I want my drawings to be cute/pretty might try some new thing

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I want my drawings to be cute/pretty might try some new thing

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I feel bad for finding inspiration in nsfw art I really want to give likes and stuff but I don’t want ppl to think I am horny when I’m not, And I just really admire thier art/work. Not only that but I’m also a minor so I always feel awful for it.
Also to add on I’m asexual so I don’t even have a sex drive. I just think it’s boring I see no point in it or that’s probably due to trauma still wondering.
Sometimes I feel like I post wayyy to often I’m a very fast drawer/worker if it’s about something I like. I know ppl don’t mind bc they follow me for my art but sometimes I just get an overwhelming feeling that I’m being annoying
Can’t wait to get a iPad or a new drawing tablet soon so I can finally make clean line art
Out of the blue my cousin asked for my switch friend code. It’s rlly nice of her since we don’t talk much I wish I didn’t get nervous around ppl as often. If I wasn’t shy I probably would have had a lot of friends/ppl to talk to in real life that is

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Lol I went to sleep And I’m still mad about the dad thing. Dude he tried to make it up bc he feels bad I’m not seeing him. I do not want to see him again but will see him only once since he brought me something a pitty gift. Lol still not gonna ease the pain
Also yeah I am getting help I’m on a waiting list and have been for a while, you know I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if I had another disorder like ptsd or social anxiety but that’s just me talking.
Dude I’m just really mad honestly I feel like I don’t have a lot of support in real life ppl on the internet are way more understanding. But ppl I know in real life just wouldn’t know how to react in stressful situations. And most of the time ppl in real life kinda invalidate me/victim blame when I open up about the things I’m going through
And on that note it’s not like I have a lot of ppl to talk to fucking anyways I literally have one friend irl that I talk to. Yes on the internet I have a lot of friends but then again right it’s not like I can say I truly know them. But then in the end the same irl friend was the same person to say “you shouldn’t have bite him” so what can I say is that even a friend to me anymore?
Life is just a big dream collection we are born we experience then we die. The world will continue without me and that’s how it is and will be until the earth blows up