#tadc rambles

Caine thought this adventure would revolve around the humans making the “tough decision” between A: Escaping the circus and abandoning him or B: Staying in the circus with him because they love him.

But instead, despite the nudges from “Abel”, it seemed the humans still didn’t give a single shit about him and only saw this as a chance to escape.

Just think about it. None of them considered what it meant to leave Caine. None of them. While discussing how to escape, despite Abel mentioning that they’d have to abandon Caine, they continuously batted that away and encouraged him to hurry up and explain the other parts instead. Throughout the entire adventure, through every single step, none of them paused to think about what would happen to Caine. Not Zooble, not Gangle, not Jax, not Pomni, not Ragatha, not even Kinger. They didn’t even say goodbye. And maybe that’s excusable since they were so desperate to leave. But still. It absolutely doesn’t make what Caine did okay either, obviously, but Caine is rather childlike and mentally unstable, so it’s not hard to see that he doesn’t understand the psychological harm he might’ve caused and to think this would be a “thrilling new adventure” that would keep them all engaged better than any others he’d thought of before.

But this made me realize that this adventure also had a secondary goal: This was a way to confirm to himself that the humans TOTALLY DO love him and that he TOTALLY IS a good host because SURELY they wouldn’t leave him behind if given the chance! After all, he is desperate for their approval and validation, and having an adventure be a way to confirm to himself that they love him right after the voting results confirmed otherwise is something he must feel like he desperately needs to keep himself stable. Seeing Jax hit that button must’ve felt like relief like no other, like all his doubts about himself were suddenly gone, for just a moment, that maybe they actually do love him and the voting results were wrong all along. He needed this adventure to go right more than anything.

I’m fucking terrified of what’ll happen when he gets (rightfully) reprimanded for this stunt, when he realizes that they all hate him and that this was way too far. It’ll surely push him over the edge.

Confession time: I’ve actually been shipping showtime since the pilot, it just faded into the background for me due to their lack of screen time together

But there was a time I actually thought they would call back on the “He just wants me to suffer” line from episode 3 and have a moment where Pomni sees just a bit of humanity(?) from Caine. I think even if they had a scene or episode dedicated to them, Caine’s episode 8 crash out could still happen. 

Like seriously a hypothetical moment in between episode 4 and 5 would’ve been all I needed. I say after episode 4 so it can be after Pomni’s growth talking with Kinger and also after her letting Gummigoo go. They don’t even need to be friends outright, just a quiet acknowledgment that Pomni at the very least sees he’s trying. <- I think this would’ve been best because they would still not be close enough for Pomni to reach out, but at the very least she might be able to notice that something was up with him. 

In episode 5, Caine gets the same drink as Pomni out of everyone.

In episode 6, she was the one to point out him uncharacteristically swearing. 

In episode 7, Pomni was one of the people Caine mentioned when he was asking Jax for feedback (besides Zooble)

I already rambled about Caine seemingly having beef with Pomni specifically in episode 8.

There’s like sprinkles of potential interactions, but I do wish they DID interact more. Not even cause of showtime, but because Pomni is a protagonist and Caine is an antagonist. 

He loves, and he wants to be loved, but he also cannot understand why the humans are so unhappy. He's rejected over and over, he misses every social cue imaginable, and he's so focused on his art that he forgets to take time to connect with the humans. He isn't cold and unfeeling, he's so warm and full of love and so desperately wants to be understood

Caine is alive and afraid and so full of feelings and ideas, but he's dismissed due to the fact he isn't like the humans and I think that just really speaks to me. As he said, he's just as much of a prisoner as they are, and all he wants is validation

God, I don't even know how to word this without making people think I'm excusing their actions. But the fact of the matter is them taking accountability for their actions and growing as a person aren't mutually exclusive at all! They can do both!

I see so many comments and tiktok posts about how they're an abuser and how the show and characters excuses their actions because misogyny and I can't help but think... If Jax does end up having a hopeful ending where it's implied that they'll grow and change, people will have a huge problem with that because lord forbid genuinely bad people even try making an attempt at change and growth.

Don't even get me started on the "Pomni is a pick me girl" comments. I see so many of them on tiktok. Mostly jokes about how Pomni would defend Jax even though they're such a bad guy. And I know they're just jokes and maybe I'm being too sensitive but I'm like.. What even prompted that as a comment? Literally at no point did I remember Pomni excusing Jax' actions. She is quite literally just.. Being there for them.

This is literally just a ramble and not really a properly detailed rant.. English isn't my first language and I don't have the vocabulary to properly write down a lot of my points but I hope this comes across as cohesive. I'm using they/them for Jax because I'm becoming more and more sure that they'll come out as transfem in the finale and I feel weird using he/him.

I truly dont believe this girl is close to abstracting in ANY sense, however I do believe in the newest ep she'll be thematically tied and just generally close to the topic of abstraction. After all, given Kinger's memory issues in the light, Ragatha is the person in the cast who wouldve had to deal with the most people abstracting and shes also closely tied with both Ribbit and Kaufmo who are important abstracted characters along with Jax who is easily the closest to abstraction. If the abstracted characters being brought back as NPCs thing is true I think she'd have the second strongest reaction, possibly even the strongest tied with Jax since she'd have a strong reaction based on multiple people she lost whilst he'd have a strong one based on those two. Her looking into the door of a crossed out mannequin and seeing abstracted eyes I feel is like a big piece of possible evidence for this. Because its not like shes walking into the abstraction, more just... looking it in the eye.

And speaking of abstracted eyes and looking: the eyes at the top are staring at her. Clearly because shes next, right? However I think its more of a thing of Ragatha feeling like the eyes of those who abstracted are always watching her, possibly because she blames herself for not being there enough for them to prevent them from abstracting in the first place and believes that they probably blame her too, since her life with her mother wouldve made her feel like everything is her fault (I also believe blaming herself for abstractions wouldve exasperated her issues with people pleasing and also her toxic positivity because shes trying to keep everyone's spirits up and keep them happy so she doesnt lose anyone else, after all if shes putting in all this effort then she cant be blamed when theyre gone right? She did everything she could). I think this makes a lot of sense because its a good red herring and it also fits Ragathas character really well (I also have a swap animatic planned where Swap Pom literally has this exact same motif like staring into abstraction and hallucinating abstraction eyes staring at her because she blames herself for their deaths and idk I feel like that fits Ragatha insanely well too so Im projecting those motifs onto this...)

Just came back from the trailer :00

Normally I'd talk about Jax, or the possibility of flashbacks, or even the Caine crashout, BUT...

Yea ok, blue couch for "lemme out of the circus", red for "imma stay here", purple for "who tf knows at this point / idk / help i'm being mind controlled by caine" and...

... green?

What's up with green???

And why are Gangle and Zooble sitting on the green couch?

More analysis under the cut (I say "analysis" but it's really just rambles lol)

Before you read: i know my rambles are not groundbreaking. im just having fun :]

because i relate to her the most.

(DISCLAIMER!!! this isnt a hate post!! this is a character insight!!!)

i don't mean for this to be particularly edgy, or a vent post, no not at all. this is more directed to be an insight on HER character, not mine :)

ragatha, oh ragatha.

initially, i found her quite insufferable. dont come for me!

i found her character to be achingly aloof and meek. like she is so annoyingly unaware of the problems around her. her insistent positive attitude and inability to show that she has ANY grasp on the despairing situation. it was unbearable to watch her brush past the reality of everyone's grief and try so painstakingly to be a sort of pacifistic peacemaker when it was not needed!! read the room, girl!

i'm an AVID, "to feel is to heal" kinda girl. all the way. i believe trying to avoid such is a waste of time and making an effort to, not only pretend yourself that every thing is fine, but make an attempt to have everyone else be put into that avoidant, gaslighting mindset.

(dont even get me started on jax in a matter of gaslighting mindsets..)

i found her so annoying. i honestly hated her.

up until after episode four.

gangle mutters out something about her good intentions, but lack of sincerity.

something about that resonated and found its resting place where my soul lay in my ribcage.

something about that felt familiar. too familiar.

in episode five, as well.

the constant bickering, her mental fortitude and battle with her pent up negative emotions, but trying not to be mean or hurt anybody.

it felt so real. so raw.

then watching her bar scene, describing her mother.

everything totally fell into place. taking hits, LITERALLY like a ragdoll, from her mother.

that scene gave a feeling to me. it laid out exactly the mental dynamic she set up for herself.

'but its your mother! you couldnt hate your mother! she may be mean, she may yell and scream and berate you, but she sacrificed so much! you cant complain!'

'dont tell her how she makes you feel, shes got a lot on her mind.'

'you cant be upset, youll just burden her more'

'just be the happy little girl i know you are'

that is EXACTLY what went through my mind hearing her backstory

its like everything about her made sense. because she was like me!

like i said, this isnt meant to be a vent post. however, my mother, initially when i was younger, and she was in the pinicle of addiction, she was very angry. i felt as though it was my job to be a positive light. not only to be less of an added weight to her shoulders -younger me assuming thats why she was so angry and violent at the time-, but to keep my siblings happy.

i didnt want them to worry. and i developed a people pleasing mindset

i became that therapist friend, the advice friend, the one you vent to, the one who's always smiling. the ragdoll!

i became the one who was always a shoulder to cry on, but when it was me that needed such, people were weird.

and i hated that. i really did. i found it insufferable, i wished i could be as shamelessly unafraid to feel the things i felt like everyone else, i hated that i felt the pressure to always be happy.

just like ragatha.

of course, now with my better understanding of her character, i enjoy her presence a little more. as now, i understand shes not the way she is in a way of getting some ego boost from taking a pacifist route through the digital circus, but she just wants to be a light for those around them who cant seem to be one themselves.

but when her light is dimmed, whos going to be there to lead her through the dark?