If one begins with d/s, some people (cough cough) may go insane to begin with. But due to lack of experience, they have a hard time understanding what they crave and why they seem to be unable to conform to outer circumstances. They feel they do d/s wrong, because of the overwhelming feelings of possessiveness and entitlement that they somehow can't overcome even if they tried. Heck those sentiments even grow stronger every moment. They feel good. They don't feel abusive. While they cause pain nevertheless. And being asked for stepping back as an owner was by far the biggest form of betrayal that they ever experienced, only to be topped by being blamed for their emotional reaction about it all. They keep asking themselves 'what the fuck is wrong with me'. How can they be so unflexible? So demanding?! Needing it all, while knowing it causes their beloved one suffering. They also may be neurodivergent and the accusation of being "too much" is the main button for them, to shrink themselves into a puddle of shame and hit a freeze state. So it all becomes too chaotic to properly see the bigger picture anymore. Depression hits hard. Co-dependent behaviour hits also, something they thought is only happening alongside addicts. They suspect that maybe their sub is indeed an addict, for dopamine and not substances though. And that the lying, hiding and reckless behaviour is very much the same as from someone who is addicted to a substance - and so is their reaction to it. Making it worse, MUCH worse. They realise they may have a co-dependent personality (3 our of 4 long-term partners being addicts) and that is why they are such a "natural domme" to begin with. They are scared, they feel they need to help the other in a way, that keeps them safe, because they are needed. So much for talent. Haha. So, they are unlearning this. To become a healthier domme/owner in future. To not fall into this trap, when they feel threatened, which, after this first experience as a domme, will be happening often, waaaaay too often. So, after they completely fell apart and hit the ground hard, they realise those things. They become more aware. They can now slowly stand up again, head held high and accept that they are not easy breezy, chill and very compromising. But a raging, entitled and obsessive lovenoodle instead, one who aches to sit on THE ONE throne, for this one special person, who they feel like is supposed to serve them without a doubt and experience it as heaven on earth. They have a beautiful spouse, the most amazing children, a heartfelt career-change ahead of them, the loveliest friends and mutuals, and a heart so big that they want to love the whole world in their chaotic whirlwind way they show up. They feel blessed with the beauty surrounding them. So, they don't feel like squeezing themselves into a d/s space that is way too little for their dominant persona. Not anymore. They are happy to announce that they want it all now. If they can't find that, they prefer to enjoy what they have at present, with the same obsession and adoration they have for everything they encounter. No need to occupy their energy on a non-fulfilling, even exhausting situation. No matter how much love there it. They forgive themselves for not knowing better They promise that they now will learn from their mistakes They are human. They are me I'm a dreamer And I love this about myself, with all the good and the bad it brings

🖤 His relationship philosophy is "how" and not "if"