May 22, 2017
My anxiety gremlin is singing in my head and the lyrics are YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU CANT DO YOUR THESIS DEFENSE AND YOU SHOULD JUST FAIL INSTEAD
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My anxiety gremlin is singing in my head and the lyrics are YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU CANT DO YOUR THESIS DEFENSE AND YOU SHOULD JUST FAIL INSTEAD
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I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
It weirdly doesn't matter if I was already planning to do the Thing, if I get an email reminding me I have to do the Thing my anxiety increases 300% because I feel like I should already have done the Thing and it suddenly becomes infinitely more difficult to do the Thing. I hate myself so much sometimes
Today in thesis junk: teaching myself the basics of Adobe Illustrator in under an hour and hoping no one is watching and judging my frequent referencing of WikiHow articles
Tech week mood: going to the library in dirt makeup because I give zero fucks about anything anymore
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The days when I know thereās a demon in my head
And that I shouldnāt listen to it
Even though I do
The days when I know thereās a little gremlin creature
Whispering all my greatest fears and failures
Until I canāt sleep
Until I bite my tongue
And claw through my skin
Just to relieve the pressure
The days when I know my brain doesnāt work
The gears are out of alignment and the brakes are shot
While some monster gives me a ghastly smile from the passenger seat
Telling me itās all my fault that we broke down
Those are the good days
The days when I canāt see it
The days when I forget itās there
The days when I wonder
I ask myself
What do you mean,Ā ālittle gremlin creatureā
Donāt you know thatās absurd
Donāt be so ridiculous
Itās just you
Itās always just been you
Youāre the one who keeps failing
And canāt move on
Youāre the one who keeps breaking apart
And canāt manage to put yourself back together
Thereās never been anyone else here
Itās all just you
Those ones
Those are the bad days
I swear a cup of coffee just gifted me with more energy and executive function than Iāve had in two weeks
I donāt like to rely on caffeine but damn
That... went so much better than I was expecting