#thatdanai

Tharin very much is aware that Thatdanai raised Khanin, loving him as his own son. And for Khanin, for 19 years he called Thatdanai father. Tharin is a stranger to this boy. They haven't had a relationship since Khanin was a year old.

At the end of the story, Khanin is free to go wherever he wants and be whoever he wants. He chooses to live with Thatdanai. To metaphorically rebuild the home they had together and that life they had as father/son.

HOWEVER, no matter who is on the throne or who rules what, Tharin genuinely and truly only cares about Khanin's wellbeing and happiness. He lost the will to live after his wife and son were killed, and having Khanin back is a miracle.

Tharin is very sincere in his love of Khanin, and Khanin comes to love his father as well, and to understand the pain he must have been going through all these years.

So Khanin is still very close with his biological father, and Tharin comes to see him as often as humanly possible. He wants to be involved in as much of Khanin's life as he can be, and he loves that Khanin calls both him and Thatdanai his fathers and treats them as equal in his heart.

Excerpt from Ch.5

Context: Nin found out the truth about his royal heritage the night before. He's confused, frustrated, and angry at his dad.

His lips pressed together. He reluctantly withdrew his hands from the piano, realizing that the instrument couldn't help him this time. Khanin searched for something new. He rummaged through his shoulder bag for a moment before pulling out what he needed.

A caramel candy.

One of Khanin's go-to comforts when he felt uneasy or down was these candies, and his father, Tatdanai, got him hooked on them.

Khanin's mind drifted back to his childhood. There was a time when he'd fallen and scraped his knee badly. It hurt so much that he wanted to cry, but he didn't. He tried hard to hold back his tears, following his father's teachings.

Because he wanted to follow his father's advice, Khanin tried to hide his pain as his father led him into the house.

'Does it hurt a lot?' Tatdanai asked gently as he tended to the wound.

'It hurts... a lot.'

'Then why didn't you cry?' Tatdanai's dark eyes remained focused on his son's wound, his voice soft.

'I was afraid you wouldn't like it. You always said I had to be strong,' young Khanin replied honestly, his words hitting his father hard.

'So you didn't cry because of that? Even though it hurts this much?'

'Yes. . .' Khanin's voice was barely a whisper, his resolve to be strong wavering. He bit his lip and looked down as tears welled up despite his efforts to hold them back.

'I'm sorry,' Tatdanai said, his voice a mix of gentleness and regret. He sighed softly and pulled Khanin onto his lap.

'I shouldn’t have taught you that. I kept thinking you needed to be tough because the future holds much more for you. But I forgot that right now, you’re just my child... I was wrong. I'm sorry, Nin.'

Tatdanai, at the time, kept apologizing and rethinking his teachings.

'From now on, if you’re hurt or sad and want to cry, just cry. Remember, the greatest courage is to accept the truth and be honest with your feelings. Crying doesn’t mean you’re weak or giving up. Even if you shed tears, you can still be strong. Crying is human nature.'

'. . .'

'But I want you to understand your feelings and find the cause of your emotions. It's good to be aware of your own feelings, not just sadness but also happiness, love, sorrow, and fear.'

'. . .'

'Don't let anyone know your feelings better than you do because that could allow someone with ill intentions to use them against you... Understand, Nin?'

'I understand.'

Khanin's firm response eased Tatdanai's tension. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a round brown candy, handing it to his son.

'I know you like sweets, but I can't let you have too many because they'll rot your teeth. So... you can have this as a reward when you can accept your feelings. How about that?'

The offer came with a caramel candy placed in Khanin's small hand. He looked up at his father, still sad because the pain still lingered.

'Okay.'

'Do you still want to cry?'

Khanin nodded. His tears threatened to flow down despite his efforts to hold them back.

'If you want to cry, then cry, my dear.'

No matter how much time had passed, Khanin never forgot that memory. He looked at the brown candy in his hand, weighing his options before deciding he couldn't reward himself this time. He put the candy back in his bag.

Excerpt from Ch.8

Context: Nin is still upset at his dad but sits down for breakfast with him. It's the morning of the day their house gets invaded by strangers.

He immersed himself in the taste of the food, which today seemed to have been made with extra care by his father, judging by the amount of bacon on the plate, which was more than usual, and the addition of two fried eggs.

In reality... Tatdanai was the one trying to control his weight as an athlete. But now his father added everything he'd once said to avoid for him to enjoy.

The young man recognized all the efforts his father made for him. However, Khanin's response was the opposite. He just quietly ate his breakfast, even though he got what he once wanted, but now he felt no happiness inside.

Khanin guessed his father knew this well, so he didn't come to sit beside him as usual. His father kept his distance, only coming closer when the third piece of bacon on the young man's plate was gone.

Khanin remained indifferent. His beautiful eyes caught a glimpse of his father's actions, causing him to hold his breath due to the tightness in his chest.

Tatdanai paused for a moment, then used his dominant hand to place a caramel candy next to Khanin's knife hand, causing him to freeze.

The young man looked up, but before he could make eye contact, his father had already turned and walked away.

Tatdanai avoided confrontation, and this was his way of making amends...

'I know you like sweets, but I can’t let you have too many because they'll rot your teeth. So... you can have this as a reward when you can accept your feelings. How about that?'

The image of his father kneeling down to talk to him in a gentle voice replayed in his mind like watching an old film. The more Khanin thought about those memories, the more upset he became. He had so many questions he wanted to ask his father.

This action seemed like he wanted him to understand and accept something.

But what do you want me to accept, Dad? Accept the anger, disappointment, and sadness of suddenly becoming strangers to each other?

Or do you want me to accept that we aren't really father and son and that the person I trusted most has kept me in the dark for twenty-one years? Which truth do you want me to accept. . . ?

Khanin's hooded eyes blinked forcefully. He gathered the fork and knife together when his favorite dish suddenly became tasteless.

The young man got up from the dining table and went to the sink, deciding to leave the candy where it was. He quickly grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder, glancing back at the problematic caramel candy still sitting there.

Khanin didn't think to go back and put it in his bag. The main reason was that the giver didn't think to speak or communicate, which meant he had no reason to take it.

The young man decided to leave the house, but a deep voice from behind stopped him before he could step out.

"Don't go yet."

"..."

Khanin turned to face Tatdanai.

After being gone for a while, his father had taken off the blue apron.

Tatdanai moved closer, his rough hand grabbing the slender hand of the young man he'd called his son for twenty years, then placed the caramel candy in it.

"Nin..."

The first call received no response. Khanin acted like a sulky child, not even looking at his father, and Tatdanai understood his son well... He shouldn't force his son to reconcile now when Khanin had such high emotional walls.

"..."

"Are you very angry with me?" The next sentence was a question filled with guilt. Tatdanai's dark eyes softened, resting on Khanin, even though the young man remained silent.

Tatdanai didn't take it to heart because, in his eyes, the other was still the same little boy from the past. Just a small child ignoring his father because he was upset with what he'd done.

But it wouldn't be long. Tatdanai believed things would get better between them...

This time would be like every other time. Caring for his son's emotions and feelings was the most important thing.

Nothing was more complicated than trying to make Khanin stop being angry. If Khanin had stopped being angry, Tatdanai's world would've been bright again.

"When you're not angry with me anymore. . . eat it."

[...]

The soft sound of the door closing echoed in Khanin's ears. The young man stood still, staring at the door and the caramel candy in his hand for a long time before deciding to put it in his bag.

He wasn't completely over his anger at Tatdanai, but he kept the candy partly because he didn't want his father to feel worse. But he couldn't force himself to pretend everything was fine. Khanin wasn't brave enough to lie to himself.

[... ... ...]

Khanin admitted he was still mad at his father.

The young man didn't understand why Tatdanai let those people use their higher status to force them. Why did Tatdanai have to bow down to that guy [Charan] when everyone had their own lives?

The young man reached into his pocket, his fingers touching the plastic-wrapped caramel candy, reminding him of his father.

Khanin closed his eyes. He'd decided to talk to his father today, no matter what. Tatdanai had to choose between him and Emmaly.

Excerpt from Ch.9

Context: Nin didn't get the chance to make up and clear things with his dad because their house gets invaded that same night. These are the last words between Nin and Tatdanai.

"No..." As if foreseeing what'd happen, Khanin shook his head vigorously, his small hand gripping the strong arm of the older man, pleading with his eyes.

"Nin, listen to me. Don't follow me. If anything happens, wait at the third pine tree. Remember?"

"Don't go, Dad."

"I'll be there before sunrise," Tatdanai said, holding his son's small hand. They looked into each other's eyes one last time before the older man pulled away.

[...]

Tears blurred his vision. He tried to regain his composure, intending to rush back inside, but Charan was quicker. Before he could move, someone locked him in a single-arm hold.

"Let go! Let me go! Dad!!"

Charan allowed Khanin to shout only briefly before covering his mouth with a hand, dragging the younger man away from the scene...

Tears clouded Khanin's vision. The dark, unlit house grew distant from Khanin's sight.

He couldn't see anything anymore... Not even his father's shadow. The warmth he thought he'd receive, the conversations to clear up misunderstandings he planned beforehand... The words of love he left unsaid.

Everything turned into a fleeting dream, shattered in an instant...

Excerpt from Ch.10

Context: Continued from the previous scene, Ran drags Nin away who shouts and cries and resists. Nin feels hopeless, helpless, and vents his emotions at Ran. Then he clings to his last hope.

"Where are you going?" Khanin's movement snapped Charan out of his thoughts. He was about to stop him, but when he saw the direction the younger one was heading, he changed his mind and silently followed.

Khanin wasn't thinking of going home but was heading somewhere...

His wristwatch showed 1:30 AM. Khanin had a new destination in mind: a park quite far from his home. He ran along the path, not caring if someone [Charan] was following him or not.

'Nin, listen to me. Don't follow me. If anything happens, wait at the third pine tree. Remember?'

'Don't go, Dad.'

'I'll be there before sunrise.'

The third pine tree... was a place where he and Tatdanai often went for picnics on weekends. A small glimmer of hope formed in the darkness. Khanin thought Tatdanai might be waiting there already, so he quickened his pace.

The young man weaved through the path, full of hope. But what he saw in front of him now made that glimmer of hope fade to a frightening degree.

The park at night was deserted. There wasn't even a shadow of the person in his thoughts... the surroundings were eerily quiet, empty to the point of being unsettling.

Khanin breathed lightly, his eyes dimmed, but he kept telling himself to wait.

Wait another hour, and Dad will come...

Tatdanai had never broken a promise. Every time he said something, he kept his word... His father would always keep his promises, and Khanin hoped this time would be like every other time.

The clock's hands moved from minutes to hours. Khanin had always thought waiting for something in life was annoying, but he never imagined that... waiting could turn into fear.

3:45 AM... tears welled up, and Khanin's eyes blurred. The scene in front of him seemed to blur, but the stubborn young man refused to let his weakness show.

Khanin told himself he wouldn't cry. There was nothing sad about it. The sun hadn't risen yet. Tatdanai said he'd come before sunrise.

Dad will come... He definitely will.

The fair-skinned young man comforted himself and waited. Khanin used to love watching the sky and seeing the first light of a new day. But this was the first time in his life he didn't want the new day's sun to arrive.

The early morning air in the capital of England was cold. It wasn't snowing, and the temperature wasn't below freezing, but the heart of the one waiting for his loved one was cold and aching.

The color of the sky above had changed. The heart in his chest beat slower. Khanin's eyes filled with tears. The clear drops he'd tried to hold back slowly fell as he looked down the road ahead and saw only emptiness. . .

Tatdanai isn't here... he really isn't coming.

"Wh. . . Why..."

His father had never broken a promise. He always kept his word, and Khanin knew this better than anyone. The young man's legs gave out, and his body seemed to lose strength as the voice in his heart screamed for him to accept the truth.

The truth that Khanin never wanted to accept...

The truth that he never wanted to know...

No matter how many candies he ate, his father would never come back.

'When you're not angry with me anymore. . . eat it.'

Khanin clenched the small candy in his hand tightly and let the tears flow freely. The first light of the new day shone on his body, reminding him that the long wait should end here.

The young man raised his trembling hand, unwrapped the small candy, and swallowed the sweetness. The soft sobs mingled with the wind. Khanin wondered... now that he'd eaten the candy... like what his father had said...

Will you. . . come to see me now, Dad?

Charan watched the young man in front of him. The scene almost overlapped with his past memories. He moved closer, placing his hand on the small shoulder and feeling the trembling from the sobs.