#theavocadojam

Kieran nodded to Eris with a smile and approached the counter where she stood next to the cash register.

"I trust the Drifter has already provided you with sufficient instructions regarding your job duties. I have prepared this document to accompany your delivery." Eris paused and then continued. "The Drifter requested I ensure you understood this one to be... lickety... split." Eris said the last two words slowly as though she had never heard them before and was confused as to their meaning.

She gestured ominously with one hand toward a stack of hot, slightly greasy, boxes. One of them was dripping an unnatural phosphorescent substance. The Drifter's "Hero Box" logo was cheerfully emblazoned on each one.

Kieran's ghost, Blinx, floated over, spun his Fervent shell once, and then transmatted the containers into his inventory.

"I have also taken the liberty of sending coordinates to your ghost." Eris added.

Kieran looked down at the lettering on the parchment Eris had given him. Blinx hovered over his shoulder.

"Eris," Blinx asked. "Am I reading these coordinates right? Are we delivering this to... the Pyramid in Savathun's Throne World?"

"That assessment is accurate," Eris intoned.

“Who the hell’s ordering food in there?!” Kieran muttered.

There was a small explosion in the back.

"Dammit!" The Drifter's voice came from behind the door followed by an especially loud clanging and the hiss of escaping steam.

Eris stiffened in mild alarm and looked at the closed door behind her.

"I'm fine!" the Drifter's voice added.

Eris sighed and her three-eyed gaze returned to Kieran.

"I asked him the same question. His response was that the recipient had paid a premium for a lack of inquiry and that you would, likewise, be appropriately compensated for your own."

Kieran raised his eyebrows.

"So he just... didn't ask?" he asked Eris.

"Indeed," Eris confirmed.

"That's insane," Blinx said, widening his shell. "Why would he do that?"

"I believe it is part of his... business plan." Eris twitched the fingers of one hand and her Ahamkara bone floated over to one of the posters the Drifter had hastily put up along the side of the stall. The words "We deliver everywhere! No questions asked!" were in bright colours at a diagonal along the bottom third of the sign.

"...and," Eris added as her glowing orb returned to her hands, "...the delivery was also promised to be in... under thirty minutes."

Kieran heaved a long sigh and prepared to transmat.

Less than ten minutes later, Kieran was in the Throne World. He rode his Sparrow as far as he could but whoever designed the Pyramid seemed to have built it expressly to prevent anyone from taking a Sparrow inside. Jerks.

Normally Kieran preferred to use Stasis, but for this particular job, speed was of the essence and if he couldn't drive through, he was going to need some extra mobility. Arc energy coursed through him as he went through the first Pyramid entrance at a dead run.

"...really convenient you ended up coming by for this right now." Fynch prattled on in Kieran's helmet.

"Oh?" Blinx asked over the comms link so Kieran could focus on running. "Why is that?"

"The team Ikora sent to clear this place out? They got lost in the Miasma and the Vanguard said they had higher priorities and to just wait. Worm breeding grounds are almost completely overrun."

Blinx sighed. "Wonderful."

Kieran turned his Lodestar Trace Rifle on a swarm of Screebs rushing toward him. They burst in sequence with a popping sound, painting the flooring with splashes of Dark Ether.

"I can't believe we have to fight our way through." Blinx complained to Fynch. "Who orders food in the middle of a warzone behind enemy lines?"

"Gotta admit I'm stumped on that one too," Fynch answered. "Let me know if you find out. Sure is weird."

Kieran triple-jumped, swapping out the Trace Rifle for a Grenade Launcher and landed a shot on a Scorn Abomination square in the middle of its rotting chest. He then swapped back to the Trace and proceeded to fry several Raiders as they fired on him while he slid on his knees.

The purple Void missiles from the now-dead Raiders bounced and scattered around Kieran as he leaned back and continued to slide under the low opening formed by a stone slab which was moving upward far too slowly for his liking. Then, with a rolling tumble forward, he was on his feet again continuing at a dead run, amplified with Arc Light.

The weird statuary and urns of the Pyramid's Dark City blurred in Kieran's vision as he blew past them heading deeper into the complex, effectively and efficiently removing all the Scorn which seemed to be bound and determined to get in his way.

Keimiks, Warden of the Harvest, was obviously not the recipient of the delivery order. But that was who Kieran came up against in the Incubation Chamber where his delivery needed to be made.

After mowing down several dozen Scorn, blowing up several Totems and getting some serious hits in on the Baron, Kieran found himself frustratingly teleported back to an area of the Dark City he'd already fought his way through.

"Dammit!" Blinx said in his ear. "This delay is going to eat into our delivery time. We need to get back in there fast!"

Kieran nodded quietly and increased his efforts, blowing through hostiles even more quickly than before, not stopping to take out any stragglers as long as his way forward was clear.

He'd just reached Keimiks again and managed to toss his Arc Staff right into the Scorn Baron's face when he was once more teleported back several rooms and prevented from finishing Keimiks off.

Kieran ground his teeth in frustration and channeled all his Light into his own mobility. The terrain around them seemed to blend together and the Ravagers and Stalkers fell crackling and jerking with electricity as Kieran ripped his way back through the Pyramid. Soon enough he was once more in the Incubation Chamber, tossing a Pulse Grenade at Keimiks' feet while emptying the entire magazine of his Cataphract GL3 Grenade Launcher into the oversized Scorn's face.

With a final gasp of Dark Ether the Baron fell to his knees and lay still.

Kieran, breathing heavily, ran over to the empty brazier in the middle of the room where his delivery coordinates had specified the order needed to be placed.

Blinx transmatted the dripping boxes down and Kieran slapped the parchment receipt Eris had given him on top of the stack.

"Four Hero Boxes," Kieran said, reading Eris' spidery script out breathlessly to the empty room. "Hive Nigiri, no wasabi. Wizard Fingers with extra Taken butter. Double order of Ascendant Eye Poppers." Kieran sucked in another lungful of air through his teeth. "And a Vanilla Vex Milk Flan. Hot and ready, as promised."

The dead mangled Scorn bodies scattered around them gave no response.

Blinx scanned the room. "This can't be happening. Did we just go through all that only for no one to even show up to pay and take the food?"

"Oh, I'll take the food, maggots. But I ain't payin' that scumbag Drifter anything."

Kieran and Blinx turned around to see Savathun's ghost, Immaru, gloating in the air behind them.

"Did... did Drifter know he was delivering to you?" Kiran asked, still catching his breath.

Immaru chortled as though this was the funniest joke ever. "Of course not. Mr. Ask-me-no-questions-I'll-tell-you-no-lies didn't ask. You glitter bums are so predictable"

"You stiff Drifter on the bill and you're getting blacklisted." Blinx snarled at the other ghost. "No more deliveries ever again, for all eternity."

"Nuh-uh," Immaru spun his shell and laughed. "He said thirty minutes or it's free." The tiny spiky Hive General leaned forward in the air. "You took thirty two."

"We were in this room three times!" Blinx practically shrieked. "We got teleported out twice!"

"Instructions were clear. Coordinates were given. You..." Immaru flexed the Hive chitin of his shell at Blinx. "...were slow. Now get the hell outta here before I call every Lucent Hive in the area down on your pathetic asses."

"Come on Blinx," Kieran said, his voice exhausted. "Let's go."

"Oh and thanks for dealing with my Scorn problem for me, jerkwads. Vanguard's been dragging its heels around here. I'll be sure to order food from that slimy basement creep again next time they slack off. You're so much cheaper than wasting my own resources, especially when your slow asses get me free dinner too."

"You!" Blinx began to rush toward Immaru. Kieran grabbed his ghost gently and walked out.

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