#sungpil

THE DAY HE COMES BACK

Incheon Airport looks different the moment Wonpil lands his foot on the ground. Probably the new structure of the building? Or is that new burger chain restaurant? He is not sure anymore, but the only thing he is sure for now is, he is finally back.

To be honest, Wonpil is anxious to be back home. It's been too long. It's long enough for him to forget how it feels like to be Korean. Italy had changed him to a completely different person. Nonetheless, he is still excited. He is finally able to see his family again not through phone screen.

He is walking slowly to claim his luggage and queue for a taxi. Thank God, he doesn't forget his mother language after staying abroad, so he doesn't find any hassle in catching a taxi. The taxi drives through the busy street of Seoul and all the skyscrapers flashing in front of him. They look so different from the last time he saw it. He doesn't exactly remember how it was, but seeing his hometown again after a really long time feels strange.

His mind wanders to the reason why he left. Why he sacrificed his family for living alone somewhere far away instead. He wanted to make peace with himself. He wanted to be able to accept and love himself first. When he finally found his inner peace after thirteen years, that’s also when he decided to go home for good.

The trip doesn't really take a long time though. He doesn’t realize he has reached his destination in twenty minutes. After saying thanks to the driver and taking his luggage from the trunk, he pulls it to a front door of a house. The house isn't too big, but it radiates warm energy. It's not only a house for Wonpil, it's a home that he misses the most.

He knocks on the door but no one answers it at first. He knows it will happen since he doesn't tell anyone he will come home. He knocks again when a middle aged woman appears from the house.

“Who— Oh my God, my son!” the woman hugs him immediately. Her hug is tight and Wonpil can feel his shoulder is getting wet from his mother's tear. It makes him cry too.

“Why don't you tell me that you will come back, Wonpil?” his mother pats him on his cheeks and inspects his face, cannot believe that her son is finally here.

“To surprise you?”

“What kind of surprise is this? I haven't cook anything for you and you look so skinny”

“Mom...” he whines, “but yeah, I lost some weight while living in Milan. There's no delicious food there and I need to be on a strict diet for my job.”

“Come here, I will cook you a lot of food then,” she says while opening the door wider so Wonpil can pass through it with his big luggage. She disappears to the kitchen then, probably preparing meals for him.

While everything in Seoul seems to change, his home stays the same. The wallpaper, the floor, even the furniture are still the same like the last time he was there. God, he really misses this. It's not like Wonpil never called his family in the last thirteen years. He called, but everything is different when he's actually there.

Wonpil is too immersed in his own nostalgia, he doesn't hear small steps coming from the bathroom.

“Grandma, where are you? We haven't washed our hands yet!”

A small boy, probably 7 years old, is running in his house and suddenly stops in front of his face, he looks scared like he sees a stranger. Well, he is indeed a stranger in his own house.

“GRANDMA! THERE'S A WEIRD AHJUSSI HERE!” he screams and walks slowly to the corner of the room.

“I'm not weird ahjussi, Dowoon-ah”

“Who are you then? Why do you know my name?”

“I'm Uncle Wonpil, you don't remember?” he speaks with a fake hurt tone.

“Uncle Wonpil? Mom's brother?”

“Yeah, he is your mom's brother,” his mother comes back from the kitchen, probably remembering that his grandson was still in the bathroom before.

“Grandma, why did you leave me suddenly? We haven't finished washing hands”

“I know, Grandma is sorry. But I heard the knocking on our door so I opened it and Uncle Wonpil was there. I think I was too excited so I forgot you,” she chuckles while pinching the chubby cheeks of Dowoon. “I will continue cooking and you will wash your hands with Uncle Wonpil, okay?”

The little kid only gives a small nod and walks to the bathroom. Wonpil follows him and helps him to stand near the sink.

“Are you really Uncle Wonpil?” Dowoon asks. His eyes are skeptical and Wonpil wants to laugh.

“Of course I'm Uncle Wonpil! Why do you keep asking that?”

Dowoon only shrugs. He doesn't ask anymore and wash his hands in silence. After they finish with their hands, Wonpil comes to the kitchen while Dowoon sprints off to somewhere in their house.

In the small amount of time, his mom manages to cook so many dishes and it makes his stomach growl. “Eat a lot,” she says and Wonpil doesn't need to be told to inhale all those food. He almost tears up again because he really misses his mom's cooking.

Later that night, he surprises the rest of the family. To say they are shocked when Wonpil appears for his bedroom is understatement. His father hugs him immediately, telling him that he is proud of Wonpil for finishing his college and surviving alone in another country while his older sister messes his hair and pinch his cheeks, saying she misses his annoying little brother.

He catches up with the whole family while eating dinner. From the conversation, he knows that his father started to have interest in gardening so he planted a lot of things in their small garden in front of the house. His older sister got promoted not long after she gave birth to Dowoon and Wonpil says sorry because he couldn't go home for her labour. His brother-in-law was moved to another branch of his company, it's a little bit further so he is stressed with the traffic jam every day. It's also the reason why he isn't there. And Dowoon, well he says he made rocketship in his class.

Wonpil sees his family chatting happily and he is glad he makes the right decision to come back home and stay here.

---

THE DAY HE REMINISCES

He tries to sleep that night but he can't. He doesn't know whether it's because jet lag or the heaviness in his heart. Yes, he is glad he is at home with his family, but there's an unsettling feeling inside. His thought flies away to the reason why he left this country thirteen years ago and a question suddenly pops in his head, “what if he meets him again?”

Funny enough, the reason why he applied for that scholarship in the first place was to avoid this city. No, he didn't hate Seoul, nor have problems with his family. He only wanted to avoid this particular person because he knew, everywhere he went, if it's still in Seoul, there's a slight chance that he would meet him and he didn't want that.

Now he is back for good, there's possibility that he will meet him somewhere, someday. He is not sure if he will be ready or not. He only hopes he will.

Since the sleepiness doesn't come anyway, he decides to take a midnight walk to get some fresh air. He wears his coat and leaves his house to any places where his feet bring.

It ends up in an empty park near their high school. A pair of familiar swings welcome him. The swings are still the same but the paint is already worn off and it's rusty. The saddles also remain the same although it's a little bit dirty and old.

He sits in one of the swings and swinging lightly. A wave of memories suddenly come crashing and it takes him to thirteen years ago, to a boy named Park Sungjin, the Busan guy who sat beside him for three years of high school. His seatmate who had allergy for his aegyo but actually cared a lot. The one who played guitar and had a sweet voice.

Also Park Sungjin, the guy that he tries to avoid the most. The guy behind the reason why he took the scholarship to a strange land. His only crush but also the one who broke his heart because he likes girls and Wonpil is not a girl.

He sighs, Park Sungjin, how is he doing right now?

The sky is so pretty that night, he looks it up and he remembers clearly what happened years ago in this place.

###

It was also late night when he walked home with Sungjin from the music store where they used to hang out to play the instrument. It was a good day, at least for Wonpil because he didn't have to hear Sungjin talking about his crush all the time.

But the good day had come to an end in the worst way.

They were in the middle of talking about the guitar that Sungjin played at the store, the one he said he wanted to buy it, when suddenly Sungjin's steps came to halt. Wonpil didn't know what made him stop until he was following Sungjin's sight.

Sungjin was looking at this swing, the exact same swing that Wonpil is currently sitting in the present time, but his eyes fixed on someone. It was the girl, his long time crush. She was talking with Younghyun, the loner of the class. From Wonpil's eyes, they seemed talking animatedly, which was weird because Younghyun never talked to anyone at school.

When Wonpil looked at Sungjin's face, his mood turned somber. There's no longer happy Sungjin like few minutes ago. A mixture of pain, sadness, and disappointment appeared clearly on his face.

And it was hurting Wonpil all over again. Sungjin deserved someone better than her, someone that truly cared about him. If Wonpil could be selfish, he wished Sungjin would look at him instead like they way he looked at the girl. Wonpil wanted to know how it felt like to be that girl. To be someone that could make Sungjin's heart flutter and the only thing he's talking about all the time.

He took a deep sigh and put his ego aside. He should be the best friend that Sungjin needed. After all, Sungjin still needed him even though not in a way that Wonpil needed him.

“You are done mopping?” he walked closer to Sungjin. His sudden existence surprised him and burst out his bubble.

“Yeah, let's go home,” they continued their walk in silence. At first, Wonpil tried to make a conversation so it wouldn't be awkward, but Sungjin only answered him in short sentences. Therefore, Wonpil stopped trying and Sungjin didn't say anything afterwards.

Their great day had ended and Wonpil remembers it as an awful memory.

###

A strong blow of wind makes Wonpil shivers. He tightens his coat and smiles bitterly. He was a fool who used to wish he could heal Sungjin's pain. However, being his best friend was even worse because along the way, he got hurt instead.

Wonpil gets up from the swing. He doesn't want to be drowned in painful memory anymore. He continues his midnight walk to somewhere that won't hurt him.

He walks through a small mini market, cafe, and arcade where he used to spend his time after school. Everything remains the same, maybe there are some slight changes that go unnoticed by Wonpil, but he doesn't really care.

His feet bring him further until they stop at the end of the bridge that connects to another neighborhood. He looks straight and all his defenses crumble. This place is the hardest.

He takes a deep breath, walks in small steps until he reaches the middle part of the bridge. Then, he leans himself on the railing. He tries to look under the bridge, wondering if the small river is still the same or not, but he cannot see anything since it passed midnight.

The memory is still vivid in his mind even after thirteen years. The last moment they spent together on the bridge, a place where they used to meet for 'emergency' situations.

###

Sungjin was late at that time but Wonpil didn't really care because he had something more important to tell. He was panicking inside.

“Sorry, I'm late,” he said while leaning on the railing. His elbow knocked on Wonpil's and it made him jump a little.

“It's okay.”

There was only silence lingering around them. The air was heavy but none of them tried to break it off. Sungjin was waiting for Wonpil to speak but he was too scared that it would lead to something bad.

Wonpil gathered up his courage and gave him the little bunny keychain from the night before. His palm opened up and Sungjin took it. He was looking at it with a sad smile on his face, the memory of last night came flashing.

“I was rejected you know. I mean, I've seen it coming. I've seen the way she was looking at Younghyun and I knew I had no chance. But I still did it anyway,” he let out a small chuckle, “I just... I didn't want to regret if I never confessed to her. I'm a fool, right, Pil?”

“No, you are not. Because if you are fool, I am too.”

Sungjin looked at him puzzled as he waited for Wonpil to continue his talk. He couldn't look at Sungjin, too afraid that he would undo his plan because he was too coward.

He took a deep breath and let it out. Here goes nothing.

“I like you. I like you more than as best friend or brother. I like you the way you like her,”

From the corner of his eye, he could see Sungjin opened up his mouth to say something. So he continued, stopping Sungjin from saying anything that potentially could hurt him more than this.

“You don't have to answer it. I know you don't feel the same way. Like you said, I don't want to regret never telling you my feelings.”

He finally looked at Sungjin. His face was full of confusion, but there's no disgust there and it made Wonpil a little bit relieved.

“I... I'm sorry, Wonpil”

“It's okay, I'll be fine,” he put a fake smile on his face to cover the sadness he felt inside, “I'll be going home first, okay. Take care!”

He straightened himself out of the railing and walked away from the bridge. Leaving the boy whom he just confessed drowning in his own bewilderment.

The next day, Wonpil left the country without telling goodbye to Sungjin.

###

He doesn't know why he sighs over that memory, but it's still hurting him as if it's a fresh wound that just happened yesterday.

The fact that he is still longing for Sungjin irks him. Even after all these years, when he thought he would finally be able to move on from him, he cannot do that.

And if someone asks him whether he has made a peace with himself or not, the answer is actually no.

His heart remains the same, it's aching for Sungjin.

---

THE DAY THEY MEET

It has been 6 months and Wonpil has settled in Seoul. He got a stable job as a model that paid him well. He moved to a small studio apartment in the heart of Gangnam. The most important thing, he didn't meet Sungjin at all.

He thinks maybe, just maybe, Sungjin moved back to Busan after they graduated and settled there. He is thankful if he really did that.

His life is almost perfect until he gets a homecoming invitation from Jae, his former classmate. He is contemplating whether he will come or not. He really wants to come but he is afraid that he will meet Sungjin.

After a long consideration, he decides to come. It's time for him to stop avoiding his problem and face the small fear inside of him instead.

The homecoming takes place in a restaurant around Itaewon. He comes a little bit late because a magazine photo shoot holds him for a while. When he arrived, he could see almost all of his classmates are there, except one person. It actually eases his worry.

It's all fun until a familiar figure enters the restaurant in the middle of the event. He is late again.

Wonpil recognizes him, though. Even after all these years, he still knows the owner of that broad back. The back he used to hug only to annoy him.

“Oy, Park Sungjin, you are late!” someone shouts from the crowd.

“I'm sorry, but the traffic jam is the worst,” he lets out a small laugh while scratching the back of his neck.

God, his laugh is still the same. It's blaring with a hint of playfulness in it. His habit of scratching his neck when he feels embarrassed also remains the same. He doesn't change at all.

Wonpil doesn't realize he is staring at Sungjin, but when he is awake from his trance, the said guy was also looking at him. He cannot read Sungjin's face, but there's a really tiny smile in the corner of his lips.

During the homecoming, Wonpil doesn't talk to Sungjin. He tries to make himself invisible and avoid any conversation. He only needs to survive until the end of this event.

When everyone is ready to go home, someone taps his shoulder and somehow it makes him anxious. His stomach churns and his palms turn clammy. He prepares himself for the worst. He turns his back and sees Sungjin is standing right behind him.

“Can we talk?” It's a simple question and Wonpil can make any fake excuses not to talk to him.

But here he is, in the small stairs beside the restaurant with Sungjin. The air around them reminds him of what happened thirteen years ago, of all the things that better be remain unsaid.

“You never tell me why did you move back then. Heck, I didn't even know you got a scholarship in Italy until I saw your Instagram post,” he sounds upset, but Wonpil cannot blame him though. He left so suddenly without warning.

“You know the reason, Sungjin. It's complicated. I just... I wanna make peace with myself at that time.”

“How's Milan, then?” he suddenly turns their conversation to something lighter. Something that doesn't remind them about the last time they meet.

He sighs, “It was good. The city was beautiful. The food was okay even though it's not as good as Korean food. How's yours?”

“Never been better,” there's a proud smile on his face. He seems like he wants to elaborate further when his phone suddenly rings. Sungjin picks up his phone and suddenly there's a voice of a little girl jarring from the call.

“Dad, where are you? Why is it so dark? I cannot see your face!”

“Dad is outside with his friend. It's dark because the lighting is dim, sweetie.”

This side of Sungjin is foreign to Wonpil. It's totally different. Sungjin never talks to someone this sweetly before and it's a surprise for him to see the soft side of Sungjin.

What's shocking the most is how Sungjin addresses himself as 'dad'. His mind cannot catch up with this new information. It's short circuited until he realizes there's Sungjin's phone in front of his face.

“Eunji-ya, say hi to Uncle Wonpil. He is dad's best friend from high school,” Sungjin says excitedly.

Wonpil wants to scoff but when he sees the screen, there's a cute little girl around 3 years old smiling at him. He doesn't have the heart to do so.

“Hello, Uncle Wonpil!”

“Umm... Hi, Eunji-ya?” he says awkwardly. At this point, he is not sure what to feel anymore. His heart is a mess and he wants to go home right now.

“Dad, when will you go home? I'm sleepy while waiting for you”

“Dad will be home soon! I will talk to you later, okay?”

“Alright! Love you, Dad!”

“Love you too, Park Eunji,” he blows a kiss for his daughter before hanging up the call.

“Hey, Pil, I'm sorry, I need to go home now. My daughter is waiting. We gotta catch up someday. See you soon!” he says abruptly.

He sees Sungjin makes a little run to the parking lot without waiting for his reply. The same thing he did thirteen years ago in the bridge when he left him.

He scoffs for real this time. Who is he kidding for holding on to the same silly hope.