#temporary paralysis

“A little,” I said. But I was wearing a sleeveless dress and Rafayel was wearing a suit, so he would definitely be feeling it more.

Rafayel had been irritable all night, even for him. I knew he wasn’t happy to be here, but he didn’t have to be so grumpy.

I poked his cheek teasingly. “Cheer up, you only have to hang around for a couple more hours at least. Then Thomas will be off your back for a few weeks at least before he wants you to finish another project.”

“Oh good, a few weeks to myself,” he replied sarcastically.

I huffed a sigh, starting to feel a little annoyed at his attitude. “Why do you even come to these if you don’t like anything about them?”

He gave me a look. “I wouldn’t have come tonight if you hadn’t ordered me to.”

“What? I did that on Thomas’s behalf—”

“And he knows I can’t say no to you,” Rafayel muttered. “Today of all days too. You do play dirty.”

“What do you mean? You didn’t have to come if you really didn’t want to. You’ve skipped out before, plenty of times.”

He narrowed his eyes accusingly. “Did you miss the part where I said you ordered me to come?”

He loosened his tie and I caught a very brief glint of azure scales on his neck.

“Rafayel, you’re—”

I froze, suddenly remembering the first time I had seen his scales. It had been about this time last year. Did that mean…

“Rafayel,” I took his hand and found that it was clammy, my heart sinking. “Is this…um…because of Ebb Day?”

He gave me a baleful look and drank the rest of his wine. “Forgot?”

“Why didn’t you remind me?!” I demanded. “You should be home resting!”

“Yeah, I know,” Rafayel scoffed. “But you’re the one who ordered me to come, so I had to come.”

I opened my mouth, but remembered earlier when I had shown up at the studio to remind Rafayel that the gallery was that night. He’d refused as usual, saying he had better things to do, so I had put my hands on my hips and told him that he would come and he would stop complaining about it.

Thinking back, the look on his face had been a bit odd, and he had acquiesced rather easily for Rafayel.

I remembered last year when Rafayel had explained about Ebb Day, how he said that Lemurians were weaker, more suggestible, especially ones who held binding pacts with humans. I’d seen it in action before and it was indeed powerful. Well, at least in getting him to do anything but stop complaining, it seemed.

Still, I felt awful about forcing him to leave the house when he was sick.

“Rafayel, I’m sorry. I should have remembered.”

He shrugged, putting the wineglass down on the tray of a passing waiter. “Whatever. You’ll just owe me, I guess.” His face suddenly scrunched up as he staggered, leaning back against the wall rather heavily.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked, grabbing his arm to steady him.

“That’s new,” he muttered, hand going to his thigh and rubbing gently.

“Raf?”

He pushed himself off the wall, still a little shaky. “I can’t breathe in here, I need some fresh air.”

He passed me, pushing his way through the crowd, ignoring anyone who called out to him as he made his way toward the back door.

Instead of following him, I decided to give him a couple minutes while I went to find Thomas.

The young gallery manager was currently in a discussion with a couple who seemed interested in one of Rafayel’s pieces.

“Of course, we can have it delivered tomorrow. Thank you so much.”

I stepped up to him as he was putting a sign up to indicate the painting had been bought. He glanced at me, sighing as he saw I was alone.

“Where did he run off to now?”

“Thomas, I need to take Rafayel home,” I told him. “He’s not feeling well.”

“Is he,” Thomas deadpanned. “What excuse did he use this time?”

“No excuse, he’s actually sick, Thomas.”

Sympathy washed the manager’s eyes. “He is? Well, in that case, make sure he rests. I trust you to look after him.”

I nodded and smiled at him in thanks before heading outside to find Rafayel.

He was sitting on a bench that sat on one side of the gallery in a small garden area. He was currently bent over his knees, head propped in one hand.

“Rafayel?” I called.

He looked up, straightening slightly, but I could see the discomfort clear in his eyes.

“I told Thomas I’m taking you home,” I said.

“Finally,” he muttered. “That place was too stuffy—too many people in there.”

He pushed himself up but wobbled and sat back down heavily.

“Are you okay?” I asked, reaching down to grab his arm.

“It’s…my legs. They really hurt,” he admitted, a furrow in his brow.

“Is that not normal?” I asked.

“No, at least it’s never happened to me before. But it’s like…really sharp pain shoots through them every once in a while.”

I offered him my hands so he could stand up. “Maybe a bath will help soothe you when we get home? I’ll ask for the next couple days off so I can take care of you.”

Rafayel leaned against me and I could feel the fever radiating from him. “I guess I’ll accept that as an apology.”

I got him to the car and took the keys from my bag. He leaned against the window, eyes closed. I pursed my lips in worry but made a silent promise that I would care for him and pamper him to make up for my mistake earlier. And for forgetting such an important event. I would make sure to mark it on my calendar next year.

Rafayel’s legs seemed stiffer by the time we got back; he could barely walk into the house and I had to put him on the couch instead of getting him up to his room.

“Do you normally have different symptoms when it comes to Ebb Day?” I asked him as I set up his bath.

“Sometimes it’s worse than others.” Rafayel admitted, unbuttoning his shirt halfway down his chest. I could see how much trouble he was having breathing so I got the water running as quickly as possible.

He groaned, raising and arm to place over his eyes and I bent to gently brush his hair back.

“The bath is ready. I’m gonna go grab a few things. You can get in whenever you want.”

He grunted and I made my way around the large house to collect all the things I would need to take care of Rafayel: thermometer, fever medicine, towels, bottles of water—I wasn’t really sure if any of this would do much, but I figured it was better to try.

By the time I got back, I was surprised to see Rafayel still sitting on the couch. He had stripped his shirt off, random patterns of scales showing across his ribs, making me do a doubletake, feeling my cheeks heat slightly. But it wasn’t time to get flustered, especially with the look of panic Rafayel shot me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I-I can’t move my legs,” he admitted.

“What do you mean? Are they hurting again, or—?”

“I mean they won’t move,” Rafayel snapped, shifting on the couch. “They’re just…aching. But I can’t make them move.”

I didn’t know what to do. “Maybe you need a hospital—”

“No!” Rafayel cut in instantly, eyes wide. “Do you have any idea what they would do to me? I’m not…human and I can’t even pass right now.”

“What about Talia? Could you talk to her?”

“I’m sure she’s going through her own issues right now,” Rafayel replied, jaw tightening with obvious pain and discomfort. “I just…need to get in the water. I can’t breathe enough to deal with this. Can I lean on you?”

“If you can’t move your legs, that’s not going to help,” I told him, walking over, eyeing Rafayel briefly before making my decision. I bent over. “Can you put your arms around my neck?”

He wrapped his arms around my neck loosely. “What are you…hey!”

As soon as his arms were around me, I slid my other arm under his knees and lifted. He was certainly heavier than he looked and I realized that Rafayel’s slim frame was all muscle. Still, I’d done a lot of training and after centering my weight I was able to steady us both.

“P-put me down! How dare you carry me like a princess?!” he demanded, covering his face with a hand, but I could still see how red his ears were.

I smirked a little as I moved over to the tub. “Stop complaining or I’ll just throw you over my shoulder next time.”

Rafayel’s face was blazing under the scales on his cheeks. “You’re too bold. I can see no one bothered to teach you manners. You think you’re one of those old sailors in the stories who would go looking for Lemurians on Ebb Day and steal them off to be their brides? I’m not like that, I bite back!”

“Oh, so you’re my Lemurian bride now?” I teased.

“That not what I meant! Stop bullying me!”

I ignored his indignant babbling and lowered him into the bathtub with a little difficulty, but managed not to drop him.

Rafayel settled back with a groan, reaching for his throat. I quickly grabbed a cloth and wet it, pressing it to his forehead.

“You think I need to steal you away?” I teased. “Aren’t you already bound to me?”

His throat bobbed and I felt my stomach flip a little, realizing the joke had fallen flat.

“Here, drink some water,” I coaxed, opening one of the bottles and handing it to him.

Rafayel grabbed it with shaky hands and drank thirstily.

“How are your legs?” I asked.

“Hurting,” he said. “It’s like, really bad, I don’t get it. Why does it always have to be something new?”

“Are they going to turn back into a tail?”

“What? No! I-I…don’t think so,” he amended.

“Can you even do that?” I asked. “I mean, I never see you change even when you’ve gone underwater, so…”

“You are just full of questions tonight,” he murmured, reaching up to rub his head, his other fist clenching on the side of the tub.

“I’m just trying to figure out how best to help you,” I told him sincerely, sitting down behind his head and making him lean back against a rolled towel before I massaged his temples.

He grunted, but seemed to relax from the motion, eyes fluttering shut.

“It seems to get worse every year I’m on land,” he admitted, reaching down to rub at his thighs, shifting uncomfortably. “I…sometimes wonder if some year I’ll be too weak to move or speak.”

“If you are, then I’ll be there,” I assured him softly, picking up the cloth and running the cool water over his neck and face. He nuzzled into it slightly with a small groan of relief.

“But you forgot what today was,” he said, not accusing but sounding more scared and lost.

I shifted so I could cup his chin, tilting his head back so he could look up at me. “I won’t forget again. I’ll mark it on my calendar every year and take the week off. I’ll make sure Thomas knows not to schedule anything during that time, and I’ll spend it taking care of you.

His eyes seemed to melt a little, but his face soon crumpled with pain, a whimper escaping his throat.

I pursed my lips. “Let me get you some pain medicine.”

I went to get up and he caught my wrist, doe eyes looking up at me. “Ari…”

“I’ll be right back,” I promised.

He reluctantly let me go and I headed upstairs to his room, grabbing pain pills, some comfortable clothes for him and quickly changing into some lounge clothes myself so I could get out of the uncomfortable dress.

As I was coming back down the stairs, I heard a large splash and the sounds indicating Rafayel was in pain. I hurried the rest of the way into his studio only to come to a halt when I saw him in the bath.

Rafayel was gripping the sides of the tub, while over the end, flopped a massive fishtail. It was gorgeous, the iridescent blue scales catching the dim studio lights.

“Rafayel, you…you do actually have a tail,” I managed to say stupidly.

He turned to give me a slightly baleful look. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

I hurried over, kneeling beside him again, unable to stop catching glances at his tail. “Does it still hurt?”

“Not as much, but I don’t feel good,” Rafayel moaned, looking a little dizzy.

I reached out to stroke his damp hair back from his eyes. “What can I do, Rafayel?”

I was surprised when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the tub. I let out a shriek. “Rafayel! What are you doing?”

I struggled, but he held me firm, looking up at me with eyes that held distrust and years of hurt, combating his current needs.

“What will you do now that you’ve seen me like this?” he asked, voice slightly hoarse, extremely vulnerable. “I’m no better than a beached whale. You could do anything to me right now.”

“Rafayel…”

“Will you sell me to the highest bidder? Or will you keep me for yourself; put me in a fishtank and make me entertain you?”

I took his chin and his breath hitched as I forced him to look at me.

“Rafayel, I know this is the fever talking, so calm down. You know I will never hurt you.”

His eyes welled, but he looked away before any tears fell. I leaned in to kiss his eyelids and felt him shudder.

“Tell me what you need,” I said more firmly.

A frustrated whine escaped his throat. “I just…need you to stay with me. Don’t leave me. Share your warmth with me.”

He pulled me closer to his chest so that I was laying on top of him, his tail shifting behind me.

I normally would protest, but despite the cool water, he was so warm I didn’t feel cold. It felt…right, like in some universe this hadn’t been the first time we’d laid like this.

“You really won’t take advantage of me while I’m like this?” he murmured, nuzzling my hair.

“Why do you keep asking me that?” I demanded, pulling back slightly.

“Because I can’t say no if you command me to do something,” he admitted. “And I’m afraid you…might make me do something to hurt you.”

“Then I won’t,” I promised. “I will only ask pleasantly, like this:” I cleared my throat. “Dear Rafayel, if you wish, may I kiss your forehead?”

He huffed, cheeks tinting a little, but nodded. “Yes, but that’s not really what I’m talking about…”

I kissed his forehead anyway and pulled back to meet his eyes, seeing them look distant before he took my hand and kissed my palm, pressing it to his cheek.

“Promise me that you won’t ever ask me to do something you know I would never do with my own hands,” he said suddenly.

I frowned, and realized this had never been about Rafayel pretending to be prudish after all. I felt an odd unease in my stomach as if I were forgetting something important. Something I should remember.

“Rafayel…?”

“Never mind, it’s not important,” he said quickly. “Just…promise me?”

I nodded firmly and took his hands in mine. “I promise.”

He seemed to relax slightly, eyes still a little distant and glassy with fever. I stroked his cheek, and decided to tease him a little again to make him feel better.

“So, it looks like I was lucky enough to catch a merman on Ebb Day after all. And quite a handsome one with a very fine tail—and beautiful scales.”

He flushed enormously, his scales becoming more prominent. “Stop saying stuff like that,” he mumbled, genuinely flustered.

I smiled, endeared. It was hard to actually fluster Rafayel since he was usually so cheeky, but he was more vulnerable right now. I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Perhaps I should get a nice big pool for my pretty fishie to swim around it.”

“You’ll be disappointed, I’m most likely to turn into just a man when you wake up tomorrow,” Rafayel replied blandly.

“Well, if that’s the case,” I said, leaning in to kiss the corner of his mouth, “I will make sure he gets put into bed and pampered until he feels better.”

Rafayel smirked a little. “Oh? So you really are sorry for forgetting.”

“Maybe,” I said as he pulled me closer, hands pressed against the small of my back. “Or maybe I just like taking care of you.”

Rafayel’s breath exhaled with some surprise, but he finally seemed to relax. “I suppose I can allow that then.”

I closed my eyes as I nestled on his chest, feeling Rafayel’s breathing even out as well. Whether I woke to a man or a Lemurian the next morning didn’t really matter—he would still be my Rafayel either way.

~~~~~~~

The soreness was constant. It followed him every fucking second of every fucking minute. From the moment he woke up until the moment he fell asleep. And even then, sometimes he could feel the pain in his dreams. Or rather his nightmares. Reeve swallowed, tears starting to prick at his eyes.

“I’ll never be able to walk again, will I?” Reeve asked quietly. The doctor didn’t respond right away, staring at the candle next to Reeve’s bed. The flickering light danced across their pale face.

“I don’t know for sure,” they finally said. “I think it’s possible that you’ll be able to walk with a crutch, but even that might be a long shot. It’ll all depend on how the bone and muscle heals, and there isn’t anything I can do to control it. I’m sorry.”

Reeve gave a humorless laugh. That was exactly the answer he had been expecting. His laugh then turned into a sob. Gods, in an instant his life had been changed forever. Being able to walk, to move of his own will, was one of the few ways he had been able to have autonomy over his body. It was a small thing, but it had mattered to him. Then it had been ripped away. Reeve knew that he should be grateful that Braughtman didn’t succeed in killing him, that he was alive. But the constant pain, the loss of another one of his tiny shreds of freedom… sometimes it felt like too much. Like he wouldn’t be able to endure another moment. Reeve closed his eyes and tears ran down his face. He wanted to scream, to release the frustration and anger and heartbreak that had lodged itself in his heart. But instead he just whispered.

“I’m so broken. My leg, my brain. I’m in pain every single second. Sometimes I wish you had just let me die.”

The doctor didn’t respond for a second. Tears gathered in their eyes, threatening to spill over.

“I’m so sorry that you’re in so much pain. I wish I could tell you it’ll get better, but I honestly don’t know if it will. Your hip will probably become less painful over time, but I have no idea what will happen with your seizures.” They paused, and in the silence Reeve let out a sob. He brought a hand to his mouth, trying to stifle his crying. He didn’t know if he could handle this for the rest of his life. He didn’t know if he was strong enough. A lump of despair lodged in his throat.

“What’s going to happen to me?” He asked, once his crying had settled down. Reeve had wanted to ask the question for days, but he was scared to know the answer. He was completely at the mercy of these vampires. He was their property, and despite their assurances that he would be safe, dread still colored all his thoughts of the future. Of what they could and would do to a helpless human.

Blair chewed their bottom lip, a sharp fang sticking out. It suddenly occurred to Reeve that he hadn’t been fed on for almost ten days. That was the longest time he had gone without losing blood for the three years he had been the property of the army.

Blair finally responded. “The General and I are still trying to figure that out. You won’t be sent back to the food supply, that’s for sure.” They paused. Reeve’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t know if he should be grateful or anxious about not being sent back there. “We’ve been in contact with some people who can take care of you. If all goes according to plan, you’ll be sent to them next month. You should be well enough to travel by then.”

Reeve’s heart skipped another beat. “What people?” He asked shakily.

This time, Blair gave him a small smile. “The monks at the Monastery of Clea. We’re waiting to hear back if they have room to take you in. You’ll be safe there. They are devoted to taking care of humans as an act of worship to the goddess.”

Reeve didn’t respond, his mind reeling. That… was not what he had been expecting. Clea was the goddess of humans, sister of Lebne, god of vampires. He knew nothing about her monastery, nothing about the monks who might be taking him in. But through the cloud of apprehension, something shined through. Something which he hadn’t felt in what seemed like years. Hope.

…

It turned out that the Monastery did have room. A six weeks later, Reeve sat in the bed of a wagon, his crutch leaning against his leg as the miles trundled by, the stars stretching overhead. The General had sent him with the caravan going on a supply run, which would be passing close by the Monastery. Reeve closed his eyes, tears threatening to fall as he remembered his goodbye to Davin. He would certainly never see him again. But Blair promised that they would make sure Davin stayed safe, ensure that he wasn’t hurt. Reeve just hoped they would be able to keep that promise.

The wagon hit a rut and Reeve hissed as his leg was jostled. Luckily, the pain was more bearable now that the bone had mostly healed. He could walk with a crutch, which he was grateful for even though it was often painful.

They were close.

Reeve sat up a bit higher, wincing as a shot of pain lanced through his right side. They were making their way over gently rolling hills, mountains rising sharply in the distance. A cluster of buildings nestled at the bottom of the hill. Reeve could just make out their shapes in the pre-dawn light. It was the Monastery.

His stomach twisted. He didn’t know what was waiting for him there. Supposedly he would be well taken care of, kept safe and comfortable for the rest of his days. Reeve had never been particularly religious. Yes, he prayed, but it seemed like more often than not his prayers went unanswered. He did it more out of habit than out of any sense of devotion. But this seemed like a good time to pray. Please, Goddess, grant me your protection and mercy. Wrap me in your cloak and shelter me from evil. For I am but your fragile child. The prayer was one Reeve had grown up with, one his mother had taught him back in his village. He hoped that the Goddess heard it.

The wagon slowly rolled to a stop in front of the metal gates to the Monastery. Reeve’s heart was in his throat. It still hadn’t completely sank in that he would live out the rest of his days here. The wagon driver walked around to the back and helped Reeve down without a word. Reeve gasped as his feet hit the ground, hip stiff and aching after the hours of travel.

Two vampires stood at the gate, both dressed in white robes.

“Thank you for your assistance. May the Goddess smile upon you.” One of them said to the wagon driver. The driver gave a curt bow before climbing back into his seat and urging the horses back the way they had just come from. Reeve stood there, a slight tremble in his limbs. The vampires must have smelled his fear, because they both gave him soft smiles. The older of the two, a man with graying temples, spoke first. “You’re safe here, Reeve. My name is Ambrose, and I am the Abbot of the Monastery of Clea. On behalf of the Goddess, we welcome you.” With that he gave Reeve a deep bow. Reeve’s cheeks colored. Gods, this attention, this respect, felt wrong.

Ambrose’s companion stepped forward. The vampire was slim, with blonde hair tied in a bun at the nape of their neck. When their eyes met Reeve’s, they gave him a small smile. Then they gracefully sank to their knees, pressing their palms and head against the ground.

“Welcome to the Monastery, Reeve. My name is Nadiv, and it is my great honor to serve you.”