#tbd -

there is something. infuriating and upsetting about realizing that my parents may have fucked up my ability to grieve. since figuring out im autistic i just thought i had trouble grieving over people's deaths because i didnt really understand how to grieve, which is still true, no one really explained it to me i was just expected to know. before figuring out i was autistic i just thought i was a freak who didnt know what emotion to feel after hearing someone died. but i unlocked an old memory of mind today talking to estel about grief, which was of little 11 year old me learning about steve irwin's death and watching his memorial on tv and *Crying* over it because he was my *hero*, and my parents both laughed at me for crying to the point where i had to go hide and pretend i wasnt crying when they followed me. who makes fun of an 11 year old for crying. who the fuck does that. my brain is broken now over this, thanks