#the decision

I don't understand it. I doubt I ever will. How do you see happiness here? How do you look at our angel and not see how devastated he is? How do you reconcile this heart breaking before your eyes to claim this is a happy ending? And please think before you come at with me with "not being able to be together is part of why they chose to allow their universe to end, so that they would be free to love each other." How exactly did they choose that, then? With all that big juicy free will they don't have? At best. At the very best. Crowley has just given up. And because of that, this time, he says what he thinks Aziraphale wants to hear - "I choose the world." At worst, Crowley has just given up. And because of that, this time, he says "I don't choose you." Either way, Aziraphale hears both, loud and clear. Either way, GO3 Crowley is willing to sacrifice Aziraphale for a hypothetical. Which neither S1, S2, or Book Crowley would have ever considered in the realm of possibility. This isn't character development. This isn't a role reversal. This isn't selfless love. This is characters being written into a corner and the universe being written into oblivion.

Goodbye

From The Andalite Chronicles Chapter 29

I want to focus in here on this little bit where Elfangor starts to explain something, gets discouraged and stops himself. Then Loren encourages him to continue, explicitly showing that she is interested in what he has to say.

The Andalite Chronicles is full of these little back and forth moments of them talking about themselves, sharing bits of Earth and Andalite. I feel like it encapsulates their dynamic very succinctly. They are interested in what the other has to say and actively enjoy learning about each other.

Sadly I feel like this dynamic is largely missing from Ax’s interactions with the other Animorphs. Tobias and Cassie being the exceptions, the other kids get annoyed with Ax explaining things the second they don’t find it interesting.

Aaaaaand I reached THAT part. I didn't know it was an actual line from the books and I got totally blindsided by it... I might have screamed a bit lol

#6 — The Capture

"Ax? What do you think would happen to all those Yeerks in there if the temperature of the liquid suddenly went up to say, one hundred twenty degrees? And the liquid was all agitated?" Ax looked puzzled. <I believe the heat and the agitation might destroy them.> "Well. That would be a pity." I made a quick decision. "Ax? Watch the door to the hallway. Cassie? We may need you in some more dangerous morph. What have you got?" "Wolf?" "Perfect. But no howling." "What are you going to do?" Cassie asked. "We came here to stop this sick operation, right? Well, wiping out a hundred or so Yeerks might be a good way to start. I'm going to hook this thing back together, and Jacuzzi these filthy creeps to death."

when he was innocent. when his kill count was low. when his primary purpose for fighting in the war was still to save his brother, and when he still believed it would all go back to normal after the end. when he was willing to win it with war crimes, not out of some tactical decision but out of pure innocence and care for his brother.

#18 — The Decision (Ax):

Galuit turned to speak to Prince Jake. <I have need of you to save this planet from the Yeerks. Will you- > "Yes," Prince Jake said. <You say yes without knowing what I'm asking.> "Will it save the Leerans? Will it keep them free? And most of all, will it hurt the Yeerks?"

now it's not all out of innocence. he's killed. he's killed many. he knows he's the leader, and he knows he has to make the calls. he knows he needs to hurt the yeerks. it's his highest priority, his "most of all." hurting the yeerks.

#19 — The Departure (Cassie):

"No. I feel bad because I felt nothing. I felt. . . nothing, Rachel. At that moment I felt like I was just doing my job, you know? And now they're shutting down the clinic, and my dad tells me and I feel . . . nothing. It's been going on for a long time. Each day, each battle, each mission, I just feel less and less." I looked at Rachel. She looked away. I turned to Jake. He made the ghost of a smile and nodded his head. He understood. He knew. It was happening to him, too. But then he looked away as well.

he's killed. he's made calls. he's thinking of how many he's killed, and how many he's willing to kill, and he's also thinking about how he can't afford to think about that. he's not cassie; he's the leader. he's the prince. he kills, and soon, he stops thinking about it.

#19 — The Departure (Jake):

<Cassie must have had a reason,> Rachel said. <Of course she had a reason,> I said. <Yeah? What?> Marco demanded. <What reason could she have for giving us all up to the Yeerks?> <You really don't know, Marco?> I asked him. <You really don't know why someone would not want to kill? Or even stand by and let someone else kill?> <She has no choice!> Marco said. <There's always a choice,> Tobias said. <l can't get mad at someone not wanting to take a life. I can't get mad at someone for thinking life is sacred. I just can't.> It surprised me, him coming to Cassie's defense. Tobias lives as a pure predator. For him, killing is something he has to do for breakfast. <This is a war,> Rachel said coldly. <We're fighting for our lives. We have a right to do whatever it takes to win.> <Maybe we'll lose, maybe we'll win,> I said. <But if we win and someday it's all over, you'd better hope there are still plenty of Cassies in the world. You'd better hope that not everyone has decided it's okay to do whatever it takes to win.>

he's not that innocent kid anymore. he's realised that, maybe, he'll lose. but he has to try; has to have hope. rachel says they have a right to do whatever it takes, and he doesn't deny it, but he says that she had better hope that not everyone agrees with her. or marco. or even (maybe, probably, definitely) him.

#21 — The Threat

"Fine. Let's get out of here," I said. But Ax hesitated. He turned his stalk eyes meaningfully toward the stainless steel tub. <The Yeerks are probably already in place. Do we ... do we leave them?> I knew what he was suggesting. It would be easy to finish them off right there and then. But if we did, the Yeerks might simply be able to replace them. And they'd be warned that we knew their plan. Besides, there was something wrong about killing defenseless slugs. I was pretty sure of that. I shook my head. "Let's fly."