#tal rambles

sorry that I don't know how to do read mores ell em ay oh!!!

ok so yes headcanon time headcanon time

i was thinking about soul bosses right. and how weird they are. and I mean I don't think they are canon but also, there is another thing that is strange that i was thinking about. marx, That Dead Motherfucker Who Got Catapulted Through Space And Into A Exploding Fucking Clock Thing, Then Stayed In Space For One Morbillion Years, is a star friend and definitely alive or whatever in star allies. how are you doing that? who do you serve? what? how?

and I also thought about magolor. and how by all means that egg looking fuck should also be dead as a doornail but is not. just like marx

and I also thought about things that nobody should ever be concerned about making make sense in canon, like the fact that kirby can respawn, and that enemies can respawn, and that the same exact minibosses come to fight kirby every now and again even though they Die. this is just game logic but somehow I made it real.

and I also thought about morpho knight and read its whole wiki page. and I also thought about kirby mass attack because I really like mass attack. and hours later here we are.

so we know necrodeus right? skully guy? evil as shit and is a hands boss? guy whose name means god of death very obviously? yeah, whaddya know, that guy is the god of death/the underworld. makes sure that all the spirits are definitely still where morpho (#grimreaperslashbutterflyofjudgementhours) put em, and all that jazz. most importantly for this headcanon, keeps people in the afterlife and not. like. letting necromancy happen. he's god of death.

or should I say WAS!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE KIRBY FUCKING KILLED HIM AND SENT HIM TO THE FUCKING SHADOW REALM IN KIRBY MASS ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so even though he totally deserved it for trying to kill kirby. this makes a lot of things bad. let's think of the cons here

1. the god of death is dead

2. there is no heir to the god of death

3. now there is nobody to preside over the afterlife other than morpho knight

4. morpho knight is a collective of butterflies

5. the entire mechanism of death is so fucked

and what does this all mean? the one big thing that this headcanon revolves around:

ever since kirby killed necrodeus, (which I headcanon to be pretty early in the timeline), the afterlife has been running on what is pretty much an honor system. people die and then end up in the afterlife and because theres nobody manning the gates they can just leave. morpho does his best to keep people in but fuck man there are billions of sentient creatures dying in every galaxy every second and that's hard to keep up with. some people don't know about this, and so they stay in the afterlife like a little dead person is supposed to, but the people who know? outta here.

and my apologies but some of the most heinous people ever are aware of this life hack. including marx and magolor. yeah that's right they both fuckig died. and then said "fuck you death" and decided to un-die. but because they're fucked up and evil I guess they can.. can soul boss?!?!?!?! can soul boss form. only if you go to hell though. yeah baby soul bosses the forms you take in hell. that's probably the darkest part of this headcanon and I just pulled it out of my ass. because Um. why would magolor's soul take the form of what happened to him in the worst moment in his entire ass life. marx looks like that because hes fucked up. drawcia soul is fucked up because shes a drawing also my headcanon is you fight drawcia soul IN HER HELL because yeah! sectonia soul uh . um. some redesigns may need to happen ILL DRAW THAT LATER

but yeah. also kirby doesnt crawl his way outta the afterlife every time he dies like everyone else. morpho knight is just so sick of him (scared of him) that it doesn't even bother to come for his soul every time he dies it just lets him. wake up on his own terms. which is stupidly funny to me.