#t1dlife

🎉 Happy five year diaversary to me 🎉

When I went to the hospital on this day five years ago, I never expected to be admitted to the ICU with ketoacidosis. The picture on the left is from a month later, when I was struggling with anorexia and depression on top of all the ins and outs of type one diabetes. I was trying so hard to make everyone think I was okay because I was living alone in my first apartment, finishing my degree, and goddammit I was going to succeed even if it meant crying for hours because suddenly it felt like I could no longer do anything I previously could without at least five times the effort, if I had the energy and blood sugar to spare.

The picture on the right is me today. There are still many difficult days - today was one of them - but I can take it in stride for the most part. I have learned to ask for help when I need it and express when I am having trouble and need to take care of myself. Diabetes has taught me it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, and to take chances when they come because any day could be my last. While my life is not perfect, I can confidently say that I am happier and healthier than I ever thought I could be when I was lying in that hospital bed five years ago. I have a wonderful support network of family, friends, and coworkers who have been there for me when I needed them. My biggest support has been my husband, who was only 20 when I was diagnosed and chose to stay with me even though I told him I would understand if he left - he has now saved my life more times than I can count.

Just a little rant as a type 1 diabetic. To make this clear this isn't what all type 1 diabetic think and go through, just my experiences.

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Type 1 vs Type 2

I just hate when people think type 1 and type 2 are the same. They really aren't. Just cause your grandma is on a sugar free/ low carb diet doesn't mean I need to be on one to. losing weight and eating clean doesn't reverse shit. It helps but it isn't a main part of treatment.

Treatment

Everyone has their different treatment plans. Some use a pump. Some use viles ( idk if I spelled that right) of insulin. Some use pens. Some use a cgm and some use a metor ( some times both). Sometimes when you dose is also dependent. I see some people think it's a one size fits all ( mostly people who don't have it) but it's not.

Insurance

Is a pain. We have been fighting to get a cgm that works with a insulin pump. I have a freestyle libra which doesn't go with any pump. My doctor keeps pushing for one that does but we haven't heard anything from them. We also had a few problems with billing and almost had to pay over a thousand just to get the supplies I needed for that month....a perfect way to say you live in America without saying you in America

Lows and Highs

I usually have more lows than I do highs. I still have highs though. They both hurt but lows hurt worse in my opinion. I get irrationally angry and tired with both tho. I just can't seem to explain it to people. It's like they think im making excuses but im not, your blood sugar can affect your mental health.

Disability

Yes, type 1 is considered a disability. And rightfully so! Not all disabilities are visible. That's all I have to say about it.

Everyday life

When I was first diagnosed I was told that diabetes wasn't gonna rule my life. That was a complete lie. I know what they meant was I was gonna be able to do everything everyone else can. And Sure I can do most things other people can but I will never be able to just go out with friends without a plan. I have trouble with eating out because of the fear of getting orders wrong and people staring when I dose . I struggle with all the bruises and blood stains on white clothes. I often feel insecure about it and insecure about the stretches that take forever to heal. I struggle with being able to go on runs and exercise freely with no worry. I have to eat when im not hungry and I can't just eat whatever I want when I feel like it. Traveling over seas isn't impossible but is hard. Half my house is just my supplies. And Don't even get me started on sick days.

I hate the mindset that either you're a bum or you're inspirational and overcome everything. I have good days but I also have terrible days when my blood sugar won't stabilize and I feel like shit. That's okay! I feel like that shouldn't make me a bad person. I'm not gonna pretend that my life is like everyone else because diebetes is apart of me now. It affects every aspect of my life in some way or another.