#thread: jasper

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Jasper waited impatiently as the minutes ticked by slower than they've ever done. It was snowy out and the storm wasn't letting up. There hadn't been a single person through the door his entire shift and he wasn't expecting that to change within the next hour. Jasper cracked open a redbull, kicked his feet up on the counter and turned the music up a bit to try keeping himself awake.

Ding.

The bell above the door rang out, forcing Jaspers eyes open. Shit. How long had he been out for? Hopefully the boss wouldn't find out. He glanced up at the clock—ah only 10 minutes—before turning his attention to the door. "You're crazy for being out in the weather, man" he said as the person came into full view.

Jasper still doesn't know what exactly caused him to snap during Christmas dinner. He doesn't think it was a specific incident, but small ones that kept building and building until he couldn't take it anymore. For so long, he's had to live under the same roof as his brother and play nice, while Derek waited until their parents backs were turned to insult him.

His breaking point should've been when he had to go to his brother's game and answer questions about him like he was proud, but that day just made him realize how much he doesn't want to pretend anymore.

Japser knows his parents are in a tough position and can't just disown their son, but it's really fucking unfair that he's expected to grin and bear it as he lives with Derek and talks him up in the press. The person who was supposed to be Jasper's brother, his protector, permanently scarred him physically and emotionally.

All it took was one scoff from Derek after their parents asked about Jasper's plans for the spring semester, and he was done. "I'm not doing this more," Jasper had said, slamming his fork down on the table. "I shouldn't have to do this anymore."

Luckily for Jasper, his out came a few days later when the Foxes were asked to come back to campus. It felt like a reward for standing his ground, a tiebreaking game against the Gamecocks.

2022 is going to be his year, Jasper decided. He's tired of waiting to live and approaching everything with so much caution. He's turning twenty-one soon, for fuck's sake. It's about time he acts like it.

Jasper finishes off his drink as he bops his head to the music. He's not sure which one he's one, having lost count a while ago, but he feels good. He turns to the person closest to him and nods towards the crowd of bodies dancing. "Wanna dance?" he shouts over the music. "I love this song!"

The scrimmage feels like the perfect way to start of the way. Get them ready for the season while also indulging in some friendly competition. It also ended weirdly perfect with both sides winning in some way. Jasper thinks he held up pretty well in the shoot out, so he's happy.

Now, he's ready to let loose in the Vixens Den. He never parties at home. It's not like he doesn't have any options at all in Wheeling, but they're mostly just house parties with people he went to high school with. He also just...doesn't want to be drunk at home. For multiple reasons.

He's not at home now though, he's back at school with his teammates no Derek in sight, so he keeps refilling his red solo cup and bopping around the dance floor.

When Jasper goes to the kitchen for another refill, he's already pretty drunk, leading him to stumble into someone. Luckily, his cup is empty, so there's no spilling. "Whoops! Sorry," Jasper says with a drunken laugh, patting the arm that he collided into. "Good thing I finished that or else this could've been really messy."

Jasper didn’t really have time to process what he had to do until now. After the game, after the interview, they had an awkward family dinner and then he went back to his shared hotel room with his parents. He was barely back in Palmetto before he went to the bowling alley for Marley’s party. At that point, it felt like he was just going through the motions and compartmentalizing his feelings until he had a second to himself.

Which brings him here. Sitting in the common area. Angry.

Ever since he told his parents the truth, he’s been forcing himself to be okay with the outcome. Sure, he can live under the same roof as his abuser, watch his games, be forced to see him at Exy events, as long as he had his parents support. 

Jasper told himself he should be grateful. His parents love him, he has a new team away from Derek, so he should be able to stomach a few interactions a year. He should be able to sit at the same table as him, deal with a few insults thrown his way when his parents aren’t listening, and give interviews with vague answers. He should, but he doesn’t want to. Not anymore. It’s not enough. 

Something about giving an interview with Jen sparked something in Jasper. They didn’t pretend like everything was fine with their dad, they basically told the interviewer straight up that they don’t have a relationship with him, while Jasper talked his way around admitting the same thing about Derek. Neither of them should have been invited to participate in that interview at all--to stand next to the person who hurt them, but they were, and Jasper felt like he couldn’t even tell the truth. 

He’s tired. He’s so tired of pretending. It’s unfair. Derek hurt him for years. His brother. Jasper almost quit Exy entirely because of him. And what does Derek get in return? A spot on the Buckeyes, a chance to win the Championships, while Jasper hasn’t even played in the Championships. Why does it feel like Jasper is the one losing here?

Jasper doesn’t know how long he’s been zoned out on the couch for. At some point he pulled out his phone to text Betsy, because he thinks he might need an extra session to talk this over, but he never actually typed out the text. When he looks down at his phone again, he realizes his hands are shaking. He’s so distracted that he doesn’t even notice someone else joining him in the common area.

Although Jasper is still disappointed the Foxes didn’t move on to the Championships, he still shows up to the lounge every Friday to watch the games, wanting to know what’s happening even if he isn’t part of it. Tonight his brother’s team is playing, and he stubbornly keeps his eyes on the screen as he tries not to chew his popcorn angrily. As predicted, Derek’s biting comments didn’t end at the Banquet. As if they just put the conversation on pause, he continued right where he left off when they got home, waiting until their parents were out of ear-shot to rub the Championships in his face.

When Jasper brought it up to Betsy during their session, as well as the banquet, she sympathized as usual, but also suggested he tell his parents Derek isn’t exactly behaving. Jasper usually takes her advice seriously, but he immediately brushed off the idea. They aren’t kids anymore, and Jasper isn’t going to tattle like one. He’s an adult, and he can handle his brother’s bad attitude, especially now that he knows it probably comes from a place of insecurity. Even with Casey gone, he still isn’t the star player. 

Japser’s going to do his best to just...let it go. The Foxes had a rough season, but things are looking up now. They finally have a Captain, and while he wanted it to be Charlie, he knows Claudia will do a good job. She obviously takes the job seriously and practically took over for Wymack as he works on recruiting new players. Hopefully next year they’ll finally move on to the Championships. 

When the Buckeyes score against the Bearcats again, Jasper fights back a frustrated sigh, muffling it by shoving some popcorn in his mouth. He realizes he’s been hogging the bowl for the past few minutes, and he nudges the person beside him to offer some. “It’s easier to watch this when you have food,” he says wisely.

Usually Jasper finds road trips relaxing, but the ride to their last game is anything but relaxing. After they pass a field of cows for the third time, he feels just about ready to crawl out of his own skin. It’s a huge relief that Charlie will finally be on the court again, taking some of the pressure off him and River, but this is so much bigger than just the goal. It’ll take more than Charlie’s return to win--to break the neverending losing streak. 

It feels like they’ve been improving, especially when their last game was so close, but Jasper isn’t sure they’re improving fast enough. Maybe, if they had a few more games left, but they don’t. This is their last chance before a season without games. Whether they win or lose, Derek is going to have so much ammo when they go home for winter break, but Jasper would still prefer if one of those jabs didn’t involve losing every game of the season.

It doesn’t matter what Derek thinks or says, Jasper reminds himself. Derek’s opinion doesn’t matter to him. Jasper wants to win for himself, because he knows they can do it. He knows they can play better than they have. They just have to prove it tonight.

Jasper has his mind on the prize, but it definitely isn’t making the bus trip very fun. Actually, it feels like it’s taking forever. Every time he reads they pass a mile sign, he realizes they’re way further away than he thought they were, and he needs something to distract him quick before he psyches himself out before he can even get off the bus. 

"Know any good bus games?” He asks, turning to the seat behind him, “Looking at cows isn’t that exciting anymore.”

Jasper knows he should get a good night’s sleep the night before the game, but he also wants to use every second he possibly can preparing to play against the Jackals. Their shots are always hard to block during a normal game, let alone one where he has to carry a full half. Staying late to get some solo practice time in won’t help prevent him from getting tired part-way through like last time, but it’ll help him feel more confident about tomorrow. 

He stays late practicing drills and bouncing balls against the wall, until it’s too late to be an acceptable time to be awake, and then he’s in for a long, nearly silent walk back to the Tower, where he has nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company. As the press keeps pointing out, they’re pretty much screwed, unless they win the rest of their games, and Jasper doesn’t want to just give up now, but their track record shows it’s probably not possible for them.

He’s tired of comparing himself to Derek, especially when he’s come so far growing without him, but it’s hard not to when there’s a good chance he won’t play in the Championships, while his brother moves on. The reporters asked him if he was going to cheer him on, but how is he supposed to do that when over winter break Derek will probably rub it in his face the first chance he gets? Jasper loves being a Fox, and he’s proud of his team, but for once, he wishes he didn’t give Derek more reasons to think he’s a failure. 

Jasper is as quiet as possible as he enters the Tower, though he doubts anyone can hear him in their rooms. He’s not expecting anyone to be awake, so when he passes through the common area, he’s surprised to find someone else there, causing him to startle a little at first. “Oh, hey,” He says with a breathless laugh, “Couldn’t sleep either?”

The walk to the foyer fills Jasper’s stomach with dread. He’s kicking himself for not volunteering himself for an earlier press duty, because it really feels like he got the worst deal. They just lost against the Ravens’ freshmen and sophomores, and now Jasper has to listen to reporters berate them with it with his brother’s old teammate at his side. He can only imagine the things Derek will say when they go home for the holidays. It’ll probably be something along the lines taking his rejected teammate and still not being able to win a single game. It makes Jasper want to just stay at Palmetto until he graduates. 

He’s still carefully navigating his way around having one of his brother’s old teammates on his team now, and he really doesn’t want to hold anything against Casey, who hasn’t done anything to deserve that. It’s just hard for him to reach out with their history. He spares a glance at Casey from the corner of his eye, and knows they’re probably in for a worse press duty than him, with all the questions the reporters will have about their return to Exy. 

“We got this,” Jasper tells them quietly as they approach the reporters, even if he doesn’t really believe it. He just wants Casey to know he’s in their corner, even if he hasn’t done the best job at showing it. They take their places in front of his reporters, and Jasper does his best to put on a welcoming, camera appropriate smile, but it probably comes off more pained with how sick he feels. No one is really looking at him though, all eyes are on Casey, which is a bad sign. They look like they’ve been chomping at the bit for a chance to finally talk to them.

The first reporter steps forward, looking directly at Casey, “Casey, I think we all want to hear from you after your break. You’ve had a tough first season since returning. How are you handling this transition?”