#supasoph

<b>If you really bout it just do it</b>

All the thanks in the world to my therapist. Our session yesterday really made me so happy I stuck with her. Back in May, I was so fed up. I felt like our sessions didn’t go beyond “so how does that make you feel?” so I expressed how much that angered me and talked to her about finding an alternative (code for a new therapist altogether). And I could literally feel her sadness from hearing me say that but of course she’d help if that’s what I really wanted. Thankfully, I took a chill pill and just spent the summer without our sessions. Now that I’m back I couldn’t be happier. Like I truly consider her to be part of my support system. And I was so delighted (though I hid it so much) when she said “...you know this is why I feel so close to you and enjoy our sessions so much” because it just confirmed that so much progress has been made and that we’re a fit and I can chill for a minute instead of running far as hell after the slightest disappointment. Plus, she told me running away is her MO too which made me happy as fuck because I can imagine us laughing at stories about running away from all the shit in our lives lmfao. Basically, she’s just such a beautiful being that I’m glad I chose to help me navigate the world.

I don't know how to let myself need anybody.

The winds make music of their own. Let it carry you gently.

the magic of listening to your intuition... nothing can beat it

I started reading Osho's "Being In Love" this weekend and it totally blew the lid off the concept of love for me. I honestly think I can be one of the most loving and generous people, and I'm grateful that I never felt someone take advantage of that nature. But lately, I have been experiencing an energetic shift in regards to that. As I connect with more and more people romantically I can sometimes feel that I may give too much love and not have any flow my way. It's wild stressful and I could feel this well of love steadily start drying up inside of me for the first time ever. So I have been searching for solutions for how to stop that. The number one response by far is to turn heartless; guard my love Ana affection and only spoon it out once a person has proved themselves worthy. It's what I call that penny-pincher love. I had no other solution so I tried that and how I could feel like a piece of me crumbling up every time I tried to tell myself to stop giving love and count how much love I get from people I interact with. I could start to understand that pain people feel when they say they have to be heartless to protect themselves from pain in the world. But I could also understand how they didn't feel as though they could let any love in. Energetically all that shit was going on inside of me. But Osho writes that our love is often a form of possessiveness, expectation, dependency, greed, and insecurity. We all need love but those tendencies emerge when it is not sent in the way we had hoped. All of those things are not love. Love is pure and is just a joy in the giving of it. But when we get stingy with our love, or only look out for how much we get in return, it taints that. When we give love, we have to know and trust that in some way the Universe will return it to us in an even bigger way and it may never be the way we expect. It means that love doesn't flow in a two-way course, from you to another and from that person back to you. It's literally a law of the Universe that your energy will come back to you, but sometimes we remain closed to that possibility because our partner or our friend didn't make us feel loved how we had hoped. If they didn't then that's on them. Don't stop giving love as a form of punishment because that shit will surely come back to hurt your ass too. When you allow the person to actually choose to give you love instead of demanding it, it's that much sweeter. It's about trusting and loving freely. That's the message I really needed to hear. Doesn't mean I'm gonna be perfect with giving love and refrain from anger (lmao if that ever happens life would be boring fam) but to know I don't have to concern myself with how I get love back feels good.