#thorpe

This time, however, he turns towards you with one eyebrow raised, his expression skeptical while the corner of his mouth twitches as if he is trying not to laugh. You had just told him the newest bit of Nevermore gossip disguised as a fun fact, and he looks at you like he is not sure if he should believe you.

“It’s true,” you insist, fumbling with your phone in an attempt to pull up the post, only to realize you have no signal. The screen stays blank, and you try not to look embarrassed. “I don’t have a signal… But I’m serious! People are calling you the “Leonardo da Vinci of Nevermore”, and honestly…I kind of agree.”

He raises his brow higher at that, and the silence that follows makes your face heat up even more.

Before you can ramble again, you are suddenly side-hug tackled by your friend, another Sparks like you, who greets Xavier as well. “Sorry to interrupt, but I’m stealing her away. We’ve got to go, our professor’s looking for us early.”

As you were about to reiterate, she had already looped her arm through yours and dragged you away. Xavier simply gave a small nod in acknowledgment before returning to the large mural he had been painting on the quad wall, brush already moving as if the conversation between you two never happened.

Your gaze lingered on him long after, even when he no longer spared you a glance. Your friend noticed and groaned. “You know he just broke it off with Bianca, right? I’m pretty sure he’s not looking for a relationship anytime soon.”

“Uhhh, I know,” you muttered, a frustrated but hopeful edge slipping into your voice. “But this might finally be my chance.”

It was obvious to everyone that you liked Xavier. Literally everyone in Nevermore Academy knew how much you pined for him ever since the two of you met during first year.

Moby knew it, and she rolled her eyes every time she saw you anywhere near Xavier who was clearly not as interested in the conversation as you were. Every interaction of yours with Xavier that got weirder and weirder made her remind you three times as much that he was not the only guy on campus or in the world you could date. She would always remind you of all the other guys who could treat you way better than Xavier’s half-baked responses.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to set you up with Rowan? The guy denies it every single time but he so totally likes you! Plus, he’s so much cuter than Xavier,” Moby said while munching on her food.

“If you find him so cute, then you date him,” you replied as you took a bite of your meal. You swallowed before adding, “Also, isn’t he Xavier’s roommate? I don’t want him to see me with his roommate…”

Moby let out a sharp laugh. “It’s not like he’ll care anyway, and you deserve better than some artsy tortured guy with that whole me-against-the-world mindset.”

You stayed quiet at that, not responding to what Moby had just called Xavier.

Ajax knows it too, and being the supportive person that he is, he tries to help you out by mentioning you once or twice every time they are together. He has always been putting in a good word about you, and maybe it is also for himself as well because each time you do or say something weird, it gives Ajax secondhand embarrassment.

The staff and teachers of Nevermore know it, and would sometimes ask “where’s Mr. Thorpe?” to other students when looking for you because they know you would be with him ninety percent of the time. Even the Sirens (yes, even Bianca, Xavier’s ex-girlfriend) know it.

Xavier Thorpe does not like you, and while he treats you like a friend, you have already accepted that it ends there. You have realized that instead of trying to get your feelings to be reciprocated, you would just try and hang out with him a few times each day just to make your day feel complete. Even if he would not reciprocate your feelings, it’s fine. You know that if you do this more and more, you would come closer to the day you would finally get sick of this unrequited love.

Still, you like Xavier Thorpe right now. That is enough for you.

Xavier Thorpe does not like you like that. That is what he tells everyone who mentions you to him.

“She’s just a friend,” Xavier would say to Ajax every time he brought you up. His words were practically automatic as soon as Ajax mentioned the first syllable of your name, and he did not even look at Ajax anymore when responding. Ajax would just try and reiterate his words again, which Xavier learned not to respond to because he would just start hearing more facts about how he should give you a chance.

“I don’t like girls who are so… into love,” he muttered under his breath, which caused Ajax to stop talking, and the atmosphere between them went quiet. Out of nowhere, you suddenly turned into the hallway where they were, waving before making eye contact with Xavier. He just looked down, pretending not to have seen you, which made Ajax the one to respond to your wave.

“We’re just friends,” was Xavier’s go-to reply whenever anyone on campus asked him if he and you were seeing each other. He didn’t know why he always felt guilty whenever you heard it come out of his mouth, but he reminded himself that the sooner you realized he was not going to like you, the better.

—

“I think I don’t like him that much anymore, Moby. Seriously, I swear to Edgar Allan Poe.”

Moby just looked at you, drinking her coffee at the confession you dropped, as if she had not heard you say that a month ago as well.

“Uh-huh, I totally believe you,” Moby said sarcastically, opening her journal.

She didn't want to tell you, but she felt a little responsible for the mess you were in right now, which was this unrequited love. She remembered how much she hyped you up back in first year when you first told her about your crush on Xavier. How she had said you should just show him your feelings boldly, and he would definitely reciprocate once he saw how persistent you were.

She could not have been more wrong.

“No, really. I’m serious about finally moving on now,” you said slightly louder, trying to make her believe you. You then put your right hand on the table before resting your cheek on your palm with a sigh. “I must have looked like such a stalker following him for that long.”

She tilted her head slightly. “I mean, I wouldn’t say stalker…”

“Yeah, it’s way worse. I could practically be jailed for how much I invaded his space.”

Moby tried to keep a poker face. “Well… if the shoe fits.” She started before adding, “But you know I mean well when I call you that!” She slammed her book closed and put it to the side.

“We didn’t think it before, but I guess you’re just not his type. Honestly, with how he looks, I’m surprised he has the audacity to have a type…” She muttered the last part, but you still heard it and glared at her before she raised her hands slightly in surrender.

You then looked away and at the students who were too busy walking or lost in their own friend groups. Those people who did not know that the number one yearner of the school had officially started to second-guess her feelings for the man who always friend-zoned her. You tried not to think about Xavier and his stupid pretty face, because you knew you would just not follow through and act like some lovesick puppy again tomorrow.

Looking around the quad, you saw a familiar face of a man with glasses sitting alone near the windows. He was looking down at a book that he most likely got from the library. He was probably too immersed in the contents to feel the set of eyes now looking only at him.

“If you’re not too busy this week,” you said slowly, still looking at Rowan Laslow, who turned the book to its next page. You could faintly see some sort of calming aura radiating off him. Turning to look at Moby, you said, “Let’s do that thing you’ve been telling me about.”

—

Xavier was not the least bit surprised to see you standing beside the mural he had been painting for the past month.

After all, every day you never failed to get there earlier than him just to tell him about another ridiculous Nevermore gossip you saw on social media. He was holding his art supplies, sighing before walking to where the unfinished mural was, which you were also looking at.

It was you who looked at him first, then smiled while he just nodded at you slowly, walking down his steps to stop just by your side. You were still smiling at him before opening your bag, which was beside you, then taking something out and reaching it to him.

He looked down and saw it was a notebook.

“It’s Ajax’s. He told me that I should give it back to you because he wouldn’t be able to get it with his extra classes,” you said before waving it slightly, which he just looked at for a few seconds before taking it from your hands. Your fingers slightly touched, and you pulled your hand back quickly as if it had personally shocked you.

“Uhh… I’ll get going now. Thanks!” you said in a rush, quickly closing your bag and sprinting off without looking back at him.

If how you were acting was not weird enough, after that day, Xavier never got to hear another Nevermore gossip from you. He would still see you from time to time walking around near where he was painting, but you never stopped or started an unnecessary conversation with him.

“Hey,” he greeted you, his smile tight as he tried to think about what to say next to start a conversation with you.

“Hello, Xavier,” you would reply politely, Moby beside you as she looked at Xavier with a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

It was strange, because you were always the one initiating conversations. When you did not tell him anything or bring up something random, the two of you had nothing at all to talk about.

He was not that bothered by this new treatment he was getting from you, because it just meant he could finally stop feeling pity whenever you two talked about absolutely nothing. He could finally stop feeling guilty for indirectly rejecting your advances.

It was great that you had finally started to move on from him, he told himself.

Xavier had always tolerated your actions without you even knowing it, because you had slowly convinced yourself that nothing you did for him would ever make him like you.

Back then, you would wait for him after class just so the two of you could walk across the quad together. Now, you started waiting for your other friends, claiming that it was more convenient.

You used to sneak over to the Archery Club whenever he had archery practice. You would sit on the farthest bench, pretending to be reading or sketching while your eyes kept glancing up every time he drew his bow. When he would hit the target dead center, you would smile to yourself or silently pump your fist, as if celebrating his little victory. He never noticed you there, at least, you told yourself he didn’t. But slowly, even that habit slipped away. The bench you once claimed stayed empty, and Xavier no longer felt the eyes of someone watching him while he drew a bow.

You also used to bring him little things from town whenever students were allowed into Jericho, like an extra drink or snacks you swore you just bought too much of. Now, you started handing those off to other students as well, as if it was a normal thing of yours. Xavier’s eyes would silently look and then glare at the students he saw on campus holding his favorite snack that he had mentioned to you once when you asked him.

Xavier would never like you like that, and you had finally come to accept that slowly.

Telling other people that the two of you were just friends had happened so many times that when a random student approached him and brought up your name, he responded with the same words.

“We’re just friends,” he said before looking up at the student, who he figured out was one of those Furs. The guy just looked at him slightly confused before replying, “Oh, I know that, dude. But I was asking about her friend, so you don’t have to clarify anything.”

“Oh,” Xavier said, shaking his head. He had completely misunderstood the question to have been about you and him.

Xavier did not like you, and he had made that absolutely clear. Weirdly enough, it didn’t bother you that much anymore.

—

You had come to almost accept letting go of your feelings for Xavier.

These past few days have made all the shame since first year finally hit you in the head. The shame and embarrassment would run all over your body at midnight when you stayed up, unable to sleep because you would suddenly remember the times you embarrassed yourself just to get noticed.

It was not like you regretted chasing after him. After all, even if your friends were the ones to convince you, it was still your decision to try and win his affections.

Maybe this was a sign that you were meant for other things. Things that were truly meant for you.

Maybe you and Xavier were meant to only be friends, and that pursuing him was just some sort of phase to help you grow as a person. However, there was also a lingering feeling in you that maybe, just maybe, if you tried a little longer, this time he would finally like you back.

This was the last time, you told yourself. You were risking everything on this one final try, even if there was a bigger chance that he still would not care about you like that. But you were hoping that if you did get rejected, it would be harsh. Harsh enough that you would finally understand that the two of you were never meant to be more than friends.

The newly bought sketchpad in your hands was almost crumpled at the sides with how harshly you had gripped it because of what Xavier had just said to you.

He had not been in a good mood since he woke up after accidentally forgetting to close a window in his workshop, which caused a bird to get in and ruin his paintings that were close to being finished. Despite trying everything to get them back to their original state, the damage had already been done.

As he walked with slight frustration in his steps back to the academy, you were the first person he saw in his line of vision, standing near the mural once more. Before you could say his name, he suddenly snapped at you.

“Can you not—” Xavier inhaled sharply, his free hand that was not holding his art supplies raised slightly while he clenched it repeatedly. You could see the vein in his jaw as he tried not to yell at you. “Your actions are just getting ridiculous now.”

The sketchpad that you were gripping tightly at the sides, the same one he had told you was his favorite brand because the paper was thick and felt better when held, was almost slipping from your hands. Unlike the sketchpad, you were too sensitive to withstand just his words.

“You’re a nice girl and an even greater friend. But I just don’t see you like that, yeah?” he said, looking you right in the eyes, trying to make you understand. “I don’t like you like that.”