#teamups

“You loathsome-”

“Hero, Hero, wait-” The villain was rapidly backing away, their hands held up. “It’s not what you think.”

“Damned miserable excuse-” The hero was still upon them with great speed, having grabbed their collar before the villain blinked. “For a human! Embezzling from the one foster home here? The only somewhat safe haven for all the kids your type puts on the streets!”

One of the hero’s hands had already curled into a fist.

“That’s not what happened!” They jerked their head to the side as the curled fist destroyed the metal railing. “That’s not what happened.”

The hero hauled the villain up by both hands. “You have one minute to explain before I do the kind favor of dropping you off of your mortal coil.”

“That’s very violent.” The villain laughed nervously.

“Fifty seconds.” The hero snapped.

“Ok! Ok! It was a trick. Wasn’t the sudden funding from the city a little suspicious after they pooled their resources to keep your agency? It wasn’t the city that funded it, it was Supervillain! He uses it to take kids off the streets and train them under his wing. Sure, it’s a place to be, but they’re all just going to get killed.”

The villain sucked in a breath. “I got an in, I took the in, and withdrew his funding quietly. As we speak, those kids are being moved to one of my emergency homes, no strings attached. Supervillain is under the impression that they’re going to one of his, but they’re not, they’re all safe. I still have to have them transferred somewhere else after this. Supervillain will be on my tail soon.”

The villain breathed out that crudely stolen air. “I promise, I never hurt kids. I never go after kids. It’s my rule.”

While the hero’s grip loosened, they still didn’t fully let go. “And I believe you because?”

“Because I have no reason to lie to you.”

“Other than the fact I threatened to obliterate you?”

“Yes, well...” The villain gently raised their hands to envelope the hero’s, removing the threat from the source. “I understand the circumstances.” 

“So, Supervillain-”

“Is a conniving, low life bastard? Yes, and a problem for the future, I fear.”

The hero stepped back, and took a moment to look up. 

“Ah.” A beat. “I apologize for my previous, misguided anger.”

“Again, I understand the circumstances.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“What…what do you mean the city pools resources for my agency?” The hero asked, looking down to examine the villain’s face for a lie.

“You don’t know?”

“Obviously not.”

“Oh.” The villain shifted their feet, ready for another surprise attack if they said something wrong. Immediately after, they relaxed, remembering this was a hero, and not some rage induced villain who attacked without reason.

“It’s uh, no secret to anyone, in the super business, at least, that the city has a habit of tipping their coffers towards, well, the heroes. Some of them have threatened to walk out before without some more compensation.”

“More-” the hero nearly choked. “More compensation?”

“You really didn’t know?”

The hero looked downright defeated. “There’s been all this corruption, and I-.”

“Your agency likes to keep the good ones in the dark. New recruits, ones who haven’t been snuffed out by loss.”

“How do you know all this?”

Ah, the villain had been caught in an awkward question, and their best bet was to lie.

So, they cleared their throat, and lied. “I did, back in my beginning days, do some light embezzling from you heroic lot. Different pseudonym, someone on your track record who’s probably long dead.”

“That’s how you could take from Supervillain so easily! You have practice. I was under the impression nothing got under his radar.” The hero wasn’t that upset after learning the moral complexities of where their paycheck comes from, and felt a little less guilty.

And, hey, they bought the lie, the villain would roll with that as long as possible.

“Yeah. It won’t be like that for long though. There’s maybe a day before he realizes I hijacked his transfer. I need those kids to get ready for another move.”

“Let me in on it.” The hero said so quickly, the villain didn’t even hear them first.

“I’ll have to have the emergency home destroyed once they get moved, of course-”

“Villain.” The hero interrupted, voice so firm it forced the villain to pay attention. “Let me help you. I want a truly good place for those kids, and it seems like you do too.”

The villain stayed silent for a minute.

“Some…rules. We have some rules, first.” When they spoke, their words were slow.

“Agreed.”

The villain nodded once. “First, I have this planned down to the last point. You cannot in anyway interfere or we risk getting caught.”They waited for the hero to nod before continuing.

“Second, Supervillain gets taken down a notch. I may have the resources to trick him all I want, but I can’t keep him down. Your agency could if they put in more effort. This is where you get to come in.” The villain still kept a watchful eye on the hero’s body language. “Third, I don’t get any fall from this. If any of your hero friends comes snooping, you cover for me.”

“Done.” The hero agreed. “I want Supervillain gone. I’ll cover for you, and follow your lead.” They reached out a hand for the villain to shake.

The villain took it, feeling a shocking rush of excitement.

You were born with the ability to command penguins. Unfortunately, this wasn’t very useful until you were about twelve and when to the zoo for the first time. You’re still not entirely sure what happened that day, but you ended up having to invest in several large refrigerators to keep your minions happy. Your parents weren’t too thrilled with the idea, and kept trying to hire zookeepers to take the penguins back where they belonged, but once a penguin has seen you, it will follow you the rest of its life. Your other, less well known ability, is to look at a person and instinctively know their worst nightmare. Most of the time, it’s just being naked at school, or all their teeth falling out, but you’ve also managed to put away a couple of murderers because they dream about what they did.

Recently, you’ve discovered the oldest of your pet penguins has gotten smarter. A lot smarter. And he’s started bringing you presents; at first it was just dead fish, or snow, or a pretty flower. But he’s now bringing you gold jewelry and fur coats and very expensive shoes. You’re not quite sure how to deal with this, but it’s kinda nice having such a huge shoe collection.