#thearchives

Woke: Sasha’s journey would be about the same as Jon’s

Superman watches in agony as his beloved pet becomes synonymous with the worst kinds of people on earth. Apathetic, misogynistic, bigoted, handsy, entitled, neo-n*zi, rich douchebags are overtaking Krypto’s entire public presence, and it’s beginning to affect how everyone sees both the dog and Superman.

Even though the public knows—because he’s stated it many times—that he has no connection to nor endorsement of KryptoCurrency or its growing (and worsening) cult following, it’s still the first thing they think of when they hear the words Krypto, Krypton, or even Kryptonite.

I mean, sure, Superman’s a big figure. But you’re just as likely to run into wannabe tech dicks in everyday life as you are to see him—and maybe get a monster attack a few times a year. If you live outside Metropolis, the chances of seeing Superman are almost zero unless it’s a big enough threat for a team-up—and even then, he’s probably just a blur.

It’s gotten to the point where it’s not simply annoying or insulting; it’s usurping and dishonoring his lost homeworld—and all that remains of it.

Ill-equipped to handle a problem where neither moral appeal nor brute strength will help—having very narrowly convinced Supergirl of that second fact—he turns to the master of public and social manipulation: Batman.

At first, he receives no word about it other than a curt, “I’ll look into it.”

A few weeks later, he hears gossip at the Daily Planet about Lex Luthor getting sued. That’s not uncommon, but it rarely works out for the prosecuting party.

Superman starts to wonder if Batman is already doing something in his weird, unknowable chess-match underground way. Or, worse, if even Batman can’t think of a solution.

Then, one random day, Lois bursts into his cubicle, practically trampling Mr. Galloway as she throws herself into Clark’s face.

“HARVEY DENT IS GOING UP AGAINST LEX LUTHOR.”

“What?! Like right now?” Clark stands up, anxiously listening for sounds of battle he might’ve missed. A fight between Lex and any Gotham villain would be a catastrophe for civilians and bystanders. Nothing in his home city… maybe it’s in Gotham? “Why is Two-Face fighting Luthor?”

Lois grabs his face and makes him look at her. “Two-Face isn’t fighting Lex Luthor; Harvey Dent is suing him. On behalf of Bruce Wayne.”

“…What?”

Apparently, Bruce Wayne had trademarked the likeness of Krypto the Superdog a while ago for his son’s superhero-themed charity birthday party, with personal approval from Superman and everything. He had completely “forgotten” about it, like the klutz-brain he is, until he saw a video rating billionaires. The TikTok star mentioned the whole KryptoCurrency thing, and Tim reminded him that he owned the commercial rights.

The whole thing does not look good for Lex. His biggest argument is trying to delegitimize Dent’s capability as a lawyer, but Gotham law lets him practice nationwide after discharge from Arkham. And every time a LexCorp lawyer brings up something he did while not of sound mind, Harvey throws back ten examples of Lex doing evil shit 100% on purpose and only getting away with it because of some legal loophole or corruption.

Bruce, for his part, has fully reclaimed Krypto’s image by posting solely about the dog for weeks and begging someone to put him in touch with Superman so he can pet the little guy again, while nonstop talking about how he's going to get himself killed. "I don't care if it's dangerous, I want to play tug-a-war with that pup!"

He even drew his own (bad, but charmingly so) Krypto design for an anti-NFT campaign. (He doesn’t understand how NFTs work and “accidentally” made something for everyone to download, copy, and spread as much as possible.)