#sunoo angst

Sunoo wasn’t stupid, he knew that emotion-marks were some of the hardest to have, not as bad as touch-marks but finding you from your feelings alone would be difficult.

He then saw his world go from a happy yellow to a worried grey, and he knew that you could see him and his emotions as well. That his anxiety worried you and it warmed his heart.

It had to have some sort of effect, cause the grey quickly transformed into a light blue: content

Sunoo became more positive and it was all thanks to you. He had always had a happy outlook on life, but because you were able to sense him, he had turned himself into a glass half full kind of guy.

He did his best to be upbeat and just over all confident, and even though he was faking it in the beginning, it ended up actually rubbing off on him.

The guys on I-land were somewhat jealous of his carefree spirit, and when they had debuted, he had told them why he was the way that he was. They had all been so supportive and kind, and to them it made sense, cause they would’ve done the exact same had they been in his position.

You too were very similar to your soulmate, and had decided that you too wanted to be the happiest version of yourself. Both now but also later in life for when the two of you would be united.

All your life you had loved art, and now that you saw the world in hues you wanted to express that. Show it off with pride to the world

The nature of your paintings was typically inspired by the sky and its different colors. It was one of the things you could still enjoy in all its original glory. A sunset or sundown had a ray of colors that could change in an instant. Just like you and your soulmate's emotions did throughout a day.

It inspired you, and inspiration and the outcomes of it had to be shared. You had been active on TikTok since before the pandemic, you adored the platform and had managed to build yourself a following throughout the years.

In the beginning you had used it for your art and your art alone, but when someone had asked why all your paintings were monochrome. You had answered with a video explaining your mark, and the spark in your eyes when you spoke of him had made you go viral

“Dude have you seen this?” Jake said as he threw his phone to Sunoo.

They were currently in hair and makeup for a photoshoot. He caught the phone and on the screen and there you were.

He couldn’t help but smile, you looked radiant, like the impersonation of a sunray.

“I do see color, it’s just all in one hue, like looking at the world through rose colored glasses” he saw how a gigantic smile broke out on your lips and you lighted up.

He felt a tug on his heartstrings and for the first time in his life he felt longing, longing for his soulmate. He couldn’t help but hope that his other half would be as bright and beautiful like you were.

“They’re excited, everything just went from a slight nervous green to a yellow so bright it’s almost blinding. So I’m guessing we’re gonna have to change canvases now” you said as you switched them out.

“She’s cute” Sunghoon said as he looked over his shoulder, and he hummed in agreement.

Sunoo pulled out his own phone and quickly found your public social medias and followed them all with his private accounts.

He ended up watching some of your videos throughout the day. There was something incredibly comforting about seeing someone with the same mark as him, channel that into something so beautiful as your art.

Personally he did it in song or in dance, but he could nothing but admire anyone who could turn something most would see as a hindering into something so beautiful.

In the next few weeks he had to admit he had become a little obsessed. He typically got the girls to help him translate your lives whenever you logged on. They were all fans as well, some for your art others just for your over all personality so they at least didn’t seem to mind it.

“It’s purple again. I don’t know you guys, either he has the biggest sweet tooth ever, and constantly craves and longs for chocolate… or else I would say he’s right here with us” you had laughed at your own statement and had quickly disregarded it.

But there was something there - because he had felt that longing after his own person right as you had smiled so brightly.

In another live he watched, someone commented on something in the background, and he had to admit he had never really noticed anything but you. It made him feel a bit of shame, mostly because he never thought you’d actually be his, but also because the pull he felt towards you might make his soulmate jealous down the line.

“Oh! Those are my albums” you said before getting up from your chair where you usually painted.

And in your hands you had copies of their albums. So he wasn’t the only one who was a fan of the other.

The chat had quickly exploded with other engenes, wanting to know your thought on the sudden pop up of the guys and their other halves.

“I’m honestly so so happy for them, we all deserve to find our person, and as long as they bring them joy… well it’s the most important thing”

His vision turned a mix of dark blue and green then and there. Sadness and envy. But that was just a coincidence, right?

You sighed and shaked your head; “anyways, I’ve been a pretty big fan of Enhypen - practically since I-land”

His hands hovered over the keyboard on his phone as he tried to get the courage to ask that one little question. But before he knew it, he saw the familiar @ of none other than Jungwon soulmate, ask the question on his mind.

“Who’s your bias?” She sent a wink his way and he returned it with a shy smile. Sunoo had come to love the women almost as much as he loved his brothers.

“Oh my bias is Suno! There’s a brightness about him that remind me so much of myself” He felt the heat rush to his cheeks as the girls all made little ‘uuuuuuuhs’ around the room.

“Stop it” he said quietly. He looked up from his phone and saw the make up artist roll her eyes. “I’m guessing we’ll just have to do a lot of blush today - you’re lucky it’s a trend”

He smiled apologetically, and heard you laugh in the background.

“I honestly have no idea” he heard you say and he tried finding out what question was asked. Right as you continued: “I think he could have something similar to me, or maybe a pain mark. I don’t think he has a tattoo or anything physical on his body, like I know he doesn’t show it off that much, but he also never hides anything or seek comfort in it the same way Jake did” You shrugged.

You were good at analyzing. Hell if you asked him you were good at everything and that made it so hard not to admire you.

“Do you ever think it might actually be her?” Niki asked as the two played a game in his room.

Sunoo sighed. “I don’t know, like sometimes I hope so, but other times I feel so guilty for doing that”

Niki smiled. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about it, whenever I see someone I find attractive I always look down on my pinky, because what if the string actually connected us”

The youngest shrugged. “It’s okay to be hopeful, and just imagine if it’s actually is her, then you’ve known her for a while, not as long as Jay and G but still, it’s more than most of us”

He supposed that was right. It would also be a funny story to tell, how the purples you always had to paint when you were live was because he was watching along.

“I still think it’s unfair I won’t just know, you know? Like with how G just knew when she saw Jay on I-land?” Sunoo said with a small pout.

“Why is that anyways? Never got around to ask you about that” Niki said as he leaned to the left to avoid one of the many obstacles of the game.

“She thinks it’s because she’d kind of already ‘met’ Jay, so he didn’t need to physically be there, she just needed to be reminded of his name and how he looked for the floodgates to open”

Niki laughed. “Yeah, that’s the worst thing about these marks, they don’t follow the same rules. If they did that would be so much easier”

“Do you ever think Sunghoon might just have a touch-mark?” Sunoo asked. He was nosy, he knew that, Sunghoon himself didn’t even intertain the idea.

“I honestly don’t know - and I don’t wanna speculate too much about it. He seems happy either way” Niki said, but Sunoo saw the lack of genuine happiness on his face.

He pushed him slightly with his shoulder. “When did you become so wise?” he chuckled.

“You can thank Jay for that,” Niki said.

Sunoo sat on his bed with his phone in hand as he just stared at it. His thumb was hovering over the send button on the screen. He had debated whether or not this was actually a good idea.

But he just couldn’t help himself. So he pressed it.

A few hours later you were live once again, and you were sitting there staring at the screen. He hoped this would confirm his theory, because if he weren’t right then this was hell of a coincidence.

Two hours after he had sent off his message his vision became such a bright yellow it almost looked white - it was blinding.

He had right then and there decided that that meant you were his. There was no way in hell you weren’t.

The little live notification finally ticked in on his phone, and he had never pressed a link as quickly.

“The most insane thing just happened” You said before you buried your face in your hands. He smiled, well knowing that he was the cause of that.

Your hand hovered over your mouth as he saw the tears well up in your eyes, and he once again fell such longing.

Just tell them - he wrote as a comment from his private account.

He saw that little twitch of a smile on your lips and then you took a large breath.

“Kim Sunoo, my fucking bias, reached out a few hours ago to request a custom painting” you said and you stood up and jumped onto your bed as you screamed into the pillows.

He laughed, glad that he was able to actually see your reaction, even though he was convinced your reaction when you found out had been completely different.

“He wants a sky with every color that I’ve ever seen from my soulmate, every emotion he have ever had - it’s gonna be such an insanely huge piece, and I hope you’ll all follow along when I make it”

You bit your lip: “he’s proud of me” you whispered and the chat went wild.

But you were right, pride was the overwhelming feeling he currently had in his chest.

He saw how you shook your head and once again rested your hands on your lips as you stared into the camera with wondering eyes, as if the puzzle piece finally were starting to reveal the bigger picture.

Don’t spoil it yet - let’s test it out first. Was all he wrote, and he heard the small scream you made, before you turned off the live.

After the live he went straight for Jake’s room, he needed someone to talk to about this feeling inside his chest.

“Come in” he heard from behind the door as he knocked.

“Hey can I pick you brain for a second?” He asked as he sat down on the bed.

“Sure” Jake said before he logged of his game and gave the younger his undevided attention.

“I think I found my soulmate”

Jake froze in whatever movement he was just about to make and stared at him with big eyes.

“What?! How?!” He almost yelled.

“Please be quiet, I’m not completely positive yet”

“You better start talking before I call all of them in here” Jake said with a sinister smirk, Sunoo laughed.

“Do you remember Y/N?” He asked.

“Yeah, she’s the painter right?” Jake asked and Sunoo nodded as he started fidgeting with his ring.

“I’ve noticed whenever she’s live and I’m watching her paint, that the colors she sees are mirrors of my own emotions. When i’m stressed she’s painting orange, when I’m happy she’s painting yellow, and when I …” he sighed. “When I long for my soulmate she’s painting purple”

Sunoo ran his hand through his hair a few times. Trying his best to steady that beating heart of his. He had never shared any of this before. It felt like peeling back a layer and exposing a part of himself he had never shown to anyone.

“So I asked her for a custom piece” Sunoo said.

Jake looked like he was about to scold him, but he raised his hand to finish his confession.

“And I felt this pull” he said and made a tugging motion with his hand, right where his heart were.

The previously worried expression of Jake changed, and a genuine happy smile broke out on his lips.

“Yeah, I’m with you dude. She’s def yours” Jake bit his lip, and it made Sunoo wanna roll his eyes but he reeled it in.

“Are you sure? I mean with Jay and Won…” he didn’t get to finish his sentence before Jake interrupted him.

“It’s different for them, their mark makes it somewhat possible for them to communicate. Jay more than Won, but still the whole chocolate debacle pretty much proved it’s possible” Jake leaned back in the chair.

“For us it’s different” he gestured between them. “Our mark is something we can’t control, so our pull to them is different, and the tug on the heartstrings - yeah that’s one of them… I was more in a trance as soon as I heard her voice, but the tug was definitely there. I even think Won felt something similar if I’m not wrong”

Sunoo smiled a smile wider than Jake had ever seen.

“Thank you Jake” he said and the Aussie saw how the tear welled up in Sunoo’s eyes. He pulled him to his feet and into a hug.

“No problem”

He was nervous. And kept shifting his weight from one leg to another.

You had reached out after the painting was finally done, And he had somehow convinced you to come to Seoul to deliver it personally.

Okay, it hadn’t taken that much convincing, but still it was a long trip to take with a canvas as big as the one you had been using.

So now he stood there in a practice room in the Hybe building, cameras all around to possibly document his meeting with what he was 98% sure was his soulmate.

The cameras had been your idea, you wanted to make the whole experience into a little “come with me to give my bias a painting”-vlog.

He took a deep breath, and then he heard it, the somewhat muffled. “Oh shit, please please be careful. I’ll lose it if it breaks so close to the finish line”

His heart sped up by the sound of the voice.

And then you entered and his heart stopped. You were painted in the green and turquoise colors of anxiety and nervousness. But god you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Even more beautiful as you stood here before him.

You smiled a large smile, but your eyes never left the floor, as if you refused to meet his own. The anxiety had quickly been replaced with longing, so why wouldn’t you just look at him?

He bowed as he said his hello, and thanks for meeting him. It was awkward and clumsy, but still it was somehow fitting.

“Do you wanna see it?” You had asked after returning the pleasantries.

He stepped closer to you, as the two of you had turned your bodies towards the canvas. “Yeah, but can you look at me first?” He said with a small smile, desperate.

All he heard was a whimper and his whole body reacted before he could form a single thought. His hand was caressing your cheek and his other arm was around you waist. Sunoo knew he should be embarrassed, but he couldn’t care less.

“Are you okay?” He said silently, desperately.

You nodded, and as you stilled his thumb slowly caressed your cheek. Still, you didn’t lift your eyes to mee his.

“Please look at me” he said, and the yearning in his voice were clear for everyone to hear. But he didn’t care that he was in a room full of people, all he cared about was you.

“I can’t” You finally mustered as a tear slipped from you eye, he brushed it away quickly.

“You can” He said with what he hoped was a reassuring and not mocking chuckle.

A sigh escaped you and he could feel you shake beneath him. “I’m scared…” You finally got the courage to muster.

Instead of pressuring you, he let you be, let you express yourself in your own tempo.

“I’m scared that I’m wrong”

He smiled. “That we’re wrong. And if we are we’ll take it from there” he pulled you a little closer. “But I can tell you that if we’re right, the all you’re feeling right now is slight embarrassment, longing and love”

Your eyes shot open and you were met with the widest smile from him. His hand snaked from your cheek to the back of your neck and he squeezed it teasingly.

“There you are” He said.

And the the world exploded into color.

The two of you gasped as the pink-ish hues were quickly replaced by the actual colors of the world. He laughed as he rested his forehead on yours.

“I knew it” he said, and right after you flung your arms around his neck as you pulled him close to you.

He lifted you from the ground and spun you around, earning him a laugh.

“You’re mine?” You asked with surprise in your voice.

“It seems so” he pulled you into yet another hug and as you seperated it was your turn to reach out for him.

You caressed his cheek, and saw how his eyes almost disappeared when he smiled. “I can’t believe it” the words were so small he almost didn’t pick up on it.

He turned you towards the canvas as a his arm draped around your hips. “Now let’s see what you made me” he kissed the top of your head and your entire body shuddered at the intimate gesture.

You nodded to the two men who had been holding it, and the loosened the bow that held the protective cloth over it.

And as it slipped away Sunoo felt his mouth open slightly in chock. It was a beautiful explosion of colors, colors he could now see at the same time.

He once again pulled you closer to him. “It’s beautiful” and you heard how his voice almost betrayed him and gave after for the sobs that threatened to spill out.

“Just like you” you said.

In this moment neither of you had felt more loved or more seen, and that lilac longing were now substituted for pink and red love.

sunoo had broken up with you nearly two months ago. to say the least, you still weren't over him. basically every night you had drank or smoked yourself dumb and went out to clubs, in hopes of forgetting. forgetting all of the laughs, cries, random late night calls, everything. everything that has to do with kim seonwoo, you didn't want to remember it. you couldn't forget though, all of the love he seemed to have for you faded one day.

on a random day in march, he brought you some of your favorite candies and left you, torn down and broken. you can even recall the exact words, "i don't know what it is, i just don't love you how i did before. people change, (y/n), and i think we've grown apart." you hadn't seen it coming until he showed up at your door with a sullen look on his face. his eyes were puffy, like he had stayed up until 4am, crying and figuring out how to word it, or how to go about the breakup. maybe you knew what was coming when he randomly asked you "may i come over?" texting you at a random time in the afternoon when he knew you were free. the text seemed off, it didn't have his usual emojis, or extra punctuation marks.

it wasn't his fault, you know emotions change along with people, but you just can't move on that fast. it'll take you a few more weeks, maybe even months. you just can't wrap your head around why he did it, or what happened. 'did i do something?', 'is there someone else?', 'what is he doing?' are all questions that constantly run throughout your head. you just had no idea as to what caused sunoo to want to leave.

so, to make yourself feel better, you go outside and smoke a fat, heavily packed blunt. you get high out of your mind before going to the club with your close friends, jay and jake. you texted your gc, 'chamber of secrets' and asked them if they wanted to pop out and go to the club. of course, the two of them said yes. so you get ready in your tightest, sluttiest outfit and smoke some weed as you wait for them to pick you up.

they come to your door, and unlock it without knocking. as they arrive at your balcony jay starts, "hey doll, you look sexy." while jake rolls his eyes and says, "jay, shut up. anyways, you look high as hell and your eyes are red. are you sure that you still want to go out?" he seems a bit concerned, but you just nod and reply "yeah, i'm good. i am still functional so, why not?" shrugging and putting your blunt out.

jake nods, and grabs your hand, leading you out the door and to his car. jay takes the back and manspreads across the seats while on his phone. the ride is mostly silent other than the music coming from the radio, 'still with you' by jungkook plays and jake hums along.

when your trio reaches the club you all split up, the two of them taking random spots either on the dance floor, or by the wall; talking to a few randoms, staying sober for the night. you decide to stand outside for a second, admiring the sun as it sets and paints a gorgeous picture of bright, warm hues. the wind blows softly, carressing your skin with a near silent whisper. all you bear right now is the bass from the club and the wind quietly blowing in your ears.

right when you turn to go back inside and head to the floor, you see a familiar man with chocolate brown hair. he's faced backwards, but he has a sense of familiarity to you. his stature, posture and back profile all look similar to.. sunoo. you can't help but feel anxious, just gazing at him. you don't know if it's truly him but, you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes yet again. all of the memories hit you like a truck. you know sunoo could be easily mistaken, but this seems like it's really him.

you didn't realize how long you had been staring, until you zone back in and realize your eyes have met his. you want to run, but between the heels adorning your feet and the dead-end alleyway you're standing in, there's nowhere for you to go. you want to run as fast as you can, as far as you can, but you feel like you're stuck in place. the only way out would be past him, and you almost don't want to run away from him. the man that you once (still) loved.

he starts walking towards you, seemingly on autopilot. it's like he was meant to be with you, like there are magnets connecting the two of you and you can't deny them, or pass them by. he seems to understand that he mustn't leave you, the two of you were given a special connection that not just anyone has. it feels like he's moving in slow motion, you don't know if it's the weed or the shock of it all.

"hey, (y/n). it's been a while.. how've you been?" he says awkwardly, as if he's almost forgotten who you are. it seems as if he barely remembers your name, like it's venom on his tongue. "hi, sunoo.. yeah.. it's been a while.. i've been pretty good, how about you?" you avoid eye contact, you don't want him to see your bloodshot eyes, eyebags or the apprehensive glint in your pupils.

"i've been holding up, i guess.." he shrugs, he has such a monotone edge to his voice that you can't exactly tell how he's feeling. it seems as if he has a sense of longing, but you'd call that delusion on your part. "there's something i've really wanted to talk to you about, is it okay if i tell you now? since i don't know if i'll have a chance to talk to you again." now he's avoiding your eye contact and pushing his hair back.

"what is it, sunoo? i'm unsure of what you could want now." you say sternly, almost on the brink of tears and wanting to avoid this entire interaction. "you know, i've really missed you. i don't know why i left you like that and i thought it over a million times, i was just stressed and overwhelmed. i still care for you and love you, i want to talk to you again." he says, also nearly about to cry.

"i don't know why you left me if you were just stressed. that doesn't make sense, you could've told me that you were stressed instead of telling me all that bullshit about you didn't love me. it felt like-" you stop yourself, realizing that tears are flowing out of his eyes and he's rubbing his eyes while ruffling his hair around. sunoo looks genuinely distressed, and mildly distraught. "shit, fuck.. i'm sorry.." you say, taking his hands down from gripping and pulling at his hair. you place it back down and wipe his tears with the back of your hand.

"i know, i know i wasn't right for not just talking about it. i should've just talked to you about it and i regret it daily. why can't you fucking see that i'm still in love with you?" he nearly shouts, taking deep breaths, yet failing. his voice is faltering, and his head is hung low, sinking into your touch. he'd been waiting for you to just hold him again, kiss him and do everything the two of you used to do.

you sigh and think for a moment, moving your hands down to his cheeks and pressing them up so he'll look at you. you blink back tears, not wanting to ruin your makeup that you took quite a while to do. "y'know what, you come with me to my house later, and we can talk about it. does that sound good?"

The prior evening, Kang Seulgi, or Time Slip, as she was more commonly known, had sent arguably the most anxiety-inducing email you’d ever received. In no more than two hundred characters, she’d told you that you’d be meeting with her personally to discuss your future activity with the company. 

In all honesty, you weren’t sure if that entailed a promotion, or if that was your hint to start looking into a new line of work, but nonetheless, you sent your reply agreeing within five minutes (because one does not waste the Time Slip’s time). 

Maybe your morning would’ve gone differently had you waited for your alarm. Maybe if your shoulders had been stiff, you’d have spent an extra five minutes stretching. Maybe if you hadn’t seen the stupid DVD logo hit the stupid corner of your stupid television, you would’ve actually watched the news broadcast and seen warnings of a small-scale villain tormenting an intersection two blocks from your apartment building.

But, the universe had aligned perfectly, so you leave your house at 9:45 and make it to the aforementioned intersection at 9:50 on the dot.

✷✷✷

KIM SUNOO DOESN’T ENJOY WAKING UP, these days. 

In his first days at the resistance’ building (a room no larger than the average hotel room with a long table placed in the center that they’d all crowded around, desperately drawing up plans for their next big heist and their grand scheme of taking down HYBE), he’d always been excited to go into work. Waking up in the morning felt like reaching just a little further toward this innate, inexplicable light at the end of the tunnel. Now, although they have actual office chairs and conference rooms and enough funding to never have to worry about black mold or leaks in the ceiling ever again, something is missing. 

Now, at the ripe age of 23, his young-adult body is worn from what feels like centuries’ worth of pressure, like the spite that had previously served as his engine has dwindled and left him stranded in the middle of the highway without gasoline. 

He feels he is a product not of growth, but of drastic, haphazard changes crammed together into one form, like those really shitty fruit salads. The line tracing from the person he was seven years ago to who he is now is a squiggle at best. 

Simply put, years of villain work have left him disillusioned.

This is why, although he has a meeting at 10 AM to discuss the future of the resistance and the downfall of HYBE, by 9:47, Sunoo is still sitting at his kitchen counter nursing an iced coffee with copious amounts of cream and sugar. He lifts the glass to his lips, feels the rim, chilled by the ice floating near the surface, then takes a sip. His concoction is sweet on his tongue, almost unbearably so, but the undeniable bitterness of the coffee remains underlying. 

And then Sunoo nearly spills the drink down the front of his shirt. What is he doing?

Almost as though the frankly concerning flavor of his morning coffee has shocked him into regaining his senses, he jolts upright, shoulders stiff. The glass is slammed onto the table (not with too much force, though; working for a nonprofit evil organization doesn’t pay nearly enough for him to buy a new set of dining ware).

In the two seconds it takes Kim Sunoo to stand from the barstool, he decides that yes, he is disillusioned with villainhood, but not enough to throw away everything he’s built over the past half-decade in favor of finishing his shitty cup of iced coffee. He needs to attend this meeting, if not for his present self, then for the person he once was.

In sum: Sunoo feels hope—for the first time in a while—and a newfound sense of determination. The feeling reaches up and grabs him by the collar, dragging him to his coat rack, then his shoes, then out the door towards his future.

✷✷✷

JUNG WOOYOUNG JUST WANTS TO BE SEEN. 

That morning, he’d been 18, starry-eyed, fresh out of high school, and waiting at the doors of HYBE, because despite what everyone around him insisted, he knew that you didn’t need to graduate from a hero school to be someone great. All you had to do was want to help people. 

Unfortunately, his interviewer hadn’t felt the same way. She’d asked him two, maybe three questions (one of which had been whether he was the delivery driver with their coffee order), then sent him back into the lonely streets of Seoul. No job, no internship, not even a business card. 

What do you do when everything you’ve been working toward your entire life crumbles down around you? He truly isn’t sure.

The last thing Wooyoung wants is to go home. There, his mother and father will be waiting with him, arms crossed and condescending smiles shrouded in sympathy painted across their faces. His father will say, “You can’t win them all,” or, “Hey, it was a long shot anyway,” and Wooyoung will bite back tears as his fingernails dig crescents into his palms.

His mother will offer to make him some galbi-jjim, and he’ll agree, and every single bite will taste like pity. 

To delay this inevitable fate for as long as possible, Wooyoung decides to stop at the convenience store and drown his sorrows in a peach-passion-sunshine-candy-grapefruit-ade. And it works for all of five minutes, but then the cashier opens his stupid mouth, and everything goes to shit.

it was all because you were just asking sunoo nicely to clean up the place after you had many shifts to pick up, as well as studying to get in your dream school.

“sun? you here?” you had walked through the front door, dragging your tired feet to the living room, in which sunoo was still gaming with niki before you left— 6 hours ago.

the living room was a mess with finished chip bags and crumbs everywhere. oh you wanted to just breakdown.

“sun? hello?” you waved your hand in front of it to snap him out of his game. “hey baby, how was work?” he asked, still playing games. you ignored him and just cleaned his mess up.

you went to your bathroom to wash up and heading straight to bed, not having the energy for talking to the boy or anything.

sunoo realized you were gone for a bit and ended his game. he was putting his controller away and before he got up, he felt a pang of guilt. the guilt that you had to do everything, once again.

he quickly put everything away, turning off the lights and headed to your room. where he saw you almost dozing off to your fruit sensory videos that seemed to make you stay sane.

you sensed that he was coming on the bed with you, so you turned around and turned off your phone to charge and fell asleep. or tried to. “y/n?” he called out your name, hugging you from behind. you didn’t respond, too tired to do anything.  

sunoo sighed. “i’m sorry i-“ “am i not doing enough for you?” you quietly said, tears flowing already.

you had such a bad week and just wanted to cuddle with sunoo. but everyday as you came home, the house was always a mess and sunoo was always in the same spot before you left. you felt like just crying for hours but you held it in. you didn’t want to see anyone, especially sunoo, to see you in your worst state.

“all i wanted to do when i got home was- was to be in your arms. be in our bed. i hated work so much. you never came to text me, or ask me how was i. im tired of coming home to you and the house a mess. ‘m sorry sunoo. im sorry im selfish.”

you cried into your arms and felt sunoo try to lift your arms up to hug you but you wouldn’t budge.

sunoo felt so heartbroken. how could he let his most precious girl feel like this. “im sorr-“ “im gonna go sunoo.”

you pushed sunoo away and went to the closet, wiping your tears at the same time. sunoo felt everything breaking down, he couldn’t let you go. especially so late at night.

he got up and saw you packing your essentials in your suitcase. he panicked and grabbed your wrist, a bit too harsh. “y/n! you cant go!” he shouted at you.

the tears increased as his grip was getting tighter, and the way he yelled at you. “s-sunoo. sunoo let go” you whimper. he didn’t listen, but the second time he heard you shout his name with a horrified face, he let go.

he saw the red mark he left. he saw you red puffy eyes. he saw the way you felt sick to your stomach. you wanted to run away and it was all his fault.

he stood up and tried to speak words out, but no words came out of him. you hurried to pack and left the house, leaving your promise ring and house keys.

after that night, he kept calling you, texting you, begging you to come back. he didn’t know where you were staying at, he didn’t know if you were warm and safe, he didn’t know if you were in someone else’s presence.

the house made him feel so alone. he stopped playing games and he cleaned the house, hoping you’ll just walk through the front door with a smile.

he put up the paintings you wanted to hang up on the walls, he built the dinning table that was just leaning against the dinning room wall. he did everything you asked him to do a while ago.

but everytime he tried to go to the closet, visions of him hurting you kept reminding himself that that was the only reason why you’re not coming back.

he sat alone in there, sobs muffled into the sleeve of his hoodie. “im sorry y/n. just come to my arms please.”

everywhere around the house had pictures of you two, decorated. polaroids scattered everywhere, memories everywhere.

until a phone call disturbed his thoughts. he looked at the contact, saying it’s from you.  and immediately answered.

“sunoo!”

it wasn’t you. you friend had went through your phone to call him about you. “y-y/n, she-“ “she what!” sunoo yelled. he was scared what happened to you.

“she’s in the hospital. please come quick.”

—

sunoo drove quickly to the hospital your friend had told him. his hair a mess, eyes bloodshot, he was just a mess. he looked at the emergency exit and saw you friend holding your hand while you were on the bed, blood everywhere.

“y/n!” he called out your name. he ran to your moving bed and held your other hand.

your vision was blurry but you still saw the resemblance of his face. “s-sunoo?” sunoo wanted to punch the air. why did he make so much mistakes to end up you in the hospital. “im here baby” he cupped your cheek. the moment didn’t last long after the nurses had to stop him.

he tried to push them away, and yelled out your name through the door. he needed to be next to you.

the nurses reassured him, letting him know you’ll feel fine. but he wasnt having it, he needed to see if you’ll be okay.

he fell onto the waiting chairs, crying into the palms of his hands, dizzy.

it took a bit too long for sunoo. it was the next day and he didn’t get a wink of sleep. your friend had gotten a thin blanket from the nurses for him, hoping he’ll just have a 5 minute nap. but he didn’t want to lose sight of  the surgery room he was next to.

the doctors had told him that you’ve been lacking nutrients. they had heard from your friend that you’ve been coming to their house after picking different shifts at your jobs everyday without eating or drinking. you’ve been sleeping with a few hours of sleep. and on top of that, the fight with sunoo has been on your mind too.

you overthink, wondering if it was dumb to run out of the house because he accidentally harmed you. you knew sunoo wouldn’t purposely hurt you, he was just protecting you.

all the stress of going back and work made you faint at work. they said you bumped your head on the counter at the kitchen, as there was a glass that also fell with you, resulting some shards cutting into you.

sunoo hoped and prayed, you will be okay.

—

you woke up hours later with wires hooked up onto you. whimpering in pain, you felt a bruise on your forehead. you looked around and no signs of sunoo or your best friend, but you could've sworn you saw them both before you fell asleep.

seeing flowers and "get well soon" balloons were blurring your vision as you remembered what happened. the sudden memory when sunoo had accidentally hurt you, when you got a message saying sunoo wasn't fine without you, how you saw sunoo's once beautiful eyes red because of you.

all of this were caused by you. is what you thought.

everything is your fault, you were the one that ran out on him in the first place. you were so in your mind, you didnt hear sunoo come in the room. "y/n!" he shouted.

he immediately exited the room and went to get your doctor, letting them know you have woken.

after the doctor ran tests on you, you were left alone with sunoo. the comforting silence was getting awkward for you. "y/n" "sunoo" you both said. sunoo slightly smiled, holding your hand for you to continue.

"im sorry, this wouldn't had happened if i didn't walk out on you" you said. tears slowly falling. sunoo felt like he just lost his best boyfriend award. you were blaming yourself when you did nothing wrong.

he looked up at you and wiped your tears away. "no im sorry for not asking how your day was in the first place my love." he paused. "im sorry for how lazy i was. i've failed to noticed your emotions after work and school. you're not selfish baby. you had every right to be upset.   you are more than enough for me. i love you so much y/n. you're the best thing that happened to me. please."

you saw how sincere he was. his eyes held up the galaxies whenever he saw you, and you saw it right here. he was too in love with you. "thank you" you muttered. "let's go home."

as you walked in the door of your home after weeks, you saw the place was neatly cleaned and your walls weren't bare anymore. your dinning table all set. every room in your house was now completed, all thanks to sunoo and a bit of help of his friends.

"sun, thank you" you hugged him. he leaned in and hugged you tightly. "let's go cuddle, tell me how your days was, my lady."

with that, you guys settled in on your comfy bed, looking out of the window while the stars were out on the dark night.

you fell asleep when it happened, but sunoo held you close. right before he could close his eyes, he saw a shining shooting star. 'i wish to make you happier than ever.'

end.

You know how I was the one who introduced you to the rest of members, saying that I just wanted my new friend to get to know them? Well, that was only partly true, because actually, I kinda wanted to show you off to them and get their help in asking you out. Yeah, asking you out, because by the time I brought you over to the dorm for the first time, I was already starting to catch some major feelings for you. 

Actually, scratch that. I was already hooked since the moment I saw you for the first time. And with every day that passed, those feelings only grew stronger, threatening to make my heart burst whenever I so much as looked at you. I was planning on telling you, but surprise surprise. I was too late. I had been too engrossed in my own adoration for you to notice the way your eyes seemed to light up whenever Jake hyung would walk into the room, or the way he'd try to brush his hand against yours every moment he could. 

I'm not saying I hold any grudges, and neither am I saying I'm not happy for you. Because I really am, seeing the both of you so in love truly is beautiful. But at the same time, it does hurt. It hurts so much, because I loved you first, but I was too chicken to confession, and ended up losing the one person who had made my heart beat this fast. 

It's totally on me, and while I know, that doesn't really stop my heart from wishing that things were different, that I was the one who would get to hold you and love you call you mine. It does nothing to stop the pain every time I see you smiling at him, or find him looking at you like you're his world. 

But it's already too late, and all I can do is watch from the sidelines. Watch as he makes you his, watch as he loves you like I should I have done. I promise though, I really, truly, am happy for you. Because I loved you first, and finding my happiness in your happiness is what it means to love.

Love,

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