#system maintenance

literally growing up an excellent liar because we completely believe we did or did not do that. depending on who was fronting/listening at the time.

Getting top surgery in about a week, call that repairing my exoskeleton

not that it matters, but i do wonder occasionally about the headmates who’ve come and gone and i never noticed, especially since the larger half of the system split off pretty recently. one of us has been around for about a decade, another at least since college, and i have suspicions that certain thought patterns may have been relatively independent - one went so far as to have a name, but it’s gone now. and it doesn’t really matter, ultimately, because they probably got absorbed or stopped serving a purpose and that’s fine, i wouldn’t be better off if i was still regularly imagining conversations with an alternate-universe me, but. i’d like to know, you know?

I wonder if I'm just so ridiculously stressed right now without realizing it and my body just decided to shut down and that's why I had a massive panic attack and am currently Not Handling it Well. My body scheduled system maintenance for me at the most inconvenient time 😭