#the feeeeeeels

Even after your failed attempt to mentally track down Jason, you continued to build up your mental powers to find some way to find him and bring him home safe. The search on the GCPD's part was coming up dry and Batman's own search was even drier than the Sahara Desert. Barbara was even joining in on the search with both sides as Batgirl, in hopes of increasing efforts and results. Hell, even Nightwing was checking the borders of Gotham for activity. But, nothing was coming up. No developments…no leads… no evidence… no sightings…

Nothing…

Your own attempts with numerous types with mental stimulation and manipulation were fruitless, too. You tried tapping into your mental response to pain, hoping it would help you better access Jason's memories and figure out his location. But all it did was make the pain that the Joker was inflicted on him and in turn, you, more unbearable. Every try failed and you were beginning to lose hope. But you couldn't give up on your soulmate. He was counting on you and Batman...

You couldn't fail...

You couldn't risk losing Jason...

You couldn't risk losing someone so important to you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever you had dreams, there were more like premonitions or visions. Events that had yet to happen or, better yet, were currently happening as you slept. Tonight’s premonition was the most terrifying one you’ve had in a long time. You had never felt more sick to your stomach before after seeing what you saw happening in front of you…

You were standing in a darkened room, a single light hanging in the middle. From what you could see, the floor was tiled black and white. Under the light was a young man, tied down to a wheelchair with barbed wire and rope. His hair was dark and his eyes were an ocean blue, his marked up skin matching yours. But, the most notable details was the fact that he was wearing the familiar red and black Robin suit.

Oh god…

It’s him…

It’s Jason…

You were about to try and call out to him to see if this dream was connecting your minds together. But, you were stopped by the sound of familiar maniac laughter. That son of a bitch…

“Well, well, well, my boy, you’re in for a treat, tonight!” The Joker announced, stepping out of the shadows behind Jason. The boy wonder visibly stiffened at the sound of the Clown’s voice, keeping his head down in fear and anger.

“Apparently, the Commissioner’s adopted daughter has been looking for her soulmate. One who she says is being ‘tormented’ and ‘mistreated’. The entire GCPD is looking for the poor lad. And strangely enough… the scars she has resemble the ones you have now…” Jason picked his head up at the news. Now, you knew that he knew about the soulmate bond between you two. Even if he didn’t know your name or what you looked like.

However, there was an aura of panic to him now. He was shaking and his eyes were glossed over, tears ready to spill out. As you come closer to him in this dreamscape of yours, you could hear his thoughts. He was crying… pleading… but not for his life… but for yours…

‘Oh god… no. Please, don’t touch her! Please don’t hurt her! Goddamn it, please!’

“Oh my goodness, what was the kid’s name? Was it… uh… (Y-…um... hold on... Aha! Now I remember!… (Y/N) (L/N)!” The psychotic clown said your name like it was some big event. It honestly made you want to throw up.

“What a wonderful surprise! Well, maybe I’ll leave her a nice little ‘Congratulations’ gift! Something she might appreciate!”

“I swear to God, if you hurt her, I’ll… Agh!” Jason’s protective growl was cut off by a pained yell as the Joker hit him in the jaw with a crowbar. You then feel the same pain on the left side of your face, creeping and burning under your skin.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t lay a hand on her! I’m sure you know how this song and dance goes…” the Joker rose the crowbar once again like a baseball bat, ready to land another hit.

“NO!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as the image winked out before you see what happened next. You then woke up in a cold sweat, with new scars and with more news about your soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You told Batman and Barbara about your nightmare, giving them an idea of what the Joker have planned next. When you told your father, you had to exclude the fact that your soulmate was the second Robin, in order to keep the police from getting suspicious of the other Bat vigilantes. He then had the information used to triangulate possible locations where the Joker could be running his operations. Places where Jason could be being held...

However, about six months into the search, Batman found a new ward to take up the mantle of Robin. Needless to say, you weren't impressed with this decision, considering the current Robin, your future significant other, was still alive. The new scars that kept appearing on your body and face were proof of that. You refused to talk to this replacement Robin, no matter how much he tried to contact you for leads or any further information you didn't possess.

Nightwing had tried to explain Batman's choice and how the new boy wonder, a young detective named Tim Drake, had figured out their true identities. You still weren't persuaded, knowing full well that Batman could've compromised with him and had him man the comms or keep the Batcave on lock. But, that wasn't your call to make, nor Nightwing's or Batgirl's, so you didn't have a right to complain.

Meanwhile, you were building up your arsenal of mental tricks. You still hadn't found a way to connect to Jason without hurting yourself or him, but your experimenting gave you new ways to turn a villain or thug's mind against them. However, your search for a mental link between you and Jason still continued...

You just hoped he knew that you were trying to reach him...

"Please hang in there, Jase. I'll find a way to get you out of that hellhole if the law and the vigilantes fail... I'll make sure you get out of there alive... I promise..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another six months passed and it was now obvious to everyone who left the scars you were receiving. A 'J' marking was now burned into your left cheek, along with a few other scars that littered your face and body. Your bones creaked and ached with a dull pain that you had never experienced before. Your mental health was severely impacted, the pain of the scars was numbed because of it.

The search for Jason was practically a failure, as were your own attempts to mentally determine his location. However, you found a way to comb the entirety of Gotham for missing people. However, it was going to take a lot of trial and error in order to find Jason. You just hoped that you weren't too late...

You were standing on the roof of your apartment building, finding a spot to use your powers to find Jason. You were hoping that this would be the last effort to save him. You praying for it to work and stretch out around Gotham. You were about to cast the spell… when your phone vibrates…

Pulling out your phone, you saw that an unknown number was FaceTiming you. Your gut suddenly twisted into sickening knots, as if a part of you knew that this video call had to do with Jason. You knew this was something bad, but you had to know just how bad it was…

You had to know that he was okay…

That he was going to be okay...

You hit the green phone button and the call began streaming. The video showed Jason, sitting in a wooden chair and his arms and legs free. His face was marked with the same scars as yours, which was no surprise, but it still made your stomach lurch to see. But something was wrong with him... he wasn't fighting the Joker and using his silver tongue to hiss at the clown... he was still like a statue...

Oh god... that clown got to him... didn't he?

"Have you got something to tell the nice man, Jason?" The Clown Prince said from behind the camera. Hearing the Joker call your soulmate by his real name made the knots in your stomach grow tighter. Bile made its way to your throat, but you swallowed it in an attempt to calm your nerves.

"My name is Jason Todd..." the way Jason spoke was almost robotic and void of emotion. His face was blank and expressionless, a broken version of the spitfire boy wonder you were used to seeing and hearing about. His eyes... it was like looking into a shattered mirror on a stormy night...

"Who do you hate?" The question was simple... and so was the incoming answer...

"Batman..." Oh no...

"Excellent. Of course, you do. Do you have anything else to say?"

"Yes. I'm really sorry, (Y/N)... I failed you... as a hero and as your soulmate..."

'No...no... you didn't fail me... I wasn't fast enough... I broke my promise to you... please... please, don't let this be the end... God, please... I haven't even met you for real... I haven't gotten to know you...' your thoughts started running a mile a minute as your heart began throbbing in agony.

"Did you get that, Bats? (Y/N)? Kid's not yours anymore. He's mine... mine, mine, mine. To do with as I wish." Oh, how much you wanted to jump through your phone screen and strangle that horror movie antagonist reject.

"Hey. I never asked. What's the big secret? Who is the big, bad bat? His name. Tell me!"

'No... don't answer that, Jason... DON'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!'

"Of course, sir. It's-..."

BANG!

As soon as that dreaded sound hit your ears and the image of Jason hitting the floor after the Joker shot him filled your sight, you dropped your phone. You could hear the screen crack as it hit the cold ground, but you didn't bother to pick it up. The pain of your heart breaking into a million pieces was the only thing you could feel, minus the bitter wind blowing around you. Your senses all shut down, unable to take in your surroundings as you plummeted into endless nothing...

You lost him...

You lost Jason...

Your soulmate...

Your Robin...

Your hero...

Your everything...

After being silent for what felt like an eternity, you finally opened your mouth and a scream of despair pierced through the air. You then collapsed onto your knees and a red pulse of energy left you, creating a shockwave that you were sure all of Gotham could feel. Hell, at this point, the Gotham vigilantes probably knew where you were and what happened... no doubt they were probably on their way now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barbara was the one to find you and bring you to the police station. You were wrapped in a blanket by Nightwing as you three, along with Tim, waited for Batman to arrive. Your father was out, handling a robbery somewhere downtown. Your cheeks were dry and no longer had tear tracks on them, as you had spent all your tears during and after your breakdown on the roof. Your eyes were still red and puffy, your eyes empty of any emotion. Your mind was now in denial, trying to make up a fantasy world for you to better ease the pain. But, nothing worked...

You heard footsteps approaching, moving your head slowly to see Batman walking to you and the other vigilantes. You felt a burning feeling in your chest as the urge to start yelling and shouting overwhelmed you. But, you held back... you wanted to hear whatever bullshit excuse he had before you raised holy hell...

"Batman, she saw the video, too. The Joker streamed it to her, live on FaceTime..." you heard Barbara whisper to the bruting Dark Knight.

"Let me talk to her..."

You then heard those familiar heavy footsteps come up to you, stopping next to you. You didn't even bother to look up at him... that's how angry you were with him... with every superhero in that room... with yourself...

"(Y/N), are you alright?"

Really? That was all he had to say? After everything that just happened here tonight? To Jason? To you?

"'Am I alright?'... 'Am I alright?!'... I've never been less alright in the entire sixteen years of my life! My soulmate, your sidekick- no, your son-, just died and you have the nerve to ask me that?! After your half-assed searches and giving Tim the Robin mantle, giving the Joker some fucking leverage to break Jason down further?! Meanwhile, I'm trying to find a way to use my powers to contact him or locate him and nothing I did worked! Then, finally, when I found a potential solution, a way to save him... that clown shoots him dead!"

More tears came pouring from your eyes as you collapsed into the Bat's chest, unable to keep yourself up with how much emotional pain you were in. Your whole body felt like it was made of lead and you couldn't get up. You couldn't do anything else but cry...