calling out his name. Having no result, you shook his chest insistently.
âFor fuckâs shake, câmon Juice. You canât do this to me!â
When a kind of sound, which formed no words and made no sense, escaped from his mouth, you felt hardly relieved. He was still there, but the situation looked pretty bad. Without any other option, you turned him on his side and stuck two fingers on his throat. Moments later, he threw up.
âThatâs it, babe. Thatâs goodâ, you encouraged him while keeping your fingers on his mouth. You continued like that until you thought all the pills were out of his stomach. Only then, you allowed him to lay on the sofa again. âCâmon Juice. You have to talk to me.â
He was barely opening his eyes and trying to mutter something, but you couldnât understand a single world. As a few more seconds passed, he slightly started recovering his conscious.
âGood. Iâm goodâ, he finally said.
âOf course you are, baby. Youâll be goodâ, you answered him. âIâm gonna take care of you, okay? Câmon, we have to get you up.â
You put one of his arms around your shoulders and made an effort to pull you both to your feet. He wasnât helping at all, but you couldnât let the two of you fall. So, slowly and making sure of every step before you took it, you made your way towards the bathroom.
âHow are you so damn heavy?â, you asked more to yourself than to him. At least, his legs worked well enough that you didnât have to drag him all the way down.
Once you reached the bathroom, you sat him down on the toilet making sure he didnât fall forward. The best thing to do would be to put him directly in the shower, but it could be dangerous as you couldnât handle him easily, so he could slip and fall. Instead, you opened the tap to wet his face, his head, and his nape with your own hands. His t-shirt was stained with vomit, so you took it off too. The cool water seemed to work to wake him up a little more.
âIâm goodâ, he repeated. âIâm sorry.â
âYou donât have to apologise. Just stay with me, okay?â, you asked him while cradling his face in an attempt to get him to look at you. âHave you taken anything else? Other drugs? Booze?â
âDonât know. Beers. Pills.â
Although he was much better than a few minutes before, he slurred the words, and you werenât sure if he really knew it was you with him. Tomorrow morning, he would probably remember little or nothing at all.
âWhy did you do that? You wanted to overdose? Was it an accident?â
âWas sad. And scaredâ, he muttered. âThey wonât forgive me. Heâs black. And he wonât stop pushing me.â
As you noticed he was starting to cry, you rushed to end the conversation.
âItâs alright, baby, donât talk moreâ, you asked him softly. âYou need to sleep, okay? And tomorrow youâll be better. I promise you.â
With his arm around your shoulders again, you left the bathroom to go to what you thought was his bedroom and carefully laid him down on the bed. Then you took off his boots and, after a few more seconds of thought, his trousers too. It was just for his own comfort, and he didnât complain at all.
âI thought the first time I saw you like that would be under different circumstancesâ, you muttered before covering him with the sheets. By then, he was almost asleep. However, you still had things to do.
Juice had scared you to death, but you were glad he was better now. You washed your face and put your hair in a bun before going back to the living room. There was vomit on the floor and on the sofa, which had to be cleaned up. It was awful and the smell was disgusting, but it was what you had to do.
Almost half an hour later, when all was done, you went back to Juiceâs dorm once again to make sure he was well. Seeing him sleeping peacefully made you smile. You didnât want to leave the house in case he needed anything else, but it felt wrong to lay on the bed next to him without being invited to. You finally decided to sit down on the floor next to the bed. After making yourself as comfortable as possible in that position, you took your eyes to him and caressed his arm tenderly. If you were lucky enough, you could fall asleep for a few hours.
When Juice appeared in the kitchen the next morning, you were already there making breakfast.
âGood morningâ, he said, shyly.
âGood morningâ, you answered. âHow are you feeling?â
âYou have an aspirin on the table. Next to the coffeeâ, you told him. He took a sit on the chair and seconds later you put a plate of scramble eggs in front of him. âYou should eat something.â
He did as you said after taking the pill with a sip of coffee. And with another cup of coffee, you sat down next to him.
âDo you remember something about last night?â
âSomethingâ, he muttered. âI just knew you were here because I saw your shirt on my bedroom.â
âI had puke on mine, so I took one of yours from your closet. Sorry for opening it without permission.â
âCan you first tell me what happened?â
âYou ODâdâ, you answered. âI found you unconscious on the sofa. Made you throw up, cleaned you, and took you to bed.â
âDid I⊠Did I say anything?â
âSomething. Thatâs why we should talkâ, you nodded, but Juice didnât seem very convinced. âYou ODâd on purpose, Juice. You fucking scared me to death. I need to know whatâs happening.â
âYou can trust in meâ, you interrupted him, putting your hand over his kindly. âPlease, Juice. Trust in me.â
âBut you canât tell the club. Under no circumstances.â
âI wonât. I swear.â
It took him a couple of minutes and a few sighs, but he finally got up the courage to speak.
âThe sheriff has found something in my profile. Heâs threatening me with itâ, he confessed.
âMy dad. Heâs blackâ, he said, making a great effort not to burst into tears. âIf the club find out about this, Iâm out. Blacks are not allowed in the Sons. And I canât lose them. They are everything I have. The kutt is all I have.â
Now, the three sentences he had said last night before almost start crying had sense.
âBut you didnât know he was black.â
âThey wonât care. The truth is what it is, and I canât let them know it.â
âHave you told anything to him?â
âNo. Not yetâ, Juice answered.
âHave you done anything for him?â, you asked him.
âNoâ, he denied. âHe arrested me yesterday. Heâs been pushing me so fucking hard. When he finally let me go, I came here, and I couldnât⊠I didnât know what to do. Just wanted everything to stop.â
You pressed the bridge of your nose for a few moments as you tried to ignore the pain in your heart. It was a fucked-up situation, but you couldnât let the emotions out. It wasnât the right moment.
âIâm gonna think about it, okay?â, you assured him while taking his hands with yours tightly. âBut you canât tell the sheriff shit, you hear me? Donât tell him anything. No matter how hard he pushes you, you keep your mouth shut. You have to hold on a little longer.â
Juice pursed his lips but ended up nodding anyway.
âOkay. Iâll do it. I can do it.â
âOf course you can. I know you can.â
âI donât know how to thank you for everything you are doing for me, Y/Nâ, he sadly said. âIâm full of shit and you shouldnât be doing this.â
âJust donât OD again. Thatâll be enoughâ, you told him with a slight smile.
âI can do it too. For you.â
Juice finished his breakfast before going to take a shower. And barely forty minutes later, you both went to the TM. As soon as Juice parked the bike, all eyes were on you. You had agreed that, if they asked, Juice would tell them that he was very sick to his stomach. You would tell that you had gone to his house to check on him and spent the night there due to his illness. And after that conversation with his brothers, not without first scolding Juice for not telling them yesterday what was wrong with him, everything went back to normal.
You were all day around the clubhouse and the workshop as always, but your head was somewhere else. Juice could break down at any moment, so you have to find a solution as soon as possible. Things could get very ugly if Juice talked to the sheriff.
In the afternoon, some boys were in the garage while others had gone to do some clubâs shit, including Juice. When you approached Chibs and asked him to talk in private, he frowned, but followed you anyway to one of the dorms.
âYou know that I love you all so fucking much, right?â, you asked him.
âOf course I know, darling.â
âAnd you know that I only want whatâs best for the club, right?â
You had sworn hours before that you wouldnât do exactly what you were going to do right now, but you couldnât do anything else. You hadnât more time to think and it was the only thing that could work. With each passing day, the danger of Juice doing something he shouldn't was growing.
âI shouldnât be telling you this, but itâs all I can do.â, you told him. âJust, please, listen to me.â
âWhatever it is, speak upâ, he said. Chibs hated to beat around the bush.
âOkay. Here we goâ, you sighed.
When Juice arrived at the clubhouse, he had hardly stopped his bike when Chibs told him to accompany him to the garage. Juice had a small, carefree smile on his face, but as soon as he saw you waiting in the garage too, it faded slowly. Chibs went in after Juice and pulled the shutter. The door that connected the workshop with the clubhouse was already closed.
Juice gave you an accusatory, hurt look, as he already knew that you had betrayed him. You heart ached, but you remained impassive.
âSo, you have been talking to the sheriff. Talking about your black daddyâ, Chibs remarked deadly serious after standing in front of Juice, who immediately looked at you again. âNo, donât look at her. Iâm the one whoâs talking to you.â
âI didnâtâŠâ, Juice tried to speak, but Chibs didnât give him the opportunity.
âShut the fuck upâ, he ordered, and Juice obeyed. âYou overdosed yourself last night as a coward because the sheriff was threatening you. Probably with ratting us out.â
You noticed Juiceâs eyes watery, and you felt the urge to intervene, but you couldnât. Chibs had allowed you to stay on the condition that you did not interrupt him while he was speaking.
âIâm sorryâ, Juice mumbled. âIâm so sorry, brother.â
âWhat does your paperwork say?â, Chibs asked him, but Juice just shook his head without understanding the question. âYour birth certificate. Under race. What box is checked.â
Juice frowned and cleaned the tear that had escaped down his cheek with the back of his hand.
âSo, thatâs what you areâ, Chibs said. âHalf of us donât know who the hell our fathers are. The paperwork is the only thing that counts.â
As Juice opened his eyes in realization, more tears fell from his eyes. He was smiling but also crying. He looked so happy and so sad at the same time.
âYou really tried to OD yourself for thisâ, Chibs muttered as if still finding it hard to believe.
âI havenât told him anything. I swear.â
âI know, brother. I knowâ, Chibs nodded. âAnd next time you see the sheriff, you tell him he can go and suck your daddyâs big black cock.â
Listening to Juice laughing was almost healing for you after everything had happened. Chibs wanted to scare the kid a bit because he couldnât be trying to kill himself every time a pig threatened him, but he wanted as much as you to help Juice and make sure he was well.
âHe canât do a goddamn thing against you with that, yeah?â
âYeahâ, Juice answered after sniffling.
The moment Chibs pulled him in for a hug, Juice reciprocated without hesitation. He wasnât crying anymore, but it was obvious that he needed such a gesture of affection from his brother. And you knew you could rely on Chibs for this. Your intuition had been right in believing that talking to the Scottish would be the right thing to do, but nothing would change the fact that you had betrayed Juice. He had trusted on you to tell you his deepest secret and you had failed to him. And knowing that you couldnât bear it if Juice threw it in your face after finishing his conversation with Chibs, you decided to cross the door and leave in silence.
