#subzero angst

Bi-Han knew he had his faults. He was ill tempered, dishonest, untrusting, held grudges, the list could go on and on. All those flaws disappeared when he was around a special someone, tossed in the wind and floating about, waiting until he was away from them.

He wouldn't blame anyone for assuming he'd be a strict father who took issue with everything his child did. He knew Kuai Liang and Tomas assumed he'd be just like that, only to be surprised when he proved himself to be the gentlest of souls when it came to his baby.

"Aw man!" The seven year old pouted as they kicked at a rock, "okay, you hide next and I'll try to find you!". Hide and Seek had been their favorite game for years now, for reasons he didn't know. He just chalked it up to one of the many things they found intriguing that he personally didn't care for. They covered their eyes with their hands, "one! Two! Three-!

Bi-Han's rough hands pulled theirs from their eyes, "playtime is over". He had already let them skip out on the last hour of their lessons. He had to be somewhat sensible and at least get them to bed on time. "We'll play again tomorrow"

"But I wanna play now"

"Yeah? Well-"

A gasp followed by a squeal left them, which honestly could've meant a number a things. Children were excitable by nature but he swore they had more energy than any normal child did.

"Daddy look!" his eyes followed where they pointed, eventually seeing…

A butterfly.

A butterfly?

That's what got them excited? "Isn't it pretty?

Not necessarily. It was just a butterfly. A little insect with wings. Whatever caused them to squeal, he didn't see it. But he also wasn't a child anymore. His mind had been reigned in by the reality of being an adult long ago, his childish wonder dripping out of him until there was nothing left. "It's a butterfly"

"But isn't it pretty?". He shrugged. "You don't like butterflies?

"I don't care for them"

"Why not?

"I just don't. Come on, let's go home"

His extended hand went ignored, his child instead choosing to slowly approach the flower the butterfly sat on. "I think you should start liking butterflies. They're small, but small things keep us happy". Ugh, what cereal box did they read that from?

"I'll considerate it" he said, trying not to sound as uninterested as he actually was. "Let's go home"

"Hey dad" you looked over at him, "I'm gonna make history when I'm Grandmaster. Wanna know how?

Hmm... Your intellect maybe? You'll be known as the wisest Grandmaster the Lin Kuei have had so far. Or maybe your strength. You'll crush the bones in someone's body without even thinking. Or maybe you'll be fast enough to kill 1000 men within the blink of an eye. Or maybe-

"I'm gonna be happy"

Happy? How would being happy make history?

"Grandpa was pretty grumpy sometimes. You are too. Maybe Grandmasters are always grumpy. I won't be though. I'm gonna be the very first happy Grandmaster. You wanna know how?". You fully turned to face him, arms outstretched "like this. I'll have open arms"

As smart as Bi-Han was, you had fully lost him by now. "Open arms?

You nodded, "yeah. That means I won't be all angry and violent all the time. I'll be kind. That's what I wanna be when I grow up; kind. I think everyone would be a lot more happier if everyone was kind. Everyone doesn't have to be sad and angry". The butterfly began to flutter away, catching your attention. "Maybe I'll inspire others to greet the world with open arms. You think I can do that?”

No. As harsh as it sounded, Bi-Han knew what you wanted was impossible. People would always yell, fight and kill. The world would continue to be ugly because that's just how the world was. There was no "greeting the world with open arms". That wasn't realistic. No Grandmaster was happy because being a Grandmaster meant carrying a heavy burden. You'd see.

But he couldn't tell you that. You looked too sweet and innocent, eyes full of light when thinking about a future that couldn't be.

"I think... " he began, setting his hand down on your shoulder. "I think you can do whatever you set your mind to"

That smile was worth the lie.

"Can we play one more round of hide and seek before we go home? Please please please? I won't even choose a super good hiding spot, and we can use the clap rules! Please please please please pleeeeeasssee?”

No! You need to get to bed!

"Alright, fine"

Dammit Bi-Han. Just one more round, then you'd be off to bed. Then he swore he'd be more strict with you.

"Close your eyes!”

Yeah yeah, he knew how the game went. He closed his eyes before covering them with his hands (because you always sword he was peeking if he didn't cover his eyes), then counted loudly. 1, 2, 3, he shouted each number until he got to 10. "First clap!”

Clap clap!

East.

His feet carried him while his eyes scanned the area. The faster he found you, the faster you could both be inside. He wouldn't admit it, but damn, he was tired. A mix of both physical and mental exhaustion, but he tried his best to hide all that from you.

"Second clap!”

He waited a bit.

Silence.

"Second clap!" he shouted louder. Still, all he got was silence in return. There was no way you didn't hear him. You always heard him when he called for you. "Clap or we're going home!".

More silence.

Then a ear piercing scream.

"DAD, HELP!”

You were a jokester, yeah, but this was no prank. You'd never play like this with him, and that scream, it was of genuine horror. It was a tone he had never heard you use before. A tone that scared the hell out of him, and caused him to run in the direction where he last heard you clap.

He kept running, calling out for you, heart thumping faster than it ever had before. A snake. Let it be a snake that frightened you. Or a spider. Anything but you actually being harmed. “WHERE ARE YOU?!”.

“DAD!”.

He was getting closer.

He could hear you crying.

All these stupid fucking trees were in his way. He kept having to finagle his way through them, which only added to his panic. Seconds wasted on trying not to run straight into one. “I’M COMING!”.

“DAD!”

“I’M-“ he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw you. A nightmare. That’s what he wanted this to be. This couldn’t be real. You couldn’t actually be laying on the ground, blood seeping from the several stab wounds you had. How? He had just saw you!

Someone had been watching you. How hadn’t he noticed?!

“I have you” he ran to your side, heart tearing into two when he heard you cry in reaction to him sitting you up. “Daddy’s here. I have you”. Who would do this to you?! Who would attack a child just trying to play with their father?!

“I’m scared” you managed to get out in between your heavy breathing. So was he.

“Don’t be. I have you”.

“I don’t wanna die”.

“You won’t! I’ll get you home!”. You blinked, but it lasted too long. He had to get you home now! “Stay awake. I have you”. That’s all he wanted you to do. Just stay awake and let him get you help.

Your breathing changed almost at an instant. Your hyperventilating slowed, which was the exact opposite of what he wanted. “Dad…”.

Bi-Han watched as you let out your last breath.

Your eyes were still open, but they lacked the warmth from earlier. They were lifeless now, no light in sight. A smile no longer graced your face. There was no talk of open arms. There was no big speech like there was in the books he read as a child. You were just gone.

“Baby” he whispered, “wake up. Don’t- this is an order from your Grandmaster! Get up! GET UP!”. He shook you with all his might, but the dead didn’t follow orders. He rocked back and forth, your blood staining his clothes, his forehead on yours, letting out the most gut wrenching sobs he had ever let out in his entire life. When his mother died, he was sad, but he was comforted by the fact that she had lived a beautiful and long life. You were so young. You still had so much of the world to see. Shit, maybe you actually could’ve led some unnatural era of peace. He didn’t fucking know. All he knew was that it would never happen now.

His baby was gone. His beautiful sweetheart with a laugh as beautiful as the clouds in the sky, was gone.

You were just a corpse now.

~~

When Bi-Han found out that Liu Kang was the creator of this timeline, he wasn’t shocked like the others. He hadn’t seen it coming, but he felt something stronger than shock.

He felt rage.

As creator of this timeline, not only had he chosen to have the Lin Kuei remain mediocre, but he must’ve known that you would be killed.

“That’s not true” he tried to tell Bi-Han, “I am no puppet master. I had no idea that your child would die, and I didn’t plan for it to happen”.

“Then bring them back”.

“I can’t”.

Bullshit. He could do anything! He just refused to!

Liu Kang… he was the true traitor yet everyone was angry with Bi-Han?! He hadn’t meant for Sindel to die, but why was everyone upset by her death? What about his child? No one demanded justice for them! Even when their death was fresh, all these people who cried for Sindel, their “allies”, did nothing. Liu Kang could’ve burnt their rival clan down to the ground, but no! Bi-Han had to carry the weight of his grief, and somehow think straight enough to make a plan of attack. When he looked up from your corpse and spotted the pendant of his rival clan nearby, gods, he wanted everyone to die. And Liu Kang had the nerve to advise him to think on it first?! No!

“The innocent men, women and children-”

What about his child?!

That grudge was the wind beneath his wings, carrying him away from everyone he once called an ally. But it also carried him to what appeared to be his own destruction.

He was in an unfamiliar timeline now, woozy from the fight he was just in. Fine, maybe he should’ve made a better decision, but at least he was doing something! Liu Kang would probably have him be inactive as always!

But now he was in an even worse spot. In unfamiliar lands with a madman ranting about his need for anarchy. Black tendrils with sharp points came closer and closer to Bi-Han, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t afraid.

Then, there was a noise. A clattering on the ground.

Before Titan Havik could react, a sudden wave of ice filled the nearby area, freezing anyone with their feet touching the ground. Ice crawled up the nearby machines, but thankfully it didn’t stick the way it did to flesh.

“Move move move!”. Ugh, of all variants, it had to be Jonny Cage?

Johnny Cage in a military uniform? He needed a nap.

“How long do those bombs last?” Johnny asked, rushing over to Geras and freeing him from his confines.

“Long enough for us to get out of here!”.

That voice…

He was upside down, but he could still recognize the child approaching him. He heard that voice in his dreams and nightmares. Of course he’d recognize it.

“Hi dad”.

His baby.

“I know you

I walked with you once upon a dream

I know you

That look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam”

Dreams were a powerful and interesting concept. You always thought so, but perhaps that made sense for someone like you - someone who could manipulate dreams and bend them to your will.

You had seen first hand how dreams could affect someone’s day. A bad one could cause someone to be cranky in the morning, a good one made them awake with a smile, a dream about a lost loved one caused tears to pool in one's eyes. The list went on and on.

Dreams were where people could escape their day to day lives. You were no different. Life had been less than ideal as of late, causing you to look forward to sleeping more than you used to. You wished everyday that you weren’t like this, that you could be happy when you were awake. You tried. You tried so hard, but life was too quiet. There was someone missing. Someone you couldn’t have.

Your longing for him only got worse after your recent encounter with Titan Havik and his ridiculous dreams of chaos.

Him. 

Seeing him after his betrayal… seeing him in such a hateful manner at his own brother’s wedding… then what Havik did to him…

Him.

Why was thinking his name so painful? 

And why were you trying to connect with him like you used to? 

Around you was a dull void. No walls, no solid ground, nothing physical. Just a blackness with an unknown light source coming from above, highlighting your frame. Your body hung in this void. Was this the right choice? Maybe you should just abandon this idea and actually dream.

“Bi-Han, can you hear me?”

Under normal circumstances, Bi–Han would respond to your telepathic message. 

“Yes” he’d say back to you.

Such a simple word, yet you were missing it desperately. There was no response. You’d have to check if he was asleep your own way then.

You closed your eyes and pictured the outline of his body. He had no facial features or any details to him. The inside of his silhouette was a white light, the outline a bright blue. The light dimmed and brightened to the rhythm of his heart.

Thump - Dims

Bump - Brightens

Slow and steady.

Thump-bump… thump-bump… thump-bump…

He was sleeping.

“Bi-Han, can you hear me?”

Of course he could. He was choosing to ignore you. Choosing not to imagine himself putting a letter in a mailbox like you taught him to. This should’ve made you abandon this quest, but instead you imagined his silhouette becoming bigger and bigger, consuming your entire vision until-

Birds singing.

He was dreaming of birds singing?

You opened your eyes once you felt your feet touch solid ground. Of course he’d be with his clan in his dreams. This no longer felt like home to you, but it still was to him. 

Dreams were strange. Brains just threw context at dreamers without actually showing them anything at times. You could feel parts of his dream being absorbed into you like a sponge. Somehow you knew that he was dreaming of his perfect future. You could tell Liu Kang was gone. Maybe he was dead, maybe not, but you just felt it in your bones that he wasn’t a part of this reality.

You willed yourself to find him, creating a blue string to show you the way to him. You tried to ignore your own thumping heart. Tried to ignore the stone warriors Shang Tsung promised Bi-Han staring daggers into you. Tried to force yourself to take slow and deep breaths as you continued on the path.

Then there he was. 

Standing atop a cliff, hands behind his back, watching the beautiful sunset. What Havik made him was gone. He looked like his normal self; same suit, shoes, hair, even the details in his skin were the same. His name left your lips hardly above a whisper, “Bi-Han… it’s me”. 

“I know” his voice came out gruff - so the usual. 

“Did you hear me when I tried to-”

“Yes”.

You had known it, but it hurt like hell having him confirm that he ignored you. You should’ve left, but instead your feet carried you to be at his side. You could see now that he wasn’t watching the sunset. He was watching his clan train, their moves perfect. Abnormally perfect.

You didn’t know what to say. All of this was a last minute decision. You hadn’t practiced some big speech about how much of an asshole he was and how your ring felt heavier on your finger. You had nothing planned. 

“I’ve missed you Bi-Han”.

It was the only thing you could think of. You missed him. Morning, noon, evening, night, you missed him. 

“I’ve missed you dearly. The sun doesn’t feel as warm when you’re not around”.

“So?” he said indifferently. You hadn’t looked up at him, afraid of what you’d see in his eyes.

“Have you-” you swallowed. Did you really wanna know the answer? “Have you missed me?”.

He took a few moments to answer. Once he did though, your heart fell to your stomach. “Why would I?”. Why would he? Because you were his closest friend. Had been ever since you were kids! Or maybe because he had proposed to you. Maybe he should miss you because whenever he talked about his future, you were always in it. He spoke again before you could force out a response, “what do you want from me?”.

You stammered your answer out. His shell was always hard, but never this.”I-I, well- I mean, I wanted to see you”. Your eyes finally looked up but his eyes were still on the people below. He was perfect to look at. Always would be to you. Even his new appearance after Havik was perfect to you. It was perfect because it was him. “I love you-”.

He scoffed, which made you furrow your brows. “Love” he shook his head. “You don’t love me. You are a traitor, and it’s a good thing you’re no longer Lin Kuei. You only dragged us down. Dragged me down”. His words sounded like a mantra. Like he had repeated these words over and over again in his head until it became second nature to say it. It still didn’t stop your mouth from opening slightly in shock. People could call Bi-Han mean all they wanted. He had never ever said such cruel words to you. Even when you made mistakes. His lectures always had care and concern under them. This? This wasn’t right. 

“Why would you say that to me?”.

Only now did he look at you. You expected to see disdain in his eyes. Malice, disgust, fury, something that showed he had no love for you. You saw nothing in his eyes. Just blackness. Coal. Darkness. A void. 

“Why are you still here?”.

“Why did you say that to me?”. He tried to walk away from you but stopped in his tracks when he heard you speak again. “How could you say something like that to me?”.

You heard him take in a deep breath before muttering “don’t do this to yourself”. You hardly even heard him. 

“I love you” you hadn’t realized how softly your words came out. Nor did you see Bi-Han close his eyes due to his back being to you. “I’ve loved you practically all my life. You’re all I’ve been thinking about recently, that’s why I’m here. And- and that’s what you have to say to me?”.

“What do you want me to say?”

“That you love me. Or miss me. Or both”

“Why would I?”

“Because that’s what people who love each other say!” you exclaimed a lot louder than you meant to.

He turned to face you. Damn him! You wanted him to look at you lovingly, then wrap his arms around you and say he loved you too. His stare was hard, mouth in a deep frown, hands at his sides. “Sometimes people say things they don’t mean”.

“Are you serious?” you both could and couldn’t believe him. He was always stubborn but to question your love for him? Despair, anger, betrayal, it all began to bubble inside you. “You don’t think I love you? After all we’ve been through? Has it meant nothing?”. Then another thought crossed your mind. One that made you have to take a deep breath before asking. “Have you found another?”.

“I don’t want another” he responded quietly, which was somewhat odd for him. Not necessarily because it was quiet, but because it was soft. Delicate almost. Then he cleared his throat, “love is a weakness. You’ve shown me that”.

“Bi-”

“Leave”

“No”. You kept your feet firmly against the ground. You wouldn’t be going anywhere. Especially not on this note. You didn’t expect that all your problems would be fixed in one conversion but this couldn't be how tonight ended. “We need to talk-”.

“I don’t want you here!” The sudden rise in his voice made you jump. Was that regret in his eyes? No. It couldn’t be. If he actually felt any remorse, his next words didn’t show it. “I don’t want to speak to you. I don’t want to see you. You are a traitor, meaning that you are dead to me! You were only slowing me down and now? Now I don’t have to worry about you! Enough of this! Leave!”. Your breathing began to speed up, eyes becoming watery, vision blurring. Bi-Han spoke again, his voice quieter this time. “Don’t cr-” he took another deep breath. “I don’t care”. He tried to walk away again.

He got mere feet away before the ground around him rose, trapping the both of you in a wide box. You didn’t know what you felt more. Anger because he had the audacity to yell at you, or sadness because he purposely chose to hurt you. They both bubbled inside you. Your mouth worked a lot faster than your brain. “I have always been by your side” you began, “even as children. Whenever you fell, I was there to help you up. When you needed a laugh, I found any way to make you laugh. When the responsibility of becoming the next Grandmaster felt like a hard burden to carry, I was there to support you”.

“The Bi-Han then was a weak child! I’m older now! I have more challenges!”

“And have I not faced your challenges with you by your side?!” you fully yelled now. Your words were laced with grief and you hoped he could hear it. “When others called you heartless, strict, mean, selfish and whatever else they could think of, I defended you! I always did Bi-Han! I would tell them that you had a huge heart under that hard shell of yours! I would tell them you were strict but loving! That I loved you for a reason! That you genuinely cared for your family!”. All the emotions made you bolder. With each remark, you pointed an accusatory finger at him, stepping closer and closer until you jabbed him in the chest. “I would tell people that I never cared about having children, but if it was with you, I’d consider it! And as more days passed, I wanted it! A family with you was all I wanted! All I want even now!”. It was hard to see his expression. Your vision was too blurry. You thought about wiping your tears away, not wanting to appear weak, but they came too frequently. Your cheeks were already wet. “You can be angry with me. I would be okay with your anger, but do not ever make it seem like I do not love you! I was one of the few people concerned about your safety when you were taken! I carried your body to Liu Kang! I-!”.

A sob passed before you could stop it. You couldn’t stand to look at him. You turned away from him, walking a few inches away, suddenly feeling suffocated. Your chest ached badly. You felt that at any point, your heart would explode, or your throat would get tired of your sobs and decide to close instead, leaving you to die. You covered your mouth with the back of your hand in an attempt to quiet yourself. It worked, but only somewhat. 

With your back to Bi-Han though, you couldn’t see his reaction. You didn’t see his look of confliction, or him clenching and unclenching his fist. You didn’t know how angry he was at himself, because he should’ve hated you for being a traitor, but he just couldn’t. You didn’t know how badly he wanted to comfort you but forced himself not to. He just needed you to leave but you wouldn’t. 

“You betrayed me, do not forget this” he forced himself to say. “I needed you. You, my father, Kuai Liang, Tomas, Liu Kang, you all lack vision! You want me to shackle the Lin Kuei to mediocrity when we could be achieving greatness! No!”. You hadn’t faced him yet. Your bottom lip still trembled. It was humiliating. All this crying on your end and it didn’t even seem like he cared. 

No words were exchanged for a moment. You had to focus on slowing your breathing. What you needed was for him to apologize as he held you. Nothing came. Not even when you walked up to him, putting a hand on his arm in hopes to trigger some hidden affection. 

He took a step back.

You scoffed, then wiped at your eyes again. Your eyes stayed on the floor as you spoke again. “I have spent days and nights thinking about you. Hoping that-” you sniffed, “that you still loved me. I kept hoping that somehow this would all work out and…”.

You couldn’t say it. Everyday you hoped that everything would get better. You’d have each other again. Life would go back to normal, then one day you two would start expanding your family, and when you finally took your last breath, you’d be holding his hand. 

You couldn’t say it out loud. It hurt too much.

“Spare me. Spare me this agony and just say-”

You motioned back and forth between you two hoping he’d get it.

“Say what?”.

You forced it out finally.

“Say you do not love me. Just spare me of this agony and hoping. Just say you do not love me”. Silence passed. You expected that he would just say it right then and there. He didn’t. “Bi-Han please just do this for me”.

More silence.

Then,

“You are a traitor”.

“Fucking shit” you mumbled while wiping your eyes for the millionth time. “Just say it”.

He didn’t. “You were holding me back”.

You looked up at him, though you immediately regretted it. Since when had you gotten so bad at reading him? You tried to guess what he was thinking, but kept drawing a blank. “Please”.

“You left”.

“Bi-Han please”.

Over and over he’d shoot an insult at you, and in response you’d plead with him to say what you needed to hear to hopefully start fully mourning. 

You couldn’t take the back and forth anymore. Why couldn’t he do this one thing for you? Just this one parting gift. “You are so fucking selfish! Why can’t you just be honest with me and say it?!”.

“Why don’t you say it to me?!” he challenged, which was ridiculous to you.

“Not only would I be lying, but I would never wanna hurt you like that! You want me to hurt you the way you hurt me?! Fine!”. You pointed a finger at him, “you are everything that is wrong with you!”. The hardness in his eyes softened. Good. You wanted to see him have some sort of reaction. To hurt as much as you did. “You love to blame me, your father, Kuai Liang, Tomas, anyone for how shitty you can be! You betrayed Earthrealm and your brothers! It isn’t wrong to want a new future, but how you went about it? No, Bi–Han! I wasn’t gonna stand by you as you did something so selfish! You love blaming everyone else and refuse to see that you are in a war by yourself! You scarred your brother! You attacked a wedding and killed innocent people! I am by no means an innocent person. I have made mistakes, and if you have ever genuinely felt like I did not love you, then I’m sorry… but the blood you have on your hands, the blood of innocents and your own” your hand found its way to your chest, your palm feeling your heartbeat under it. “That is not on me”. 

There was no relief after you finished your rant. 

You didn’t feel relief, or satisfaction at the possibility of hurting him. No. You felt terrible. Like you had broken an oath - another one according to Bi-Han -. Once again your gaze tore from his. You shouldn’t have come. This was a mistake. Or perhaps it wasn’t. He hadn’t said the sacred words, but everything else he said was confirmation enough. 

He no longer loved you.

The walls surrounding the both of you collapsed. “You don’t want me here, fine” you forced yourself to say. “I won’t come back”.

“And I know it’s true, that visions are seldom what they seem

But if I know you

I know what you’ll do

You’ll love me at once

The way you did once upon a dream”

The heartache was wet tar, sticking to your skin and refusing to budge. You hoped it would cease sometime soon- dammit. Why did you keep hoping for things? Where had hope gotten you? Hope was foolish to cling onto.

A week passed, and still the pain refused to move. You felt it in everything you did. It made your bones stiff, your movements slow, your focus low, your insides hurt. It was the most diabolical of poisons. 

When a knock against your door filled your ears, you didn’t bother getting up. You simply told them to come in, and although your voice could rival a church mouse, they heard you anyway and came in. “Kuai Liang” you greeted once he came into view.

“Have you been well?”.

At least he didn’t beat around the bush.

“I’ve noticed your recent behavior and-”

“I apologize if I have been lacking, Grandmaster”

Out of respect you got out of bed and bowed. You must’ve been messing up during training, or-

“You have nothing to apologize for” he took a step closer to you, “you seem unhappy. You know you can come to me, right? I’m your friend, family even. Not just your Grandmaster”. Keeping eye contact had become something hard for you. You looked everywhere else when speaking to someone, which was something you hated because it made you feel weaker than you already typically felt.

His hand found your arm. His touch was light, like he worried you would crack if he pressed against you too hard. “Are you okay?”.

There it was. Those three words opened the floodgates, causing you to wrap your arms around his torso and bury your face against his chest as sobs wracked your body. Had he always felt so similar to Bi-Han or was your mind playing tricks on you?

Kuai Liang was the one who held you close, comforting you with his presence alone.

And like a selfish and desperate bastard, you pretended he was Bi-Han.

“But if I know you

I know what you do

You love me at once the way you did once upon a dream”

You were a liar. A dirty, filthy, fucking liar. You lied to him! How many times had you told him that you'd forever stand by him? Hundreds of times? Thousands? Maybe even millions? It all meant nothing. 

You lied to him! Why?! Why would you lie to him?! 

Fuck! How could he be so angry with you? How selfish was he? He should be looking back on your memories together with happiness. Instead, when he thought of you all he could think of was your last breath passing your lips. He was selfish, ignorant, everything negative. Why couldn't he think of you and be happy? Why could he only see blood when you entered his mind?!

“Come back to me”. 

He said those words every night while looking down at his wedding ring, yet you never came. 

“The ones that leave us never truly leave. You can feel them watching over you”. 

What a lie. What a stupid fucking lie that others kept spreading. He felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. He didn't feel you watching over him like others said he would. Why would they lie to him? Why was everyone lying?! All he felt was a void inside him that no one else could fill. Not even the one person that you died for. 

How was he expected to tolerate it when he knew that their life meant the end of yours?

What was he saying?! How could he think such a thing?! It? It?! The child he had made with you. He should've felt ecstatic every time he held his son, but all he could think of was “there's someone missing in our family”. 

How was he expected to care for someone he didn't even know? He knew you practically his whole life, and now he was expected to let you go and focus on this new person? He couldn't. He just couldn't… 

“Stop! What is wrong with you?!”. How could he be so angry at an innocent baby? This wasn't their fault. He knew this. Still though, those negative thoughts would slip into his mind. 

“She died for you. That has to mean something. You have to be something”. 

So he pushed his child to be good at any and everything. “Almost perfect” wasn't good enough. They had to be perfect. If they were a lazy slob, then you died for nothing. He wouldn't let that happen. His child would be the best at everything. 

He shouldn't have approached you about having kids. If he kept his mouth shut, then you'd be alive. He had to make it up to you. He had to make your child into someone you'd be proud of. You'd forgive him if he made your child into the perfect Lin Kuei. 

“Do better!”

“Faster!”

“More strength!”

“Think!”

“You should be better than this!”

“Do it again!”. 

The older the boy got, the more he looked like you. Just more salt in the wound. 

The more time passed, the more he noticed a rift form between them. “You're too hard on me,” the young man said. Nonsense! He wasn't too hard! Everything he did was to make him the perfect Lin Kuei! It's what you would've wanted!

That's what he told himself. 

Again and again and again. 

“I'm doing this for her. He just doesn't understand”. 

If he knew how amazing you were then he'd understand why Bi-Han had to push him to be the best! By the Elder Gods, was he the only one seeing clearly?! If his son became nothing, then that means the love of his life died for nothing! 

It didn't matter how angry his son would become with him. He knew he was doing the right thing. 

爸爸早上好！

Have you eaten today? Mama said you're sick, so you have to make sure to eat! I ate today! I'm eating right now actually! We can eat together when you come back home. We can make sandwiches because sandwiches are really good. 

Mom is calling me, so I have to go. Please get better soon!

<3 Yī Nuò 

-

爸爸早上好！

Did you get my last letter? Mama said she sent it. Are you that sick? You can't even write? That makes me really sad to think about :( I hate thinking about you sick. Mama said you're at a temple. Do they have good doctors? I hope so. 

Do you have anything fun to do there? I miss playing board games with you. Mama and I play them, but I like when all three of us play them. I've been so bored and sad without you here. I really really hope you get better soon! I know you said we can't talk to Kuai Liang and Tomas anymore, but maybe that can change? Everything can go back to normal when you feel better! 

I'll write to you later!

<3 Yī Nuò 

-

爸爸晚上好！

Have you been getting my letters? This is my fifth one but I haven't heard from you yet. Mom said that we'd get a response today, so she made me wait allllll day to write to you. A lot of time has passed since I last talked to you. Do you miss me? I miss you. 

Omg, guess what?! I made a fortune teller all by myself! You usually have to help me, but I did it all on my own! I'm sorry if me asking for help with that bothers you and makes you not wanna come home. I can do it myself now. I'll even make you one if you want! 

Can you please come home soon? Mom said we can't visit, so that means you have to come to us. Or maybe you can write back to me? No rush, but a little rush. Talk to you soon?

<3 Yī Nuò 

-

Did I do something? I must have. Mom keeps telling me to wait, but I've been doing that. I've been eating all of my food. Even the ones I don't like! I know I'm not the easiest kid to handle, but I'm trying. Please please please come home! I've been asking mom if she needs any help with chores, I've been training hard, I've been reading without complaining, I'm even going to bed without asking for five more minutes. I've been really good, so you should come home now. 

I'm sorry if talking about Kuai Liang and Tomas upset you. You said we're not supposed to say their names and they're not my uncles anymore, but I didn't call them my uncles AND I wrote it down instead of saying it. I thought that would be okay. I'm sorry if that upset you. I won't do it again. Promise. 

I hope to hear from you soon. 

Yī Nuò 

-

When I'm sick I still talk to you, so I don't understand why you won't talk to me. Mom said I didn't do anything wrong, so I don't get what's happening. If I didn't do anything wrong, and you didn't do anything wrong, then why does everything feel wrong? I wish you would just tell me what's happening between us. 

Yī Nuò 

-

Happy Birthday.  -

I hate you.  -

I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it, I swear. I'm just really upset with you. I didn't mean to make things worse. 

I love you

Yī Nuò 

-

Please answer.  -

“Is… is there nothing else you want to say? Just 'goodbye’?”

“What else should I say?”. You nodded then and a small “ok” left your lips. His fingers started to itch the second you looked away, that emptiness making itself known again. He didn't have his mask in his hands anymore, so his fingers tapped against each other, wanting desperately to grab you.

You had only taken one step.

“Stay”.

He didn't mean to say it. He didn't even notice he said it until you turned to look at him.

“What?”

“Stay” he said more firmly. His hand grabbed your wrist as if that would trap you with him forever. The tapping stopped, finally content now that you were touching. “I want you to stay”.

“And if I don't want to?”

“I need you to stay”.

It went silent then and he wished he could read your mind. Your face gave nothing away but sorrow and as tough as he tried to act, he knew his face looked the same. “I want you…”. He meant to add something else, but what was there to add? He couldn't pinpoint what about you he wanted. He just wanted you. All of you. Good, bad, ugly. He wanted it.

“And how do you want me to be?” You said after a second. “Obedient? Obeying your will? Being at your side when it's convenient and behind you when it's not?”. He looked away, not able to take how your brows furrowed when speaking and his hand slipped from your wrist.

He felt your hand touch his cheek and move his face to look at you. He couldn't help but close his eyes and lean into your touch, finding comfort in how familiar your hand felt against him. The world was incredibly cruel. It gave him the power to freeze everything but time.

“Do you want me to stay silent? To take what you give me and ask for nothing more? To never speak up? To just accept life for what it is?”.

His eyes scrunched together. Each word felt like a dagger being twisted inside him. Your voice narrated his memories and all he could see was how many times he took you for granted. If he could, he'd beat himself over the head and yell at himself to keep you close instead of doing what was natural and pushing you away.

“I want you Bi-Han”.

His eyes opened then, hoping maybe you changed your mind.

“But I want something different. And you… I'm not sure you're capable of change”. Your hand slipped from his face and he immediately grabbed your hand. He was delusional. He hoped the physical contact could somehow reignite the spark. Stupid and wishful thinking, but he hoped the Elder Gods were listening and would answer his prayers.

“I can change” he managed to get out. It was a lot quieter than his previous words, even if he meant for it to come out powerful and assertive. Something had to change your mind and convince you to stay. He'd bring all your stuff back by himself if he has to. He just didn't want you to start moving again.

You sighed and shook your head, “you don't change. This is just who you are and I can't take that from you”.

“Stay with me. Don't go”.

“I thought the Grandmaster would never beg or plead”.

“I do”.

Bi-Han was taught from a very early age that Grandmasters didn't negotiate. They never begged or pleaded or showed any signs of weakness. They ruled over their clan with perfection and always stood tall. Unmoving. There was no such thing as weakness.

But he was so incredibly weak when it came to you. Grandmasters didn't beg or plead but Bi-Han did, and he'd beg over and over for you to stay if it'd work.

That's the thing though. It wasn't working and he knew it.

He was far too late.

“I hope you know I loved you Bi-Han”

“Loved?”

“I love you”

“Then stay”

You smiled then. A smile that had absolutely no joy in it. Only mourning. Your hand slipped out of his and you reached up to wipe away the tears he didn't even know had fell. He wondered why you weren't crying. Whenever you fought recently, you always seemed to cry. Sometimes it'd be a few tears, other times you'd storm away and he'd hear you sob. Did he exhaust you this much? You had no more tears to spill? Did he really push you that far past your limits?

“I hope in our next life we're different. I hope we spend forever together”. Bi-Han wanted to argue with you. He wanted to shout at you and tell you that all of that could happen in this life, but he didn't. You made up your mind. It was clear. He didn't know what to say anymore. You loved him and he loved you so how did he mess it up this bad?

Your hand lingered until it finally left his face for the last time. You walked away, and this time he didn't stop you.

He watched you as you went, replaying your life together in his head and what he should've done differently.

If you were to ask Bi-Han what the most powerful drug was, he'd say it was regret. 

“Regret isn't a drug” one would say. “You're wrong” is what he would say back. 

Regret was just as strong as any street drug, maybe even stronger. You only needed a whiff of regret, before it consumed your whole life and you started to regret small things that didn't even matter. Regret took a hold of someone and choked them until the air was forcefully pounded out of their lungs and until their skin turned cold. That's how Bi-Han felt at least. Like he couldn't breathe. Like his skin was colder than usual. Like he walked through his days but never actually lived. Like he was a dead man walking. 

The ice dagger cut into Kuai Liang’s skin so deep, it created a scar that ran up his face and over his eye. 

A warning. 

That's all Bi-Han wanted it to be. 

Kuai Liang couldn't possibly understand the stress Bi-Han was under as the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei, nor could Tomas, and Bi-Han wouldn't wish such a fate on either of them even if he could. Only Bi-Han knew how it felt to be the leader of the most powerful clan, yet being forced to remain idle. The Lin Kuei were meant for more than this, how was it that Bi-Han was the only one that saw this?!

“End this brother!”, he commanded. “Embrace the future!”. His word was supposed to be law! He wanted Kuai Liang to end this meaningless fight and stand by his side like he always did. 

Kuai Liang stayed defiant and refused. Fine. Kuai Liang was just in shock. Bi-Han would defeat him and Tomas in combat, and when they awoke they'd listen to him and this entire fight could be forgotten. Just a quarrel between brothers. 

Bi-Han felt something on his shoulder and swatted at it. 

Just a fly. Whatever. 

Then there was another. And another. And soon, before Kuai Liang and Bi-Han could even begin their fight, a wave of flies flew towards them and knocked all three of them off of their feet. 

Bi-Han tried to gather himself when suddenly he felt the tug of someone pulling him up to his feet. Soft familiar hands that he held almost daily, and slid a ring upon years ago. He knew of your… condition. He just didn't know you had been following him. 

“To your feet Bi-Han” you chastised, which was unusual to hear from your lips, which usually spoke words in a soft and loving tone, even to your enemies. “I didn't knock you down as hard as I did them”. 

Your fingers caressed his arm as your lips slowly went up his neck and to his ear. Under any other circumstance, he would've took you right then and there, but none of it felt right. Besides it clearly being a terrible time to think about sex, something in his gut told him that something was wrong. 

He ignored it and that became one of his many regrets. 

“Well done Bi-Han” you spoke quietly into his ear. “Now kill them”. 

What? He must've heard wrong or maybe that was one of his own intrusive thoughts. Surely you wouldn't say something like that. Your relationship to his brothers was so strong, sometimes he shamefully became jealous. They say when you marry someone, you also marry into the family and you seemed to take that to heart. You wouldn't say kill them. He just hit his head too hard. 

“What?” he asked, hoping you'd say something like “I didn't say anything. Are you ok?”, but you didn't. 

“Kill them” you repeated. 

Now he knew he wasn't making this up. He turned to face you and pushed you away from him, and based on how your face bunched up for a second, you weren't pleased. 

“They hit their heads hard Bi-Han. They'll wake soon but for now, they're out. Kill them and end this. Do you think Kuai Liang would've spared your life?”. 

Yes. 

Kuai Liang could've killed him inside, but instead he just knocked him down and even now, Bi-Han had no doubt in his heart that although he was angry, he wouldn't kill him. Bi-Han didn't want to kill Kuai Liang either. He could've stabbed his brother in a vital place but no. He just gave him a scar. Maybe they were both fools trying to hold onto hope for the other. If that was the case, Bi-Han would gladly become a Queen's jester to show how much of a fool he was if it meant holding onto him. And although he wasn't the fondest of Tomas, he was still a good ally (even if he wouldn't say it out loud). 

“I'll imprison them until they come to their senses. I won't kill my brothers”

You scoffed, “you call Tomas your brother when he's passed out and can't hear you?”. He didn't understand your annoyance at the time. In his gut, something was screaming at him “take them out! This was all a trick and you fell for it! Redeem your name and take them out!”.  But that couldn't be true. You, the love of his life, couldn't be some master manipulator that planned for this. 

Bi-Han looked back everyday and wondered why he couldn't just listen to his gut. 

Your fingers no longer felt soft as they touched his face. They just felt cold. 

“My love” you said in your typical soft tone, “imprisonment won't work on them. You are the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei and these two are traitors. They'll escape your prison and they'll make it their mission to take you down. You don't want that”. 

You were right. He didn't want that. 

But he didn't wanna kill them either. 

He looked over at their bodies, still laid on the hard ground and he hoped that something inside him would spark and killing them could suddenly feel easy. 

It never did though and you seemed to sense it. 

You made him look at you and even though he desperately wanted to feel comforted by you, your eyes seemed so distant and loveless. A flick had switched and he had no idea how or why. 

“You don't need them. Tomas is a false Lin Kuei, taken in due to pity. Kuai Liang can't face the truth about your father. Neither of them will ever understand you like I do. You only need me and your clan. Together… together we can be unstoppable. You just have to do this final thing”. 

He looked back over at them. 

“Do it Bi-Han” he coached himself, “Just do it. You let your father die. Why is this any different?”

His father was a grown man too far gone to see vision. Tomas and Kuai Liang just needed to listen to reason. 

“No” he said firmly.

The anger that he saw flash earlier set on your face, and this time you didn't feel the need to fix your expression. 

“No?”

“No”

He could see that infuriated you. 

“I've grown somewhat attached to you, so for your sake…” he could hear movement behind him, “I'll make it quick”. 

Bi-Han realized what was happening all too late. 

Your body broke down into thousands of flies and knocked Bi-Han onto his back. He looked over just in time to see Tomas just getting to his feet when your flies flew into his body, going straight through his chest and bringing him into the air as screams of agony filled the space. Just as quickly as it began, it ended and Tomas’ body fell down onto the concrete, his bones audibly cracking. 

The two brothers jumped to their feet and stood back to back. Bi-Han could practically hear his own heartbeat in his ears, but besides that he heard his brother's attempts to slow his own breathing. As his older brother he wanted to tell him it'd all be ok, even if his own heart was racing. 

“I didn't want this!” he said to both you and his brother. He wasn't sure if they'd make it, and if they didn't, he didn't want them to die with this false idea that he planned this all. 

You didn't care. 

Flies swarmed around him and Kuai Liang, the force of it ripping pieces of their skin and buzzing filling his ears. The two used their powers at the same time, Bi-Han freezing the flies on his side and Kuai Liang burning his. 

The buzzing stopped finally. 

His heart continued thumping hard in his chest and his injuries started to burn, making him wince. 

“You knew nothing of this?” Kuai Liang asked after some time had passed. They both had been standing there in silence, trying to avoid talking about the obvious and looking at the corpse. 

“No” he answered as he finally looked at his younger brother. “I didn't know this would happen”

“How didn't you know? What did you think would happen?” Kuai Liang said accusatorially. What did he think would happen? Anything but that. 

“I thought you'd listen to reason! The Lin Kuei have been idle for too long and waiting at Liu Kang's feet like dogs!” 

Kuai Liang went to say something but he was interrupted by something Bi-Han couldn't see. His hand gripped at his chest and his breathing became heavier. 

“Kuai Liang?” Bi-Han asked, his voice filled with worry. Kuai Liang started to look sick and he couldn't figure out why. 

Then Bi-Han saw something that continued to haunt his nightmares. An imagine he saw whenever he closed his eyes. What he imagined he'd see if he was put in his own personal hell. 

He heard the buzzing again and Kuai Liang’s blood splattered all over him as you burst from his body. 

You tsked. “Those pesky cuts”, a fly flew out one of Bi-Han’s cuts and found its way to your body, blending in with your skin. “Anything can get in them”. 

You looked so pleased and satisfied, like you hadn't done something absolutely horrific. Why?! Why would you do that?! How could you do something so monstrous?! Bi-Han was no saint, but what you did to Kuai Liang and Tomas… it was torture. 

“Don’t look at me like that Bi-Han. You were just too easy” he wasn't sure if your voice was full of sympathy or pity. There's a difference but it hardly mattered. “I'll be in touch”. 

He wanted to kill you. He wanted to rip you apart slowly and have your screams fill his ears, and for your blood to soak his hands, but you were gone just as fast as you were there. 

His younger brother's blood stuck to him and soaked through his uniform when he dropped to his knees. He wanted to grab at Kuai Liang and shake him awake, like he was just napping, but there was nothing to grab. There were only bits and pieces of flesh and organs that he couldn’t quite place sprawled out across the ground. 

“Gēgē! Look what I found!” Kuai Liang called as he ran towards Bi-Han with his hands cupped like he was holding water. Bi-Han finally saw what got his younger brother so excited when he got close enough; a little ladybug. 

“I told him to leave it alone” Tomas said in a huff. They were children and there was a good chance Tomas and Kuai Liang were playing around before the ladybug was spotted. That, or Kuai Liang made Tomas chase him for a bit before he ran to Bi-Han. 

“Ladybugs are good luck, right? Maybe it'll grant us a wish!”. Kuai Liang was so small, with cheeks plump and red and a smile wide and full of mischief. Kuai Liang calmed down when he got older, but as a child, he was always in something he shouldn't have been. His long hair was dirty more days than it wasn't. Proof of how hard he played during the day. He was banned from ever wearing the color white because of how dirty he got. 

“A ladybug can't grant you a wish” Bi-Han said dismissively. He was the exact opposite of his brother, and tired quickly. Tomas with all his bottled up energy (even if a lot of it was nervous energy) could keep up with him just fine. 

The wind blew and it must've carried a few critters, because a fly landed on Bi-Han’s shoulder. He swatted at it and Kuai Liang snickered, 

“I like my ladybug way more than your fly”

“Yeah?” The older boy asked with a raised brow. He grabbed the dead fly and without warning, he ran towards the two. To all their credit, the two were extremely fast and managed to stay together and on their feet. If Tomas hadn't looked behind him, and if there hadn't been an exposed tree root, he wouldn't have fell down. 

Tomas sniffed and Bi-Han knew he had to start doing his older brother duties. 

“Let me see” he tossed the fly to the side and knelt in front of Tomas. The boy turned, revealing two knees covered in cuts and blood and when Bi-Han looked at his face, his eyes were red but he did not cry. That was typical for Tomas. He always tried to act tougher than he was. 

“I didn't fall because I had my ladybug! See!”. Bi-Han rolled his eyes and took Tomas into his arms, 

“Yeah I see”. 

Tomas grumbled the entire time. Whatever pain he felt in his knees was nothing compared to the pain he felt to his pride. His grumbling only stopped after Bi-Han and Kuai Liang’s mother patched up his knees, but it seemed that now it was the oldest boy's turn to grumble. 

“Bi-Han” her voice reminded him of how beautiful pouring honey looked. She sat beside him on the floor and move strands of his hair out of his face. “You're slouching”. 

He fixed his posture and apologized quietly, instead of his typical response “no I'm not!”. 

Her fingers delicately touched his chin and moved his face to look at her, “what's wrong my sweet boy?”. 

“It's stupid”

“Nonsense. Whatever you feel is valid”. 

He looked over at his brothers, the ladybug incident long behind them based on their laughs. Tomas was laying on the couch with his knees still bandaged while Kuai Liang did an overdramatic replay of his fall. 

“I could've stopped him from falling. I should have”. 

“Kids fall all the time Bi-Han. It's ok”

“But I caused his fall. If I hadn't been chasing them with that stupid fly, no one would've been hurt. You and father tell me to be responsible as the oldest and as the soon to be Grandmaster, but that wasn't responsible at all”. Bi-Han debated how good of a Grandmaster he'd be everyday. It wasn't a small thing like “hey here's the car!”. He'd be in charge of a group of people. The clan's flaws would reveal his flaws, they'd look to him for guidance, he'd have to have this strong persona all the time and could never complain. Sure, he didn't agree with everything his father did, but he carried the weight effortlessly. He wasn't sure how he'd do that. 

“You're an interesting person Bi-Han. One moment you're upset about Tomas joining us, and the next you're caring about his injuries”. He knew she was trying to joke, but he wasn't in a laughing mood, so he didn't respond. 

“My sweet boy”, her hand caressed his face, “a good Grandmaster can try and prevent falls as much as he likes. A great Grandmaster knows how to be there for his people when those falls happen. Don't sulk. Join your brothers and laugh with them”. 

“What if I mess up in the future? Badly?”. A sympathetic smile spread across her face. 

“Everyone messes up. But there's nothing you can do that can't be fixed. As long as you're with your brothers, someone will always be there to pick one of you up when you fall. Just stay close to each other”. 

Laughter erupted from where his brothers were, and he looked back over at them. 

“You looked just like that when you fell!” Kuai Liang waved Bi-Han over, “come on gēgē!”. 

Regret is a sickening drug that clings to you like glue. The force of it squeezes you until the air is knocked out of your lungs and until you fall limp in its clutches. Bi-Han isn't sure how long he stayed knelt on the ground and covered in blood, but it was long enough for him to be found by Liu Kang and thrown into imprisonment. 

And as he sat there in his makeshift cell, out the corner of his eye he saw a ladybug crawling through the cracks. He couldn't help but let out a laugh. The laugh was joyless and full of nothing but sorrow. It was one of those laughs that quickly turned into tears and small sobs. The kind of laugh you let out when you lost everything and when you felt like a fool. 

The war for timelines raged on around him, yet somehow through the noise he heard the familiar buzz of flies approaching. 

He hoped that this timeline was destroyed and that somehow he was reunited with his family and they found it in their hearts to forgive him. 

He hoped in the other timelines he made better choices and either got his goal without bloodshed, or completely abandoned it. Anything but what happened. 

Such a pity hope was as useless as pouring water into a river. 

Such a pity he’d live with his regret for years to come.