#supernatural15

I'm about to hit play on the last episode but I can't quite bring myself to do it. Somehow in my mind I'm like "if I don't watch the last episode then it's not over". This morning I woke up with a knot in my stomach and I really don't remember the last time I felt physically ill because a tv show was ending, I can't even even imagine how it must be for the ones who were there at the very start. Of course there are people who can watch tv shows and not get emotionally attached to them... but where's the fun in that? I began to watch Supernatural at the end of September. I remember because I was about to start a new job and I wanted something I knew I wouldn't try to binge in a short amount of time. I just wanted something light to watch when I came home at night, to plug off from the real world. Boy did I make big mistake. At the beginning I was terrified of it. I literally watched half the first season through my hands. But it was addicting. After one episode I needed to know what would happen next. I fell in love with Dean, I thought Sam was annoying (turns out it's because I'm actually quite like him). Also the show wasn't about teenagers, Dean was my age now when it began, so I could relate. In the meantime my life was not going too well. My new job was horrible, not only I was mistreated for 9 hours a day without a lunch break, it also didn't pay enough for me to even live. So after two weeks I took a big risk, not as big as stopping the apocalypse but still, especially during these times a lot of people would probably think it was a stupid decision. I quit. No backup jobs, no idea of what do next, a pandemic that precluded a lot of my career choices. And as I looked for a job a continued to watch Supernatural. Got to season 4 when depression hit me again. Spent 2 days without eating, barely drinking water and sleeping. And Supernatural helped me detach, helped me shut out all the bad thoughts. In two days I watched all season 4 and half season 5. That's when I got an offer. Finally a job, even if I knew it would only last a few months. And that's when I discovered this year supernatural would air the last season. And I decided I wanted to see the end with the rest of the fandom. And I did it. I mean... the finale was yesterday but I'm just one day late. And now as I wait for the episode to load I'm thinking about how much this show, these characters, have helped me in just 3 months. In this short time I grew up so much. Will I never have bad moments? Absolutely not. But it's ok, because Dean taught me that you keep fighting, even when it seems that everything is going down the drain. Sam taught me it's ok to be scared, and to show that you're scared. This doesn't mean you can't do what you have to do. Castiel taught me that even when we're doing everything we can, we can still fail. But this doesn't mean we should give up. Jack taught me that destiny exists, but we don't have to follow it. Bobby taught me family doesn't end in blood. Crowley taught me it doesn't have to start with it either. Kevin taught me that we should never give up, Donatello taught me we can work with what we have and we can still do good. Charlie taught me that it's important to be yourself. Gabriel taught me you don't have to be a hero to do the right thing. Jody gave me a brave role model. Rowena taught me you should never apologise fo being strong and self driven. Garth showed me the importance of a hug. Adam taught me you don't have to forgive, but it's important to let go, for your own sanity. Balthazar showed me that as much as you love someone, it doesn't me that person is right in doing what he/she is doing. Every single one of the characters, even the ones I'm not mentioning, taught me something.No one will really care about what I'm writing right now, but thank you. Thank you for everything you've taught me, thank you for keeping me company during those long evenings and nights when my thoughts threatened to go very very dark, and making me laugh even when I didn't really feel like it.