#thinnbonez

It affected me as much as my grandma getting diagnosed and dying when I was 13.

And my dad dying from cancer when I was 16.

Still haven't gotten over any of that shit.

Like at all.

I only had a handful of mushrooms in my broth yesterday, 96oz of water,a cup of coffee and tea, and im only down .3 lbs.

Yesterday 120.6

Today 120.3

Woke up and chugged 24oz of water and my coffee. Feeling weak and debating eating something more than broth soup. Maybe that egg muffin I've been talking about lol

I started back on my shit on Jan 29. Im down 6.5lbs since then. It's crazy how much of a difference 6 lbs makes on my 5'2"frame.

Just 20.3 more until I reach 100, then on my way to my ugw. 🤞

Beginning bmi 24.3

Today 22.79

Like I could make love to this chocolate rn.

But will I eat it?

What do we say to the God of Death?

I haven't weighed in a week. I knew it would contribute to my mental NOT health lol

But I decided this morning to weigh myself (after not fasting yesterday like I planned to).

I've been eating basically what I want, when I want. So I knew my weight would be up considering my last weigh in was on an empty stomach with empty bowels and not close to my period. Which is EXACTLY the opposite of today's weigh in... but im only 122.6.

So period bloat, and waste only pushed me up 4lbs.

I ate the pepperonis from an earlier post (Haha auto correct turned that to kryptonite) Then literally PANICKED over the 200 cals. I lost it. I purged everything. I literally was going to cut, which I haven't done in 9 years, if I didn't purge.

Full on fucking freak out.

Why did the pepperoni trigger me so hard?

Hubs gave me $50 to get out of the house, sort of knowing im having a hard time, but not knowing what it's all about. Anyways, huge victory, I got out of the house alone without having a panic attack. Went to Walmart and got

White claws

Sugar free Hershey's

Sugar free Russell Stovers truffles

Coke zero

I haven't had any chocolate yet. Not sure I will but will it trigger me too?

The white claws haven't...

Since when do I fucking have panic attacks over food? I was always the worst 'ana girl'. (No clue what that fucking means) Now im not struggling to fast/restrict... it scares me, but in a good way?

I feel like something snapped. It's different this time.

Anyways. Sorry this story didn't go anywhere.

2.18.20

Ever heard of a Dirty Earl?

Well meet the Broke AF Dirty Earl 😂

Dirty earl usually has earl grey, espresso and frothed milk.

I, myself, do not have espresso or a frother lol

But we make things work around here.

So I brewed coffee with 2 earl grey tea bags(emptied). Then blended warm unsweetened vanilla almond milk with a dash of hwc until frothy. Added a 1/2 tsp stevia.

Voila.

Mental breakdowns are excruciatingly EXHAUSTING!

Then I got sick.

Now im just trying to get back into my routine.