#thewilltochange

"Because patriarchal culture has already taught girls and boys grow up angry with men, angry that they have been denied the love they need to feel whole, worthy, and accepted. Heterosexual girls and homosexual boys can and do become the Women and men who make romantic bonds the place where they quest to find and know male love. They learn then settle for whatever positive attention men are able to give. They learn to overvalued it. They learn to pretend that it is love. They learn how not to speak the truth about men and love. They learn to live the lie. (The Will to Change, 2 )

Think: about what forms of Self Deception you know that you are brining to this process? What are some of the biggest lies youve historically told yourself about yourself that were later proven to be untrue? How can you be more honest with yourself during this personal journey?

"WE learn to love men more because they will not love us. IF they dared to love us, in patriarchal culture they would cease to be real "men". (The Will to Change, 3)

Think: How you would define a "real man"? What is your core definition of manhood? How does a man, as you define him, show love to himself and those around him?

"There is only one emotion that Patriarchy values when expressed by men; that emotion is anger. Real men get mad. AND their mad-ness, no matter how violent or violating, is deemed natural - a positive expression of patriarchal masculinity. Anger is the best hiding place for anybody seeking to conceal pain or anguish of spirit". (The Will to Change, 7)

Think: about how anger and self hate are related? How has how you have felt about yourself historically influenced how you interact with the world? What is 1 thing you can do on a daily basis to demonstrate that you love yourself?

"WE struggle then, in patriarchal culture, all of us, to love men. We may care about males deeply. We may cherish our connections with the men in our lives. And we may desperately feel that we cannot live without their presence, their company. We can feel all these passions in the face of malenessand yet stand removed, keeping the distance Patriarchy has created, maintaining the boundaries we are told not to cross". (The Will to Change, 9)

Think: about how you felt listening to the idea of Black Women divesting from Black Men? What were 3 things in her presentation about Black Men that you agree with? What are 3 things that you disagree with? How should you treat a Black Woman who has made the decision to divest?

"Only a revolution of values in our nation will end male violence, and that revolution will necessarily be based on a loving ethic. To create loving men, we must love males. Loving maleness is different from praising and rewarding males for living up to sexist defined notions of male identity. Caring about men because of what they do for us is not the same as loving males for simply being." ( The Will to Change, 11)

Think: What dies a revolution of values look like with regards to men, masculinity,and love? What are the existing values that have historically been in place? How and why do these values need to change?

"Everyone who tries to create love with an emotionally unaware partner suffers. Self-help books galore tell us that we cannot change anyone but ourselves. Of course they never answer question of what will motivate males in a patriarchal culture who have been taught that to love emasculated them to change, to choose love, when the choice means that they must stand against Patriarchy, against the tyranny of the familiar". (The Will to Change, 15)

Think: at what points in your life have you been in survival mode? How do you treat other people when you are in this mode? What is 1 things that you can do each day to practice emotional awareness?

"Ultimately boys and men save themselves when they learn the art of loving" (The Will to Change, 16)

Think: about how you can interrupt yourself when you are on auto-pilot. What is 1 thing you can do to operate in the here and now to be more present and active in manifesting your desired outcome? What is 1 new way that you can use your mind to help solve your problems?