#thecollective

a/n: This has literally been sitting in my notes app for 6 months. I just wanted to write a blurb in my au so take some surface level "Toby searching for father figure" angst. Trying not to be so anxious on just posting my writing, even when it's only a little bit. Thanks guys! 🖤

"Why even bother with the difference? Just another fucked up component of his fucked up system. In a f-fucked up house in these fucked up-p w-woods! It's all fucked up." He seemed exasperated, angry….frightened, even. Mostly, though, he was tired. And Jane could tell.

Toby had left the Slenderman's office in a fury, but that had been hours ago. Now Jane had found him here, out on the manor's front porch. He had a black eye, and several new injuries across his right side. His hands were white knuckling the railing as he stared out at the woods across the lawn.

She could see his weariness, his desperation. He looked lost, like a dog shut out in the rain. Slenderman took care of his pets differently. Some, like the residents of the manor, he kept a close eye on. He lavished them with the security and comfort of his manor, while the Proxies were working dogs; they slept outside and they knew no luxuries.

"Honestly?" she answered, settling in next to him. "I'm deplorable. You, well, he can't just get rid of you." She watched as he calmed his breathing, forcing all his words into place.

"How do you know?"

"You're a weapon, and it took him a lot of time to turn you into one."

"Ss-sso what?"

"Even if you died, he'd bring you back. If I killed myself tomorrow, he'd fill my role without second thought."

He rolled his eyes.

"I've seen it. There are processes. Rituals."

"Rituals?"

She nodded her head. No words.

"Bullshit."

"It's true. Whether you like it or not, that's the difference."

There is silence again, but her black eyes held him in place. He wasn't looking at her anymore, but that wouldn't stop Jane from staring into his soul. He could feel her prying gaze no matter how much he pretended he couldn't. His hand had begun to drum on the banister he was leaning over, shaking his head.

"That hardly makes any sense," he says after a while.

"Look where we are. This place hardly makes any sense."

"All I'm saying is, if he really can't afford to lose me, he has a really funny way of showing it."

"I don't think he's trying to be funny."

"You know what I mean."

There's a faint note in his voice that makes Jane think. He nearly seemed disappointed, or wistful.

"Do you…wish that he would show it?"

His hands were still drumming.

"I don't think he's the sort of....being that you should go searching for approval from, Toby, but that's just me."

"I'm not se-sear-s- fuck - I'm not looking for approval!" he blurted, seeming to shake the notion right out of his head.

The young man looked off, and she could tell that he wasn't satisfied. She knew he wanted the circumstances to be different.

"Okay…Well, whatever you're searching for in him, stop. You know you won't find it. He's not a father, Toby, as much as he tries to make us 'children' think he is."

Jane could tell that from the furrow of his brow that he was trying to resist her words.

But he knows that she's right.

Jane left him on the porch, locking the front door of the manor behind her. Toby heard the clunk of the antique lock and simply sighed.

Shut out again, he would have to make his way back to the Proxy Cabin.

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