#theyeardecembered

ALANA YA’QUL @theyeardecembered​ // commed for fulcrum 

                               ❝ i have to admit, i find it strange three men can somehow seem to outnumber us, even in their silence. ❞  flickering fire hissed near their outstretched feet as jungle slumbered beyond them. the heat and the comfort of a friend so close in age was balm to ahsoka’s spirit, unique in its ease. 

even so, the togruta could not help her onslaught of amusement, carried to her by the aforementioned men lingering not far off along the threads of the force. it wove over itself so strongly here, intertwining harmoniously, yet each note distinct from all the others. 

( a nexus, perhaps, created solely by people? she’d never heard of such a thing before   — unless there was any comparison to be found on mortis, though this felt so organic  —  but then again she’d been surprised so many times in her life by much smaller things that working up a sense of shock now didn’t seem necessary. )

ben solo with his looming figure and heavy gait, hunched as if praying not to be seen. elias, his father figure and somewhat master, a pillar of grey fog in the force that moved like a solid object, always mindful, always aware. and of course, the legendary boba fett who occasionally made the other two appear like unto chatterboxes even with his stoic presence and (almost) ever-present armor. then, mysteriously, elias would eclipse the both of them in conversation with no warning when something caught his attention and he simply could not let the matter go. 

all three exceedingly strange creatures, but the kind of strange that ahsoka had rather quickly discovered she could smile at. a smile she would also direct towards the youngest woman if rey were present, but her outline in the force hovered inside the ship and away from the group at large, if temporarily. at the moment, it pleased ahsoka to have time to share solely with alana.

𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖 𝐄𝐒𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓.      /     accepting    !

“I wish I could ask for your forgiveness.” It hurts to breathe. She’s cried too much. She’s screamed and howled discreetly with the raw, bloody pain of her throat. A thing she had done as a child — prone to bouts of rage and off the handle would they immediately go, often incurred by what seemed like nothing but to her was a heavy something at the time. “Please let me ask your forgiveness.” She kneels and she presses her palms to the floor, arms flexes to keep herself perfectly upright. Her chest is deep in its breath in that it sinks like a stone. “Please. Force kriffing willed it, please think — please think — “ she’s heaving a breath, “— please think no less of me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t understand what it is I am to do when I simply cannot have a cleanly understandable route of emotion to take and I have been told all of these things are sinful to commit. What is the answer, my love? What is the right way to do this? The right thing to do? I can’t figure it out. I’ve gone stupid. And there is no one I do not betray if I feel grief or none at all. One way or the other there is pain , and how I never want to — “ she’s panicking, but she’s desperate to make him understand. 

It starts with them speaking of their youth; Old memories and shared experiences pored over fondly. It’s not long before one particular instance comes up that involves one at which the simple name elicits rage from Elias: Anakin. As soon it’s said, he bristles for a moment, but before he can begin his usual tirade he can sense the pain Alana feels at his loss. He never gets a chance to even consider commenting on it before she realizes that he knows and her face contorts in shock and shame.

Her anguish strikes him two-fold as he has to both bear witness to her sudden collapse of composure as well as feel the stream of sorrow and guilt flow into him through the bond. A dam has broken after many years, allowing the flood of emotions to crash into him and at first he’s convinced he’ll drown, and he does. Over and over he feels himself fall beneath the waves, the unrelenting knowledge that she feels this way because of him dragging him down like durasteel weights around his ankles.

It takes what feels like an eternity for him to finally pull himself out of the cycle long enough to drop to his knees before her and lift a shaky hand to her cheek as he meets her eyes with his own.

     IF EVER THERE’S A MOMENT where she’s bound to get herself killed, this is probably it. chasing after gotham’s own infamous jewel thief across rooftops isn’t exactly something covered in the academy, but a challenge has never deterred her before and rayne isn’t much the giving up type, and especially not when she’s so close. even when she overestimates her own capabilities and falls short–short enough that she misses the edge of the next building and finds herself holding on to the roofs edge.

send my love (to your new lover) by adele