#such feels

Look how hyperbolic I used to be! We might call it cringey now, but back then, we were were expected to flail over things more cartoonishly. X from 12/17/2016:

Just look at a taste of the reactions on that post:

Cravendy Hound: “Wh-what? Yer still ‘ere?” Cravs steps back in shock, clearly not expecting anyone, least of all a company member, to be hanging around at this hour. As such, she hadn’t bothered to keep up appearances. Her hair looks like it’s been tossed back and forth a hundred times, either by wind or by frustrated hands. All her armor is half-loosened, straps slack or buttons unclasped.

Cravendy Hound is thankful that it’s night and, hopefully, Riylli doesn’t notice too much. “Of course I’m back...I don’t live on the beach. What’re ye up to?” She peers over at the experimental lanterns.

Riylli Aliapoh 's eyes flicked downwards briefly to examine the rough state of the Roegadyn's appearance, her Keeper eyes quite well suited for the dark, but quickly return upwards so as not to be rude. "Oh, I was just working on some lanterns, and... Uh..." Riylli hesitated again, the line she had been practicing for the past bell or so sounding a lot stupider now that she was saying it out loud. She let out a soft sigh before continuing, "...Just... Thought it would be good to wait for you, I guess. See how you're holding up after... that..." She spoke awkwardly, extremely out of her element with this

Cravendy Hound stiffens, mind racing to identify what ‘that’ could refer to. The celebration as a whole? Or, perhaps more likely, her reaction to seeing the lanterns float out to sea bells earlier? Cravs coughs awkwardly, looking away for a second as she feels heat rise into her cheeks. Normally, she’d come up with an excuse to cover it all up. Sand got in her eye, shit like that. But something about tonight pushed Cravs to speak more honestly.

Cravendy Hound: “Oh. Right. Well. Thanks for waitin’.” Cravs takes a seat on the sand next to Riylli. She keeps her eyes forward, pointed towards the water. “Truth is, I’m barely ‘eld together as it is. I guess I was both ‘appy and...sad with ‘ow it all ended.”

Riylli Aliapoh blinked, staring for just a moment before taking a seat again as well. It felt a bit unlike Cravs to be this open, but Riylli thought she might understand, the Miqo'te not exactly feeling like her usual self either. She picked back up the lantern she was working on, turning it over a bit to remember where she had left off. "...I tried to make to make one that would float, but I think the materials are too heavy for that..." She said, trying to make awkward small talk for a moment before giving up, putting the lantern back down and looking up towards the moon with a sigh. "Do you... wanna talk about it? I'm not exactly great with this whole... 'feelings' thing either but... I can listen, if you like?"

Cravendy Hound peeks over at a ‘lantern’ with a particularly unique design. “Well, ye get top marks for creativity. Really pushin’ the envelope for what can be considered a lantern,” Cravs teases, but the edges of her voice are rough with weariness. For the moment after, she watches the tide go in and out as she considers what to say. Maybe it’d help, maybe it wouldn’t.

Cravendy Hound: “I don’t want to talk about it. But...I think I should anyway. Doin’ shit I don’t want to do has worked so far,” Cravs eventually mumbles. She gives Riylli a worried look. “Ye sure ye want to listen? I won’t be mad if ye want to go ‘ome or somethin’.”

Riylli Aliapoh shoots Cravs a glare as she mocked her lantern, though to be fair, Riylli had been going off of a decade old memory for the design. Now was not the time to start arguing though, holding herself back from a surely witty retort and instead nodding to what Cravs said next. "...Ava says it's good to talk about these things." She said, going quiet for a few seconds before remembering Cravs would not know who that is. "Er... Ava is the matron of my clan. A mean old lady, but she cares about us in her own way. And she's a lot better with this stuff than me for sure."

Cravendy Hound smiles slightly, and then lightly bumps Riylli on the shoulder with a closed fist. “If the rest of yer clan is as unruly as ye, then the top lady has got to ‘ave balls of steel to keep ye all in line. And that’s a good thing. I’d like to meet ‘er one day.”

Cravendy Hound grows silent again as she considers where to start. So many memories were still razor sharp, as if one wrong step could send her careening back into outright depression. She takes a sigh and speaks, heart pounding. One has to try. “Do ye know why I’m an officer at ‘eartwood?”

Riylli Aliapoh managed to grin at the playful shoving, "Yeah, some of us definitely deserve a matron like her. Doubt anyone else could manage to keep us together." She said in agreement, though the moment of levity did not last too long as Cravendy continued. She shook her head. "I just assumed it was because you looked big 'n scary." She offered, hoping to add a bit of lightheartedness of her own

Cravendy Hound: “Aw, thanks,” Cravs laughs. It was good to know some things didn’t change.

Cravendy Hound laces her fingers tightly together, arms drawn around her knees against the chilly night. “If only it were that simple. Truth is, it’s because of who came before me. ‘er name was Aiswyda, and she was everything that I’m not. Friendly, warm...good. And all my problems were dumped onto ‘er.”

Riylli Aliapoh looked at Cravs in silence for a moment, not really sure how she was supposed to respond now. "You're... friendly..." She offered, though Riylli clearly had a bit of a warped view on how friends were supposed to act. She hesitated, giving up on that path as she turned her head downwards to focus on her lantern. "...I'm guessing that's who Rising's lantern was for then..?"

Cravendy Hound can’t help but laugh at Riylli’s attempt at lightening the mood. Guess it worked. “Piss n’ wind, don’t lie to me. But yeah. That’s who the lantern was for. I just wish...” Cravs trails off.

Cravendy Hound: “The reason why Dirtpatch was destroyed in the first place. Why so many died. I may ‘ave not known where the ball would roll, but I -was- the one to kick it all off,” Cravs muses. “I don’t know ‘ow to explain all this, but thanks to me, Wyda was given a bad ‘and in life. Took a fall when it was mine to take. But despite everythin’ I did to ‘er, she still chose to save me. I...” Cravs sets her jaw, tight. “...I’m probably not makin’ a lick of sense.”

Riylli Aliapoh smiles again, feeling the tension lifting off her chest for just a moment as she begins to think they might actually make it through this, only for it all to return as Cravs continued her story. Riylli looked to the Roegadyn, then back up to the moon as she tried to take some comfort in it's light. "...S'okay, we got all the time we could need right now..."

Cravendy Hound: “Why I draw breath when others more deservin’ lie six feet under...I never stop wonderin’ why.” She cranks her grip tighter and tighter still, until her knuckles are bone white and shaking. For a moment it feels like she’s falling, but Riylli’s words anchor her back into the present. Cravs sniffs, angry at herself for being like this, but at the same time grateful to share her thoughts.

Cravendy Hound lets out a haggard breath into her knees. “Yeah...but I wish the future would come faster. Ah, fuck.” She pushes her feet into the sand and, surprisingly, it’s warm underneath. “Fuck.”

Riylli Aliapoh goes quiet, her ears flattening and her tail finding its way into her lap. She looks away from the moon, staring into the sand for a moment just feeling... brittle. She's quiet for a long time, even after Cravs finishes speaking, though every second that passes just makes her chest feel tighter and tighter. Riylli finally grits her teeth, turning around and selecting three of the lanterns from her pile that actually looked serviceable. She placed them in front of her and tapped each in order. "Akosha, Kebbe, Mom." She said, her voice sounding rather distance before going quiet again, simply staring at the lanterns in front of her

Cravendy Hound - Cravs feels like a coiled spring, tense to the point of breaking. But this time, when she lets out a breath, her nerves leave with it. For once, she’s loosening, and the space between the ribs and lungs doesn’t feel so tight anymore. Because she clearly sees that she’s not alone. Because Riylli is here to listen.

Cravendy Hound stares hard at the lanterns. “What about ye? Ye want to talk about it?”

Riylli Aliapoh paused for a long moment, but soon found herself nodding. She had not really realized it until now, but she had not been waiting out here all this time just for Cravs' sake. She had had a feeling the Roegadyn might understand her own story, and her words just now had confirmed it. Still, it took her a while to begin speaking. "Akosha and Kebbe were my sisters... And mom was... well, mom." She hesitated, finally looking back up towards the moon as she tried to figure out where she was supposed to start her story. Another long moment of silence passed, Riylli just staring upwards lost in thought, before she eventually let out a sigh. "If you tell anyone what I'm about to say, I'll kill you. Got it?" She said, shooting a glare over to Cravs preemptively before turning back to the lanterns and continuing. "...When I was a kid, I was pretty much the complete opposite I am now. Dresses, dolls, all that... stupid, flowery shite..." She muttered, giving Cravs a moment to get whatever jokes in she might have ready

Cravendy Hound gives her all the space and time she needs, and simply waits. When Riylli threatens her with death, Cravs raises her hands defensively, though from the tired smile on her face, it’s clear that she’s just trying to lighten the mood. “Oy, I could say the same. But don’t worry, my lips are sealed.”

Cravendy Hound: “I used to think that sort of stuff was stupid too. But not anymore.” Cravs plainly states with a shrug. “Only reason I don’t wear dabble in that kinda stuff is because other people’ll give me ‘ell over it.”

Riylli Aliapoh gave Cravs a hesitant look, still waiting for the jokes to come for a long moment before finally continuing. "..Anyways. I had thought it was all fine at the time. Akosha and Kebbe would go hunting, me and mom would cook what they caught. I never bothered to learn the bow, or the spear, or anything really outside a stupid sewing needle. Just a dumb stupid kid who was only ever worried about her hair." Riylli grit her teeth, clearly angry at the memory. She had to pause to take another deep breath, trying to calm herself down before continuing, needing her composure for the next part. "...And then... The Calamity happened. Fire raining down from the sky, beast and seedkin rampaging, the elementals throwing their stupid temper tantrum... We had to leave our home behind and run for Gridania, but things kept popping out of the trees to attack us like we were the ones at fault for everything going on." She paused, her hand going up to feel the scar on her eye, deciding at this point to just rush through the rest of the story. "A treant got a good swipe at me and my mom, and Akosha and Kebbe stayed behind to give us a chance to run. And that was the last time I ever saw them..."

Cravendy Hound digs deeper into the sand as she listens. Cravs feels mad on Riylli’s behalf - the world was just like this, wasn’t it? Calamities and disasters and suffering that had no end. It made her want to tear something, anything, in half. She lets out a huff, rips her hands from their grip, and plunges them both beneath the sand as if she were holding something hot.

Cravendy Hound: “Ye were just a kid, and no one could’ve stopped the Calamity,” Cravs states. She opens her mouth again and tries to find just the right words to say, but eloquence was never her strong point. So she just lets her heart take the wheel. “That’s terrible. Did ye ever go lookin’ for them?”

Riylli Aliapoh looked down, realizing she was holding her tail in her hands and quickly letting it go. "No, I didn't. I... Don't think I could handle seeing the home I grew up with all charred and destroyed." She paused and took another deep breath, realizing she had been doing that a lot and that it was not really helping. "I know I couldn't have stopped the calamity, but... I can't help but wonder what might have happened if I had stayed behind and fought with them. If I had just practiced the bow instead of the needle. If I had just been a bit stronger... I could've saved them. We all could've made it to Gridania together. If I had just..." She trailed off, feeling a tear roll down her cheek. Riylli grit her teeth brushed it away angrily, not bothering to care about smudging the paint on her cheek. "...Sorry. I was supposed to be listening to you, not dropping all my mistakes on you... Doubt that'll help at all.."

Cravendy Hound - Though the story is different, Cravs is all too familiar with what Riylli’s feeling. It feels like looking into a mirror in some ways...Being caught in what-ifs, the guilt. But seeing it from the other side is eye opening and for a moment, Cravs is stunned. “O-oh...no, listenin’ to ye ‘elped. I know ‘ow ye feel, and it’s ‘onestly, it’s torture.”

Cravendy Hound: “It’s not somethin’ that’ll go away. It just becomes a part of ye, and one day we’ll both be comfortable livin’ with those burdens.” Cravs struggles to hold back her own doubts. So many ‘maybes’ she wants to inject into her sentences because, the truth is, she doesn’t know what’ll happen. But by trying to be strong for Riylli, she finds a confidence she didn’t know she had. And by saying those words, she helps herself in turn.

Riylli Aliapoh glanced to Cravendy, scanning her face in the darkness. She could see the Roegadyn was not as confident in her words as she was trying to be, yet oddly enough Riylli found it comforting. She let out a sigh as she tried to relieve herself of her own tension, picking back up the near-finished lantern she had been working on and beginning to fiddle with it again. "...Do you mind if I ask what happened to Aiswyda? I dumped all my garbage on you, s'only fair you get to do the same"

(Cravendy Hound) ALSO I WILL SAY ;_; pain. wanna toss these two into the dryer and have them come out warm and fluffy )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Sad emotional night rp, but Riylli gets to feel less alone because of it and hopefully Cravs gets to feel the same!

Cravendy Hound tries to think of a way to tell Riylli without sounding insane, cutting corners, or talking her ear off. But it’s a situation where she can only choose two, or maybe even one. Cravs chuckles at what she’s come up with. Well, why not. Time to look like a loony.

Cravendy Hound: “She, er. Was kinda like a ghost walkin’ around in my body, but for over a year. But like a ghost that I unintentionally summoned. And one that didn’t know what she was.” Cravs dances around the word primal with mixed results. “Anyway, eventually she found out what she was, and thought we both couldn’t exist. So she chose what she thought was best for everyone...”

Cravendy Hound shakes her head in frustration - what a pisspoor attempt at explaining that situation. “It didn’t make much sense to me either.”

Riylli Aliapoh stopped working on the lantern, staring at it blankly as she listened to Cravs'... 'interesting' story. There was a long, looong moment of awkward silence, and then Riylli just began working on the lantern again. "Dissociative identity disorder?" She said, an awfully big term for such a dumb Miqo'te. "Or... Do you mean like... Literally..." She also hesitated to use the word 'primal', but it was obvious she was thinking it. "I feel like... That might be a story we might not manage to get through in one night, huh?"

Cravendy Hound: “What’s that mean? Er, or if it means what I think it means then...maybe? I don’t know. She was ‘er own person for sure though. But I agree. Maybe when I tell it a second time, it’ll come out better. One can hope.” Cravs sends Riylli a defeated smile.

Cravendy Hound has been chilled to the bone from being out for so long. She sniffs, followed by a shiver. “Bugger me, what time is it? ‘ow long ‘ave we been out for...Any longer and we’ll catch a cold.” Cravs stumbles up and brushes the sand off of her. “Come on, let’s go.”

(Cravendy Hound) AIGHT I gotta go eat now xD )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Okay! Lemme write up a closer, I'll send it to your discord! (Cravendy Hound) AIGHT I gotta go eat now xD )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Okay! Lemme write up a closer, I'll send it to your discord! (Cravendy Hound) ah cool!! KK, I'm gonna dash off :D )) (Cravendy Hound) ty for the rps! )) (Cravendy Hound) THIS WAS GOOD very blessed )) (Cravendy Hound) they can look out for each other :3 )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Yeah ^o^ Riylli talked a bit longer than I intended, but it was still nice letting them know they arent alone