#the drive

I spoke about this at length when I still had a twitter account, but as that has been deleted, I should probably reiterate the entire situation here, where I can easily direct people.

First, and what I consider most importantly- -----------------------------------------------------

C'oshta's childhood, trauma, and internal turmoil are in a number of ways ways directly informed by and taken from my experiences as an adoptee, and my PERSONAL FEARS about the kind of person I would be if it were not for the sheer amount of therapy I went through after my divorce.

He is NOT a self-insert. However, he does have quite a lot of "me" in his narrative dna, as it were.

I am aware that the overlap between adoptee trauma and indigenous pain and suffering is quite high, because of the systems that cause both, and inform the way people cope with terrible systemic situations. (especially regarding alienation and self-harming coping mechanisms)

I am not saying that indigenous people can not see their peoples' pain and suffering in C'oshta's experiences. If an indigenous person sees themselves or their family within C'oshta, that is okay.

That just is not my focus or intent.

Second-

Yes, he is a terrible person, thank you for noticing. Yes that probably DOES say something about my own personal fears and trauma, but this is not about me, and he is, I would like to reiterate, not a self insert.

Third-

If anyone takes offense to me, a trans man, writing a fic series in which a trans man initiates PiV sex MORE THAN ONCE, you can just block me. I (used to) tag things*, if you have a problem with it, that's a you problem not a me problem.

Fourth-

Yes, he bottoms. No. I don't think that's a problem, if you think it is, just fucking block me, as above. Some gay dudes are bottoms. Some gay dudes who are trans are also bottoms. I am a queer trans man who prefers to bottom and does not hate PiV. Please take your moralizing about what trans people are allowed to do elsewhere, this is not the space for that discussion.

and Finally-

And to reiterate something I mentioned elsewhere. Yes, I am fine with fanart. Yes. I am fine with people writing fanfic of my fanfic. (just tag me about it) Just no generative AI, please.

There are, however, some fun side things for people who like the fics. 1- I have a BUNCH of playlists made for characters and their relationships to each other (sadly, on spotify, but if I ever get around to moving them somewhere else, I will ABSOLUTELY update those links.)

C'oshta/Zenos:

The "Fray"list:

C'oshta/G'raha:

C'rhinh's playlist (about his older brother)

The sin eater bad ending playlist:

The Playlist about what that voidsent did to C'oshta and C'rhinh's mother.

The devastatingly far too long combined playlist. Because sometimes you just need 30 hours of music.

And for my fellow tea nerds. Yes I DID create a series of fandom blends on adagio entirely around the fic series. No I do not make money off of any of it. Yes I did it entirely so I can drink C'oshta themed tea. No I will NOT be gatekeeping it from anyone who wants them. (Yes I did make the tin art or did the photoshopping of various things for the tin art.)

Yes I did make you read quite a bit of annoying bookkeeping before getting to the fun things (playlists and tea). Tl;Dr- The fic is not dead. I have just been wrestling with a few annoying scenes to the point of driving myself up the wall over it. The problem is my perfectionism.

EDIT to add: My Ao3 is here, forgot to mention that in the pinned. Whoops. Everything is archive locked, so just keep that in mind.