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Like I said in my last post, I’ve been putting more and more aspecs into my writing lately. This fic in particular is being written extremely scattered, so i have no idea when it’ll be posted, if at all. But I wanted to at least share the aspec bits I have written!
This time, it’s Hide’s segments!
(Word Count: 2200)
(Warnings for a brief scene of romance and lots of internalized aphobia/amisia)
[This takes place shortly after Dragon, while the ghouls are all still staying at the CCG]
“Um, Hide? Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Of course!”
“So, um, I was thinking about what you said...” Kaneki began.
“Which one?” Hide asked. So much had happened over the past few weeks, Kaneki could have been referring to literally anything.
“A-about... you liking me.”
“Oh.” Hide could feel his face heating up. He’d almost forgotten about his confession.
“And, I think I’d like to try? As long as that’s okay with you?”
Hide lunged and hugged him. “Of course it is!”
Kaneki hummed contentedly and hugged him back.
-
It was 3am, and Hide was awake staring at the ceiling.
He had forgotten the reason why he stopped dating in high school, why all of his relationships ended badly. Something was different about him — about his sexuality. Kaneki had just confessed and they became a couple, and already Hide could feel his feelings changing. Most people would write it off as anxiety, but Hide knew better. He’d felt this feeling before, and he knew what was happening. His romantic feelings were fading.
Hide groaned and ducked his head into his knees. “I was hoping I would be fixed by now.”
He had given up dating after he broke two people’s hearts. Two people that he had loved romantically, and even when his romantic feelings faded he still cared about, but the relationship became too much for him. Too many expectations, too many things he didn’t understand, and he had to end it. After not even a few months, going from passionate to repulsed, he unintentionally broke their hearts. And then they broke his when they screamed at him, accusing him of never loving them in the first place.
He had hoped that taking a long break from dating would fix whatever was wrong with his sexuality. He had loved Kaneki for so many years, with none of it fading, even when Kaneki went missing time and time again. Hide thought it would stay forever. But now that they were in a relationship, it was fading.
“Maybe I can hold on, and it’ll come back.” Hide said, trying to ignore the fact that he said the same thing in his prior relationships, and it had never worked before.
-
“I love you.” Kaneki whispered, nuzzling him before kissing him on the cheek.
Hide pulled away. “I can’t.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
Hide shook his head. “It’s not you. It’s me.” He grimaced. “I know that sounds cliché, but its true.”
“What’s wrong? I can fix it.” Kaneki reached out to take his hand.
“It’s nothing you can fix!” Hide snapped, yanking his hand away.
“Hide…?”
Hide stepped back. “S-sorry!”
“Wait, Hide!”
“I’m so sorry.” Hide ran off.
-
Hide tried to busy himself with CCG work, which Marude was more than happy to provide. It was boring, but gave him time to think, which he really needed. And after a while, he needed someone to talk about it with.
“Hey, Marude-san…” Hide began. “What are your thoughts on queer people?”
Marude laughed.
Hide winced and continued on his work. Maybe they could just pretend he never said anything.
“So you’re saying you’re queer too, huh?” Marude asked. “I guess I shoulda known, the way you talk about that one eyed bastard.”
Hide perked up. “Too?”
“Hm?” Marude looked at him. “Yeah. You’re far from the only queer person I know.”
“Really?”
Marude gave him a look. “Nagachika, you really think everyone is straight, in the entire CCG, all these years I’ve worked here?”
“Well, no, but…” Hide trailed off.
“So what are ya, then?” Marude asked. “I noticed you said queer and not gay.”
“I’m pansexual.”
“Which one is that?”
“It’s kinda like bisexual. Usually people use it to mean more gender-blind, whereas with bisexual there’s usually some internal difference with attraction to each gender. But not all people use it that way.”
Marude hummed and nodded. Hide was glad he accepted it at face value and didn’t try to pick it apart.
“But the past few days, I’m beginning to think I’m something else…”
“What, like you’re just gay or just straight?”
“Not like that.” Hide shook his head. “Like, an additional label.”
“Transgender?” Marude guessed.
“Not trans, but you’re on the right track on how trans is an additional label on a different axis.”
“Then what label are you thinking about adding? I’m at my limit of vocab here!”
“Aromantic.” Hide said, deciding to keep it as simple as possible.
“And that is?”
Here it comes…
“Not experiencing romantic attraction.”
There was silence. Hide braced himself.
“Romantic?” Marude asked. “So, wait. Separate from sexual stuff?”
“For me, yeah. But some other aros don’t experience sexual attraction either.”
Marude hummed. He seemed to accept it, but Hide couldn’t tell what he was thinking beyond that.
Hide sighed. He was glad Marude was being so accepting, and it was really nice to hear someone not put romance on a pedestal for once, but at the same time Hide wanted some validation for his fears.
“For so long now I’ve prided myself on being loving. And now knowing that I can’t… What am I now?”
“So was everything fake?”
“No. Yes? It’s complicated.” Hide groaned.
“Look, kid. You feel how you feel. You can’t force it or change it. And that goes for everything, not just sexualities.”
“I know.”
“You’re a sweet kid. It’s overbearing to me, but I appreciate that in a world so cruel, people like you exist. And from what I’ve seen, the care you show isn’t fake.”
“The non-romantic love? That’s not fake. But the romance? The crushes and flirting? It’s not fake but… it disappears. Way sooner than it should.”
“Disappears?”
“I think I’m, like, a subset of aromantic? I get crushes but they fade after I’m in a relationship. Way sooner than it should. I’ve been in love with Kaneki for years, but now that we’re a couple, that romantic attraction is gone.”
“That’s certainly a dilemma.”
Hide scoffed. That was an understatement.
“So what do you wanna do about it?” Marude asked.
“Huh?”
“Break up, or keep it up?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then just talk to him.”
“Huh?”
“I can’t give you any advice on the romance aspect, but you two have been through things much worse than relationship drama. Just talk to the guy. Can’t be any scarier than what you’ve gone through.”
“I’d beg to differ.” Hide muttered.
Marude rolled his eyes. “Even I know he’s not gonna get pissed and eat you.”
“Of course not! That’s not what I’m afraid of!”
“Then what are you afraid of?”
“I don’t want to hurt him.” Hide whispered. “Or make him think I hate him.”
“Just communicate with him. You can’t work it out all alone. You both need to work together, or else how do you even expect your relationship to work?”
Hide sighed. “...I guess you’re right.”
-
Akira huffed as she sat down next to him. “How do people deal with it?”
Hide gave her a look. “Deal with what?”
“Crushes!” Akira said, as if it was obvious. “They’re so distracting.”
Hide chuckled. They certainly were.
“I thought one was bad enough, but now I have two! Ugh!”
“Oof. That’s rough. I’ve been there.”
“Hey, you’re allo-romantic, right? How do you deal with crushes?”
“Huh? Allo-romantic?” Hide asked. He thought he was pretty well-versed in sexuality terms, but he hadn’t heard that one before.
“It means people who aren’t on the aromantic spectrum.”
“You’re aromantic?” Hide asked. He had known she was asexual for years, but he never knew what her romantic orientation was.
“Demi-romantic.” Akira explained with a nod. “Got my first crush at 20 on a friend, and now a double-whammy of crushes #2 and #3 at 25.”
“Huh.” Hide whispered. He was 22, and it was pretty incredible to imagine only having a single crush in that much time.
Akira-san is aromantic…
“Do you know a lot about aromantic terminology?” Hide decided to ask.
“I wouldn’t say I’m an expert, but I have been researching it these past few weeks. Why? What do you want to know?”
“I’ve been wondering if I fall somewhere on there…” Hide said.
“Really?”
“I’ve actually been wondering since high school, but its come back full force now.”
“What makes you think you are?”
“I get a regular amount of crushes, I think. But they, like… fade…?”
Akira hummed in understanding and nodded. “I do recall seeing a few terms like that.”
Hide’s eyes widened. “Really? More than one? Like what?”
“Um, off the top of my head I remember Aroflux, that fluctuates. Hold on.” She pulled out her phone and typed into it.
“Maybe, but that’s a bit vague…” Hide said.
“I know Grey-romantic can be used as an umbrella term.” Akira added. “Ah, here we go! Fray-romantic means you’re only romantically attracted to strangers, and it fades as you get to know them!”
“That’s close, but it’s not that quick. Well, maybe I can use it anyway.” He knew that a lot of queer terms had a lot of grey area to them.
“Oh, and there’s also Lithromantic, that fades at reciprocation!”
“Reciprocation...?” Hide asked, his eyes widening. “That’s… That’s it…”
“Ha, really? That’s awesome!”
“I got crushes and tried to date them, but once I was in a relationship my feelings would disappear. I tried to push on and fake it, but it didn’t work out and we had to break up. Eventually I just gave up dating entirely.”
Hide sighed and held his head in his hands.
Akira frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Kaneki.”
“Kaneki?”
“We just confessed to each other and started officially dating, and I can already feel it fading.”
Akira frowned, not sure what to say.
Hide laid down. “Who’d want to date me? A person who can’t love them back.”
Akira scoffed, laying back to join him. “What about me, huh? Someone who takes forever to like you back, and even then isn’t capable of sexual attraction.”
“You like Amon-san and Takizawa-san, right?” Hide guessed.
“Yeah. So what?”
Hide turned on his side to face her. “Well, Amon-san doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to care about that. And I don’t think Takizawa-san does either. If they really love you, then I’m sure they’d be willing to find a way to meet in the middle.”
Akira sighed, considering his words. Then she gave some of her own, “You know, you and Kaneki are really close. We can all tell. And I know Kaneki, too, and how he is. I’m sure he’d accept your aromanticism. Maybe you could even be in a non-romantic relationship with him.”
Hide blinked. Akira chewed her lip. They were both silent, thinking on each other’s words.
“You really think someone would be okay having a relationship without sex?” Akira asked.
“Of course.” Hide replied. “Do you really think someone would be okay with having a committed relationship that’s not romantic?”
“Of course.” Akira replied.
-
As he talked, Hide walked around the room, taking in the tiniest of details. And then he came across small pride pins, clipped to her bag laid in the corner.
“Is that what I think it is?!” Hide cried out.
“Huh? What is what you think it is?” Kimi asked, turning around.
“That!” Hide pointed to the pin that had gradients of greens and blacks. “Is that an aromantic pin?”
Kimi’s eyes widened. No one had ever recognized it before. Hardly anyone even recognized her bisexual one. “Yeah. I’m aromantic.”
“Wow.” Hide muttered. “And I know the bi one, but… what’s this other one?” He pointed to the one on the other side of the aromantic pin, the one with stripes making a gradient from pink to green.
“It’s aroflux.” Kimi said. “I fall in the grey area of the aromantic spectrum.”
Hide untensed his shoulders. “You know… I think I do, too.”
“Really?”
“I’m Lith-romantic, I’m pretty sure.”
“Neat! It’s always exciting to meet more aromantics!”
“You know others?”
“Nishiki-kun is arospec too. And I’ve helped a few other people question.”
“Nishio-senpai is too?! You’re in a relationship with another aromantic?! That’s amazing!”
“Tell me about it! It was just a coincidence! He didn’t know he was aromantic before I told him about aromanticism! Although, in hindsight I guess it explains why we fit so well together. We both have very complicated feelings on romance, that our previous partners never were able to grasp.”
Hide felt warm and happy, a sense of comfort and kinship coming over him. He often had a lot of internalized dislike of his aromanticism, but it was really nice to talk to someone who was similar — someone else who was on the aromantic spectrum.
Whenever he talked to other people — other allo-romantics, was the term Akira had used — they never grasped what he was trying to explain and always blew it off. As much as he liked people and socialized, he always felt a heavy disconnect from them.
And it suddenly dawned on him. He knew three arospecs so far, and Kimi had implied more.
I’m thinking I might continue this someday. There’s room for more.
Anyway, enjoy!
Science is a lot of trial and error really. Cures, machines, anything really that has ever been made by science probably never worked the first time. That’s part of the process though right? You improve on the mistakes of previous attempts and eventually you get a complete success.
Often times that takes a while, a very long while. Years, decades, sometimes the work is carried on by descendants and others. Sometimes the original work is flawed at the very start and only gets fixed a thousand years down the line. Sometimes the improvements are also flawed and you have to start all over again.
But it eventually works. Eventually you complete what you were trying to do and you make another scientific breakthrough in the process. You feel good, you feel proud, and then you tackle the next challenge.
Of course that list bit is really only applicable if you’re a scientist. Which in the case of one Yusei Fudo, he was. A damn good one at that if you ask around.
It was hard not to give Yusei praise. His Fortune system had done so much for Neo Dominio, even if only a few people knew the real reason behind him making it. Like he would always say in those glory days…
“I will save the future!”
Something that he has done a fair bit by now, but there’s always calamities to avoid. They were like a minefield sometimes.
So what’s the great scientist working on now you may ask? A better D-Wheel? A new electrical system for the city? Lunch? All those are pretty small compared to what he is actually doing.
I mean it’s not every day you make a time machine.
This wasn’t Yusei’s first experience with time either. He had gone back in the past before. Twice in fact, and on the same trip no less. Yes it’s that crazy story of how he fought alongside two legendary duellists to defeat a powerful threat and, like always, save the future.
I heard they made a movie about it. Go figure.
Anyway, the Shooting Star of Satellite was making a time machine. Was there something in the past he wanted to change? Was the future at risk again? Well, it was a yes to both of those questions. Just not the way you’re probably thinking of.
Yusei is a smart guy. He’s not the kind of guy who believes he has the right to shape the future or change the past. If it weren’t for Paradox’s actions, he’d have never been in the past anyway. He doesn’t do something without cause, a significant cause at that.
For the time machine, the cause in question was currently sound asleep on his couch, wrapped up in his lab coat. One legendary duellist straight from some 20-30 odd years in the past, give or take.
Jaden Yuki. Boy this story just gets better and better eh?
So what was Jaden doing here? Well he didn’t come here the regular way in case you were wondering. He certainly was older than when Yusei had met him years ago, in fact he was the same age as Yusei. But what was he doing there and how did he get there hasn’t been answered yet.
The truth is that neither of them know. Jaden just showed up one day on the streets of Neo Domino and, after getting some idea of where he was and where Yusei was, (as he was the only person he actually knew in this era) found Yusei and here they were more or less. Yusei was working on a way to send Jaden back to his own era. Not out of a desire to be rid of his friend’s company but because Jaden didn’t entirely belong here.
He was welcome of course and he had met all of Yusei’s friends. Taking Yusei’s advice he hadn’t looked up any of his own friends to see their future selves. Knowledge of the future and all that. But in the end, Jaden was still a man out of time here and there was no telling what his continued presence here could do.
Thus, the time machine. Now while the last time Yusei had travelled through time had worked, he couldn’t replicate the same means here. The Crimson Dragon had carried him, Jaden, and Yugi Moto through time three times during that adventure. Five if you counted the return trips.
But that was all done through the Crimson Dragon’s power, something science could not as easily replicate. Yusei is still a really smart and capable guy, but a time machine isn’t something so easy to create.
How long has it taken him? Currently six months, and that’s factoring in his day job and how much he pushes himself to work on this. Even now it was another all nighter as he worked on the machine. In fact, he hadn’t realized it had already become morning until a plate was placed next to him.
He looked over at the plate, finding it laden with food. Along with the plate was his frowning friend Jaden, who as usual was not to happy with him working through the night. Again.
Yusei didn’t even get to open his mouth to offer an excuse, Jaden had already anticipated it and wasn’t having any of it.
“Eat now Yusei, or I will feed you myself again.” He wasn’t kidding. Upon seeing just how little the former Signer took care of himself in comparison to others, Jaden took Yusei’s wellbeing into his own hands. This mainly consisted of aggressively demanding Yusei eat something and one time actually throwing him into a bath.
On the plus side, it had worked out.
But Jaden does know how hard Yusei is working and how much seeing him back in his own time means to the scientist. He knows that Yusei is doing the right thing, he’s just doing it at personal cost to himself.
They had a chat about this once actually.
“To be honest Yusei, I was a lot like you once.” Yusei had raised an eyebrow at that, to which Jaden merely chuckled.
“I’m serious. I thought I had to handle everything myself. Had to win every match, had to guard the Spirit Keys, had to stop the Light of Destruction, had to stop Yubel and Darkness and everything.” He shook his head, a smile crossing his face at the memories. “It was all on my shoulders.”
“But you did all that yourself Jaden.” Jaden chuckled again. It was true, and it wasn’t true.
“Not all by myself, the stories miss a few details. My friends were always there to help and support me. I didn’t always know that though. There was a bit there where I forgot it.” That time when he thought he had to handle everything. Protecting the twelve dimensions, making sure everybody was okay and safe. He had the powers, he had the skill, no one else could help him.
“I thought they were useless for a while. I thought they needed to be protected and kept out of the fight. But I was wrong, and they showed me that. They showed me that I didn’t have to have the world on my shoulders alone.”
“Jaden I already know that my friends will be there for me.” Jaden nodded in assent. Yes that was true, Jaden wouldn’t deny it.
“But it’s not the point I’m making. The point is that you can let them help you. Sometimes you can be a burden in trying not to be one.” He was quiet after that point before continuing.
“Sometimes doing something small like eating an actual meal and spending some time away from work helps. It shows that you’re taking care of yourself and that they don’t have to worry so much.”
Jaden had made a good point, even if it was taking a while for Yusei to really incorporate it into his daily life. But progress took time, just like science.
“Now, you’re going to eat this food and then we’re going to go out and get some air.” Yusei smiled, knowing Jaden was going to make good on that. When the brunette put his mind to something there was no stopping him.
But Yusei would acquiesce. Besides, some time with his friend would do him some good anyway.
[ID: A Tokyo Ghoul:re manga panel, showing Saiko laying in bed reading a manga with her kagune modeled into the shape of a large propeller-like weapon above her. Her teammate Hsiao has just walked into her room, and is looking at her with an exclamation mark in a speech bubble. End ID]
Featuring: Lesbian Hsiao, Aroace Saiko, a slow burn Queerplatonic Relationship
Word Count: 2600
Warnings: A few mentions of earwax
Saiko Yonebayashi was anything but what Hsiao expected from a Quinx. She was short and chubby, constantly rambled about video games and series like it was her real-life, and almost never left her room.
Hsiao put so much work into training, as did the other Quinx. But Saiko... They had to force her to train. Had to wake her up. Hsiao couldn't believe she hadn't been fired yet. Hsiao didn't hate her or dislike her, necessarily, but she figured their different work ideals would make them not get along well.
---
"Uuuuuuuriiiiiiii!" Saiko called out as she ran down the stairs. "Clean my ears!" She waved around a handful of cotton swabs.
There was a beat of silence in the living room as all of the Quinx stared at Saiko. Then, Aura stood up and left without a word.
"Ew!" Urie cried out. "Why do I need to do it? Do it yourself!"
"Maman did it for me, but he's not here anymore... So can you do it for me, Squad Leader?"
"Uhhh... Higemaru! You do it!"
"Eh?! Why me?!"
"Mucchaaaaaaaan?" Saiko drawled, twirling around to face the other original Quinx and give him puppy dog eyes.
"Sorry, but I'd rather not...?" Mutsuki replied awkwardly.
Hsiao sighed. "I'll do it."
"Really? Thank you, Hsiao!!!" Saiko handed her the Q-tips then plopped down beside her.
Disgusted, Urie quickly stood and left, followed by Higemaru. Mutsuki excused himself, saying he had to do some chores, and then hurried out of the room.
Saiko moved her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear, and then tilted her head for Hsaio.
Hsiao shifted herself so she was sitting directly beside the shorter girl. She put a hand on Saiko's shoulder to steady her, and then gently inserted the cotton swab in her ear.
"Tell me if I'm hurting you, okay?" Hsiao said.
"Mm-hmm!"
Hsiao twisted the swab, and then pulled it out. Quite a bit of wax was on it, and Hsiao made a face, trying to hide her disgust.
...Why did she agree to this, again?
---
Hsiao realized pretty shortly after joining the Quinx that Saiko always talked to her and asked her to hang out more than any of the other Quinx. Hsiao guessed it was because the two of them were the only girls on the squad.
Hsiao had thought it was simply team bonding exercises at first, but she quickly realized she was wrong. Saiko was just a NEET, and wanted someone to join her in playing video games, eating snacks, and binge-watching shows and movies. Hsiao often declined. She was busy training and going on missions. But anytime she had free time, she would accept. All her life, she had rarely had time for recreation, and so she decided to take advantage of it now. And Hsiao found out that she surprisingly had a great time whenever she joined Saiko. Eventually, she changed around her schedule to give herself more free time to spend with the other Quinx girl.
---
"Okay, who wants to clean my ears~?" Saiko practically sang as she skipped down the stairs.
The Q's were all silent.
"Come on guys!" Saiko pouted. "I need help! I can't do it myself..."
"Okay, I guess I'll do it again..." Hsiao offered, raising a hand.
"Yay! Hsiao's my favorite now!"
Once again, the Q's gathered their things and left the room.
Saiko gave Hsiao a few cotton swabs, and then sat in her lap.
Hsiao tensed and froze. She wasn't sure how to respond for a moment.
Saiko seemed to notice, "Ah, sorry!" She quickly stood up. “I used to sit on Maman's lap and I—”
"It's fine. I guess it is easier like that."
"Okay!"
So Saiko sat in Hsiao's lap again, and Hsiao got to work.
"All clean!" Hsiao said once she finished. There was just as much wax as the first time, but it wasn't as gross to her this time. Hsiao set aside the cotton swabs to be discarded, and then looked back at Saiko's pigtails. Her hair was pretty knotted up, almost like a bedhead.
"Did you fall asleep or something?" Hsiao asked.
Saiko nodded. "Uri had me wake up really early for a mission today. I crashed for an hour or two earlier, and had a really cool dream! I was like a video game character and beat a bunch of levels, but I fought with my kagune!"
"That does sound cool." Hsiao smiled. "Do you want me to brush your hair?"
"It's okay, I can do it myself."
"I don't mind. You're here in my lap anyway, and I have my brush right here."
"Okay then."
Hsiao gently pulled Saiko's hair out of the scrunchies.
"Wow, your hair's really long." She gently fluffed it.
"Yeah, I'm thinking about getting it cut."
"How short?"
"To my shoulders, maybe? What do you think?"
"Hmm." Hsiao took a moment to try to imagine Saiko with short hair. “I think that would look cute on you.”
"Alright! I will, then!"
Hsiao reached for a brush, and started brushing Saiko's hair. It took a long time with her hair's length, but thankfully the knots weren't too big and were brushed out easily.
"Thank you, Hsiao! Let me return the favor!"
"No, it's okay!"
"No! Let me do your hair! How about braids?"
Knowing Saiko wouldn’t let up, Hsiao smiled and nodded. "Alright, you can braid my hair."
Saiko got off Hsiao's lap, and then Hsiao took a seat on the floor in front of the couch. Saiko sat on the couch behind her, and gently pulled Hsiao's hair out of her low hanging ponytail.
Taking the brush, she split Hsiao's hair into two parts.
"Ah, I need more hairbands! Don't move!"
Saiko ran upstairs, and after a few moments came back with purple hairbands. Then she got back to work braiding Hsiao's hair.
Hsiao let herself relax. People touching her hair always felt nice, but it was very rare that anyone ever did.
At one point, Hsiao turned slightly to glance at the girl. Saiko had a very focused look on her face and was sticking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth.
"Stay facing forward!" Saiko chided, and Hsiao giggled as she complied and faced forward again.
---
"I need my ears cleaned again!"
"I'll do it this time!" Mutsuki announced. He didn't feel that it was fair that Hsiao always had to do it. And he knew that neither Urie or Aura would ever do it, and Higemaru would probably only do it if he was ordered to. Plus, Higemaru and Hsiao were new to the Quinx Squad, so they shouldn't need to do it before Urie or himself.
"Ah, it's okay. I don't mind doing it!" Hsiao said.
"Huh? You sure? You've already done it twice."
Hsiao nodded. "Like I said, I don't mind."
Mutsuki shrugged. "Okay. If you say so."
Hsiao wouldn't say it out loud, but she honestly really liked cleaning Saiko's ears. It seemed nice and relaxing for both of them. It reminded Hsaio of spending time with Hairu. She used to clean Hairu’s ears too. And now that she had done it so many times and gotten closer to Saiko, Hsiao wasn't grossed out by the earwax anymore.
---
Hsiao walked back into the main room of the Chateaux and then up the stairs. She rotated her shoulders and groaned. She must have pulled something while training. She hoped it wouldn't last until tomorrow.
As Hsiao was walking through the hallway, Saiko came out of her room, which was a surprise. Saiko was rarely seen around the Chateaux.
"Hello Hsiao! What's wrong?"
"Hm? Oh nothing, just pulled a muscle. I'm fine."
"Oh. Do you want a back massage?"
"H-huh? No, I'm fine!"
"You do stuff for me all the time! I wanna repay you! Please?"
"Alright."
"Great! I'm gonna use the bathroom, so meet me in my room!"
Saiko's room hadn't changed since the last time Hsiao had been in there. Game cases and systems were everywhere, along with both empty snack wrappers and unopened snacks littered across the bed and floor. It was a mess, but Hsiao guessed it was the kind of organized mess where Saiko knew where everything was.
Hsiao sat on Saiko's bed and waited for her to get back, hoping she wouldn't mind.
"I'm back! Okay, lay down!"
"I'm fine sitting."
"No, I want you to relax, so lay down!"
"Okay..."
Hsiao did as Saiko told her, and she felt the mattress dip as Saiko sat beside her. A second later, Saiko's hands were on her back, and she began to massage her.
"Where is it sore?"
"Up a little higher. Right there. Ah, that actually feels really good. Thanks, Saiko..."
"It's no problem. You always help me with my ears, after all."
Saiko gave deep massages, and it felt really nice to her sore, tired body after just finishing training. Hsiao didn't even notice herself slowly drifting off to sleep.
---
Hsiao woke up slowly, and became very confused. She wasn't in her own bedroom. She went to sit up and better take in her surroundings, but she felt a weight on her back. She craned her neck and saw Saiko fast asleep on her back and drooling onto her bedsheets.
Hsiao blushed as she realized that she must have fallen asleep from Saiko's massage yesterday evening. She had wanted to go to bed early, but this wasn't really what she had in mind. Although, she didn't really mind it either. A smile came to her face, and then she realized that she had been zoning out and daydreaming while staring at Saiko's (cute) face.
She tore her gaze away in case Saiko suddenly woke up. (Hsiao rolled her eyes. As if! It always takes forever to wake that girl up!)
Hsiao glanced around Saiko's room, searching for a clock. Ah, there was one on her bedstand. Although the hour was covered by a snack container. Hsiao craned her neck to the side, trying to see around it.
What number was that? A 1? No, no no no, it couldn't be a 1. She always woke up early, there was no way she slept in to 11, or worse, 12! Someone would have woken her up!
Hsiao glanced to check Saiko’s door. Sure enough, it was closed. The other Quinx probably thought she was already awake and out of the Chateau.
Maybe I just woke up at 1:00 in the morning! That has to be it! I couldn't sleep well since this isn’t my bedroom, not to mention Saiko laying on top of me, and so I woke up in the middle of the night!
But Hsiao had a really bad feeling, and Saiko's bedroom was in the middle of the house and was always dark, so there was no way to tell what time it was unless she looked at the clock.
Dragging herself (and Saiko on top of her) across the mattress, she hesitated before moving the snack out of the way.
Yeah... It was 11:07am.
Hsiao groaned, resting her head on the bed. There goes her well-planned schedule.
Saiko finally rolled off her back, and then cuddled against Hsiao’s body.
Blushing, but thankful that Saiko got off her, Hsiao carefully maneuvered out of her embrace and then off the bed. She was about to bolt and rush to get ready and somehow try to get everything she had planned done with, but she hesitated at the door. It seemed kind of rude to just leave. Or maybe it would be best if she did. After all, she hadn't planned on falling asleep here and Saiko never offered for her to stay the night.
Biting her lip, Hsiao decided and wrote a quick note.
Sorry I fell asleep last night! Thank you for the massage! -Hsiao
---
Hsaio and Saiko were having another movie night. They were sitting together, laying in a fort of pillows and blankets on Saiko’s bed, eating all kinds of candies.
"Ooh! Try this one!" Saiko cried.
But Hsiao didn't want to take her eyes off the movie. This part was getting good!
A piece of candy appeared in front of her mouth and, not quite thinking, she leaned forward and took it in her mouth.
"Mmm. It is good!" She said, then finally questioned how it had gotten there in the first place.
She looked where she had grabbed it from, to see a red tendril lower and snake back down. Saiko's kagune.
Saiko had just fed her a piece of candy with her kagune.
Blushing, she looked at the girl at her side. Saiko held different bags of candy with both her two hands and a few small, skinny tendrils. The rest of her kagune was over them in the shape of The Trinity Cutter. It reminded her of an umbrella. Hsiao blushed harder at that thought.
---
How exactly did it end up like this? Hsiao wondered one day. She was currently in Saiko's dark bedroom, playing a video game. She had been in here for several hours now. Saiko was sitting between her legs, and they were yet again sitting in a blanket fort on Saiko's bed.
Hsiao had other female friends before, but none of them ever acted like this with her. She had gotten crushes on some of those past friends, and she had wanted to do this kind of stuff with them, but she never did. She had never even confessed before.
"Hey, Saiko. What... What are we?" Hsiao had to ask. She started blushing, and she was glad the room was dark so Saiko wouldn't be able to see it.
"We're friends, silly! What else would we be!" Was Saiko's answer.
"Oh." Hsiao couldn't help the disappointment in her voice.
Saiko looked at her curiously, and Hsiao regretted asking.
"Forget I asked." Hsiao didn't want to make their relationship complicated or lose Saiko's friendship.
"No." Saiko paused the video game, which she had never done before. Once Hsiao had tried, and Saiko had gotten very upset with her and Hsiao agreed to never do it again. "Why? Do you think we're... not friends?"
"What do you mean by "not friends"?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like..." Hsiao hesitated, not wanting to finish. But Saiko gave her a look, so Hsiao quietly finished. "Girlfriends. Or something."
Saiko blinked. "You like girls?"
"Y-yeah." Hsiao replied awkwardly. That wasn't how she planned on coming out or confessing to Saiko. "It's just, I've never had a friend with this much physical contact before, and I can't tell if this is supposed to be platonic or romantic..."
Saiko looked down, and let the controller drop out of her hand. "I'm sorry."
Hsiao blinked. Why is she apologizing?
"I... never really considered what this would look like to you, or to anyone else. I'm not good at stuff like that. I'm aromantic, and asexual too. I never really knew for sure, but it seemed to fit. I... I don't think I like anyone romantically. I don't think I ever have..."
Oh.
"So you did mean all of this platonically." Hsiao said. She really wished she didn't sound so heartbroken. She understood, and she didn’t blame Saiko for not reciprocating her feelings. But she had really hoped that Saiko had felt the same about her.
"But I really do like you, Hsiao! You're a lot of fun! If you don't want to be this close anymore, that’s okay, but I don't mind it!" Saiko smiled. "I've had other friends, and I've had movie and game nights with the others in the squad but... You're different, Hsiao. I feel the most comfortable with you." It could just be the lighting of the screen, but... Hsiao was pretty sure Saiko was blushing now. "I never really felt the need or want to date anyone, but... At the same time, I do want to spend my life with someone. A friend. Like this. Like... you."
Hsiao smiled back at her. "Maybe we can work out... whatever type of relationship this is." She gestured vaguely.
Saiko gasped. "Really?! You wouldn't mind? I don't really know how romantic I can be..."
Hsiao took Saiko’s hand and squeezed. "That's okay. We can figure it out." Then, Hsiao smirked. “Now, let’s finish this game. I’m about to win.”
[ID: 3 manga panels from Tokyo Ghoul:re, showing Gori at Yoriko's wedding, catching the bouquet. In the first panel everyone is surprised, and in the last 2 everyone is laughing and celebrating. End ID]
Featuring: Recipromantic Gori and Aromantic Amon
Word Count: 1300
Warnings: Very mild spoilers for the end of Tokyo Ghoul:re, mentions of romantic crushes and minor romance
Gori didn’t believe in superstitions.
She had caught Yoriko’s bouquet at the younger woman’s wedding, and it was an exhilarating thing to experience, but Gori hadn’t taken it seriously. As much as she would love to be married, she wasn’t currently in a steady relationship and didn’t even have a crush. There was no way that she would be getting married anytime soon.
“You never know.” Her coworkers would tell her with a wink.
She would always smile and agree, because it was so much easier to let them think whatever they wanted, than take the time to explain her complicated and unheard of sexuality to every single person from scratch.
Even if it had been someone else who had caught the bouquet, it would still be quite unlikely for them to be the very next person to marry. But especially since it was her who caught it. Her sexuality wasn’t like most people’s. She felt romantic attraction only very rarely, and whenever she did happen to crush on someone, it was always because that person expressed an interest in her first.
And that hadn’t happened in quite a while. The last person she crushed on was Koutarou Amon. She had noticed him staring at her one day, unable to look away from her in the middle of a dangerous battle, and that’s all it took for her to begin to fall for him.
Unfortunately, as much as she had tried to work up the nerve to ask him out, she never got the chance to. Amon had been killed in the Anteiku Raid. She tried to move on, and eventually she did, but even now she remembered him with fondness and romantic feelings.
Gori hadn’t believed in that wedding superstition. It was a neat experience, and she felt special and lucky that she was the one to catch it out of everyone at that celebration, but that was all.
That is, until a mere few weeks later, when a new enemy appeared and in order to save Tokyo, that delivery boy from years ago, Hideyoshi Nagachika, brought an army of ghouls — as well as Koutarou Amon seemingly back from the dead.
It had only been a few days since the victory of that battle, and Gori was still adjusting to the fact that Amon was alive. That he wasn’t back from the dead, but that he had never died in the first place. That he spent years in Aogiri before he was finally broken out and lived in hiding. And that, most shockingly, he had been transformed into a half-ghoul.
Gori was a bit uncertain and nervous at first, but Amon quickly proved that he was still the same kind and brave man he was years ago.
And Gori still had a crush on him.
She began to wonder if that superstition really would be true. Anything seemed possible after Amon came back and humans and ghouls negotiated peace. And with her romantic feelings strengthening, she wondered if maybe she really would be the next one to marry.
---
“Hey, Amon-san, would you like to go out to dinner?” Gori asked.
Amon glanced away nervously, then looked back at her. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline.”
Gori opened her mouth to ask why, when the answer hit her.
Crap. I totally forgot. He’s a ghoul now.
She flustered at her mistake. “I am so sorry! I completely forgot! I didn’t mean to— I’m sorry!”
“It’s quite alright.” Amon said gently, putting his hands up placatingly. “I’m sorry that I can’t accept.”
He wasn’t mad at her. He seemed to understand that him being a ghoul would be a big adjustment for everyone.
Gori quickly tried to salvage her plan. What would be an okay date for a ghoul? Food was out, which inherently removed all the date ideas she could think of.
“Coffee.” She realized. Ghouls could have coffee. “Would you like to go out for a coffee, instead?”
Amon smiled and nodded. “Sure. That sounds wonderful.”
---
Gori made sure to get there early. She couldn’t afford to screw up anything else. She made sure that there would be no problems with the café or the table, no matter how minor, and that everything looked nice. She also placed a vase with a few roses on the center of the table for a romantic atmosphere. She smiled as she wondered if they would smell even better to his new ghoul senses than they did to her.
Amon arrived on time, and their date began. They caught up and talked and laughed as they sipped on their coffee, and continued to chat even long after they were done.
“This is a lot of fun.” Gori said, unable to stop smiling. “We should go on another date sometime.”
“Wait, this was a date?” Amon asked.
“Huh? You didn’t think it was?” Gori replied.
There was a tense moment of silence.
“I thought that you simply wanted to catch up.” Amon said cautiously.
“Well, yes.” Gori said. “But I know you liked me, and I liked you, so I thought—”
Amon looked confused, but not flustered. It was a bit strange.
“Well, I caught you staring at me that one day. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t actually mind it.” She chuckled sheepishly.
“Staring at you?” Amon asked. “When did I do that?”
Gori blinked. “...At the Aogiri Raid.”
“...”
“We had just gotten to the scene and started fighting ghouls.”
“...”
“I shot down my first batch of ghouls and looked over to see you staring.”
Amon’s eyes finally lit up with realization. “Oh. That.”
Something felt wrong. And this was just confirmed when Amon ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck.
“You never liked me, did you?” Gori whispered. She glanced down and could feel herself getting flustered, but this time from embarrassment and not romantic love.
“Er, no. I’m sorry.” Amon replied. “I wasn't staring at you. I was admiring your weapon. A long-range ukaku. You took down many ghouls very quickly. It was a very capable weapon.”
Gori remembered that Amon had been partnered with Kureo Mado — the quinque fanatic — before she properly met him. It made a lot of sense that he was checking out her weapon and not her. She should have realized it sooner.
“I’m very sorry.” Amon added.
Gori shook her head. “No, no, don’t be. I should be the one apologizing. Both for assuming your feelings and not being clear that this was a date.”
“I didn’t intend to lead you on. Especially for this long.”
Gori again shook her head. “It’s not your fault. Please don’t apologize. You’re not at fault for not falling in love.”
Amon’s eyes widened. “I’m… not…?”
“Of course not.” Gori smiled sadly. “I know what it's like to be shamed for what you don’t feel. No one should be made to feel like that.”
Amon looked like he was thoughtfully digesting those words. Then after a few moments, he said, “I’m actually aromantic.”
“Oh really?” Gori’s eyes lit up. “I am too!”
“Huh? You are?”
She nodded. “I’m recipromantic! I’m only attracted to people who are romantically interested in me first, or in your case, seem like they are.”
“Interesting.” Amon said.
“Despite getting crushes sometimes, I know what it's like to be unable to feel romantic attraction. Back in school, my friends always got upset that I didn’t crush on that many guys and that I couldn’t see the appeal of all their boyfriends. It took me a long time to understand and accept my recipromanticism.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So please, don’t feel sorry for not liking me. I’ll get over it. But, would you mind if we finish our date? Platonically?”
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Tokyo Ghoul
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Kanae von Rosewald & Tsukiyama Shuu
Characters: Kanae von Rosewald
Additional Tags: Trans Character, Nonbinary Character, Warning for mentions of gender dysphoria
Summary:
AU where Kanae/Karren survived the Lunar Eclipse Operation along with Tsukiyama
I’ve been putting more and more aspecs into my writing lately. This fic in particular is being written extremely scattered, so i have no idea when it’ll be posted, if at all. But I wanted to at least share the aspec bits I have written!
Here’s Touka’s segments!
(Word Count: 1100)
(Warning for a brief scene of romance)
[This takes place shortly after Dragon, while the ghouls are all still staying at the CCG]
“So, how long have you loved him?” Touka asked.
Hide glanced away.
“Oh, come on! You made me tell you mine! Now it’s your turn!”
Hide sighed. “I don’t really know. I’ve cared about him for so long. I’m… not really sure at what point it became romantic.”
“Then how long have you known?”
“I guess... Since he left the 20th Ward for those 6 months?” Hide replied. “I just... couldn’t stop thinking about him. I so badly wanted him at my side, to hold him and kiss him and have him here beside him.” Hide chuckled. “Almost normal crush stuff, right? Except so much worse, because he could have been in trouble and I had no way of knowing.”
Touka frowned, humming.
“You okay?”
“Huh? Y-yeah. I just...” Touka glanced at Kaneki. “I just...want him to wake up.”
Hide had a feeling she wasn’t telling the entire truth, but he didn’t press. “Me too.”
-
So often, Nishiki would be hovering around Kimi’s work areas. He’d find any excuse at all to visit her. And whenever she wasn’t immediately busy, he would pull her into a kiss. Kimi would always berate him, yet she always kissed him back.
Touka groaned. “Get a room!”
“Maybe we should.” Nishiki whispered to Kimi.
“How about after she does her job?” Touka deadpanned.
“She’s right.” Kimi gently pushed Nishiki back. “This is important. But once I’m done with this, I’ll be free for the rest of the day.”
“Deal.” Nishiki leaned in again to kiss her. This time, Touka actually gagged aloud in disgust.
“Oh come on!” Nishiki snapped. “You’ve gotta know how we feel! Kaneki was out for 2 weeks! For us, it was years! I know you felt the same way!”
Touka bristled, but said nothing.
I know how they feel…?
Because Touka didn’t. She had missed Kaneki, sure, and it had hurt so much seeing him unconscious for so long, and so many times she was worried he wouldn’t come back to her. But kissing, specifically? That wasn’t something she had missed or desired. Why would she?
Yet Nishiki and Kimi made it sound so obvious.
-
Touka stared at the quiver of green arrows in the corner of the room. The arrow tips had a certain shine to them, like it was made of kagune.
“Is that a quinque?” Touka asked, gesturing with her head to it.
“Hm? Oh, yeah. I recently started going outside, and Nishiki-kun managed to convince the investigators to give me a quinque.”
“A bow and arrow?” Touka asked.
“Yeah.” Kimi went over to the other counter and picked up a high-tech bow made of quinque steel. “I’m glad the CCG had bow and arrow quinques. They fit me pretty well.”
“Fit you how?” Touka asked.
“I’m glad you asked!” Kimi smirked. “I’m on the aromantic spectrum. I’m an aromantic archer! An aro with arrows!” She drew the bow back and posed.
Touka blinked at the use of so many foreign words. She was bad enough at Japanese, nevermind English. “What?”
“Aro-mantic. Arrows. Get it?”
“Vaguely.” Touka replied. “I get the wordplay, I guess. But what does aromantic mean?”
Kimi set her bow back down. “Oh, it’s a romantic orientation. People who don’t experience romantic attraction like the majority of the population does.”
“Romantic attraction?” Touka nearly scoffed. Romance was just a societal concept, wasn’t it? It wasn’t an inherent feeling like sexual attraction was! ...Right? Although the more she thought about it, the more she remembered how disconnected she felt from kids her age when it came to romance. It was like they all understood some joke she didn’t. It was almost like… they were experiencing something she didn’t.
She would definitely need to research this later.
If she ever got access to a computer.
Ugh. Damn Doves.
Touka supposed she had no choice but to ask Kimi, then.
“So you’re this… aromantic?” Touka asked.
“I’m in the grey area of the spectrum, but yeah, I am.” Kimi nodded. “I found out I was arospec back in my final years of high school. Archery was kind of claimed as aromantic culture for the puns, so I tried it out on a whim and I ended up really liking it. I even joined an archery club, although by now its been a while since I’ve practiced.” She set the bow back down.
“It sounds… like I might be aromantic too…” Touka admitted. “I know I have sexual feelings for people and that I’m bisexual, but… I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a romantic crush on anyone.”
“Ah.” Kimi sat down. “I’m bisexual and aroflux. I experience sexual attraction to all kinds of people and it's stagnant, but my romantic attraction always comes and goes and fluctuates.”
“Interesting.” Touka whispered.
“So it’s definitely possible for you to be aromantic and bisexual!” Kimi said.
-
“The Rabbit incident.” Hide said.
“Yes.” Touka whispered. “I only managed to kill one investigator. Amon swooped in and put up a pretty good fight for being unarmed. And then Mado showed up and got a hit on me.” She gestured to her arm.
“She had gone alone, against Anteiku’s orders.” Kaneki added.
“And Yoshimura wanted me to learn my lesson, so he was gonna let me live or die on my own.”
“That’s horrible.” Hide whispered.
“I was hardly going to die from a sliced arm.” Touka said.
“But I couldn’t accept that. So I went to help her.” Kaneki continued.
“And that’s when he said it.” Touka said.
“I’d be sad if you died.” Hide quoted.
“Huh?” Kaneki asked.
“That’s when she first fell for you.” Hide said.
“O-oh.” Kaneki started blushing.
“Well, I guess that’s not quite the right word.” Touka said. “I didn’t fall in love, but... That’s when I first realized that Kaneki actually cared about me. I didn’t have much of that. And certainly no one that spelled it out like that. It meant a lot. It really did.”
“Touka-chan.” Kaneki whispered, pulling her into a hug.
“Don’t cry on me, you sap.” Touka said teasingly, but embraced Kaneki back.
“And that’s also the first time she called me by my name.” Kaneki added.
[ID: A Tokyo Ghoul manga panel edit, showing Hide in his scarecrow disguise holding up a pad of paper with the text “are you aromantic?” written on it, and the letter N is underlined. End ID]
While on the run from the Washuu, Hide and Marude have a chat about orientations, and Hide helps Marude to figure out his.
Featuring: Aromantic Marude, MLM Hide, a mentor relationship
Word Count: 550
Warnings: Spoilers for Tokyo Ghoul:re, mentions of Hide having a crush on Kaneki
(Also posted on AO3)
--
Hide and Marude had been working together for quite a while. There were no secrets between them — It just didn’t happen when you had the Washuu on your trail and you trusted each other with your life.
That said, there was still something between them that Hide felt was unspoken.
Marude knew that Hide’s goal was finding Kaneki, saving him, and getting him back in his life. But as far as Marude knew, Hide’s feelings for Kaneki were platonic.
Hide wished that he could have a long talk with Marude over this, but he knew that wasn’t possible. He could barely make a single word understandable with his voice, and he doubted his throat would be able to stand having a full, long conversation.
So instead, he wrote a note. He was much better at speaking than he was writing, but he channeled his inner Kaneki and went through a few drafts before he was settled on how it sounded. And then he handed it to Marude.
“Hm, what’s this?” Marude had asked. He took the paper and squinted. Hide might have fixed his wording on the final draft, but his handwriting and spelling were still pretty bad.
As Marude read Hide’s long note, the silence stretched on. Hide hated it. He normally hated silences, but it was even worse when you were waiting to see what someone’s reaction was going to be.
Finally, Marude set the paper down and looked at him.
“You didn’t really need to tell me all this, kid. I put together that you loved your friend a while back.”
Oh. Hide’s shoulders sagged. He felt embarrassed, and felt that he had just wasted so much time.
“It’s alright. It’s endearing.” Marude said, trying to make him feel better. “And I don’t mind it, by the way. I might not like Sasaki or Kaneki or whatever the hell his name is, but I don’t mind you liking guys.”
Hide tilted his head and gave the man a look, asking for elaboration. Despite how close he and Marude had gotten over time, he had still expected Marude to be a homophobic old man.
“What? You’re surprised? I’ll have you know, I helped plenty of queer investigators to stay in the closet when it came to Tsuneyoshi finding out.”
Hide grabbed his notebook from the desk and wrote, And what about you? What’s your orientation, if you don’t mind me asking?
“Me?” Marude asked. “There isn’t really much to tell. Never been in a relationship, never wanted to have one. I never really... liked anyone like that.”
Marude blinked, rereading the words again and again and taking in that information.
“There’s... There’s a word for it?”
Hide nodded.
“Wow, that’s... That’s incredible. Everyone would always tell me I’d ‘meet the right person someday’ or place bets on how long until I settled down.”
I’m sorry. That must have been annoying.
“You have no idea! You’d think after nearly 50 years they’d let it go!” He reached over and pat Hide on the back. “Thanks, kid. That word — it really does help.”
