Jan 28
this dude can’t be serious right now
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this dude can’t be serious right now
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Replacing Tabitha with The Dumpling for my blog photo. Now accepting compliments.
Thanks,
Management
For context:
Translation:
Dum : Now I'm going to write up the phys- quickly.
*There is no topic in the notebook*
Dum :Fuc-
I was writing my physics exam today. Nothing terrible happened, I have a score of 4 :0
Blessings to the Gods above. I had a full panic attack tonight, over fears of death. I called my dad and we talked for a bit but when I hung up I prayed for guidance, for strength to bear the curse mortals must. I prayed to Atlas, He Who Bears the World, to Athena, Battle Queen of Wisdom, for strength. And not a few minutes later, my parents were at my door. I had asked them to come, yes, but I felt the gods. I felt Athena telling me "This is what you live and die for." I felt Atlas say, "You are blessed with a loving family, you live and die for them. They live and die for you." My bunny came and sat on my lap. My dearest friend, my little fluff, he is a gift of the gods too. For the sweet and pure life he leads, I am thankful I can see him. Thank you, Great Ones, Blessed Ones, thank you. For friends and family who love me. For you who love and guide me. Great Ones, gods of Earth and Sea and Sky, thank you for your comfort and reminding me I have a long and hard life ahead. But I will never walk alone.
I am not doing well this week. I think it’s mostly because of the holiday and the fact I’m working over them but I just… it’s not going well. I’m so lonely and I feel like I can’t get away from this. Each of my friends/ acquaintances has a significant other and I… I have a bunny. I love Arthur to bits and love having him around- he doesn’t have drama and can’t complain about me binging on the same two shows on Netflix- but everyone is always talking about how their gf/bf and I’m over here like “I got a bunny. He kisses me, does that count?”
I love hanging out with my friend in between classes but even she is with someone and has been for two years. The only thing before my ill-fated attempt in August was… god, like five years ago. I know I shouldn’t dwell on it but during those two weeks, I felt really comfortable with myself. I know I should try to be comfortable with myself without another person but I just… felt attractive and content. Everyone told me college was the place to meet people and I’m looking at the past four years like “Bastards lied to me”. I am a senior, I graduate in the spring. I have had one date in the past year. I thought it’d be more than this.
I think the reason why I’m focusing on this is because I everything else pretty figured out. I have a steady job that pays well, I am doing well in school and have good grades. I have my own place that’s really nice. But a romantic relationship is the part of my life that I have no experience in and I feel like I should have at least a little. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others but, honestly, it’s really, really hard not to. I just don’t get how people even meet. I suppose that’s my problem. If I’m not at home, I’m at work or school. And at school I’m working on assignments in the library. If I’m at work, I’m focused on my work and I work with girls who are not interested in girls, nor am I interested in them. They are good co-workers but we have nothing in common outside of working at Starbucks.
But the close relationships I have are not the type I really want. I want to have someone in my life who I can do all the romantic things with. I want to hold someone’s hand at the grocery store or on campus. I want to cuddle watching TV or playing games. I want to go on dates and be cute together. But the only thing I have that even remotely comes close is through Bioware games or RPs.
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Got my binder yesterday. It’s a little big because I measured during my period so my boobs were like... twice as big. So, oops. But it works well enough for now. I’m super happy though. I just feel so much better.
Is it weird I want to try online dating? I just... have such a hard time meeting people and making connections. I mean, I’ve been in college for four years now and... nothing. i have one meaningful friendship with my roommate but we... Don’t really do anything together. I mean, the most we do together is go to Costco.Â
I wish there was an online “dating” were you just made friends. That’d be cool. I guess, I’m really just looking for someone to be friends with. But I have such a hard time with that, I get really attached really fast and I freak people out (Alright, that is me trying to mind read, I know). But I have met some nice people in my classes we just don’t really have anything in common besides being German students.Â
I know I should try going to clubs and stuff but I get so anxious and freaked out about it... I just don’t know what to do.Â