Someone Like Me ¦ Kian Lawley
You have always been into guys; and guys' clothes, guys' games, guy friends. In short, you've also always been one of the guys. It was natural to you, guys' clothes were more comfortable and their company has been nicer ever since you could remember.
Your guy friends have always treated you like you were one of them, so it never bothered you that some girls thought you were a little weird for dressing like a guy and surrounding yourself with quite a few of them.
However, recently things have started changing the way you feel about yourself. Ever since you realized you had a not so small crush on your friend Kian, you've started to think that maybe dressing and acting like a girl couldn't be so bad if it took his attention. Especially now that you're hours away from having dinner with him.
You stare attentively at your closet, wondering if any of your clothes could pass as girly.
"All I have are pants and hoodies." you whisper to Franny.
"Maybe we should go shopping then!" she suggests excited. Poor Franny, you think, if only she knew you were changing to try to get the attention of one of her best friends.
"You think it's really necessary?"
She shrugges. "Are you going to tell me why you're looking for girls' clothes?"
You bite you lip and sit on your bed. You don't think you should tell her, but you want to. She's sweet, a great friend, and probably the only person you'd be able to talk to about the issue at hand.
"You're gonna laugh and hate me." you say ashamed and embarrassed.
"Of course I won't."
You look at your friend and feel your cheeks warm. "I'm having dinner with Kian tonight."
Franny frowns.
"So what?"
"Alone."
"Y/N I don't get it. Haven't you guys gone out to eat several times?" You nod. "so why are you trying to dress up for him? It's just Kian."
You look down at your hands in your lap and wonder whether you should actually tell her about your feelings for Kian.
"Right," you try to brush it off "it's just Kian."
"Exactly, why would you- oh my God! It's not just Kian, is it?! You like him? Oh my God, that is so exciting!"
You look down and cover your face with your hands, groaning. "This is so embarrassing."
"It's not embarrassing. Hey, what if I just borrow you something to wear tonight? You'll look beautiful."
Franng helps you and you end up wearing a beige skirt with a white shirt and your combat boots, not wanting to exaggerate. Franny does your makeup very lightly and before you know it you're standing outside Kian's house, waiting for someone to open the door.
After a few minutes, the door finally opens and you find yourself staring at a pair of brown eyes that are widely watching you. You stand there uncomfortable, not knowing what to say.
"Uhm... Are you going to let me in or what?"
Bobby blinks a few times rapidly and steps aside, finally chuckling. "I mean, we usually don't let strangers walk into our house but welcome!"
You roll your eyes and laugh with him, relieving the stress. "I'm trying something new." you say while leaning on the couch, despite not feeling completely comfortable in those clothes.
"I can see that."
After chatting for a few minutes Bobby leaves the room and a few more minutes later Kian walks in, juggling with his keys.
You try to look cool before Kian looks at you, but end up being just plain awkward.
"Hey!"
As he looks at you, Kian stops on his tracks and the keys fall on the floor, making a loud sound that alerts you both.
Kian's eyes open widely and you regret wearing Franny's clothes instantly. This was a terrible idea!, it's all you can think.
"Y/N?"
"Yeah, uhm... Hi."
Kian finnaly smiles. "This is so weird." he says chuckling. "I mean, you look great I just wasn't expecting it!"
You cross your arms, uncomfortable. "Thanks, I guess."
You both get into Kian's car and make your way to the restaurant, where you have dinner and talk as if you didn't seem like a completely different person.
"I swear I don't know how I'm supposed to do this." you whisper to yourself, getting back into the car at the end of the night.
Kian laughs beside you, closing his door. "Why are you wearing a skirt? You never do that, you don't wear skirts."
You immediately feel your cheeks warm and look down, hoping he won't see your face. You shrug. "I wanted to try it."
Kian shakes his head. "Why? You've always said you don't feel comfortable wearing those things!"
Does this mean he doesn't like it?, you question yourself.
"It's just..." you start saying, but nothing comes out. You're not brave enough to tell him you did it for him, so you try to think of something else. "I like this guy," you restart confident "and I thought, I'm gonna start dressing up and maybe he'll look at me, you know? So here I am... Practicing." you lie. "As my friend, what do you think? Do you think I look OK?"
Kian stays quiet for a while, not moving on his seat the entire time. You wonder what he's thinking. Maybe it was horrible lie, maybe he just thinks you're crazy. Either way, you're close to finding out.
You watch him attentively, trying to figure out what's going through his head. He seems shocked at first, as he should be, but then he frowns and shakes his head and all the signs of the funny Kian you know are gone.
"You are beautiful, Y/N. You shouldn't be changing who you are or what you wear for a guy who doesn't even deserve you!" he says angrily. "I watched you the whole night, you're not even comfortable in those clothes, and even if you were you should wear them for you, not for some random guy!"
You sit beside him, not knowing what to saying.
"I really like him, though..." you say quietly.
"Yeah well, he's the one who should like you!" he continues. "And he should like you for the amazing person that you are, not because you're dressing up for him!" he shakes his head and looks away. "I can't believe you right now."
You tear up. He's not looking, but you tear up anyway and the worse thing about it is that you don't know if you're almost crying because he said you're an amazing person, because he's yelling at you, or because even though he thinks you're an amazing person he still doesn't like you.
"Kian..." he shakes his head again. "Why are you mad?" you ask quietly, like a 5 year old would when sad.
"Why am I mad? Because you're fucking beautiful and you can't see it!" he tells you, suddenly cupping your cheeks. "You can't change, Y/N! Not because of some guy!"
"But what if he only likes me like this?" you ask, in spite of not even being sure Kian likes the way you look at the moment.
Kian shakes him head softly, and you suddenly realized how close you two are. "Then he doesn't deserve you." he let's you know, quietly. "You should be with someone who likes you because you're funny, and smart. And because you don't care about what people think or say about you. Someone who'll tell you how beautiful you are in that horrible red hoodie, or how cute you look when you're mad. Someone who'll stay up on the phone with you for hours during the night until one of you falls asleep. Someone who... Someone who truly likes you."
Oh hello, you say to the butterflies who suddenly decided to wake up in your stomach, as the blood rushes through your cheeks.
"But Kian... You're the only person who does all of that."
"Then be with me." he says, leaning his face towards yours. "I would never ask you to change who you are. I'd never ask you to wear skirts or dresses or makeup, because I know that's not you." he caresses your cheek with his thumb. "You don't need those things, you're beautiful."
You try to look down but his hands on your face don't let you, so you look up at him instead. "You never said that to me." you whisper.
"I didn't think I needed."
You nod, not knowing what to say. "Thank you, then."
Kian chuckles. "Thank you for what, liking you?"
A smile escapes your likes. "For liking me?" you almost joke.
Kian rolls his eyes and shrugges, letting go of you. "Thought it was pretty obvious. We've had like, 5 dates already."
You laugh. "You've been counting that as dates?"
The boy blushes and looks at everywhere but you. "Yeah so, I guess now you know the truth. I like you. Big deal."
You laugh again. "That's so cute." you sigh.
"What's cute? Liking a girl who'll try to change for this other guy? I don't think so." he murmurs.
This is it. It's time to tell him.
You take a deep breath and look around, not knowing if you should be looking into his eyes while telling him your feelings.
"There's something I need to tell you." you say, watching Kian's sad expression. "About that guy..."
Kian head snapped in you direction. "Please don't tell me it's one of the guys!"
"It's not. It's you."
You both stay quiet for a few seconds, Kian not knowing if he had heard you right and you not knowing if he had liked the news.
"So... The guy yo- you dressed up for me?" You nod. "That was so freaking unnecessary!" he almost yells happily, cupping your cheeks all over again. "Are you for real? “
"Yeah" you tell him smiling.
"Cool" he says smiling back. "you know, this is the part where I kiss you."
You try to smirk, but your lips open to a smile. "Be my guest!"
