summary: you're Clark's childhood best friend, but you've fallen for him
tw and disclaimers: school shootings (mentioned), angst with happy end (because I'm a sappy bitch) reader is an elementary school teacher, Lois Lane (mentioned a few times), insecurities, reader and Clark being two idiots, allusion to smut but no actual smut written, long fic (or at least, it looked long in my notes app)
a.n: this is my first fic and English isn't my first language so there might be some mistakes and typos in the fic, I hope this doesn't suck ass, lol
You and Clark had been best friends since forever. You both grew up in Smallville, met as kids, and became inseparable.
You still remember your first encounter: you were about to start 1st grade, and that evening your mom was at work, so your dad took you along with him to the Kent's farm. He had known Jonathan for quite some time, so when said man needed help to fix his truck, your father stepped in without hesitation.
You were wondering around the farm, looking at all the trees, crops and animals there, when you stopped by the stall and there was the most beautiful mare you had ever seen: with dark brown fur, a rich black mane and the gentlest eyes you had ever seen. So you stood there, watching the animal at a distance, with a reverence you never expected to have and remaining quite so you wouldn't straddle her.
That's when a little enthusiastic voice broke the silence.
"Ma! Ma! I got the apple for Daisy- wait, you're not ma"
You turned around to be face with a boy around your age, with dark, messy curls, pale skin, and big, blue eyes. He suddenly turned a little pink, feeling shy.
"I'm sorry, I thought my ma was here," he said quietly.
"Oh, it's okay" you replied, feeling just as bashful as he did. You were always more reserved around strangers, needing some time before warming up to them.
You two stayed there, in silence, for a couple of minutes, when suddenly, he cleared his throat and asked meekly.
"So...were you looking at Daisy?"
"Uh, yeah...she's very pretty, I like her"
"Do you want to pet her?"
Your eyes suddenly sparkled with the suggestion.
"Really? Yes! I want to pet her." you answered, smiling widely and full of excitement.
Clark returned your smile with a shy but sincere one.
And after that day, you two became best friends, going as far as even visiting each other every single day. You spent so much time together, Martha basically saw you as the daughter she never had, the farm quickly became your second home, you had so much memories there: getting on the truck with Jonathan and Clark, running away from the chickens when they became a little too scary, playing by the swing your dads had made together, eating apples in secret...almost every little moment of joy you remembered from your childhood belonged to the time you'd spent with the Kents.
You were attached to the hip, and Clark became a constant presence in your life, something you loved and sometimes dreaded.
At the vulnerable and complex age of 16 you started developing feelings for him: he was there for you when you found out your crush, Adam Vaughn, liked another girl, he was there when you had difficulties passing your test in Mrs Daniel's class and he always remained the sweet, attentive and altruistic boy that you had met that day at the stalls. Only that now he was unfairly handsome, taller than you and with the kindest eyes you had ever seen (sorry Daisy, he stole your record).
You realized you were falling for him when you caught yourself looking at him longer than necessary, noticing the little details you once didn't focus much on: his little nervous chuckle, the way he stuffs his face with apple pie cause it's his favorite dessert, how his shoes are always a little muddy from working on the farm. And in that moment you knew: you were doomed to fall for your best friend and, unlike those romance novels you used to devour in 8th grade made it seem, it was awfully scary.
You were in too deep, you'd fall asleep thinking about him, imagining his warm arms circling you when you had a particularly rough day, replaying in your mind all the little compliments he gave you to soothe yourself, planning his birthday gift months ahead his actual birthday and most of all, you felt like he was the most important thing in your life.
That's why you stayed supportive when he dated Lana Lang during your senior year and later comforted him when they broke up, no matter how much it had hurt seeing Clark with the ray of sunshine that Lana Lang was.
You both moved to Metropolis for college and were now two working adults living in the big, crowed and bustling city. Clark worked as a journalist for the Daily Planet, while you were an English teacher at St James elementary school. You loved your job, because, despite how exhausting dealing with kids everyday was, the love and affection you received from them was the best repayment you could've received.
Even if your jobs both kept you busy, you always managed to make some time for Clark, whether it was dinner at a cozy restaurant you'd found while wondering around the city, a movie night that turned into eating sweets until 1 am and falling asleep on the couch or simply a quick coffee before heading to work.
Your feelings for him only grew stronger, to the point you were actually considering telling him. They were too much, too big and it became harder and harder to keep them hidden. So, you decided to tell him on one of your shared nights together.
You were at his apartment, laughing at a trashy comedy you had put on, when he turned to look at you with those beautiful blue eyes, all soft and sweet, typical Clark Kent.
"Y/N, would it...I have something to tell you," he said, looking at you with a hopeful gaze.
You nodded, throat going dry and heart racing. Was he about to confess? Did he feel the same? Were you about to experience the love you longed so much? Were your prayers being answered?
Hope skyrocketed in your heart, unconsciously playing with the ring he got you for Christmas three years ago, praying, hoping, that Clark Kent would've said those three magical words and made your deepest dreams come true.
"Well, you see, I...god, I'm a little nervous," he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, looking at you with flushed cheeks and a small smile.
"It's okay, go on" you replied quietly, heart about to burst out of your chest with anticipation
He looked at you again, took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak again
That was it, that was the moment of truth, when maybe you would've been repayed of your undying loyalty and love for him-
Your heart shattered into a thousand pieces, feeling your stomach drop and your limbs growing limp.
He was dating someone else.
He was dating another woman.
Lois mother fucking Lane.
You knew Lois, of course you did.
Nobody could've forgotten her after seeing her, even if it was just for a few minutes.
You met Lois Lane during Clark's birthday party. She was gorgeous, clad in a purple cardigan, black skirt and black boots, with silky raven hair and sparkling blue eyes. If you didn't know better you would've thought she was a model. And because life is unfair not only was she stunning, she also had a great personality: confident, witty, sharp, funny and determined, so successful and talented she had made it on the front page only 5 months after being hired. Your greatest achievement had been receiving a handmade birthday card from one of your students. It was nothing compared to hers.
You felt like nothing, compared to her.
And the worst part was that, when you two met, she'd been nothing but nice to you.
You wanted to hate her, to find a reason to.
And it broke you just how much sense it made for Clark, sweet, gentle, just, compassionate and perfect Clark to fall for her.
You felt like you had been crushed by the weight of the world, all of your hopes and dreams dying instantly. If the butterflies in your stomach fluttered before, now it felt like they were slowly devouring your stomach, piece by piece, to destroy you.
It took you a few moment to regain your composure, you smiled at him, forcing yourself to, and avoided clear eye contact with him. If he had looked in your eyes he would've seen the pain behind them, he was Clark after all, he could read you like a book.
"That's great Clark, I...I'm glad you're happy. Lois is..." you had to stop for a moment, pretending to cough a bit to fight back the tears that were fighting to stream down your face.
Clark's gaze softened even more, reaching for your hand and stroking its back with his thumb.
"Oh, yes...yes, I'm completely fine, don't worry. Just a little tired"
He only nodded, not wanting to push it further.
You had always loved how respectful Clark was. Now you hated it.
You stayed in silence for 10 more minutes before you stood up and gathered your things. Clark stood up too.
"Uh, yeah, I...I'm sorry, I forgot that I have to do some extra hours tomorrow cause Kathleen is sick so I have to take care of her classes too" you came up with a quick lie.
"Oh, okay" he replied softly, looking at him with that concerned gaze you so desperately wanted to avoid
"No. I mean, there's no need to, Metropolis is well lit, it's not like Smallville. Don't worry about me, Clark."
"Alright, if you say so...text me when you reach your place, okay?"
And with that, you left, rushing down the stairs, letting yourself sob only when you had reached the ground floor. When you got back to your apartment you cried so much you got a fever and had to call sick.
Now it was Kathleen that had to cover your classes.
That was 3 months ago and since that day you felt like a piece of your heart had been ripped out, stabbed and then crushed.
You felt numb, crying yourself to sleep for the first five days. Flashbacks of all the guys that had never taken you into consideration resufaced, the mean words you had overheard being said about you in 7th grade, the nagging, ever existing feeling of inferiority you battled with for years, they all came back and conquered you like Baudelaire's spleen did in his poem. No matter how much you tried, you felt powerless, completely defeated.
You found some comfort in your students and in a colleague: Felicita. She was 10 years older than you and taught science, her parents and grandparents came from Apulia and she took you under her wing as soon as you got the job. She treated you like a little sister and you were forever thankful for her kindness and compassion towards you.
"Ok, spill, what happened?" she said, one afternoon during lunch break.
"Bullshit. Sweetheart, don't lie to me, I'm a mother of three, I can smell a lie faster than Superman can fly"
You felt a sting at the superhero's mention. You knew Clark was Superman.
You had been one of the first people he told, it took him some time, however he decided that he couldn't have kept this big of a secret from you. He cared for you deeply, he wanted to keep you safe, but he knew you deserved to know the truth. And so he told you.
It only made your bond stronger: him venting to you about his missions and battles during your movie nights, you almost blurting out his secret when you got drunk at that Irish pub down the lane. You remembered that night: he covered your mouth with his mouth with god-like speed, blushing furiously, looking around making sure no one had heard anything. You had licked his hand to free yourself from his grip and his nervousness died the moment he heard your drunken giggle, eyes going soft and ruffling your hair. He had walked you home, draping his coat on your shoulders and resting an hand on his lower back to steady you.
After his confession about dating Lois that bond had weakened, those nights out reduced to the minimum and the ache of your heart exponentially increased.
But you couldn't bear yourself to see him as often as you did, otherwise you would've broken down.
Your heart couldn't take it.
You swallowed, keeping your gaze down on your sandwich. Felicita noticed, studying you with understanding and worried eyes
"Sweetheart, I'm not going to push you, but you can tell me what's been bothering you"
You felt your eyes sting and for the first time in months you opened yourself, letting the tears fall and Felicita embrace you.
"Let me guess, love problems?"
"Who broke your heart, sweetheart? I'll put him in place. Sto pezzo di merda..." you heard her mumble.
"What did you say?" you asked quietly.
"Oh, nothing sweetheart, don't worry. Now, will you tell me what happened?"
You sighed, taking a deep, shaky breath
"Clark...he's dating someone and..." you let out a bittersweet chuckle, dry and painful. "She's perfect. I never stood a chance, Feli, never did and never will."
She looked at you, stroking your hair.
"Y/N, dear, I know it hurts and you have every right to feel sad, but don't you dare downplay and put yourself down cause of a man. I know you've loved him for so much time, but if he can't see how beautiful you are, inside and out, then he's an idiot, or how nonna Carmela used to say, 'un pirla'." She paused, handing you a napkin for your tears.
"You deserve to be happy. For once in your life, Y/N, promise me you'll put your happiness first. You're like a little sister to me and I wish nothing more than to see you come here with a serene smile every day. "
Felicita's words struck you more than you had expected.
You replayed them for the entire week, staring at your ceiling, mouthing every word she told you like it was a poem you swore to memorize.
You wanted to feel happy again.
So you took action, went out on your free day, going shopping and spoiling yourself a bit. You ended up buying a gorgeous silk dress, soft like a rose petal. It made you feel like a princess.
When those horrible nights where your mind kept repeating how Lois was much more beautiful than you, you'd get up and put it on.
That dress made you feel beautiful, it brought you comfort and eased up your self deprecating thoughts. It made you feel loved, even if it was just a dress.
Step by step, you'd grow happier, you told yourself.
And Clark? Unbeknownst to you, he was growing miserable.
He felt lost without you, and he hated that he found himself incapable of getting back to you, despite how much he wanted to.
You were special to him, more than special.
He loved you since 6th grade, when you fell in the mud puddle while feeding the pigs. He thought you would've complained about the stained clothes and the smell, but after a jolt of surprise and slight disgust you laughed.
But to him it wasn't just a laugh, it was the sweetest melody he had ever heard.
He was falling for you, and it scared him shitless.
He couldn't love you, what if you got in trouble cause of his powers? What if you got hurt?
He'd flinch simply thinking about it.
So he buried his feelings (much to his parents' secret disapproval) convinced that you would've never felt the same and longed for you from a distance.
He searched for you in the girls he dated: he went after Lana because her kindness reminded him of yours, and he was now dating Lois because she had your same sense of humor.
But no one came close to you.
Hell, he swore that he would've chosen you over Aphrodite herself.
When he revealed that he was dating Lois he (selfishly) hoped that you would've screamed, gotten angry at him, confessed your love for him.
You supported him, you were happy for him. Because that's how you were: incredibly sweet and empathetic, two of the qualities that painfully made him love you even more.
You were just so perfect.
Lois was amazing. He was incredibly fond of her, but he knew, that deep down, his heart didn't belong to her.
The last weeks had been hell for him: first the backlash for having stopped the invasion of Jarhanpur, then the Boravian Hammer beating him up and finally that dreadful interview at Lois' apartment.
He needed some comfort- no, scratch that- He needed you.
Gentle, dazzling, perfect you that had distanced herself from him so quietly and painfully, that he had created thousands of scenarios on how he could've apologized for whatever he did and make it up to you.
But just when he was about to go to you.
He had to fight an intergalactic monster, discovered that his parents sent him on Earth to conquer it, not to protect it and Krypto was captured.
People now feared him, hated him.
He felt numb, completely destroyed.
He didn't know who he was anymore.
He was desperate, on the verge of breaking down.
And that was the last straw that led him to fly to your apartment.
He landed on your balcony, looking at your bedroom through the glass door, just as he was about to knock he saw you.
You were standing, wearing only your underwear and putting on a dress he had never seen before.
When you were done putting the dress on his breath hitched, his heart started racing and he gripped the balcony to steady himself.
He had seen you in any way possible, bare faced, with makeup, wearing prom dresses, pajamas, anything, really.
But right now, you were the most beautiful creature he'd ever layed his eyes on, utterly and devastatingly mesmerizing.
He wouldn't choose you over Aphrodite.
After standing there a few minutes he softly knocked on the glass door.
You jolted, scared and relaxing when you saw it was Clark.
Then your heart started racing again, because it was Clark.
With slightly shaky hands you opened the door and let him in.
You two stayed silent for minutes, simply looking at each other, not knowing what to say.
"...I don't believe them." you whispered at him.
He looked at you, confused.
"The rumors that say you came here to rule us and have a harem."
His eyes softened despite the pain he felt.
"Of course...I know you, Clark." you took a shaky breath.
He reached for your cheeks and with glossy eyes he buried his face in the crook of your neck.
His actions shocked you a little but after a couple of moments you wrapped your arms around his neck, remaining quiet.
Clark took some deep breaths and after regaining some composure, he lifted his head and looked at you in the eyes.
His question caught you off guard.
"But you did. Y/N please, don't lie to me. I need to know why. I missed you like crazy, I need to know why my best friend has been dreading the possibility of spending time with me"
"Clark, I..." the words died in your tongue as soon as you saw his pleading eyes staring at you. He looked like he was about to burst out crying.
"I...I couldn't." you whispered.
"Why? Why couldn't you? What have I done? Please tell me, I'll make it up to you, I swear-"
"Y/N, I swear, I didn't mean to hurt you or do anything that made you distance yourself-"
"-from me. I'm so sorry. These weeks had been hell, and I needed you, I need you. So I don't know what I did, but don't push me-"
"I couldn't see you again" the words came out wrong, too harsh for Clark's frail state.
He stopped, looked at you, and felt the color drain from his face.
"Why? Why couldn't you? Does this friendship mean nothing to you?"
It stung how wrong his words were.
"No, no, Clark you know that's not true."
"Then what is it? Cause I feel as if you have abandoned me."
He wanted to bite his tongue, but he couldn't hold back his frustration anymore.
"I tried to be everything you've needed, and I deserve to know why you're leaving me alone when I need you the most-"
He stopped, looking at you with wide eyes, as if you had just said something sacrilegious.
"I'm in love with you since we were 16, Clark, and it kills me to watch you fall for someone else. It kills me to know your heart belongs to Lois and not to me, and the worst part is that I don't blame you, because she's so incredibly perfect."
You were red, with tears streaming down your face and a bitter taste on your tongue.
Your heart was racing, looking at him with a desperate and hurt look in your eyes.
There, you'd done it: you had ruined everything
"...ask me what pushed me to become Superman"
"Clark, what the fuck? I pour my heart out to you and you-"
"Just ask me" his voice was firm, but not harsh
"Ok, what pushed you to become Superman?" you grumbled
"That school shooting in Florida. I was at work when I heard about it. There were three victims: two kids and a teacher. She died protecting her students." He took a shaky breath, looking at you with glassy eyes.
"I got scared, I didn't sleep that night, replaying the images showed by the news channel, because no such thing should ever happen and...and because it happened at an elementary school."
He cupped your face with shaky hands.
"I still get chills thinking about it. Y/N...it could've been you. And if something had ever happened to you- god I...I can't even say it without feeling like a meteor has fell on me...Y/N if something had ever happened to you I'd feel like dying."
You were stunned, staring at him with a shocked expression, the tears long forgotten.
"I...I became Superman because it was the right to do. Because there's kindness and goodness in this world that deserves to be protected, because nobody deserves to be in danger...and because I couldn't live myself if something bad happened to you."
"I love you. I love you Y/N, ever since you fell in that mud puddle while feeding my pa's pigs."
He let out a soft chuckle, stroking your hair.
"She's great...but she doesn't own my heart like you do...no matter how hard I've tried, I can't imagine my kids not having your eyes"
You felt breathless, you wanted to pinch yourself, cause this had to be a dream.
But when you felt the warmth of his hands on your face, you realized that it was all real.
"Lois and I...we broke up, we didn't work out well: she only saw me as a brother and my heart already belonged to you."
You stared at him, your mind unable to form words and your heart pumping blood like it never had before.
Clark stared back at you, eyes pleading.
"I know I've been an idiot, I should've told you I loved you as soon as I realized I did...but I was scared...I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. But I swear, Y/N, it has always been you...please, give me a chance." he whispered with a shaky breath, his heart hammering in his chest.
He would've respected your decision either way, but he knew that if you had rejected him, he would've died inside.
You didn't answer, you simply looked back at him.
And then tugged the collar of his suit down to kiss him.
The kiss felt like fireworks
After a small moment of shock, he kissed you back, desperate, passionate, as if his life depended on it.
That night your dress ended up on the floor, and you spent the night covered by Clark's love and with his arms wrapped around you.
Nothing else mattered, because Clark wasn't scared anymore and you didn't feel inferior to anyone else.
As long as you had each other.
Cause you and Clark were always meant to be.
