Hey so how do you deal with your brain making more headmates than you can even keep up with?
It makes us scared that like some people who love fronting won't get a chance to anymore because like there's almost 20 of us at this point and we can't just constantly switch out or nobody will have more than like 5 mins of fronting time. Not to mention it's just generally kinda stressful like "will the brain make another headmate of this character in media we really like even though some of us haven't been able to front in weeks resulting in even less of a chance for them to front? Dunno i kinda hope not"
So I guess the question is how do I slow down the making of headmates and how do we manage to make a chance for more of us to front without constantly switching?
Oh dear, Iβm afraid we donβt have an easy answer for how to slow down the making of headmates. If you are not consciously choosing to create headmates (through say, willogenic means, thoughtforms, or something else), and if your brain is splitting alters unconsciously, either as a form of neurodiversity or a result of a complex dissociative disorder, we genuinely canβt provide advice on halting this process. Alters can split for a variety of reasons, and it really canβt be controlled by any individual in the system - itβs something that happens unconsciously as a coping mechanism.
Hereβs some things you can do that may help:
- seek therapy. A therapist might be able to help you pinpoint areas of stress and develop healthier coping mechanisms. In many systems, splitting may result from being overwhelmed/facing trauma, so learning how to cope with these events may help prevent new headmates from forming.
- you can also learn coping skills on your own, without therapy. Practice grounding/reorienting, figure out what helps you feel safe, and avoid what makes you overwhelmed. If you notice youβre splitting new headmates in particular situations, try to avoid those or think of better ways to cope in the moment.
- have an inner-meeting to see who is most capable of handling stress, and see if they can front during difficult times. If stronger headmates front in overwhelming moments, it may help keep the brain from deeming a split necessary.
Our host also struggles with the fact that there are so many of us inside; he has moments when he worries heβll never be able to front again. The plight for individual agency and autonomy is not lost on us - every headmate likely wants and deserves to front in order to make their own decisions in the real world.
(We havenβt tried it) but some systems create a fronting schedule, which allows other headmates to rotate in and out throughout the week. Maybe something like this would be beneficial for your system? Additionally, divvying up tasks between headmates may ensure that others can front in order to take care of the body and have some quality fronting time.
Our system has a gatekeeper (or system manager) who has the final say on who fronts. She is able to facilitate switches, and has been a great help in ensuring no one headmate fronts longer than the rest, and allowing those who donβt front often to front when they like. Does your system have a member who fits this role? If so, could you ask them to help in facilitating switches so other members can be afforded time to front?
We hope something here proves to be beneficial for you and your system. Our apologies for not having better advice! Regardless, we wish you and your system peace, harmony, and cooperation in the future.
π Cecil and πΈ Margo