It's five am, I can't sleep, let me bitch a bit. It's not really a major thing but this is such a bad time to be writing fanfiction, isn't it? No feedback. Bot spam. If you do get readers, they might not tell you how much they love it, but they'll definitely let you know if you fuck up in their eyes. Combined with predatory publishing companies (a whole topic in itself), and AI (oh my GOD), it's a real fucked up situation.
I was gonna complain about my situation but it's such a minor thing. So instead I'll say... I get it. I get it if you want to stop writing fanfiction. You're probably expecting me to tell you to keep writing it, but, no, actually, I'm not. If fanfiction is no longer fun for you, if you can't find the joy in it anymore, if it's fucking up your mental health, then it's okay to stop. You are not obligated to try and make other people happy.
It's not your fault if the audience is not there. It's not your fault if the audience is there but isn't doing anything. It's not your fault if your only comments on AO3 are bots. It's not your fault if your fandom is full of hateful assholes. It's not your fault if you're afraid of having what you loved stolen.
It's okay to stop. You're not giving up, you're prioritizing yourself and that's one of the most important things you can do, especially with the world on fire like it is right now.
If you want to keep writing, that's good too. Maybe you're one of the lucky ones. Maybe you just don't care what other people think. Or maybe you're like me. I remember that AO3 is an archive first and foremost. A while back I decided I'm no longer uploading my stories there anymore to find readers, I'm uploading it because it's an archive. Your phone or computer can die at any time. Tumblr can fall apart any day now. But AO3 isn't likely going down any time soon.
And, if you really wanted to, you can turn off comments, leave a note at the end saying where people who actually give a shit can reach you, and ignore any kudos emails you get.
That's a bit extreme but you're seeing what I'm saying, right? Writing fanfiction for you and yourself only is so freeing. Not giving a shit about people reading your stuff and just doing whatever you want feels wonderful. I wish I could feel it more.
There was a point to this but I haven't slept and it's five am. I'm just trying to say... You shouldn't do stuff that hurts you. You should do stuff that makes you happy, not because it might theoretically please other people, or give you a theoretical, entirely unlikely social status boost, or whatever else. Fandom and fanfiction is about loving things and passion and if those are gone or are, again, hurting you, it's okay, even morally correct IMO, to stop.
And if fandom is still fun for you, if you're getting great comments or whatever, that's good. And if you're reading great fics, but not leaving any comments or reblogging if it's on here, that's not good.
I don't know how to finish this... Please don't kill yourself. Literally or metaphorically. Especially over fandom stuff.
