#tatare

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I’m not Tataré Boïne.

At least, not the one they knew.

I have her face, her memories. I still love Sammen and Clovis… but I’m not really her.

I can’t blame them for trying. Sammen is literally a necromancer, his specialty is bringing things back from the dead (even if those things are soulless shells who mindlessly follow his orders), and Clovis has walked amongst my dreams so many times it wasn’t difficult to find my soul in the aether. With all they’ve been through, of course they couldn’t bear to lose the one person in their lives that made life worth living.

But I’m not her.

They tell me she hated coffee and always had something in her bag that would help the situation at hand. She liked walking around in the rain and found comfort in the sound of rolling thunder. That despite her inability to express emotions properly, she was the kindest person they had ever known, prioritizing helping complete strangers over her own health. Even if it killed her.

But I find that the little things are different now. I prefer to bask in the sun (the cold wet rain reminds me too much of the day she died). I cut my hair short (I don’t know how she didn’t tire of the maintenance such long hair required). I fumble through the contents of my bag, unfamiliar with the contents. I find I like the taste of coffee (and I’m always tired, living is so exhausting).

Sammen, despite his confident air, worries over me. They both do, but Sammen’s concerns are based in his knowledge of the undead. He acts like it’s a joke when he tells me to let him know if I find myself decomposing or craving human flesh, but I can see in his eyes that it’s a genuine concern.

When I sleep at night, I do not dream. Clovis reassures me that not everybody dreams all the time (but I know she dreamed quite often). He shares fragments of her dreams with me. He reads her favorite books to me, takes me to her favorite places in town. It all feels familiar and not as the same time.

The first time I tried to heal someone, I only made it worse. The wound opened up further and turned dark as they cried out in pain. I felt nothing. No urge to help, no determination to fix my mistake. They were lucky another healer was nearby. I was lucky they took over.

This body I inhabit once belonged to Tataré Boïne, a stoic healer beloved by many. I am not her. I do not know who I am.

———

I most likely won’t use that exact script for it (assuming I even get around to drawing it).

I’m thinking maybe when they bring her back, they actually grabbed the soul of a Tataré from an alternate universe (not unlikely, since the Sammen mentioned here isn’t originally from this timeline). Nobody realizes it at first because death is a traumatic experience, as well as being brought back to life, and the more time there is between the two, the likely they are to come back “right”. It took a bit of planning for Sammen and Clovis to bring her back, so it’s not surprising that she’s missing a lot of memories and that her healing magic has been corrupted (they did their best to preserve her body, but the soul is where the magic comes from; the body simply houses it).

I think maybe the soul they pulled back was from a universe were Tataré was a necromancer (and in that universe, Sammen was a viveromancer, I’m not sure what Clovis would’ve been. Need to figure out what the opposite of a Dream Eater is lol) and that’s why she can’t heal.

I also really need to figure out my own worldbuilding for this. Lacigam was originally an RP with my friends back in high school but during college we kinda grew apart (even had a falling out with a couple of them as a result of having grown apart). I know a couple of those friends still use their Lacigam OCs. I’m somewhat considering merging SamTarClo with Astrid & Caspian’s world, but I’ll probably have to change Sammen’s design a bit (as well as Clovis’s alternate outfit) because Terris is supposed to be a classic medieval fantasy world, while Lacigam is a little more complicated (definitely inspired by medieval fantasy, but Sammen’s outfits are decidely modern, and Clovis’s are like. maybe late 1800s but kinda more 1900s).