#thelastlecture

EXPERIENCE IS what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. It’s a phrase worth considering at every brick wall we encounter, and at every disappointment. It’s also a reminder that failure is not just acceptable, it’s often essential.

But those who’ve had failures are valued, too—sometimes even more so.

Start-up companies often prefer to hire a chief executive with a failed start-up in his or her background. The person who failed often knows how to avoid future failures.

The person who knows only success can be more oblivious to all the pitfalls.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.

“But the most self-aware students embraced the advice. They sensed that I was trying to teach them the fundamentals. It was a little like Coach Graham coming to practice without a football. Among my tips: Meet people properly: It all starts with the introduction. Exchange contact information. Make sure you can pronounce everyone’s names. Find things you have in common: You can almost always find something in common with another person, and from there, it’s much easier to address issues where you have differences. Sports cut across boundaries of race and wealth. And if nothing else, we all have the weather in common.

Try for optimal meeting conditions: Make sure no one is hungry, cold or tired. Meet over a meal if you can; food softens a meeting. That’s why they “do lunch” in Hollywood. Let everyone talk: Don’t finish someone’s sentences. And talking louder or faster doesn’t make your idea any better. Check egos at the door: When you discuss ideas, label them and write them down. The label should be descriptive of the idea, not the originator: “the bridge story” not “Jane’s story.”

Praise each other: Find something nice to say, even if it’s a stretch. The worst ideas can have silver linings if you look hard enough. Phrase alternatives as questions: Instead of “I think we should do A, not B,” try “What if we did A, instead of B?” That allows people to offer comments rather than defend one choice.”

“At the end of my little lesson, I told my students I’d found a good way to take attendance. “It’s easier for me if I just call you by group,” I’d say. “Group One raise your hands… Group Two?…” As I called off each group, hands would go up. “Did anybody notice anything about this?” I’d ask. No one had an answer. So I’d call off the groups again. “Group One?… Group Two?…Group Three? . . .” All around the room, hands shot up again. Sometimes, you have to resort to cheesy theatrics to break through to students, especially on issues where they think they know everything. So here’s what I did: I kept going with my attendance drill until finally my voice was raised. “Why on earth are all of you still sitting with your friends?” I’d ask. “Why aren’t you sitting with the people in your group?” Some knew my irritation was for effect, but everyone took me seriously. “I’m going to walk out of this room,” I said, “and I’ll be back in sixty seconds. When I return, I expect you to be sitting with your groups! Does everyone understand?” I’d waltz out and I’d hear the panic in the room, as students gathered up their book bags and reshuffled themselves into groups. When I returned, I explained that my tips for working in groups were not meant to insult their intelligence or maturity. I just wanted to show them that they had missed something simple—the fact that they needed to sit with their partners— and so they could certainly benefit from reviewing the rest of the basics. At the next class, and for the rest of the semester, my students (no dummies), always sat with their groups.

THIS IS beautiful advice that I got once from Jon Snoddy, my hero at Disney Imagineering. I just was so taken with the way he put it. “If you wait long enough,” he said, “people will surprise and impress you.” As he saw things: When you’re frustrated with people, when they’ve made you angry, it just may be because you haven’t given them enough time. Jon warned me that sometimes this took great patience— even years. “But in the end,” he said, “people will show you their good side. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out.”