#this is foolish

Feeling a wave of disbelief, Stanley decided to–wait, Stanley, what are you doing? Oh no no no, you’re not going to keep trying to get into the broom closet, are you? I told you, I boarded that up for a reason!

Oh…you’re not? Well then, why did you…oh, you hear something? From in there? Are you feeling alright, Stanley? There shouldn’t be anything in there that could make sounds. Don’t give me that look, Stanley, I am absolutely certain we are the only two living things in this office. And besides, even if there was anyone else, I–alright, fine, I’ll stop talking for a moment.

Oh. Oh my. No, I’m sorry, Stanley. I do hear something now. Sounds like…faint giggles, whispers, and kissing noises? Are you hearing that too, Stanley?

…Okay, good. I’m not going mad. I just loosened the screws on the boards. Pull them off gently. I have no idea who’s in there or why they’re so…amorous, but it’s creeping me out that someone could get in there even after I barred the door.

Done? Good. On three, we’re going to open the door quietly. One, two, three, now!

…

Uh…Stanley, I’m going to be honest. I have no idea who the hell either of these people are. I certainly didn’t let them in here. Do you know them, Stanley? 

Didn’t think so. Alright, you two, identify yourselves. What are you doing conducting yourselves like a pair of hormonal teenagers in my story? …excuse me!? Get back here!

Don’t ask me what just happened, Stanley! I don’t know any more than you do! All I know is that apparently there’s a weird couple who can just teleport around the story without my knowledge! Look, let’s just…not think about it right now. I’m getting a headache trying to figure out how anyone could be in here without my knowledge. Let’s just…go on with the story, shall we?