‘I’m going to get arrested, why am I doing this?’ I thought to myself as my heart pulsed. Being the obedient eight year old girl I was, running away was not really my most comfortable space, especially after curfew. But I miss him, my father, he always smelled of pine, his loud laugh which once had echoed in my house was gone, the removal of mother’s kind lullabies and games she would play with us before bed, and my sister’s hands playing patty cake with my own. The noises that we’re all so often heard in my home, replaced by the sound of my constant writing and studying, the in and outs of my private tutors. My father wasn’t able to take this change, his legal works had come to a stop and he now had left the house where my other mother and I stayed. But she was cold, unlike the mother I loved, my other mother was brutal, she saw no need for side enjoyments, or the small pleasures of life. She seemed to believe that life wasn’t to live; life was to work.
I’m not sure how she even came to be a part of this family, she was nothing like my true mother, she didn’t enjoy songs, she didn’t laugh or smile, she wasn’t enthusiastic like my father, I doubt they truly loved my other mother.
The house my father had chosen to stay in was very small; he had always said that you didn’t need money to be happy but….this? It was even in a bad neighborhood, filled with vile sevens and eights. It was their God chosen destiny to be poor, my father didn’t have to live among them.
After the car accident, my father didn’t work. My other mother constantly fought with him. Apparently my mother wasn’t the happiest before the accident, they blamed her ‘depression’ as they called it for the accident. They don’t know what happened, they weren’t there, I was. Besides my mother would never have taken Isabel and I with her if she was going to commit ‘suicide’. The accident was purely an accident.
They decided it was suicide. She had been depressed about something lately, she had bad self esteem or something, whatever they had decided to list as the reason. They were wrong though, she would never do that.
Regardless my father didn’t recover. He stopped working all together, and finally once he got tired off all of the fighting, he ran away, leaving me with her. Of course I was a little mad at him for leaving me with her, I could easily blame him and say any hope of happiness was stripped from me when he left, only replaced by the bitter feeling of textbooks, but I know too well that any happiness I had was stripped away from me the minute that they died.
The small wooden steps to the cottage creaked as I walked up them, I would finally get to see him again. It had taken forever to hunt him down and find him. He was very good at hiding when he didn’t want to be found. I knocked on the door and braced myself, I wasn’t sure how he would reply to seeing me. Would he be upset that I had looked for him when he seemed to want to stay hidden, would he be happy to see me after these months of nothing, would he be worried that I walked all the way here in the miss of the night?
But once the door opened and my father hugged me, I didn’t care what he thought, I was just happy to be in his arms. He smelled like home. The smell of pine, honey, and a little bit of liquor, of course I was supposed to ignore that part though.
“Daddy, I’m so happy to see you! I’ve missed you so much!” I cried happily locking my arms tightly around his chest.
“Oh, my little girl, I’ve missed you too.” He said calmly and put his hand on the top of my head ruffling my hair.
“Come on inside, sweetie.” He said leading me inside his home, my new home, away from that monster mother. It wasn’t very bright inside, all of the lights being flipped off. But there was a small fire going in the fireplace giving the small house warmth and light.
“Sweetie, I don’t want to sound like I’m asking you to leave, because I’m not, but why are you here? I’m sure your mother didn’t approve of this.” He asked calmly, taking my jacket and putting it on the edge of a chair he had in the corner of the small room.
“she doesn’t know I’m here and I’d like to keep it that way. Father I just hate her, she doesn’t care about me or love me, all we do is work and study and I can’t take it anymore, I want to be happy again.” I explained and plopped on the ground in front of the fireplace.
“Alright sweetie, but just for a few days, then I’ll call your mom and we can talk about what to do from here if you really aren’t happy there.” He said before getting up.
“I’ll make us some tea.” He said then walked off behind a corner. He was scared of her, scared of what she could do. She had ‘custody’ over me for some reason. It’s not because she deserves it or cares about me, she probably just bribed the judge. She always gets her way, it’s not fair.
“Hey, sweetie?” My father asked from the other room, he sounded worried about what he would say next. I wonder why, I still don’t know.
“Yes, father?” I asked rocking back and forth a bit on the ground with my knees to my chest.
“Would you mind tutoring one of my neighbors tomorrow morning, I know you’re very smart and she’s only a six so she doesn’t get much schooling, they’re willing to pay for your time too.” He asked. That’s when I realized it, my father was less than a six, and from the looks of it he didn’t seem to have any supplies to be a seven, so he must be almost an eight now. I didn’t need the money, but he did.
“Sure, I’d love to help them out.” I said faking ignorance still, acting like I’d be helping them. Sixes could afford schooling, they didn’t need a tutor, father must have mentioned me before and begged, or maybe he’s acting like he’s still at home with her, and mother, and my sister? Either way he was the one being helped here.
Her name is Beatrice Vilaria, she’s only two years younger than me. She has dark black hair and blue eyes. She reminded me a bit of a raven. She was also extremely smart. I had always wondered how people could tell I was smart when I was doing such easy work? Wouldn’t they see it just as easy as I did, not worth an accomplishment? Now I know how. Beatrice was doing work I was doing about three years younger than her, but she was working so much faster than most of my accelerated peers at the time.
She was magnificent, and a six.
Why would God give her such a fate, it wasn’t fair, such a wasted skill. One day I’ll find a way to save her. She doesn’t deserve to be a six, she should be a three.
I heard my maids wondering about my room, picking up dresses, getting makeup, but kept my eyes closed pretending to still be asleep, I wasn’t ready to wake up from this dream. It was a good one for once, but the past was past, and I had to deal with today. When I sat up one of my maids jumped from my sudden moment.
“Are you alright?” Tiffany asked.
Putting my hand to my head I felt the world spinning, cursed nap, cursed brain, I hated when I dreamed of my past, as sweet as I like to believe that memory was, my memory is too refined, it was far to realistic. I bet when time travel is invented they’ll send me first since I’m already far too used to going back and forth. Occasionally though there are some things even I can’t remember, my mother’s smell, my sister’s laugh. Though I know I’ll never forget her scream.
“um yes, I’m just going to the restroom real quick before getting ready for dinner.” I said getting up to go to the bathroom. I hope Ashton’s at dinner tonight, he’s been very busy with work, he told us that he’d have to put us all on hold for a week or so. It’s only expected he is going to be King one day he must have countless responsibilities to attend to. But I still can’t help but to want to cuddle next to him again, to hear his laugh.
I also can’t help but worry that some other girl is playing around with him; the jealousy startled me at first, it made me worry I would turn into a jealous crazed witch, thankfully that was not the case. Yanely and I did have yet another fight though. She was sleeping with him too. I couldn’t stand the thought that her also sleeping with him made me less interesting, maybe he preferred how she did it? Also the thought of her running her hands up his body just aggravated me to an unbelievable extent, he was mine. No we were sharing him which I had to remind myself. I had to act sweet like it didn’t bother me, it’d be selfish to act anything other than that.
Locking the bathroom door behind me I took a deep breath in. The tile was cold on my feet in the bathroom. It got colder much faster here. In Clermont the cold doesn’t come until late November and it’s only slightly chilly then. But right now it was already fairly cold in November. Maybe it’ll even snow? I used to like the ½ inch of snow we’d get in Clermont. Even if just for a day I’d make slush snowmen, and play around in the melting dirt colored snow. Here it might snow more. It doesn’t rain nearly as much though, it makes sense since Angeles used to be a desert, but I miss thunderstorms, they were calming.
I turned the water on running it as I looked at myself in the mirror. God I hate my nose, my cheeks are so fat too, I wish my appearance was as amazing as my brain, maybe Ashton would love me more like that. No no no, don’t go back to your old habits, you’ll ruin everything, if Ashton doesn’t love you as you are then he doesn’t matter to you.
I splashed the cold water onto my face and stared into the mirror. I used to stare into the mirror all the time, analyze every imperfection of myself, I was sixteen then, I thought I was such an adult.
Black was such a boring color. Sure it looked good on everyone, at least it wasn’t say beige, beige looks awful on everyone, so at least whoever decided business attire tried a little. But still a very boring color. I wasn’t sure what to wear for my first day of classes. This was Law School so I assumed that you were supposed to dress as a lawyer would.
I had spent months begging my mother to let me spend this year at a dorm, if my grades suffered or if I didn’t like it I could come back home, but this year I could try it. Keyword try. My dorm was split up so I had a room with a door and a lock, then there was a living room combined with a kitchen, and my roommate’s room, separated from the living room by another lockable door. Thankfully hers was always locked and I couldn’t hear much of the moaning over my music. I didn’t particularly care to hear whatever activities they were engaging in on the other side of it. Sex out of wedlock was illegal and shouldn’t be done. It especially should not be done by a lawyer herself. Ughs, she should be thankful that I cared too much for her friendship to report her to the authorities. I needed a friend here, and I strongly needed for my trial roommate not to hate me.
I slid into my small black pumps and into the living room, where I saw for one of the first times my roommate, she had very fluffy curly blonde hair and perfect makeup, she also was not dressed like a lawyer causing my cheeks to flush. So, you do not dress like a lawyer.
“Uhhhhh.. hi. Jen-Jennifer?” I asked guessing her name, I barely remembered it started with a J. She only scoffed at me before walking out the door, probably on her way for her first class. I wonder how old she is? I suppose though I should change. After all she looked nothing like a lawyer, and was clearly superior to me in social knowledge if she was confident enough to scoff. If not I admire her confidence enough to follow after her in not dressing like a lawyer.
Walking back into my room I locked the door, but was soon distracted from my wardrobe change by The Report. Prince Ashton looked stupid, he wasn’t dressed well enough for his age, he looked childish. They were talking about him and his hopefully bright future.
“I bet I’m smarter than him.” I scoffed before getting to cleaning up my dorm, I had made a mess of it this morning looking for lawyer looking clothing, now I had to clean it up and look for normal looking clothing.
Sometimes I despised the idea of being a lawyer, we were supposed to clean up the King and Queen’s messes, their flaws in the laws they place. But we were also there to enforce them so I suppose we weren’t entirely babysitters. I wonder if Prince Ashton will be a dictator and toss us aside. He wouldn’t need lawyers to just have people killed for being disobedient. Though when I met him before he didn’t seem vile.
The time I met the prince was a story I had bragged about for weeks as a 6 year old. My father and mother were so proud that I had been invited to the palace for a special program located where the report was normally set. It was about the future minds of Illéa or something. But regardless they had given out a test and a packet to study from. I made the second highest score in the country on that test. With the study guide it was easy, just read it, memorized, say it, memorize, re write it, done. I was still a little bitter I only placed second, if I ever met the person who beat me I’d pound their face into the ground, verbally of course. Maybe not when I was six though, i couldn’t guarantee their safety then.
Anyways once I was there Prince Ashton of course was also there. He was of very clearly going to be one of the future minds of Illéa. He never said a word to me, my mother and father wouldn’t let me approach him either, but I watched him the whole time in awe. I felt like he was a God and I was blessed to get to see him. Anyways I stayed obedient and acted cute for the camera, since they didn’t want to hear actually intellectual things, they just wanted to see cute kids.
Looking through my clothes I picked up a black mini skirt with suspenders, a white button up, a black cardigan, and slide on some tights underneath. Then I slid on some while flats. Flats always made me feel short so they weren’t always my shoe of choice, but I was going for a little more formal than my roommate, but less formal than lawyer formal.
I was late to class my first day, wonderful. Walking to my class at a quick pace hoping the door was in the back of the room so my entrance wouldn’t be too noticeable, I happened to not notice the wet floor sign. Falling back to the marble floor I heard a loud thunk of my head hitting the ground.
“Oh my God, miss are you alright?” A janitor asked rushing over to me. She looked oddly similar.
“Oh yes, I’m sorry, I’ve just been in such a rush to get to class, I’m shamefully a bit late.” I laughed before noticing my spilled coffee.
“Oh no I’m so sorry!” I apologized knowing I’d be making her job much harder now.
“here let me help.” I offered getting up and walking over to her mop.
“No you really shouldn’t, I could get in trouble-”
“I’m just helping really, people these days should learn to clean up after themselves, really it was my fault I’ll do it missss-” I said cutting her off and taking a moment to find her name tag.
“-Beatrice.” I said then felt my eyes go wide remembering the girl I had tutored.
“BEATRICE!!” I yelled happily dropping the mop and hugging her tightly, she seemed a little embarrassed though not remembering me well I suppose.
“um, I’m sorry do I know you?” She asked nervously.
“Oh god, sorry.” I said pulling away from the hug.
“But yes yes you do, I’m Gracebella Sinclair, I tutored you when we were little, your family tried to help out my father.” I explained hoping she would remember me.
“Oh my gosh yes, Gracey! I can’t believe I forgot! Funny that we were the ones helping you though.” She added for a bit of negative humor. After all she believed she had ‘helped’ me the eight, and my father and now I was at Law School and she was our janitor.
“well my mother actually is the one who pays, my father is still broke and honestly I think he deserves to stay that way.” I said.
“Your mother? Your father told us she had died in a car accident.” she said sounding puzzled. Well, that wasn’t a complete lie.
“No no, I had two mothers, my parents are divorced.” I said spinning a lie of my own. She would imply one was a step mother probably the one who died. In actuality they were both my parents, none divorced until after we lost them.
“oh, well I shouldn’t be keeping you any longer, you have classes, and I have floors.” she said trying to stay lighthearted. But I could tell she was slightly jealous. This was unfair. As I said when I was eight though, I will find a way around the castes to save her and people who are meant to be in another one, I just need to time to get the money. It was rather expensive to raise someone’s caste, especially from one so low. It starts off easier though, I could probably transfer her to a five right now, maybe even push a four, but if I did that I wouldn’t have any money to feed myself, or push her to a three. I’d figure it out though.
“I’ll talk to you later.” I said giving her another tight hug, she smelled so relaxing.
All eyes were on my as I tried to slide into my class, already thirty minutes late on the first day.
“Where were you?” the professor asked.
“I slept in.” I answered as my face flushed darkly.
“Sit down, one of your peers will fill you in.” she said. I slide my feet as I walked causing the small shuffling sound to be made in the near silent room. Looking around I saw no empty seats, wonderful. After gazing for a moment behind the tall desk wall things I found one seat, it was even next to my roommate, I suppose we had a class together. I almost lost one of my flats as I walked up the steps to the seat next to Jennifer.
Her feet were aggressively placed in the chair next to her though as I approached it and she gave a small glare. Little bitch. I then lifted my foot up, rested my heel on her ankles and kicked her feet off my chair. I can’t wait to have better grades than her all year.
“Hey, good job on being fashionably late at least.” a guy from behind me whispered. I turned around and to eyes went wide in shock, oh. My. God. Jason Dalengard just talked to me. I had run into him during my schooling every once in awhile. If there was such a thing as a childhood crush he was my die hard one. He was good at things like sports so people in school liked him, and in general he was a social and sweet person. I suppose he ended up in law somehow as well.
“um t-thank you.” I stuttered before facing back to the front of the class and trying to focus. But I couldn’t, I also could pursue Jason though, after all i was only sixteen and he was twenty-five maybe? This was an advance legal class that final years in law school took, so he would be however old most were when graduating. Where as I was a first year skip grade student. But one day I’ll make him mine.
“Hey, my name’s Jessica, not Jennifer, and if you’re going to drool over a man twice your age I’d prefer for you to sit elsewhere.”she sassed.
“I was planning on it anyways. Most people wouldn’t want to hear your bawdy stories all year anyways, they aren’t funny.” I said guessing she would be the type to talk like that.
“I wouldn’t want to sit with such a prude either.” she said before spinning her pencil between two of her fingers.
I was glad we seemed to have a mutual agreement that we wouldn’t be friends, I needed to focus my mind on other things, such as my grades…and saving Beatrice.
One the bell rang I almost ran to go see Beatrice again, I wanted to invite her over for dinner, we could watch movies and talk about ideas for my goal to make her into a three. I’m not sure how she’d feel about it, but I wanted to try.
“B!” I yelled seeing her back walking away.
“Um!” she mumbled in surprise as I came running at her. Her face was very red from the attention she got. It made sense, sixes were supposed to work and not be seen, my calling her out like this probably easily flustered her. Once I got to her I took her arm walking her down the hallway away from her cleaning supplies.
“I need to talk to you, the world is run in such an awful way. Everyone is born with a dream right, and there’s always a very clear way to get it. Like if you want to be an artist you practice drawing, right? But the castes cause a flaw in this idea. They make it so that you cannot get what you want. It holds you down, crushes your dreams, and makes you try and be thankful that you’re at least not an eight, and if you’re an eight thankful you’re not in jail right. Some people will be able to reach the top like me, the rest will end up..well..like you.” I said pausing for a moment.
“I think we should look for a way around this. I mean you’re so smart, too smart to be mopping floors. So come over to my dorm tonight, we’ll come up with an idea. We’ll get around the caste system. Find a loophole, or create an escape route for people in the wrong caste. Or a way for them to escape their lives. Maybe even if we can make it better we can give the lower castes allowance too. Since some people need to clean the floors, and some people just aren’t right for the jobs in higher castes, so why not pay those people more for doing the work no one else wants too. Doesn’t that just make sense?” I asked as we turned the corner. She seemed a little confused and desperate to get back to her work.
“um I’m not sure if that would be appropriate.” she said quietly. God how had she gotten so mousey.
“It’ll be fine. Just come to this dorm, at 5pm later. I’ll get pizza and we can draft ideas then watch a movie or something, I don’t mind sharing my bed for it!” I said and scribbled down my building.
Everything was a hierarchy in Illéa, the dorms were no exception. We took a test at the start of the year that sorted us based off of our scores. My dorm, dorm Alpha was the smartest dorm, then Beta and so on.
“I’m not sure I can just walk into the Alpha Dorm like that, won’t I get kicked out on sight, or more likely shot at?” She asked joking a bit at the last part.
“Pleaseeeeee. I’ll make cookies if you come, or better yet cupcakes!” I said excited to get to bake a bit.
“Alright fine, I’ll see you then.” she gave in. I couldn’t help but to let a wide smirk claim my face.
“What are you doing?” Jessica asked as she leaned in my door way, she had been watching my scramble around setting the oven up, getting the cookie dough ready, and now doing the final touches on cleaning my room.
“I invited a friend over.” I replied, I wasn’t exactly gleeful to be talking to Jessica, but it’s not like I could avoid her, she lived with me.
“Really, is it a boy? Should I play some music like you did all summer?” She asked. What she was implying made my cheeks flush, I wanted to hit her stupid face as she snickered at my embarrassment.
“No, I’m not a criminal like you. It’s a girl she works for the school, we were friends when we were little.” I said as I fluffed my pillows.
“works for the school?” Jessica asked as she bit her bottom lip holding in laughter.
“Is the youngest girl at the school friends with the old ladies working for the school?” She asked.
Ughs, I didn’t even want to dignify that with a good response.
“No.” I said reluctantly. BEEP BEEP. Oh my timer, the oven’s done preheating. Walking to the doorway I pushed past Jessica, making my way to the kitchen. She then let out a horrified gasp.
“You did not invite a six to our home!” She yelped sounding absolutely repulsed.
“Yes I did, her name is Beatrice, she’s very smart actually. We’re going to watch movies and eat cookies.” I said leaving out the part about brainstorming her escape.
“Oh my god, do you not care about your social life at all, or mine for that matter. Imagine what will happen if people hear about a six coming in and out of my home. No, cancel with her, or go to her house, a six is not stepping a foot in here, unless they’re here to clean.” She pouted as I started to hum to a beat of a pop song that I was playing in my head.
“Nope, she’s coming here, she should be here in about an hour.” I said.
“fine.” she grumbled before walking away to her room slamming in locking the door.
Once the cookies were done I heard the first doorbell, the pizza guy was here. I wasn’t sure what kind of pizza Beatrice liked so I got pepperoni, hawaiian, and cheese. I figured she wouldn’t mind taking the leftovers anyways. Soon after the pizza guy came, she arrived. She looked so nervous.
“Beatrice! I’m so happy you came.” I said and pulled her in. She seemed amazed by my small dorm room. Poor girl.
“common, let’s put down your stuff in my room and we’ll move the pizza and cookies to my room as well, that way my roommate can’t steal any from us.” I said.
It took us thirty minutes of silence to give up. We had no ideas, we also decided that Beatrice was too excited to be at a sleepover to really help. So we gave up and started running a movie.
But soon our movie was interested by a loud banging, at first I thought it was just Jessica and another one of her boy toys, but once I cracked the door open and peeked out I knew what had happened. Jessica had retaliated against me by bringing one of her parties of sin here.
“what’s that?” Beatrice asked, to which I groaned not wanting to have to burden her with my feud.
“My roommate Jessica has randomly decided to start a party, probably because I told her I was planning on having a quiet sleepover.” I complained.
“Really, why not go chew her out then? I don’t mind if you step out for a moment, just don’t desert me in this land of threes.” she said pleading to me a bit at the last part.
“Good idea, you’re getting a bit of the spunk I remember back.” I complimented then went through my drawers. I only owned one party dress. A friend dared me to buy it as a joke in high school so I did. It was a black skintight dress with purple flowers, the top had a low cut showing most of my boobs.
“Oh my God, Gracey where are your clothes?” Beatrice asked as she saw me change into the dress.
“hush, I must blend in with the sluts in order to find the whore Queen.” I joked getting a small giggle out of her.
It was easier said than done. My dorm always felt so small but with all these people it suddenly felt like an endless labyrinth.
“Pardon me, have you seen Jessica?” I asked to one guy who I had bumped into.
“Yeah, last I saw she was talking to Jason Dalengard in the kitchen, pumpkin.” He said, he had such an awful accent and such a bad tone of voice. Once I turned to go to the kitchen I felt his hand hit my ass. Ughs men can be so repulsive.
Once I got to the kitchen I saw her and Jason, when I had heard she was with him a felt a small pang of jealousy, but now that I saw the small bag of white powder he handed over to Jessica I was repulsed. I stormed straight up to her.
“Oh right, here it’s your boy toy for tonight, ditch the six, I’m sure he’d love to pop your cherry, since I’m sure someone like you is still a virgin.” she scoffed interrupting me, leaving me speechless and flustered as she got away. Jason only laughed in response.
“Don’t worry, I don’t bite. I’m sorry that Jess seems to be picking on you, she has a twisted sense of humor.” Jason apologized.
“were you selling drugs?” I asked sounding a bit more angry than I meant too.
“Why do you want some?” He asked.
“no why would I want something so-” I started but felt him lean down, pressing his lips into mine. Oh my God, what is going on?
“um excuse me, what was that?” I asked as he pulled away.
“Nothing serious, I’m just a tad bit drunk, and frankly you’re hot and you turn me on, you have a very refreshing and pure vibe, I want to be the one to taint it.” He whispered into my ear pinning me against the fridge.
“my room is just next door, we could slip out there.” He said, God, why do you test me like this?
“As much as I’d love to, I actually have a guest here who I must attend to. A female guest, so your male ego can still be fed by ‘tainting’ me later.” I said with a smirk. Oh my lord did I just flirt?
“well, I’ll be waiting then.” He replied before turning and walking away, leaving me breathless against the fridge.
Running back into my room I closer and locked the door and flopped myself onto the bed.
“Was everything alright?” Beatrice asked, seeming confused by my sudden outburst.
“No, but I got an idea. What if the way to get around the castes isn’t to look for one, it’s to take full advantage of the way we already have?” I asked. This had sounded obvious, but while I was thinking of a mass reorganization I entirely forgot about it.
“What if, we just get a loan or something, or even if I just cut down my spending and put most of my money into this, we could start a program that pays for people’s schooling and transfers them to the caste of their desire?” I asked.
“And, we’ll start with you.” I said sitting up and facing her, trying to get Jason out of my mind.
“me? That’s impossible, it’s far to lat-”
“you’ll be a three, I guarantee I will support you to be one.”
And I did, but it took awhile. My father eventually got arrested, it was just a petty theft but it was enough to have his money transferred over to me. He actually had about the same he had as a three. I was very confused at first, how had he maintained his money, why was he stealing if he could afford to pay? What was he stealing? Why was his case so rushed and isolated? Why had he fallen so low by choice?
It didn’t matter, with that and the money I had begged my mother for, and the pay I got for an internship under one of my professors, I had enough to raise Beatrice’s caste and start her back on education, along with that I had enough leftover to start a program that made more money, and helped people. I called it a cinderella project of sorts. I would find teachers willing to take extra time to tutor, myself included, and pushed them through education paying them an allowance to which by the end of the program would be enough for them to raise their castes.
Hopefully raise them enough to be a three. There was one situation where a girl named Lilac only had enough to be a four, I was a bit desperate at the time so I appeared so. My roommate whose name is actually Jessica, not Jennifer, helped me. It had taken awhile, but I admired her confidence, and she was smart, she respected me in the same way so we eventually put our disagreements past us and became friends. She helped me when Jason turned rotten, and she offered some money and to buy food for the dorm which helped me save enough to being Liliac to a three.
Of course this is all hypothetical, none of them are old enough yet to be lawyers. Before they are I will either be Queen and guarantee they have a happy life and that they are not judged by their pasts and denied work, or they will work for me at my own personal firm. Normally I would intern for someone and start from the bottom. But I don’t need to, I’m already recognized enough in the legal society that I’ll get hired regardless of who I’m working under. So, why not be my own boss?
I turned the water off and dried my face off with a towel. “I’ll be out in a moment.” I said to my maids before walking out back to my room.
As the maids prettied me up in front of the mirror, putting an olive green dress on me I let a sigh leave my lips,
“I hope Ashton’s at dinner.” I muttered. My maids jumped in glee a bit. They seemed overly excited anytime I said anything about Ashton. They were like little fangirls. I’d work more on my challenge after dinner though, they’d be happy that I was working on it. They had been a bit worried I had lost interest in Ashton from my lack of activity on their challenges. But Ms.Nancy simply hadn’t given out any in awhile. I wonder what I should do though. It might be fun to do something relating to my cinderella project.
“Pardon me, earth to Gracebella?” Tiffany said trying to bring me out of my thoughts.
“yes?” I asked seeming a bit confused. About what I’m even more confused about.
“we’re done dressing you, you can head to the dining room now.” Tiffany explained. Oh yes, dinner. Being done being dressed. Right. I wish Ashton was with me to undress me. I missed so much about him, talking to him of course, and seeing him, but our more sexual pass times were also deeply missed.
Ashton wasn’t at dinner. He’s probably still busy working. Prince Cody was though. He and Winter were annoying. Even if they’re trying to ‘keep it on the downlow’ they suck at it. Winter’s life is at stake and they both know it. They could at least try to act like they’re just acquaintances and stop having eye sex.
But God I really needed to think of something to do with this challenge. After dinner I walked to the women’s room, most girls had gone to their room after dinner so I was mostly alone in the room when suddenly Alizé approached me.
“Hey, can I talk to you about something?” She asked.
“Sure!” I said with a smile hoping she wasn’t here to fight, I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with a bitch.
“I know we haven’t exactly been on the best of terms, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I said you were instable. I meant to tell you earlier that I didn’t actually dislike you, but…” she said with a shrug. Wow. That was such a half assed apology. She basically just said, I’m sorry, I was gonna make up but jk. Ughs.
“I appreciate that you’re trying to apologize, and I will try to accept your apology, but I’m not sure I’d really like to be friends with you, the fact that this fight started the way it did tells me a bit about you, it tells me that you say what comes to your mind with little thought, and in some cases it’s great, talking your mind can be a really good thing, I’m just not sure i would like to be friends with someone whom has shown they can easily say things without taking for account another person’s feelings. And I’m sorry if anything I have said has offended you, I know from personal experience that the walls here are thin so you may have overheard me say some nasty things about you, that’s something pretty awful about me when I’m hurt I kind of forget common courtesy. But thank you again for apologizing.” I said trying not to offend her. I tried to turn her negative trait to something positive but she really didn’t have the positive aspects. There’s a difference between saying whatever you want without regard for others feelings, and speaking your mind
“Okay. You’re probably right when you say I’m usually speaking my mind, and I get why that was wrong coming from me. I accept your apology for saying these things about me, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept mine too. I just want you to know I don’t want to fight with you. Thank you for apologizing, too.” She replied, at least she was trying to be humble about this.
“I have an idea, how about since I probably shouldn’t base everything I know of you from one experience so how about we do something together to try and get to know each other, after all normally the selected become closer friends even once they leave, so how about we try doing something together so we can better see how we are. I mean Ashton kept both of us till now so there must be some positive qualities in each other that I’m sure we could see in a friendship way.” I said, I didn’t really want to spend time with her. But I figured this was better than just letting her go on and rage about how I was so rude for not wanting to be friends with a girl like her.
“Why not? I mean… I probably wouldn’t use Ashton’s opinion to judge you, but you’re right. We should just try to get along at least.” she replied agreeing with my idea. Her part about using Ashton’s opinion made me feel a little insulted. I was implying that we may see similar traits in a platonic way, such as lady holly is friendly to him, but she’s also pretty friendly in general. But the way she said that made me feel like she was saying Ashton’s opinion of me was just sex.
“Let’s see, what kinds of things interest you? I personally have a small side project but I don’t know what your career as a three is and if it’s not similar to mine you’d probably find my side project extraordinarily boring to hear about, so what side things do you do for fun?” I said thinking of my cinderella project.
“You want to be a lawyer right? If I’m honest my plans aren’t so definite, or so organised. At the moment I’m working on a history side project in college, and I plan on focusing on Africa. The plan always was to return to France one day, and maybe be a teacher. You can tell me about your project if you want to.” how old was she again. Assuming she’s like eighteen she should really know what to do. I knew what I was doing when I was seven. Even without my skill controlling my fate, she should at least have some idea of what she’s doing. I guess she does a bit with being a teacher. But she still seems very disorganized.
“I wouldn’t want to bore you with it so I’ll keep it short, I’m basically doing a cinderella project with a couple of kids from the lower castes, I’m funding their education and paying for them to move up to being threes, they’re all very sweet kids and education is such an important thing so I decided to do that, Bridget actually got int- oh yeah short and sweet.” I paused laughing for a moment. “Anyways did you move from France? I speak French but I’ve never gotten to go, sadly.” I said, I did speak French along with plenty of other languages. Learning other languages is surprisingly easy if you remember everything.
“Oh I forgot to say, it relates to my future job since I’m paying for them to become lawyers if they desire then they will have a guaranteed career under me at my firm.” I said trying to relate it back so she didn’t just think i was bragging.
“That sounds like an amazing project! Working with children is amazing most of the time I think. And yeah, my whole family except for my parents and my sister is in France.” she said. That sounded great, an excuse to go to France.
“I think it’ll be fun, Bridget was a friend’s younger sister whom I babysat when I was younger occasionally, long story to explain how I ended up babysitting two Sixes, but Bridget loved working on my schoolwork with me so I started saving up and being a lawyer makes a lot, especially since I actually finished college at age 15 and started law school at 16, so I really have had plenty of time to save up and it’s very easy for me to get work due to my academic speed looking nice, and I don’t have any siblings or anyone really to take care of so I started that little project. Do you think it’s fun being in France? I’ve heard it’s a lovely country aesthetically.” I said moving onto France not wanting to talk about myself too much.
“About the children… you know our week project? Avalon and I met some kids in Angeles and took them to a school that’s usually reserved for sixes, they are all so sweet and determined, first of all. It’s so good to see them making something out of their lives that makes them happy. One of them wants to be a doctor and I’m fully convinced she will make it. I really admire them, because if I was to suffer like they did, would I have the strength like they do?” She paused. A doctor, a doctor. That’s it. That’s what I can do. My challenge can be to expand the program! It’d help so many children who want to be more than just lawyers, I can find companies willing to accept them, and people to help donate and fund the program, it’d be marvellous. But for now I’d have to repress my inspiration and finish this conversation.
“Well I can only speak of France personally because every time I’m there I’m having a wonderful time with my cousins who are amazing, but I think it’s a beautiful country. But what I love most about it is the language.” She added.
“I think I’m going to try and make my side project bigger one day, once they all graduate and work under me I could try and get donations and work with kids who want to be more than just lawyers, I picked lawyers because I’d be able to make sure they succeeded, but I’d like to branch out and give them a chance to grow up to be things other than a lawyer, like helping the kid you met to be a doctor. This country is just so dependent on wealth it allows for silly mistakes, like the child you met could grow up to be a grand doctor but because they’re not rich they may never make it. And the French language is lovely, I learned it along with Italian, German, Japanese, Russian, and Chinese in grade school. Personally I found it pointless to be learning languages of countries that weren’t around anymore like China since that’s new Asia, but I’m glad I did since people do still speak them, I was just very bratty as a child since I had to learn every second of the day, my mother took the possibility of being a genius due to my memory capabilities to mean I had to be one, not really focusing on thee, I ‘could’ aspect of it.” I said before pausing for a moment of breath.
“Thus I know more languages than I can count, and the most random facts since I just studied everything before I knew I was going to be a lawyer.” I concluded.
“I have no idea if I would want a memory like that… You already thought this through a thousand times I guess, but isn’t it also a burden to be remembering everything so well? But I’d love to learn more languages, I only know the ones I use, so English, French and Kanuri.” She replied. Yes it is a burden I said feeling myself dropping back into my memory once more.
“Jason, I changed my mind, I don’t want to do this.” I mumbled as I tried to roll over off of his waist but felt his hand tight on my thigh.
“Jason let go of me!” I demanded as I managed to get off of him now next to him on the bed. He smelled awful. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes in the room. He then leaned over and pushed me down onto the bed gripping my wrists so tight I felt they would break.
“Please Jason.” I cried out in a soft breath as I felt him force my shirt off, his hands looser on my wrists. I could have run, I could have fought. Why wasn’t I stronger? Why did I just lay there? Why was I so pathetic I remember the next morning when I got up.
I wanted to spit in his face. Burn his clothes, rip up his school work. Anything to hurt him, but instead I made pancakes. I got in the kitchen and made breakfast, because that was how this was supposed to be right? I was supposed to wake up, make breakfast, and we’d cuddle in bed together.
I couldn’t eat pancakes again till I was seventeen.
When I walked back into the room to cuddle and eat breakfast I could barely move. My wrists were bruised, my mind was sprained, and my heart was broken. I was broken.
“I’ll be right back, I promised Jessica I’d remind her to do her homework in the morning.” I said getting up with my phone. Locking the bathroom door I turned on the water and opened my phone, I then dialed the one number I didn’t want to.
“Yes, have you decided to come back home?” She asked.
“No, I think I was just raped, mother.” I said and felt the tears starting to come.
My mother sighed before replying, “okay sweetie, break up with him, we’ll get you some more medication, and I’ll deal with everything else. Just don’t tell another soul.” she said, this was wrong why was she saying this, I know she wanted me to succeed and be happy but this wouldn’t help me do either.
“No, mother. I don’t agree that. Increase my sleeping meds, I’ll handle everything else. I’m not breaking up with him.” I said before hanging up on her. I must have misunderstood. Maybe Jason had misheard me, maybe he hadn’t heard me say no, maybe he regretted it. It wasn’t his fault, I won’t break up with him over something so silly.
“Hey, Jason, can I talk to you?” I asked after walking back to his room.
“Last night, did you hear me say no?” I asked, he seemed to grimace.
“Well I did, but you seemed to like it so much, and you made me pancakes this morning so I figured you also didn’t see anything wrong in what I did.” He said then got up and walked over to me as I felt the tears start to drip down my cheeks.
“Hey, come on baby, I need you. You’re the only one like me, get rid of those tears.” He said before pulling my hands out of my face and tugging my chin up to look at him.
“What the fuck did you do to me?” I asked angrily. I knew what he did, I was just too much in denial to admit it.
“It’s okay, baby, I love you. Forgive me, I’ll worship you.” He said and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.
“No.” I cried as I tried to back away from him, he gripped my shoulders tightly in response and forced me against his body pushing a kiss onto me.
“No! Leave me alone! I hate you!” I screamed as I tried to get away from him but felt the sting of his hand hit my cheek leaving a red mark on my face.
No not now, I can’t seem weak in front of Alizé.
“It is a bit of a burden, if it were only academic it’d be great, but instead you’d stuck with remembering experiences as well, some of which that make me as you said 'unstable’ I’d very much like to forget, though I can’t.” I said trying to joke about her rudeness.
“I feel like it’d be rude to say I get what you mean, because what I’ve been through probably isn’t half as bad, but I know the feeling of wanting to forget something so badly.” She replied.
“It’s alright, no one’s suffering is any worse than another’s they’re just different, so I’m not offended and can understand as well that even people with normal memories have some things they’d like to forget.” I said.
I should get back to work on my challenge. We’ll have to present them, so I should write a paper about its help and memorize a speech then present that.
———————————————————–
Oh Crabcakes! I completely had forgotten to tell Yanely about the assignment. She had locked herself in her room recently, I assumed she was sick. Walking to her room I opened the door without knocking and invited myself in.
“Hi sicky, I’m here to inform you of our next challenge.” I said as I walked over to her bed and sat down at the foot of it. I had a fairly good immune system so I wasn’t afraid of getting sick.
Yanely didn’t look over to me, or even seem to react to my introduction. “Nick is dead.” she mumbled.
The took me back a bit, I knew her brother had been drafted, but I figured her would be fine. He was a two after all, he should be perfectly supplies with medicine.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I mumbled, I knew how it felt to lose a sibling, so I felt I should have some grand advice to give her, but nothing came to my head.
“I don’t want to stay here. I want to go home.” Yanely said, that would probably be good for her, but there’s a very strong chance she’d regret it, and I should stop her from making choices she’d regret. After all you can grieve in a palace just as easily as her home.
“Yanely, you need to push through this, going home won’t do anything but crush your chances of happiness.” Her happiness with Ashton, she had told me in one of our fights that she loved him, she shouldn’t give that up, she should cling to his support in these times.
Yanely started to tear up, “I can’t. I want to go home. I want to be there when his body is buried. I just can’t do this anymore.” She cried, I wonder if Ashton would let her go, but I wanted to go with her if that was the case. I couldn’t lose anyone else. I needed to make sure Yanely wasn’t going to kill herself.
“How do you know he is dead? He could still be alive.” I asked, I knew that giving false hope was an awful thing to do, but if he was just injured he may not be dead, and some hope might help Yanely recover, at least for awhile.
“They said he took a bullet to the chest and they lost him. How am I supposed to take it?” She spat. Yes, that does sound like he died.
“I don’t know, after my sister died I thought about quitting, just quitting everything, but it was better to push through with everything, it helps you push through the grieving process to try not to change your daily lifestyle.” I said, yes just after I let her die, I tried to quit. Yes accidents happen, my mother drove off the edge of a cliff into the ocean, my sister hit her head and was knocked unconscious, I could have saved her, unbuckled her from the car, and swam her to the sore, but there was so much blood, I was so frightened, I panicked and I let her die. And thus my phobia of swimming in the ocean developed. The sand was my saviour, but the ocean held the blood and the knowledge that I abandoned her.
“I don’t care. I just want to go home and see my family. I want to see my mother.” Her mother? why would she want to see her mother, I thought she was like me and hated her.
“Isn’t your mother an asshole though, wouldn’t you rather stay here with your friends?” I asked.
“She needs support too. I just want to go back. Ashton doesn’t even like me.” Yanely reasoned.
“If he didn’t like you, you wouldn’t be here, and I like you, are my best friend, please don’t go.” I begged now, I knew it was selfish, but if she thought about it, really thought about how her family would respond, she would realize it would be better to stay here.
“What’s here for me? He’s obviously picking Alizé. I can’t take another heartbreak.” I felt a pang of pain in my own heart. No no no no, he wasn’t going to pick her, she was rude and selfish, and thoughtless. He couldn’t, I loved him.
“He might not pick her, and I’m here for you. What friends do you have back home? I know most twos are forced to be friends with dumb socialites and I can’t see you enjoying having to listen to them gossip and chatter while you grieve.” I said, the first part maybe in denial, I didn’t want Alizé to win. I wanted to, I loved him, I wanted him to be mine forever, though I couldn’t say this to Yanely, she loved him too.
“I don’t have any friends there anymore. I don’t think I ever did.” She replied. I used to know that feeling. When all i cared about was my studies. While I didn’t remember Beatrice, when all I had were my classes, the years flying by me in a blur. Every chance at socializing being skipped, I didn’t think I needed it.
“So wouldn’t you want to stay here more than, where there are people to support you?” I said, we were her friends now after all, Yanely, Cillia, Winter, and I.
“No. Yes! I don’t know okay. I want to be with my family, but I almost feel like my mom would turn me out for leaving.” thank God, she’s not certain about leaving now.
“Just stay here, I have medication that can help you feel less, and maybe the selection will be a distraction.” I suggested, I then however noticed the pool of blood developing on her sheet, the blood dripping from her hand. Looking around I wanted to find the source, probably something glass, self harm is only worth it if it cuts.
“I don’t want anything. Please just leave.” yanely asked, though by not she’s was like a toddler, and I was ignoring her. She was grieving she wasn’t in her right mind. She didn’t know what was best for herself. Looking around I saw the source of the cut. The mirror on top of her desk, the corner was broken like she had smashed it with her palm. At least it wasn’t a window, that would have been harder to explain.
“Hold on, I’ll be right back.” I said excusing myself to go to my room. I had packed a small first aid kit with me when I came here, I figured I’d probably hurt myself at sometime while I was here.
Once I walked back into her room I put on spandex gloves to my hands wouldn’t get blood on them. “give me your hand.” I said and held her wrist, I started to remove the bloody shards of mirror from her hand and put it in a small bag.
“I hate you.” She grumbled as I cleaned her wound.
“Thanks, love you too.” I said as I took a cotton ball and dipped it in disinfectant to start to clean her hand.
“I’m not leaving.” She decided as I started to wrap up her hand.
“Good, should we tell your maids that you accidentally threw a book at the mirror of something?” I said thinking of an idea to help shut up questions.
“That might be best. I don’t really want Ashton to know I broke my hand slamming a mirror.” She said which made me smile, at least she still cared about what Ashton thought about her.
“Hey, maybe the mirror deserved it.” I joked dryly.
“It kept staring at me, reminding me I’m not good enough.” she replied, I knew the feeling of not being good enough, no. Not being the best, and being told it.
“You’ll get used to it, I spent about a year never looking at photographs of my sister, I couldn’t stand looking at the one of us who was truly supposed to be destined for greatness. In time the mirror won’t be as taunting.” Yes, I had the memory, but she could create. It’s not those who recite greatness who really are great, it’s the ones who create it, and I was not one of those. She was though, she was imaginative, and inspirational, but she was the one we lost.
I changed my name to remember her. She hadn’t lived long enough for her name to go down in history, but it went down in mine. Originally I was born with the name Gracella Elizabeth Sinclair, after she died I added the B, legally changing my name to Gracebella, after Isabel.
“I have so much bad luck now. How could any man want me like this?” She asked. Ashton seemed to like her broken aspects, I doubt he would mind another crack in her.
“I’m sure some will, and the mirror smashing doesn’t give too much bad luck, once I smashed a mirror and got a free cake a couple hours after.” I said not specifying Ashton as the man, since I’m sure men other than Ashton won’t mind as well.
She laughed, “Because you’re Gracey. You’re sweet and innocent and… I’m not. Nobody besides you and our group likes me. Ashton’s just using me for my ass.” she said. Gosh she had everything all wrong. Her prescription of herself was entirely off the mark.
“Plenty of people like you, you might be a bit more guarded than most, but that doesn’t mean you’re any worse. Once people take the time to know you I’m sure they’d love you, and those who don’t, well, they don’t deserve you anyways. And if you really feel like Ashton’s just using you for your ass talk to him about it.” I explained hoping she would see the positives in her, or at least feel a little better.
“I don’t think he’d understand. He’d think I’m telling him he’s a horrible person and shit.” she paused.
“I hate myself for becoming attached.” she added.
“I’ve talked to him about it before, and communication is the key to a relationship, just be honest about how you feel.” I said, I felt a bit awkward saying that I had talked to him about it, I’m sure she didn’t want to think about the fact that we did the same things with him, just as I didnt. But I didn’t want her to be sad so I did try to give the best advice I could. I wasn’t going to sabotage my friend.
“I want to, but I don’t want to mess up everything.” No wonder Yanely wasn’t happy with her relationship, that’s not how you handle one.
“It won’t mess anything up, besides a relationship where you just act happy and 'normal’ isn’t a relationship, it’s acting. Take your time though, you don’t have to talk to him till you’re ready, I’m sure he’ll understand.” I explained hoping she’d accept my words.
“All we ever do is talk politics or fight or sleep together. What kind of future is that?” She asked.
“Why not try something diffrent, play a board game together, or watch a movie or something?” I asked, she seemed to be in the belief that you needed to have sex for him to love her, and that she was ruining her relationship from it.
But just as you can have sex without love, you can have love without sex. What she seemed to need was a bit more of love without sex, then she’d be happy.
“Strip poker? Already done. Movie? That’s how we did it the first time.” she replied shooting down my ideas.
“Why not something more innocent like you could ask to take a walk outside, talk about his interests like films or soccer?” I suggested.
“I don’t know, Gracey. Where is he anyway? I haven’t seen him in forever.” she complained, oh yeah she had been locked in her room, so she had missed him saying he was going to be busy with work for awhile.
“I think he’s working, at least that gives you time to recover from your brother.” I said trying to help her see the positives of him being gone. She then leaned her head onto my shoulder.
“What’s the project?” She asked changing the subject.
“We have to make a program to help the future of Illéa.” I said, roughly summarizing it.
“Oh great.” she sighed, I’m guessing she wasn’t really in the best ‘help fix the country’ mood.
“Maybe you can talk about getting unbreakable mirrors?” I suggested trying to make the conversation at least slightly more lighthearted.
“God knows this country can’t take any more bad luck.” she replied. I would argue against her not everything was bad, but right now everything probably was for her.
“True, and it’d be effective in preventing children from harming themselves.” I said avoiding that fight.
“I tried to kill myself when I was 16.” she replied, a bit random but not totally, and not very surprising either.
“Why?” I asked, I knew Yanely hadn’t had the brightest pasts but I wondered specifically what caused her to want to go out that way.
“I couldn’t do it anymore. I told you about the… sex. I didn’t know there was another way. The first time it was slow, peaceful, and that’s why it didn’t work. The second time… I just wanted to die.” She replied.
“I’m sorry that happened. Suicide never crossed my mind, I never saw it as a choice. My mother raised me to survive not feel after all, but I think if I had allowed myself to feel more I would have tried, maybe succeeded, I hated my life after all, I missed my mother and my sister, I didn’t have any friends, I was just exhausted. But I didn’t see quitting as an option. Anyways, I’m glad you didn’t, you deserve to live.” I said. Yanely had been through so much, she deserved the chance to find happiness, and suicide took that away.
“I was never told not to. Suicide is actually quite common among Twos, but you usually don’t see it because we like our privacy. It’s usually by pills or drowning, something that’ll make you look pretty in a casket. But now I realize it was stupid. I couldn’t do that to my brother, no matter how much I hated my life. I’m glad I’m here now-” she got cut off by her own coughing. “You should leave. I don’t want to get you sick.” she finished.
“I don’t mind, my immune system is pretty good anyways. Lawyers are pretty high up there too, especially criminal justice lawyers. The stress from having to defend a murderer, or send someone innocent to jail, or let someone guilty free, can drive people insane, I happen to be fairly good at ignoring it and shutting off, but I know people who have broken and gone that way from stress, especially if it’s later proven you made a mistake and another person becomes a victim as a result.” I explained. There was one case I had helped with. I was interning under a professor, she had genuinely been fooled by our client. I saw it clear he was a criminal, but she threw herself into a passionate defense for him.
He got off free of charges and innocent. Two weeks later he was arrested, caught red handed shooting an elementary school where his mother taught at. My professor’s body was found, overdosed on Xanax and some alcohol.
“I can imagine. But, oh God,” Yanely said being cut off from needing to vomit. Leaning over I started to rub Yanely’s back knowing that helped with vomiting for the same way it did burping.
“Are you pregnant or something, I think you should go to the infirmary, once you’re done vomiting. You can use me for physical support.” I suggested, the pregnant part being a joke. Yanely waved me off though.
“I’m not pregnant. I’m fine. I’d just rather be alone.” she said.
“Alright then, but if you need me send a maid and I’ll come down here right away.” I said before getting up and walking away. Heading back to my room to go over my notes.
———————————————————–
“I have already laid out the foundations of this program and placed them in action. It’d cause a peaceful solution to a lot of unrest that happens between the castes, and overall help Illéa by bringing the people with the right skills to the right jobs.” I said handing out a paper outlining my plans.
“There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people born into the wrong castes, they could have the brains to be a three but be stuck as a six,” Beatrice.
“Or even worse be an eight with the potential to be a two in athletic skills. They program if properly expanded will allow people to explore the opportunity to have a peaceful transition between the castes. The only negative outcome I could think of is that there may be people who fail in their castes and go back to being their previous caste. However the solution for that is simple.” I paused for a moment of breath.
“They either pay back the money, or they go to jail. Most people don’t fail though, seeing from personal experience I have only had one girl drop out. For further measures there can be countless tests done deepening on the caste they plan on moving into to test if they really are a fit for the jobs in that caste or not. Such as for the project I’m already running we have a test over basic writing and reading skills. This test will vary depending on which caste they’d like to go to. Citizens also must be over age fourteen to apply as well, since they will need to be at a time where they will be able to better decide their future, since many people change their minds over what they want between ages…say five to eighteen. There are probably many career goals they want to achieve at that point. But if we lower it down to just fourteen to eighteen, there is a much smaller chance that they will change their mind. Besides there are more than one career per caste, so their future won’t be so set in stone just from a caste transfer, this will allow a much lower chance of people dropping out. In conclusion a program to better support and allow the switching of castes would be a fantastic addition to Illéa because, it would help low income families afford the transfer, give more opportunities to the right people, and allow people who would otherwise never receive schooling or even a chance to learn their true skill, a chance.” I said and held my breath for a moment. It didn’t matter if they agreed with me or not, I’d start the program expansion if I was eliminated and if I stayed Queen. But I was still nervous for their judgments. Besides Ashton was here. It was the first time I had seen him in almost two weeks. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, though that’d be highly inappropriate.
“We can implement this idea by having local centers in each of the provinces. These centers will be easy for all citizens to reach so they will be able to get more information about each of the castes and which caste they may like to switch to, once this happens they will be given an allowance to pay for their education to properly do the work of another caste, if anyone spends this money on anything but their education that will be illegal.” I said starting to pace a bit while I presented. Gosh I needed to fix my pacing habit. It was bad in court too.
“Thank you, that will be all.” The Queen said. God, I could totally hug him right now, he’s so close. But I simply sighed, turned on my heels and left. I’m sure all this built up time waiting to see him will give us some great sex once I see him again.
Once I was in the hall though I saw Holly, she looked so nervous. She was a three though, didn’t most jobs threes had entail public speech?
“waiting to present?” I asked, I had assumed she was nervous about presenting, but maybe she had already gone and was worried about something else.
“Yeah, I’m next. The last one for today it seems.” she said and smiled a bit, but I could tell she didn’t like me. A few of the girls had distanced themselves from me after what Ashton and I like to do was revealed, Holly was one of them. I was very sad to lose Holly too. We had talked a bit in The Women’s Room, before I even had Yanely even we had talked. She helped me come up with the girls night idea and seemed so sweet. I would love to be friends with her, but I suppose I lost that chance when I slept with her future husband.
“I’m sure you’ll be alright, everyone has done well so far, I don’t see why you’d be any different.” I said, though something still could go wrong with hers, but she seemed pretty put together, and normally the people who are more anxious are the ones who either fall flat on their face, or they exceed expectations, and I assumed the latter of Holly.
“That’s kind of you, thanks.” She replied. I then smiled, nodded my head and excused myself. I couldn’t take this anymore I needed to see Ashton, I needed to smell him, to hear his laugh, to see his smile, I needed him. I needed him because I loved him. I wasn’t worried about the crown like most would assume. The mother who loved me, and my father were both activist, I knew lots of smart people as well, I knew what to do. I knew what I could change, and I knew what the people wanted, being Queen never scared me. It was Ashton who scared me more than anything.
I was so afraid, afraid he would be like Jason, afraid he would be abandoning like my father, afraid he would be some other awful thing entirely. But he wasn’t. He is sweet, and funny, and compassionate, and caring, and I love him.
Walking down the hall, my targeted destination not fully decided I looked out the window and saw a sight that made my blood boil. Holly kissing Ashton. Dammit! Why couldn’t I have caught him first after the presentations, why did I say screw appropriate and just hug him in front of his mother. It wasn’t fair, why couldn’t I be more devious and give Yanely bad advice, why couldn’t I just throw away everything to get what my heart wants.
I know the answer, it’s simply because that’s not how I was raised. I was not raised to follow instinct, unless it came to instinct over if someone was guilty. Otherwise I was raised to survive, to be a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser meant not making a scene in front of the Queen, being a people pleaser meant not betraying my friends, since all lies come undone eventually. I wasn’t raised like Holly. As much as I tried to be I wasn’t as trusting to herself as she was. Though I put on a hell of a mask, it wasn’t my nature.
No, I’m not going to mope about this, I’m not going to let myself. Instead, I’ll give into my nature for a night, and be like an animal, I’ll claim him in the best way I know, sex. It’ll be better sex than Yanely’s, I’ll kiss him better than Holly, then in the morning we’ll talk, he’ll think about how in love with me he is as we lay together and the sun rises. I’ll play this game fairly, and just simply be better than the others. Simply be more loved than them. For once I would get love.
I knew he wouldn’t be in his room yet but I didn’t care. I walked up to the third floor and plopped myself down right outside the front of his door. I would wait however long it took, I just needed to see him. I felt a bit like a dog sitting at the door though, which did make my cheeks flush as people walked by, but waiting in his room might seem like I was crossing boundaries, so instead I chose the front of his door.
I hope he comes soon, and I hope the other girls hear more about me, I hope they learn about my past, I hope some stupid magazine finds out about all of my accomplishments, I want them to be afraid of the fact that I would make an excellent Queen. I want them to be an awe of me like I was when Beatrice revealed her talent, I want them to see me as I saw Jessica, someone whos confidence should be admired and feared; and I want them to be afraid of the fact that I know that I love Ashton, and I will take him from them.
