#thomas malory

EXCALIBUR (1981)

Less is better. Just give a quick summary with an "As the French book maketh mention", and leave it at that.

Don’t worry about writing a conclusion to every story line. If it doesn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be.

Remember to only sometimes follow up on a thing you mentioned 500 pages ago. Keep the reader on their toes.

Make sure you list every single person taking part in a battle, lest the reader grow concerned that your depiction of the fight isn't specific enough.

And if you forget what you named a character? Just come up with a new name! The reader will figure it out.

Alternatively, give them the same name as the last relative of theirs that you mentioned! That'll really clear things up.

Think you added enough hermits in your story? Wrong. Add more hermits.

Worshipe is your friend.

And above all, have fun! Remember, readers love when you have major character deaths happen off-screen, so don't feel pressured to write things you don't want to!

I still haven't finished Malory though. If anything, is it just me or does he write a little bit dry, compared to the rest of them?

I probably shouldn't say these things out loud, or else people will throw garbage at me.

okay so a few months ago a random kid (19M???) shows up to my brother’s (30M) house to crash for unspecified reasons. he tells my brother he’ll explain in a couple of months but just needs a place to stay until then. my brother is a little overly chill about this kind of stuff and was just like sure, whatever, he can stay he seems cool. but i (31M) was immediately skeptical of him being here at all, and also living in our house for free. it’s especially annoying because even though my brother owns the house I take care of everything. he has crazy hours trying to get his startup off the ground and I do all his financials so I’m busy enough without having to babysit some random stranger in our house.

obviously i put this guy to work. i made him do all the dishes and cooking etc because he wasn’t just going to freeload off us. basically if there was a chore i gave it to him. it always felt like he was trying to act better than us by saying things like “hey do you need anything else done? just let me know” and “I hope you have a good day at work today” and “I’m just happy to be here! thanks so much, I promise I’ll explain soon” and annoying stuff like that. i did call him some stuff i shouldn’t have and gave him a mean nickname because his vibe was just rancid idk. he had like weirdly elegant hands that i thought looked gross. my friend gavin (25M) who comes over a lot told me to chill out but it’s not like the guy was living in HIS house so I told him to shut up.

anyway one day when we had a few of our coworkers over for a beer some girl (20F???) shows up at our house crying and said she needs help but wouldn’t really say with what, just that she needed someone to go with her, which seemed sketchy. but this guy volunteers to go check it out and just disappears. they are gone for a week. he finally shows up back at our house, idk what hero’s quest he embarked on, but he rolls up in his car with the same girl from before, a different girl that he helped out of her toxic situationship and now is definitely hooking up with, and promptly reveals that he is my brother’s NEPHEW (???).

my brother is adopted and it’s his sister (44F) who is the guy’s mom. she is super mad at all of us and drove like four hours to our house to yell at us, accusing us of basically making her son into an indentured servant when she trusted us to take care of him as he was getting used to living in the area. obviously we had no idea. she never told us. long story short there’s been a lot of family drama over the years and neither me nor my brother knows his side of the family very well and the guy never TOLD us we were related so it’s not like we had anyway of knowing he was her kid. gavin didn’t even realize it was his brother!!!! (forgot to mention gavin is also my brother’s nephew). but now of course he’s pissed too. in my defense this guy didn’t even give us his real name and just showed up unannounced at our house, so I don’t know what he expected. he said he wanted to work for my brother but not be hired just because he was related, so he wanted to “earn his place” first. which I think frankly is a horrible reason to do all of this. but everyone is mad at me and I’m starting to wonder if this is all my fault.