#system education

an alter whose role is to lighten the mood when the system is experiencing negative emotions/situations despite having a hard time themself. a corriedale alter is usually supportive, kind and caring. oftentimes, they happen to be littles or little-adjacent, but that’s not a requirement.

Childhood dissociation is a strange beast. In ways most who haven’t lived it won’t ever intuitively grasp.

I lived two lives, running alongside each other but never touching.

On one track was the ‘me’ who went to school, did homework, showed up at appointments and playdates.

That version of me didn’t know what was happening. Not really. They were built to keep going, to keep smiling, to stay innocent of what we couldn’t bear.

On the other track, other parts carried everything.

Why we woke screaming in the night, sweating through sheets.

Why we knew closets and mirrors weren’t safe.

Why we knew what adults did.

That was the one who curled on the floor instead of the bed, who vomited from terror in the dark.

These tracks ran side by side. They leaked into each other all the time, but never met.

I felt wrong, dirty, ruined, without knowing why. I didn’t understand what made me different, only that I was. Every cruel twist of social rejection because of this just deepened the barriers.

That’s the paradox of childhood dissociation.

It shields you enough to keep living, but it also leaves you fractured. The unknowing self stumbles through the day, while the knowing self is hidden but still screaming.

Both are you.

An Introduction to Plurality (1/2)

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Let me yap about modular systems. Modular DID is a form of DID - shocker - and is severely underresearched. It was first named by Kluft. We don't like Kluft but he seems a solid enough researcher, he did a lot of resesrch on polyfragmentation which he called (E)C-DID bzw MPD. He advanced our understanding of DID and the treatment of it.

I'm part of a modular system. Not diagnosed "M-DID" but diagnosed DID. I'm not pulling shit out of my ahh.

So what is it and what does it feel like?

In M-DID you have no full alters, you have tiny fragments that essentially combine or temporarily merge to become a "bigger alter". When one of those switches out you might get amnesia for what that tiny particle of you did and thought while you're co-conscious when connected. You might have constellations of particles who can configure themselves into different versions of "one" alter though.

In our case we have very distinct "alters" with lots of amnesia but it's hard to pinpoint actual alters. Sometimes just one particle of "them" is on front and one of someone else and it took us a long time to realize it isn't some new alter. Our particles have unique characterists and high amnesia between different constellations - I'll consider making a graphic - but they're all limited in their role. Why we don't have OSDD but DID?

Because we have vastly different identities and thoughts and feelings as these configurations + a lot of amnesia. OSDD-1A doesn't mean fragments or limited alter it means similar alters who have a full range of affect, memories etc just it overlaps with the others or they perceive themselves as the same person.

In OSDD & P-DID switching is less common, amnesia isn't that prominent and alters aren't as distinct whereas we have potentially highly distinct alter who frequently switch and have high amnesia. The only thing in common is the blending/merging.

We frequently experience differemt versions of the same bigger alter being configured who might perceive themselves as different or the same person. This is different from a subsystem where alters are somewhat more constant and predictable.

No one seems to talk about it online except someone mentioning it in passing in an obscure server my best friends are in. I'm not a researcher either so I need to off my own experiences. If you experience yourselves similarly or very differently but use modular as a descriptor I'm interested to hear about it.

(TW) (Disclaimer: all systems are different; hypersexuality is not considered a disorder in the DSM yet; all kind of alters can be affected, even Littles)

What is a hypersexual alter? A hypersexual alter is characterized by intense or frequent sexual thoughts, urges and behaviours. They might try to seek out for sexual experiences often, have a higher sex drive. That sometimes causes them to engage in risky or impulsive sexual behaviours.

Why do they exist? They often form to cope and have their individual reasons to be there. Here are some possibilitys:

Sexual Abuse. Many systems go through repeated sexual abuse (SA) in childhood. Hypersexual alters might form to reenact the traumatic event through similiar (more positive) experiences or regain control. Some might just resign and think its their fate to be only used/valuable for sex. This reaction isnt uncommon in abused singlet people too.

Compartmentalization. System brains often seperate certain emotions, roles, or main traits one alter might just hold sexual desires as their "role" for no further reason.

Defense Mechanism/Trauma response. Neglected alters might want to seek validation and compassion they locked through sexual activitys. Some on the other hand might use it as a distraction from deeper emotions and memorys.

Symptomholders. Some alters might have developed Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Bipolar Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder or other disorders that often include hypersexuality in their symptoms. Therefore an alter that has a disorder which is-among other symptoms-characterized by hypersexual behaviours migjt have their "reputation" from that.

What can it look like? It can show through flirtious behaviours, often practizing sexual activitys (alone or not) to an extend that causes issues in their allday activitys and relationships. They might more often try to seek sexual and intimate attention. Constantly changing partners and purposefully putting yourself in scene can be common too. They might not care if they even like the other person/people, as long as they offer intimancy hypersexual alters might not decline at all. It can also show in difficultys with boundarys which does not mean hypersexual alters are inherently abusive. Guilt is a common reaction to the own behaviours and trauma responses of hypersexual people.