Mar 25, 2021
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Linoleum
Hey, I found you!
You’re right here, in between the patterned wallpaper & fluorescent makeup!
No, seriously, you’re right here, behind the day old baked goods & baby powder!
What are you doing here,
Way far removed in the back corner?
What brought you here in the first place?
Why this sad little town, a pit stop on the road to damnation,
full of roadside debris, Taco Bells, & rotten teeth?
You’re hiding your body -
Your large, bulky, lumpy mass of pain & diabetes.
You’re buried underneath consumer debt, cardboard boxes & packaging material, Pinterest posts, & denial.
Why are you hiding your body?
Yes, you have mastered the craft.
You have organized your closet & promptly torn apart your world.
The floor of your car is littered with crumbs, guilt, shame...
You ask yourself why you can’t be this way, any other way, that way...
You pull your body, your face, & what’s left of your mind through seven different multi verses before deciding that this is where you’ll land once more –
this half way house for the familiar.
This shanti of a headspace
– a place for the unheroic, unheard, unmotivated, distraught, distracted, & distanced.
The coupons you’ve clipped so delicately,
the recipes you’ve studied so judiciously,
the illusion of life perfected
– all that you so diligently hold onto –
are dropping to the linoleum tile below –
scattering in the breeze of the morning A.C. flow.
The body functions shut down & you feel yourself growing heavier, tired, restless...
The scales on the next isle over flicker on & you can see their flashing confirmations in the mirror overhead.
It’s clear to you now that all movements are tracked
– that your foundation can crack because there’s really no point anyway, right?
Now, you have your excuse.
Your anxiety seeps through your wrist watch & deep, deep into your being.
It has begun.
You are now your fears. You have everything you could have ever wanted.
A reason to drink, hide, & never confide in yourself the real reasons for your failure.
You have begun.
I can see you, you know.
- B.B.
These things I’d never say
Found you in the way I found god
Back alley
Broken staircase
Loose lips
Shot carburetor
Faulty steering
Left you in the way I left myself
Unattended
Immature
Ill prepared
Unfortunate
Saw you in the way I never saw him
Over paid
Highly recommended
Concerned
Caring
Empowered
You figured it out the way they all do — so,
Unamused
Displeased
Disheartened
Reconfigured,
you left me here to clean, clean, clean.
Pick up all the pieces you left behind.
Find all the paperwork we’d yet to file.
Enforce all of the rules I never could.
Leave me to eat the weight of my own flammability.
Is it not my fault that I have been made to move in ways I did not imagine possible?
Is it my fault or yours that the story of that trauma is what attracts you most?
Is it my fault or yours that you’ve fallen in love with not me but damage itself?
Is it my fault that I wear these bruises better than I wear my disguise?
Is it my fault I’m held captive by my own nightmares?
Is it my fault that I still have nightmares?
Why are you in my nightmares?
- B.B.
Communication with yourself, your Self, others, & your surroundings is the most essential tool for thriving in this life. We go together. Don't hurt yourself; don't hurt us.
- BB
Journey of a Breath
So, we found you.
Here, in this molten nowhere,
beyond recognition and hope
– In between edgeless corners and spacelessness
– where our existence became...unsettling...
and our perceptions became...undone.
What is it we have become to you and you to us?
Erased...
How have you – have we – moved from honestness to timelessness with no passable measure spanning between the two?
Love...
How had we grown to fear you – with absent hunger, stifled magnetism, and muted longing in this deeply undisturbed internally external space – over the scale of an imperceivable portion of reactionary points?
Constructions...
&, as we ask ourselves these questions, baring witness to our ever-evolving process of mutation, we begin to feel the edges of our structures soften.
Eyes move beyond the wake of time and into the vast ocean of infinity.Â
Bodies soften into this breath and loosen into molecule.
Mind expands.
Confine fades.
Laughter unfolds...
Detachment is released.
- BB
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I was a vegetarian for about 7 years before going Vegan. I've been a vegan for about 5 or 6 years now...I've lost count, really...If you & your dear followers need any help; advice; or just want to vent to someone who gets it, I'm here...I love you & thank you for all that you do. 💓
Thank you so much theorganicself ! That’s just wonderful. Your help is much needed! :)
I suppose I'd enjoy the luxury of an ending. It's a notion that I've never grappled with well. Quitting...I could never know...Could this even be? Could it—can it—even pass? But, as of late, it's become an encompassing state of focus...An interest too great to waiver & wind down as it has before. There are pieces of me too dark—that I'm too afraid to climb into. There are these places which I've yet to explore. I hear swelling whispers of nirvana, heaven, sanctuary... I hear laugher tumbling through wind—combing between tumble weeds... I hear crying... I sense pain... But, I'm unsure to whom it belongs. I've lent fire to the depths of anger & torn the heart out of companionship. I've been distorted, contorted, & blessed more times that I care to or can remember... There are distant hands, memories, hours that linger in my limbs & titillate our—my—terror... &, again, I'm still not sure if these accessories belong to a face; a population; a passing wave... To some degree, I enjoy sitting here... Sitting in the calm, desolate, & barren existence that I have recently claimed. It feels distant. It feels...nothing. But, in this haze of loathing & paralysis, unapologetic & prevailing consciousness must always make its way through... Past the barriers of manic laughter & frantic pulsation, A searing & gravitational force calls me forth from the shallow caves where my shell does dwell... A booming, unifying, omni-present current to unsheathe a muffled compassion—buried by fear.
&, in a flicker of an instant...
I am reborn.
BB
Docked
I've always said, "I wish to be your dance partner--not your choreographer." I love you and, therefore, I want you to be happy in whatever way happiness calls you. No matter what, you should never let any kind of "ship" cap your love. Love can be shared in an endless number of ways; it is not limited to physical expression. Always give love--give compassion. That is what free love is all about. I love you even if I don't know you and no "ship" should ever challenge us to forfeit our humanity. Think about ways you can deconstruct constructions and live in love the way that makes sense for you. You do not have to listen to what society tells you. Question everything. Love endlessly. -B.B.