Jan 9, 2025
Substitutes for Coffee
-Wright's Book of 3000 Practical Receipts circa 1860s
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Substitutes for Coffee
-Wright's Book of 3000 Practical Receipts circa 1860s
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A Gift-Giving Guide* by the Twins
*Don’t take this too seriously.
Warning: implied trauma incoming.
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Rhian: Even if the person you’re buying a gift for isn’t important to you, you still must put in the effort to make a Good impression. Thus, if you can’t find anything your recipient would truly enjoy, just find a suitable substitute. Something, anything really, non-specific that no one will contest with will do. In addition, the gift must be of an acceptable quality, and as long as you invest in the gift’s presentation, you will probably not fail. Remember: as a giver, you’re more likely to be judged or faulted for an oversight sooner rather than later, so you must wrap the gift impeccably, with embossed paper and matching ribbons. Your best-laid plans will be the holiday equivalent of “dress to impress.” You’ll be less vulnerable to critique that way. And no one, absolutely no one, will shame you or claim you haven’t tried and given your all!
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Rafal: What matters most about a gift are its contents and what such contents mean. No one will care what empty shells of wrapping paper look like, if they don’t like the contents. So, it’s best to choose a gift your recipient wants so desperately that they won’t be able to refuse it. Prepare for an influx of emotion from your recipient if they’re that type. And, it’s all the better if you went to great lengths to acquire the gift for them, and make that known, implicitly, so they don’t catch onto your power play. If you took every expense, you’ll deserve their recognition and henceforth, should subtly remind them, after the season’s over, of what their lives would be without your gift, of exactly how deprived they would feel if they didn’t have it. Then, they’ll subconsciously feel indebted to you and won’t ever leave you, for they’ll be too occupied by gratitude and guilt to consider other, worthless options or stupid exchanges, especially when they’ve already received something substantive of the objective, best quality because you know what’s best for them. Oh, and never give them the receipt. They can’t change their mind if it’s too late and they’ve already committed to something that cannot be replaced.
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So, I came up with a new name for a philosophical concept I’ve been mulling over, specifcally...
Lykos’ Dilemma: No singular substitute for a thing is going to be totally fungible with what it is replacing for some amount of people.
I was thinking of it related to a problem I see a lot of environmental activists either missing or reacting badly to (In a “fuck ‘em” way)
Also directly inspired by the immortal words of Doctor Karl Lykos when he said “But I don’t want to cure cancer, I want to turn people into dinosaurs!”
Challenge #03742-J089: Just Keep Them Occupied
A family begs Wraithvine to babysit two very hyper kids so they can go and gather in the crops. Normally the mother would watch the children, but she is feeling very ill. Needless to say, at naptime, Wraithvine has no problem getting the kids to sleep. -- The New Guy
[AN: My RNG gender picker wound up with "he/hims" all the way down, so it's Papa and Dad running the farm in this story]
The triplets were far too young to be allowed to handle farm equipment. They were also old enough to be more than a handful for their parents. One of whom was down with digestive issues owing to a very bad wheel of cheese.
Fortunately, a passing Elf was happy to help.
Ze first summoned a phantom servant to help the Dad in the fields whilst ze took direction from Papa, stuck in the privy with a bucket as his best friend.
[Check the source for the rest of the story]