#thehogfather

Angela watched as her adopted son, Lúcio, hummed with headphones on as he grabbed a snack from the fridge, using the string cheese he’d pulled out as a conductor’s baton, and her foreign exchange student, Satya, was sketching a building in her sketchbook, quiet and thoughtful as ever, her metal hand holding the sketchbook as her flesh hand moved across the page. 

It was such a peaceful morning she thought with a sigh over a delightful book and a warm cup of coffee.Yes, it was so quiet and serene.

Until the deafening roar of an engine made the three jump. 

“The heck?” Lúcio said as he peeked out the window, Satya scowling, “There is such a thing as sound pollution.” she said coolly.

“Well, looks like we’ll have to get used to it, because that motorcycle is parked next to that house that sold last week... with a moving van.” Lúcio reported.

“What!?” She cried as she joined him at the window to see for herself, Lúcio moving himself out of her way to look at his mother, “Looks like these new neighbors will be interesting.” He said with a smirk.

Angela got up and looked with Satya, she saw two teens, a tall blonde teen with what seemed to be long orange sleeves over his right arm and leg and a much shorter teenage girl with long dark hair and pink marks on her cheeks climb out of the truck and a little girl who had to be no longer than maybe eight or nine climbing out of the side car of the massive motorcycle, all three of them looking at the house in awe with smiles on their faces. 

She couldn’t help but smile at how happy they looked. She wondered if they’d never lived in a house before, or as big and nice of a house before. Either way, it was a sweet sight to see them happily rush over to the back of the truck to start unpacking.

“We should introduce ourselves later.” Angela said, then paused thoughtfully, “Perhaps we should make some snacks for them, no doubt they’ll be hungry and they’ll probably be too tired from moving in to buy any groceries, let alone cook.”

Satya didn’t seem so thrilled at the idea, which was understandable, as she was uncomfortable with change and new, possibly very loud neighbors probably made her feel uneasy.

Lúcio, on the other hand, seemed pretty easy going about it and agreed to help. Angela quickly asked Satya to make up a shopping list for them (as to keep her mind on something less stressful to her) and smiled as the two teens in her house discussed possible options and what they should try to stick to.

After a quick trip to the store and some fun singing and dancing while they cooked, they had a lovely time.

Then came the moment of truth.

The three of them carried their welcome gifts to the house, Satya doing her best to hide her anxiety while Lúcio just hummed as they walked, the familiar tune helping her calm down a bit as they walked.

Angela rang the doorbell and they heard a young girl’s voice excitedly call out, “IGOTITIGOTITIGOTIT!!!”making the three of them chuckle as the door opened to a little girl who looked up at them with wide, violet eyes and a cheerful, “G’day!”

She wore a little bright green tank top and shorts with patches on them, her short blonde hair was shaggy with two cowlicks curled on the top of her head, almost looking like a little heart. 

“Hello.” Angela said sweetly, “We’re your new neighbors, we wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.”

She let out an excited gasp and called back into the house, “HANA, JAMIE, DA’, WE GOT NEIGHBORS!!!” 

“And we have food.” Lúcio whispered to her.

“Is it pizza?” she whispered back.

“No...”

“THEY GOT FOOD THA’ AIN’ PIZZA!!!” she called back into the house, bouncing on her toes and smiling broadly.

The sound of pounding feet came rushing towards the door and it quickly swung open to show the teens from earlier in better detail.

The teenage boy was tall, almost two meters tall, with a broad, slightly jagged smile with a few golden teeth. The orange sleeves now gone to reveal two orange painted metal limbs on his right side. The arm looked quite impressive, the leg was a simple peg, but the detail in the knee joint was a marvel in itself. His clothes were a bit ragged and filthy, but there was care in the patches in the clothes and burned tips to the blonde hair. Amber eyes gleamed with eagerness and hunger as he seemed to take them in.

“Molls, ya bettah not be jokin’.” He teased as he ruffled the little girl’s hair. His Australian accent thick and friendly.

Satya’s nose wrinkled a bit at his appearance.

The teenage girl had a broad, beautiful smile, pink triangles on her cheeks and a joyful gleam in her eyes, her clothes also a bit dirty, but cleaner and well cared for, a patch on the side of her oversized t-shirt was stitched by the same hand as the blonde’s. However, unlike the blonde’s tanned, freckled, scarred skin, hers was pale and free of any marks other than the pink on her cheeks, but healthy, like a princess’s from a fairy tale. 

She pulled Angela into a hug, “Thank you!!! You have no idea how many times we’ve had pizza in the past couple of days!” she said, a slight accent in her chipper voice. 

Angela spotted Lúcio’s cheeks turning pink at the sight of this girl.

She had to hold back a smile at that while the little girl, ‘Molls’ pouted and called back into the house, “Da’!”

A deep, voice like thunder rumbled from within the house, “Comin’.” Then the ground beneath them shook as loud footsteps came closer until finally, a mountain came into view, the children hopping onto the front porch to make way for the Man of the House.

He was over two meters high and was very fat. His face was scarred, he had a bit of an underbite, his silver hair pulled back into a ponytail. His hands and feet were huge, the little girl’s arm was thinner than the man’s finger. She felt a bit of fear pool into her belly as he looked down at them all.

“Th’ name’s Mako.” He rumbled before pointing to the blonde boy, “This is Jamie.”

“G’day!” Jamie finally greeted.

He pointed to the teenage girl, “This is Hana.”

“Hiya!” She said as she finally released Angela.

He scooped up the little girl into one massive hand, “And this is Molly.” He said as the child let out a happy squeal. 

At the sight of how he looked at the three odd children in the doorway, the fear in her stomach drained away. He really did care for these kids and they were obviously happy and well cared for. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” She said, “I am Angela, this is my son Lúcio and our lovely foreign exchange student, Satya.”

“Hello.” Lúcio said cheerfully.

“Greetings.” Satya said with a nod. 

Mako shook hands with each of them and when Angela held her hand out to Jamie, he gave her an impish smirk, “Sorry, we ain’ shakers loike Da’.” he informed her.

“We’re huggers!” Molly announced.

“DOGPILE!!” Hana cried as the three immediately pulled her and the two teens she cared about into a massive group hug. It didn’t last long, much to Satya’s relief, but the quickly ushered them into the house, with Mako moving away to let them through, the children chatting amongst themselves and talking about things like school, games, music...

Jamie and Hana passed the food off to their father and he motioned for Angela to follow her into the kitchen, where boxes littered the room, but he carefully placed the food they’d made onto a free space on the counter and moved a few more heavy looking boxes out of the way and found a kettle and some tea and began filling the kettle, “black tea fine?” He asked.

“Of course.” She assured him, his cheeks turning pink, “Sorry ‘bout this, wasn’ expectin’ company so soon.” He said bashfully.

“Have you been able to see much of the town?” She asked.

“Th’ kids have been keepin’ track, but we were looking into gettin’ a truck to deliver our groceries for tomorrow ‘n getting a truck for Jamie.” She rose her  eyebrows at that, so he explained that, “Back at our old place, th’ schools were closer, so they could walk there without any trouble, but here the schools are farther away and it’ll be easier for him to drive him ‘n Hana to school while I drop off Molly in the mornings, tha’ ‘n we can’ get much food in the side car without th’ kids havin’ ta walk home.”

She made a face, that was quite the dilemma, “I have an old friend who has been looking to sell his old truck.” She said, “I can’t say how long it will last...”

“Don’ worry ‘bout tha’.” He dismissed as turned on the heat and looked at her, “Jamie loves tinkerin’, I can take ‘im ta any junkyard ‘n ‘e’ll find plenty ta fix it up with. Boy made ‘is own arm ‘n leg ‘n bombs ta protect himself while livin’ on th’ bloody streets with Hana! ‘E helps me keep everythin’ up ‘n runnin’. Hana’s pretty good with foindin’ anythin’ ‘e moight need if ‘e can’ foind it. But she’s good with computers ‘n stuff. She ‘n Molly even helped me pay fer th’ house with Hana’s loivestreamin’ games ‘n sellin’ th’ statues Molly makes out of left over scrap onloine. Molly also helps tinker with Jamie, she ain’ at ‘is level yet, but she’s a fast learner. Hell, the girls paid more than I did fer th’ place ‘n Jamie’s prob’ly gonna help me make it worth more than we actually paid for it with th’ work we plan ta do...” The kettle screamed and he jumped a bit, surprised. Angela giggled as he bashfully turned down the heat and began fiddling with the box of tea and pulling out wrapped mugs and began peeling newspaper away from them with red cheeks and pink ears.

She smiled warmly at him, the love he had for these kids was obvious in his pride at their accomplishments. His son keeping everything in tip top shape and being able to keep himself going despite losing limbs. His daughters helping keep their finances out of the red by making art and entertaining others in a wholesome way and overall helping their brother keep their home in order.

“Sorry, tend ta gush when it comes ta them.” He said as he handed her a steaming mug of tea, “‘N sorry fer not havin’ much when it comes ta fixin’s. Even if we did have tha’ stuff, we only jus’ plugged th’ fridge in an hour ago.”

“It’s fine, I like black tea plain.” She said before she took it from him with a gentle, ‘Danke’. 

“And I don’t mind listening to you go on about your kids as long as you don’t mind me gushing about mine too.”

He smiled at her, the look in his grey eyes making something in her stomach twist as she told him all about how Lúcio had been making money via writing, playing and posting music online and how he had plenty saved for college despite only being fourteen. Satya came all the way from India to study architecture and was quite good at it, she even had a 3-D printer so she could make mini versions of her designs, among other things they used.

The two of them talked about the local schools, what they did around town for fun, etc. Only stopping when Molly snuck in to fish a plate out of a box and plop several of the snacks they made and finally realized that she’d been caught... only to then run out of the room.

They followed her outside to see Jamie and Satya discussing something on a messy sketchbook, pointing and chatting as Molly approached them with the plate. Meanwhile, Hana and Lúcio were awaiting her on the floor by the TV, the two of them holding controllers while another sat on the floor between them. 

“They all seem to be getting along just fine.” She commented, relieved. Lúcio hardly ever had problems with people, but Satya was a bit cold with people she didn’t know very well. 

“Yeah, was afraid they’d be too friendly ‘n scare ‘um off.” He chuckled in agreement, “Molly’s little ‘nough tha’ people don’ get bothered when she’s bein’ too much ‘n Hana can figure out how comfortable someone is with physical contact, but Jamie in particular don’ really understand th’ concept of personal space very well.”

“I’ve noticed.” She teased as she recalled the group hug his children pulled her little family into.

A loud roar came from his stomach, making everyone jump and look at them, Mako looking mortified and the expression struck Angela as... well... cute.

“Well, while the food we brought was a good start, perhaps we should order in.”

“Not pizza!” Molly cried.

“I was thinking more like barbeque.” She assured her, “There’s a lovely little place close by that does carry out.”

The children all seemed to salivate at the word barbeque before the teens all quickly decided to play it cool while Molly said, “I hope so, we are very part..” she paused, “Partic-lair?... No...part-icle?... no...”

“Particular.” Satya offered.

“Yeah! We’re tha’ with barbeque!” she said.

“It’ll be foine.” Mako said dismissively as he pulled out his wallet and handed his eldest daughter a card, “Hana, pull up a menu ‘n put in everyone’s order, I’ll pick it up.”

Hana snatched up the card and pulled a cellphone out of nowhere while Jamie turned to a fresh page, tore a strip off of it, pulled a broken pencil from his pocket and handed it over to his sister.

“They got really good sweet stuff, but their spicy is hardcore.” Lúcio told them as he helped himself to one of the snacks they brought, starting up a discussion about spicy verses sweet verses savory between them as they waited for the website to load up.

“Dad! We need to get cable and wifi installed soon!” Hana complained, “Without it, our phone bill will be horrible!”

“Or ya can go five minutes without it.” He teased.

“NO!” Molly cried as she hugged her sister, “SHE NEEDS IT!”

“Yeah, Da’, she moight go inta withdrawal without it.” Jamie snickered. 

“I have the number of our provider on our fridge, I’ll bring it over after dinner.” Angela offered.

“Ta.” He said before politely excusing himself to unpack enough dishes to eat off of for dinner.

“I’ll help.” Angela offered as she followed him back into the kitchen, “It’s the least I can do since we didn’t make enough for you all to eat.”

“Doubt many people think ta make enough fer someone as big as me without seein’ me.” He pointed out, “’N usually when they do, they probably wouldn’ bother.” 

“Well, they obviously are missing out on good company,” she said, making his cheeks turn pink again before he quickly busied himself pulling cups and plates out of a box.

She smiled at his bashful expression, yeah, she really liked these new neighbors, she could already tell that they were all going to get along just fine.

So why do I have so many AUs for Mercyhog and Symmrat/Junkmetra?

Because I can’t stop. I literally cannot stop.

There were a few cute ideas for an AU where Mercy is a single mom (of adopted kids, who are usually Lúcio, Junkrat and Hana) who falls for tough looking motorcycle dude Roadhog who, surprise, surprise , is great with kids, treats her well and is super caring and sweet (don’t judge a book by it’s cover, everyone.). And I loved those.

But I mean, I just also loved the idea of both of them being single parents and falling for each other while helping each other out and once the older ones leave for college or whatever they feel like, (with the exception of Molly, who is little and sees Mercy as her mama anyways) they’re like, why not? Marry, settle down in the house and live happily and somewhat sassily ever after.

... And now an idea of Satya and Hana being in a sorority with the other younger women in overwatch with Mercy as their den mother and Jamie and Lúcio being in a frat house with the younger men in overwatch with Roadhog as ‘The Hogfather’ (den father) and generally going through college and all the frats and sororats deciding, ‘ya know what, those two, dey cute together. Let’s make them fuck.” And all of them play matchmaker while finding love for themselves as well.

See? Told you. Even when finishing up this AU, another pops into my head.

And now I want to see if anyone is willing to do an art trade or something with me to show me Lúcio, Genji, Junkrat, McCree and Doomfist bowing down to THE HOG FATHER!!! (Hanzo is in a different Frat, but he’s always with them so he can bow down too) While the Hog father is all like, “It’s two am, put th’ beers down ‘n go th’ fuck ta sleep ya drunk drongos.”

STOP ME BEFORE I WRITE NOTHING BUT AUS AND BE UNPRODUCTIVE ALL DAY!!!