#thusdigression

I don’t know if I’m aro but I just haven’t ever dated anyone or been the subject of someone’s attraction so I don’t really know if I know what those feelings are really like... but for reasons I’ll explain in a bit I’m either aro or polyam or both

Because I guess my opinion of relationships are that they’re people with whom you are more yourself. Like, they bring you out like a drop shadow and give you dimension and you do the same for them, and you are just intertwined with them

But I feel that with almost everyone

like regardless of their association with me (acquaintance or best friend or superior etc) all the people I know have sway with me. Like, I bend to reach them like a vine and try to use them to grow

of course most of them never stay very long, but regardless, I wonder how I’m shaped by all those people who will never know how much influence they have over me

sometimes I can just feel myself reaching out with this all-encompassing... not exactly love, but a feeling I can’t name, a connection... I feel myself reaching out and embracing everyone I know and I want to love them all and give them all my love

but then reality sets in and I’m not sure I would be able to maintain any rom relationship, much less 1>