#thoughtsss

The truth is, women so often give up everything for those they love. This isn't even to frame that as a necessarily noble feat--in Chengyu's case, it's instrumental to his own life to sacrifice and live with others always in mind, because that gives him purpose and meaning. But when a woman gets pregnant and gives up her job, time, and often identity outside of motherhood to have kids? That's not seen as remarkable, that's expected. Ordinary, even. It is not appreciated as the serious sacrifice that it often is. (And this isn't to imply that women don't get something out of motherhood; for some it's the most fulfilling process of their life.) The point is, the sacrifice of it all often goes basically unacknowledged, and I just think that, had Chengyu been a similar character but a woman instead, his actions wouldn't have moved me so deeply.

I still think he is remarkable and by creating a character who is a man and engages in this sort of devotion and self sacrifice in a NON self destructive way, rather in a way that gives him meaning, I was really moved. Guo Chengyu is a moving character! I just realized this little thing while watching, and alongside how many "what a man"s and "Chengyu the man that you are"s I see in tags or comments, I don't think it's a coincidence how many watchers (including myself) subconsciously note the fact that he's a man when praising him. He is a remarkable person, yes, but even MORE a remarkable man.

Just some thoughts!

Important note—this is my first time listening to the audiobook.

Other important note— i am rereading the series backwards, bc my library is a bitch with holds. Soo some things may be hazy as gideon and harrow werent recently read. Feel free to correct me if i remember wrong!

Uhh spoilers for ntn and the entire locked tomb series, of course

ALSO this isnt meant to be coherent in the slightest lol just a stream of thought throughout my reread

1. Alecto is a resurrection beast.

now this is probably obvious to most but during my first read of ntn i was still thinking of alecto as johns cavalier, on a similar level to the rest of the lyctors. But no, shes a RESURRECTION BEAST. The reason why Nona feels lighter/calmer in the light of Varun the eater and how she speaks and thinks of him fondly, like a brother. SHES THE LITERAL RESURRECTION OF A DEAD PLANET HOW DID I NOT NOTICE; the anger/relation makes so much sense and it just fries my brain in the best way im so curious about the other resurrection beasts now; knowing that these are the souls of the original planets of the solar system (???) insane thats her sibling. ‘Varun’ is the name of a Hindi god of oceans if i remember correctly, so I’m thinking he’s possibly Neptune? (HE EVEN CALLS HER ‘THE GREEN ONE’ AS IN EARTH OH MY GOSH)

2. they probably wont kill jod

First read of the series i was pumped for alecto’s awakening like ‘hell yeah time to kill jod’ but my reread has me thinking more. That seems like such an easy out for the series. It doesnt seem like something that would actually happen, personally.

I think john might kill himself. Mostly it makes sense to me that he’ll die in alecto, but i cant see alecto killing him in a way that makes sense for the series. Nor could i see anyone else doing so. (although. I wouldnt hate being wrong. Or having harrow kill him thatd be gas)

So presuming that he dies, and that no one kills him- there’s only one major answer, right? Plus, if we go the sympathetic john route, we can have his death mirror gideon’s in the sense of giving back to the people and world (that he hurt in this case). Ofc im not particularly sympathetic of john so im not sure. Or we could even have him doing the lyctor route of the cav dying for the necro (that they didnt need to do technically). . But HE dies for alecto instead to heal the earth?? Idk its late here i cant think

but also if they cut his head and presented it id also be happy. (you can even have your biblical reference tazmuir!! John the baptist!!)

3. I fucking hate crux

crux just pissed me off yeah honestly i just want to complain about the scene in chap 31 i think “i am the only one who knows how to die for the reverend daughter harrowhark nonagesmis’ BITCH?? After gideon LITERALLY DIED FOR HER ALREADY?? but also muir is so careful with her wording i just gotta think ‘knows how to die’ is such a peculiar way of saying that. Not “i am the only one who will die for; willing to die for;” but “knows how to die”. Thats so curious to me. And ofc with the whole line of death being blurry, esp with gideon. . maybe he means death in the true sense of the word. Ome you cant come back from. Does crux know something we don’t? Idk im insane

and then

4. Just. Kiriona Gaia.

I could talk about Kiriona for ages holy. The saddest girl in the universe i need to hug her desperately.

I have so many thoughts about her I don’t even know where to begin. (and majority of it’s not even the part thats so fucking confused on how shes alive but not)

First thought is how Jod immediately renamed her. ‘Kiriona Gaia’. I remember hearing somewhere that ‘Kiriona’ is Maori for Gideon? (someone correct me if Im wrong) and of course Gaia/Gaius, the whole shabam. But of course he wanted to change her name. Gideon. The name of one of his closest friends. The name he gave to him. A man who helped betray him; who got killed multiple times because of him. And then Nav. Multiple times in gtn Gideon refers to Nav as ‘a niner name’.

In the beginning of htn, Jod strips both Ianthe and Harrow of their former titles. They’re now ‘the first’. Commanded not to reach out to or have loyalty to their former houses. Not to visit. So of course he’d do the same with Gideon. She’s Kiriona the first, now. Nothing to do with the ninth. Not in name, not in origin. After she’d accepted herself, in death, as a niner.

now thats enough to get me crying, (and theres so much more abt her that i have to unscramble) but particularly I also want to mention Kiriona/Gideon killing Crux.

that scene made me so emotional you dont even know.

I dont know, its so child killing their abuser and wondering why they feel worse about it. Why? They were horrible. They hated them. They hate them. So why? Why does this fix nothing? Why does the hate still linger? Why doesn’t their death mean the end of it?

(not to even mention her whole complicated relationship with ianthe im still puzzling over)

5. I am still so immensley curious on why alecto hates redheads (or, red hair i guess). I still havent figured that one out.

(i have no idea what tamsyn muirs natural hair color is but i always see her with the red hair in her author picture and this makes it funnier to me lmao)

6. Cows exhibit mourning behavior for other cows.

7. Im so curious on how much memory the lyctors retained after the resurrection. John says that their minds were wipes clean, but i cant stop thinking of cassiopeia and nigella, who were married in john’s chapters, and wondering if they knew that. If they remembered being married, each other, if they fell in love again or never again. Did they know at all? Did they look at each other and just know? Or were they like strangers? How much did john allow them to remember? Or was it nothing? Forgetting everything, and everyone they have ever loved? What false memories did he place in their brains? Or were they completely empty? Or just manipulated? I cant remember if this was ever addressed lol.

8. CRISTABEL. FUCKING. OCT.

ive always had a love for characters that are still religious in a super magical/mythological narrative? (real ones remember samirah from magnus chase)

So when we’re introduced to Cristabel as ‘the nun’ and that immediately catches my attention bc John keeps doing horrifying shit and she’s just there with her holy ghost occasionally giving wise advice.

Then she puts a gun to her head.

And dear god, i cannot stop thinking about what she must’ve been thinking in that moment. Showing John the soul, how to work it. Did she know he would bring her back? Did she think he wouldn’t? Even if she knew John would have the ability to, he’d already gone a bit batshit by this point. But still. She was doing her best to help, to show him a way to help everyone.

And that makes me so sad I hope she’s in her heaven.

9. Speaking of I don’t know how much to believe

Now I’m of the party that believes John never outright lies. However. Omitting or twisting the truth is not above him. So take my takes with a grain of salt lol

10. Back on my memory bs - Ulysses and Titania

I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that Ulysses and Titania, the bodies that John is puppeting around in his chapters, are Ulysses and Titania, the sixth saint and his cavalier. Probably because I forgot the saints names ngl.

I’m so curious on how John resurrected them after everything. He didn’t know them; they were part of the experiments he grew attatched to and then carted around. Did he mold them as he saw fit? How much of them was real? Authentic? How much was manipulated by John?

11. Anastasia

I’m so curious abt Anastasia bc I feel like she’s so insanely prevelent to the story but she’s hardly mentioned at all?? Drop your Anastasia thoughts pls

12. Alecto alecto screaming

The earth screaming. John hearing the earth screaming as she dies, drowning out the souls of the trillionaires leaving her and every other soul alive alecto alecto alecto have you never not been in so much pain?

13. Alecto’s name

Forgive me I don’t remember do we know where Alecto’s name comes from?? As far as I know, Alecto is the name of a fury from greek mythology. I remember the furies being daughters of Gaia, the earth. Which tracks, but who named her that? Why? (i dont know much else about alecto the fury so if yall know-)

John’s name for her, A.L., or Annabel Lee, is obviously a reference to the Edgar Allan Poe poem. (to love and be loved by me (i still love you; you said that too), a tomb by the sea, can never dissever my (john’s) soul from the beautiful annabel lee)

I’m also curious on why John named her that. (Or, any of his naming of the others in general. Why did he choose those names?)

And what of ‘Alecto’?

14. Alecto’s kiss??

this is a little sillier lol and was honestly a vibe but im also confused. Alecto kisses harrow in the epilogue, also biting her, and says ‘is this not how meat loves meat?’. Raw as hell line, but also I’m curious on what the kiss is about in general. What is the point of this ‘affection’? What does it mean to her, besides, you know, a show?

15. Sit down John you fat motherfucker

John has violated so many different people in so many different ways its so interesting but also makes me so sick. Someone needs to write an essay on john and predetation. The earth itself, and then later alecto- his friends, before lyctorhood, and especially after: and ofc harrow. I’d even shove Gideon and Ianthe in there. I’ll probably write a longer post abt this but just to get down the idea.

16. Pyrrha dve; pyrrha dove who has lost everyone she has ever loved

Maybe it’s the way Quirk voices her but Pyrrha has shot up insanely high on my fav character list since this reread. And the scene of her saying goodbye to Camilla and Palamedes before they evolve into Paul just got me thinking. (i also have a lot of thoughts on those two and paul but rn majority of them are ????? still so maybe that'll be another post)

Maybe it’s the fact that we start with Campal, Pyrrha, Nona as a happy-ish little family. Obviously all adoring each other. And then we end with Pyrrha. Nona’s gone. It’s just Alecto now. Her kid’s gone. She can’t come back.

So are Cam and Pal. Sure, Paul’s there, but it’s not really the same, is it? Her partners, friends, lovers—whatever the fuck they were, honestly— are gone, too. She’s alone.

And if makes me think further. With Wake, and how much she still obviously adores her, decades later. With G1deon, her best friend of millenia, and how she has to look at his face in the mirror every day knowing he’s gone. Pyrrha, who loves so fiercely that the people she loves still impact her always. Even after they’re gone. Idk im getting emotional again

(I so hope she still plays an important role in alecto and maybe ends up as a stepmom figure to gideon?? Idk i think thatd be really cool)

To end off on a lighter note, here are some texts i sent to a friend liveblogging my reaction (that ended after like chap 2 bc i forgot to keep doing it)

- ‘Everyone was crammed on one of three planets now, and they all agreed that this planet was easily the worst, though this always made Nona feel a little bit offended on the planet’s part.’ Shut uppppp i may be reading too much into this but alectoooo

- nonas constant thoughts on how pretty she is really is making me buy into alectostasia i will not lie

- every time nona mentions tits and campal just wordlessly pulls out the notepad i chortle. I just imagine a point system and them drawing a line under ‘GIDEON’ every time

- the way nona and pal talk about cam makes me aghhhhjhh camilla you are so so loved

theres like a million more thoughts i have (both serious and unserious) but these are the ones i could actually put into words lol its a jumbled mess in here rn

The most modded games and stories with the most fanfic are usually Very Good and Kinda Bad/mid. In a way that activates human creativity to say, "That is interesting, where can i go with that?"

The outlier in stories is decent kid shows aimed at older kids. Mid or bad kids shows don't get a ton of fanfic. But a really good one does. Bc it's inherent to the genre to not delve too far, keep the story focused, but have intriguing setting/world/characters to pique interest. A Perfect sandbox.

Star Wars is both at the same time as a franchise-intriguing, vedy good and quite bad.