Jan 9, 2025
Substitutes for Coffee
-Wright's Book of 3000 Practical Receipts circa 1860s
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Substitutes for Coffee
-Wright's Book of 3000 Practical Receipts circa 1860s
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A Gift-Giving Guide* by the Twins
*Donât take this too seriously.
Warning: implied trauma incoming.
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Rhian: Even if the person youâre buying a gift for isnât important to you, you still must put in the effort to make a Good impression. Thus, if you canât find anything your recipient would truly enjoy, just find a suitable substitute. Something, anything really, non-specific that no one will contest with will do. In addition, the gift must be of an acceptable quality, and as long as you invest in the giftâs presentation, you will probably not fail. Remember: as a giver, youâre more likely to be judged or faulted for an oversight sooner rather than later, so you must wrap the gift impeccably, with embossed paper and matching ribbons. Your best-laid plans will be the holiday equivalent of âdress to impress.â Youâll be less vulnerable to critique that way. And no one, absolutely no one, will shame you or claim you havenât tried and given your all!
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Rafal: What matters most about a gift are its contents and what such contents mean. No one will care what empty shells of wrapping paper look like, if they donât like the contents. So, itâs best to choose a gift your recipient wants so desperately that they wonât be able to refuse it. Prepare for an influx of emotion from your recipient if theyâre that type. And, itâs all the better if you went to great lengths to acquire the gift for them, and make that known, implicitly, so they donât catch onto your power play. If you took every expense, youâll deserve their recognition and henceforth, should subtly remind them, after the seasonâs over, of what their lives would be without your gift, of exactly how deprived they would feel if they didnât have it. Then, theyâll subconsciously feel indebted to you and wonât ever leave you, for theyâll be too occupied by gratitude and guilt to consider other, worthless options or stupid exchanges, especially when theyâve already received something substantive of the objective, best quality because you know whatâs best for them. Oh, and never give them the receipt. They canât change their mind if itâs too late and theyâve already committed to something that cannot be replaced.
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So, I came up with a new name for a philosophical concept Iâve been mulling over, specifcally...
Lykosâ Dilemma: No singular substitute for a thing is going to be totally fungible with what it is replacing for some amount of people.
I was thinking of it related to a problem I see a lot of environmental activists either missing or reacting badly to (In a âfuck âemâ way)
Also directly inspired by the immortal words of Doctor Karl Lykos when he said âBut I donât want to cure cancer, I want to turn people into dinosaurs!â
Challenge #03742-J089: Just Keep Them Occupied
A family begs Wraithvine to babysit two very hyper kids so they can go and gather in the crops. Normally the mother would watch the children, but she is feeling very ill. Needless to say, at naptime, Wraithvine has no problem getting the kids to sleep. -- The New Guy
[AN: My RNG gender picker wound up with "he/hims" all the way down, so it's Papa and Dad running the farm in this story]
The triplets were far too young to be allowed to handle farm equipment. They were also old enough to be more than a handful for their parents. One of whom was down with digestive issues owing to a very bad wheel of cheese.
Fortunately, a passing Elf was happy to help.
Ze first summoned a phantom servant to help the Dad in the fields whilst ze took direction from Papa, stuck in the privy with a bucket as his best friend.
[Check the source for the rest of the story]