#thisisforyou

Read it on ao3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/87809026

by thisisforyou

Gwaine laughs so hard he needs to sit down, landing heavily on the rickety chair in his chamber, and then so hard that he actually can't breathe and he's momentarily afraid he might die from it.

"Well," he says when he's recovered enough to speak. "Our King has finally managed to get hold of the right stick, at least, even if he is firmly grasping it by the wrong end."

Merlin glares at him, like he can't see why this is the funniest thing Gwaine has ever heard. "What the hell did you say to him?"

A throwaway comment leads Arthur to an inevitable conclusion: Gwaine is a sorcerer, and has been protecting him and his knights with magic for years. There's only one thing to do – repeal the ban on magic.

Now if only he could work out why this makes Merlin so angry.

Words: 7973, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Merlin (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Merlin (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine (Merlin), Leon (Merlin)

Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin)

Additional Tags: Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Getting Together, First Kiss, First Time, Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), POV Multiple, Good Friend Gwaine (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), he's a little confused but he's got the spirit, Vomiting, Frottage, Semi-Public Sex

Let me not sugarcoat this.

I was stuck. Not "going through a phase" stuck. Actually, genuinely, embarrassingly stuck. Broke in ways that went beyond money. Lost in ways that went beyond direction. The kind of stuck where you're not even sad anymore — you're just numb. Going through motions. Shrinking every single day and calling it humility.

I was begging. Not out loud. But in every thought, every vision board, every "please universe" whispered into the dark — I was begging. And begging is just fear with good intentions.

Then one night something in me just snapped.

Not a motivational snap. A disgusted one.

I lay down at midnight. No ritual. No crystals. No playlist. Just me, the dark, and a decision I was done un-making.

I said to myself — out loud, like I meant it — I am in the void state.

I repeated it until the room disappeared. Until my thoughts quieted into nothing. Until there was no mirror, no doubt, no history — just pure, clean, infinite possibility with my name on it.

And then I said: I have everything from my list.

Not "I want." Not "I hope." Not "please."

I have.

Here's what was on that list. Here's what's now my life:

A luxury apartment where the views remind me every morning that I made it out.

A bank account that would make my broke past unrecognizable to itself.

A career where I'm not just successful — I'm respected. The kind of respected that has a little fear in it.

A partner who shows up. Fully. Consistently. No games, no half-presence, no emotional unavailability dressed up as "depth."

A car that's black, sleek, and completely unapologetic — just like me.

Friendships that pour in instead of drain out.

And a peace — cold, steady, unshakeable — that no circumstance has been able to touch since.

The void state wasn't magic. It was clarity.

It's what happens when you strip away every excuse, every old story, every version of yourself that was comfortable being less — and you meet what's left. Which is everything. Which was always everything.

The universe wasn't withholding from me.

I was withholding from myself.

You don't need more time. You don't need better circumstances. You don't need to feel ready, feel worthy, feel healed enough.

You need one midnight. One decision. One moment where you stop negotiating with your own potential.

Stop asking. Start having. The queen doesn't petition for her throne. She sits down.

This is for you

There is an Ancient Rome tag! Here are a few I pulled for you.

Unbreaking by PeniG

Last time they met, Aziraphale was miserable, but he's in a good mood when Crowley runs into him in Rome. Crowley knows he should shut up and enjoy it, but this is not his strong suit.

Something so Flawed and Free by LilithReisender

The men carried out a series of long wooden tables and set them down in the middle of the square with a heavy thump. When each table was properly arranged, there was a sudden outburst of applause and raucous cheering. Crowley raised an eyebrow, it seemed like some of them had already broken into the wine. Fine by him, start the celebrations early. Crowley smirked, feeling the energy rising in the town. Soon the entire city would be running rampant with celebrations and sins, it was as close to paradise as a demon could get. Crowley felt a familiar presence tug at his chest and he turned his head sharply searching the crowd around him. It looked like the holidays were about to get even better.

Let Me Tempt You by thisisforyou

Crowley looked up at that, his other eyebrow arching up to join the first. Let me tempt you. He would have put decent sestertius on all of eternity passing without him hearing those words from an angel's lips.

Life is an endless loop of listening to music, reading books, watching movies, disappearing. 3am, virtual tours of the Louvre in stark white rooms. One moment I’m at home, then I’m in Berlin, Paris, drifting endlessly through space. I hold my hand over a candle, remembering what it feels to be alive. I’m flickering. 

Orange, Red