#tcfderuth

Fair warning, there will be some SPOILERS so if you haven't finished the first novel or you care about spoilers, I suggest you don't continue reading. Thanks!

Deruth - has a wife and son, lost wife, isolated son, married another woman with child, father figure to said child (and possibly adopted later and of course, he has to win said child), gained a daughter, gained another sort of son in KRS

Jour - dead, has a son who is doomed

Cale - had parents, lost a bio parent to physical death, lost a bio parent to grief and later a new family (stepmother, stepbrother, half sister to be technical), lost his childhood caretaker (Ron), and other household allies/friends so his father's new family will be accepted

Violan - had a husband, had a son, lost a husband, got another husband and a title, got a stepchild (which is not close to and leaves everything Cale related to his father), gained a daughter, gained another stepson in KRS

Basen - had parents, lost a father (he barely knows AFAIK), got a stepfather (w/c graduated to father), got a self-sacrificing idiot of a stepbrother, gained a sister (technically half), a stepbrother w/c transmigrated from another world (KRS), will get a title

Lily - has two living parents, technically 2 half brothers from each parents (but I don't think she knows or care), possibly oblivious to previous partners of parents

I could write a either a tragic or comedic show with this dysfunctional family in mind.

Here, Og!cale and KRS (okay, you too Alver), a self-help book since

There is no theraphy, even a good one, in your world/lifetime

most of the adults in your life/lives are way too selfish and self-absorbed to be responsible or even parent

At the very least, find some comfort and tools to help you even for a little bit

In the end, their lives prove that nobody can help them but themselves.

Also, you cant deny that Cale wasnt the best person in his version in the story. He was called a trash for a reason.

I also feel that you keep Violan, Basen and Lily out? Do you not consider them as Cale's family? Why or why not?

Anyway, interested on what you think

My take on this:

Deruth is the adult. Cale is the child. It doesnt matter how many times have passed. That is their relationship and their dynamic. It is the duty of the adult/parent to care for the child and assume all the heavy lifting in the relationship until Cale himself is an adult. The main reason is that in the end, it is the adult/Deruth who brought Cale into this world and is tasked to guide said Cale - not the other way around. And Deruth's problems or flaws will affect Cale no matter what. I also like to highlight that almost all power and authority resides in Deruth as a parent and adult in all ways - good or bad.

ETA: There is a line in Sekiro by the last boss - Hesitation is defeat. It's fine to hesitate - as long there is also an acceptance of the risk with the choice. In this case, the growing gap and distance between the two, the continuation of resentment or other negative feelings Cale has for the relationship. While distant is not yet formed as full rejection here, constant isolation and uneasiness in the relationship are good ingredients to maybe a permanent no contact with each other in the future. TLDR - Hesitate at your own risk.

re:Cale communicaitng. Sure, Cale can talk. The issue is - is he comfortable enough with his relationship with Deruth to actually communicate his true feelings? Deruth distanced himself and Cale would have definately felt that. Deruth was given a wide berth due to his grief and his remarriage - assuming it helped him cope in his roles. But his relationship with Cale never did recover pre-Jour's death because rifts and gaps formed during the distance. So, if there are already gaps and issues, do you think Cale would be comfortable bringing his concerns without being accused of destroying/delaying Deruth's happiness? If this is the case, shouldnt be the parent/adult be the one who gives reassurance, love and all those things that help them reconcile and their relationship grow? Or is it another burden for the child who has to hide his own authentic self because he already experienced being isolated and hurt from the person who is supposed to give him unconditional love?

2nd question - He wouldnt need to be a trash if his own father protected his new family over the status he inherited.

For the third question - Violan and her children are his stepfamily. Deruth chose them for himself - not for Cale. Stepfamily dynamics are complex and way more complicated vs bio/nuclear family. There are many issues but I would say that Cale cared for them because his father brought them in Cale's life. One argument (reflected in real life) is since they made Deruth happy, Cale should be happy that his father is happy because of them. In a morbid sense, it can implied that post-Jour, Cale wasnt able to give his father happiness or him being enough for Deruth to move on from grief (not that he is supposed to in the first place). In way, Cale deserves them than his father but his link to them is very weak. The Henituse is a classic high-functioning dysfunctional blended family.

I know many people hate the prefix of 'step' and 'half' - but in the 10yrs that this family has been doing, there has been no evidence they came together or act as one unit. It's always Cale or Deruth + Violan (& OFC Basen and Lily). Violan will side by her husband and take Deruth's lead (wrongly or rightly) because she did marry him (you dont marry children, I cant fathom why she did marry this man but I digress) and Basen and Lily would side with their parents. So, I dont think they are a family - they are people who live in the same place and trying to get along like roommates. Besides, it seems that Deruth + Cale isnt considered as a family in its own right.

Oh well, another revelation of the Henituse family

I don’t care if Deruth married Violan quickly or not.

What I care is that he didn’t give any shit to og!Cale with regards to his marriage. (Basen is probably too young to even understand). I would argue that if Deruth doesn't give a shit then people should not give a shit about him in return, especially his kid.

He married someone else without any care to everyone who will be affected by that marriage, especially his existing kid. And for you dissenters, give me a canon example of what they they actually did to counter this argument.

I understand he must be lonely. I doubt he's still grieving because he did marry Violan. But what does a second marriage serve if its foundations or the families blending are not ready? Or is it only the adults who got a say because it’s only their feelings that matter? If their feeling are the ones who matter – then it is just serving the couple, and not the whole family – as some people say that this family is about family in all things?

And to think, realistically, it takes almost five to seven years to properly blend a family. If Deruth and Violan got a shotgun wedding, then I guess they don’t really give a shit about their children. If they didn't, I wonder how much prep they did and still having core issues like communication. I have to commend how they resembled many single parents doing blending families in real life. Real children of blended families cut their own families for the same damn reason.

Sure they want to get married (and they have every right being adults) but eff the kids. Having the capacity to do something doesn’t mean they are right short and/or long term. Most of the time, it’s the kids who get the short end of the stick. Adults get their fill of having another spouse. Og!Cale is still clinging to Jour's memory and Basen is probably was too young for the marriage and most likely, doesn’t even know his birth father.

Because they are nice and kind or whatever good qualities they have - does that give them license to be less mindful or considerate to their own children that have no control over the state of their families? That they cannot be accountable, even to their child/ren about their actions? That is just something to be swept away under the rug?

And I read some people who are still advocating for og!cale to still stack with these people.

I have not been in the fandom for quite some time due to life and many things happening in real life. Somebody in real life asked to read and comment on a post defending Deruth. It's a good read and I agree on most of it. Which even surprising that I'm writing this. I hope I would not offend anyone if I would just highlight some of the things I read that make me think. A bit of a long post incoming

I agree that he's an okay parent...for any other child and any other time except during Jour's death. But since ogCale was a neglected child by most adults around him (during and after this time), especially his parents, I would beg to differ. And here I am thinking that parents try their best even at their worst times. Tbh, the post feels like an excuse Deruth's neglect like many posts that I have read. Just another one who handwave neglect and worse, treat it as something so trivial. Neglect is treated as something so minor that should be waived by time or force. Assuming that we're not holding Deruth on a pedestal, why is an apology for his failings such a bad thing to do, fathom or even ask for?

Father and child were both grieving but it seems that it was only Deruth's grief that mattered. Nobody gave a shit for the child who had his life upside down from losing his mother, ignored by his father, and got a new family that he was (for intents and purposes at that time) didn't even ask for. Because Deruth moved on, everyone, especially Cale, has to. Because of a new family, og!cale never said anything coz he'd probably be answered by 'Don't you want your father (Deruth) to be happy?' (classic line for stepkids) If that's the feedback, why bother opening up and saying something? Og!Cale will be the bad guy for expressing such thoughts and feelings. In real life blended families, it's the parents who facilitate everything including communication. It's the adults who should be guiding the children and have control of the situation. Also, let's not forget that it was Deruth who distanced himself from og!Cale first and never bothered to patch their relationship and issues even to the point that og!cale changed a lot aka Roksu appeared.

I understand that people are not at their best selves when grieving. I was the same. But I am not an adult nor a parent. I didn't have a child that I had to care for or be responsible for. It might have been hard, but it would not sit on my conscience to burden a kid with my messy emotions or pull away. Because pulling away from a person who thought they were loved by you leads them to think that they are at fault. At the very least, og!cale deserved a conversation about his mother's passing and his father's actions at that time.

I don't care about the worst father list. As mentioned before, Deruth only gets the benefit of the doubt already because he is kind and trying. Trying but didn’t succeed. For me, his trying is not for readers to judge, His effort should only matter to og!cale and whether it is enough to absolve Deruth for his failings.

I agree that both Deruth and og!cale are bad at communicating. Deruth did set the precedent of not communicating and pulling away.

The first few chapters show that he cares for his son in his way. Yeah, but he's not reaching his son, does he? They barely had a functioning relationship and we're supposed to congratulate him? As a reader, we get it that he cares for his son. But if we ask Deruth, should he be happier that he’s winning over strangers rather than the person he's trying to care for? And if Deruth is on speaking terms with og!Cale to his son, it’s not gonna be that hard to bring out a topic or issues.

Not touching the Violan bit because she is his stepmother (and stepfamilies are so complex and hard) and to be honest, a better adult than her husband,

8. You can also argue that Deruth didn't try hard enough. He does try. He's not just good efficient as exemplified by the post. He doesn't speak about the things that matter to them both but does the indirect and inefficient ways. He shouldn't be surprised if keeps trying bad ways to reconcile and act surprised when it fails.

9. So for parents to try harder doesn't usually end up with a heart-to-heart talk unless the other wants to talk. It's a risk that a parent has to take - either grab them by the horns or be miserable trying to communicate via the mind. And suffer the odds for the risk.

Re Basen and Lily. I am ambivalent about them. It’s not because they were kids or they did something bad to og!cale. For some people, especially the people who were left by their parents to have a do-over family, they are a symbol. I mean, sans og!Cale, Deruth is winning. He has a new family – a wife that shares his burden, a (spare) son for the county, a daughter that he might have wished for. There are real fathers and mothers who abandon their original families/children because THEY CAN. Is it projecting? Absolutely effing lutely. Is it reasonable enough to expect? Yes. Because Deruth is a flawed human being who already showed that he CAN abandon og!Cale if he so wished. And nobody can stop or even disapprove of him because of his status and position. It is good that Deruth in the story defies this but he’s still doing the BARE MINIMUM.

Overall, whether Deruth is a bad father will be a recurring conversation topic for the fandom. There are many viewpoints but I always always side with the views most relevant and applicable to og!Cale even it might be biased. If og!Cale is here with us, I am sure he will be more than happy to tell us what he thinks.

But we don’t. Any opinion, even the scathing and unpopular ones, deserves merit. It’s good that fandom is not a monolith especially in this because this topic and og!cale’s experiences are so relatable.

Here’s a summary of my stand

Being a good parent to Basen and Lily doesn’t mean he was a good father to og!Cale even if og!Cale does love him

Og!Cale doesn’t need to forgive or forget what Deruth did in the worst time of their lives because he loves him

Deruth is afraid, I get that. But if he remains afraid, his hope for reconciliation isn’t gonna pan out as he hopes to.

Deruth needs to accept that there is a chance it is too late.

Deruth needs to accept consequences for the negative things he gave to og!cale, unintentional or not. Even if og!Cale understands why he did what he did.

Did I just log into my dormant account to post this? Yes.

Is this longer than I intended? Also, yes.

Are my fanfic bunnies dead yet? Maybe.

I thought it would be better if Og!cale died in the background and was never part of the story

Usually, it is on the moments when I see a real life stepchild being alienated by their parents coz their happiness their rules

or hear a stepparent despair of a stepchild not being part of their plans and later not being worthy of love

or lonely because nobody was really there for them

At least, I say to myself, Og!Cale would pass thinking he was loved and was spared of not knowing how to be left alone by the people who profess to love him.

Then have those people being absolved or excused because of being human. As if Og!cale isn't also a human child that has needs and priorities

As if those people, if there are really human, don't deserve to receive consequences of their actions

It really drives home that Og!Cale wasn't really for the story.

Another unpopular take. related to above, Deruth will move on if Og!Cale dies. Just like he moved on from Jour's death. He already has a new family that will support and understand unlike before. He will even get sympathy because of the event and his supposed 'attempts. Am sure some will celebrate that too and openly.

Was about to post my take on reconciliation but a friend brought this up. I promise the next one will be that post.

Serious post again:

We all know that Deruth is currently incapable of actually communicating with his son. For reference, I believe that he has a strained relationship and with minimal communication for almost a decade (starting from when he lost his mother (8-ish) to his in-universe age (being 18).

My question is, when do you think Deruth will have the guts to simply initiate an authentic, heartfelt and open convo with his kid? Keep in mind that in the real world, 18 yrs old is legal and people are capable of striking on their own and are not obliged to keep in touch with their parents., Let's imagine that this applies to new adult Og!cale. And yes, no KRS coming over for this poll (sorry).

I ran out of ideas, but if you image more scenarios as options, post it in the comments. I might do a part 2 *looks at all my drafts*

If you want to expound your choice, post it down. No judgement!