Katherine

What's this? A knock on my door? Just as I finish a long, anime-inspired speech to psych myself up to begin cloaking my best friend's view of me in lies about transitioning for profit, that same individual enters my inner sanctum.

"Hey I can't keep this from you any more so I'm just gonna say it: I'm a trans woman! You're my best friend and I want you to know first, even though I haven't even chosen a name, and it'll be years until I can access transition care."

Oh.

"Rejoice! It is most fortuitous that you come to me with this news, my bosom sister, for not only does it enable me to reveal the long-hidden lore that I, too, am a secret sister to you, it also reveals to me a wicked scheme by which the two of us can transition to feminine glory side-by-side! For behold, the estrogenic awesomeness of the beautiful Katherine, achieved via subterfuge from a secretive accord server into which I will now induct you, where we can plot not only the attainment of the elixirs of your forthcoming feminization, but how we will conspire to make off with the million dollar prize for growing the largest chest!"

My newfound transition-mate looks close to tears.

"Oh my god Katherine! I never imagined in a million years this could go so well! I'm so happy to know that I get to share this phase of my life with you that I hardly care about this million dollar prize! Let's vow to never hold anything back from each other again!"

Annoyingly, my second least favourite roommate interrupts our celebration.

"Guys, I just got off the phone and I have terrible news. Jeff just slipped on a pile of dog shit and landed face-first in a different pile of dog shit, causing him to lose consciousness and drown in liquid dog shit. He's dead forever."

For some reason I do not care about the fate of our late roommate. My only emotion is the desire to meet the needs of my untitled best friend - who will surely choose a good name with time to do so and not be so silly as to simply invert the gender of her deadname - by getting her estrogen immediately, and then speaking nothing but my true feelings about anything else that happens as she becomes more womanly, no matter what that results in.

Be straight do crime: some good stuff still. Any ally worth anything. Mid cyberpunk. Emma Goldman. Unfortunately, though, also colonialist war criminals and Andrew Tate. Mixed bag to be honest.

Be gay do law: you're losing me. RuPaul? Pete Buttigieg? Sarah McBride? Whatever. Steven Universe is excusable and I guess there's, like, Eddie Izzard? Anything else culturally in this quadrant is going to be abysmal.